Please read what I wrote on the page before (Pg. 12), before you read this.

Chapter 19: ~ The Last Bit of Hope Gone ~

They walked silently back up to the castle each thinking their own thoughts. Hermione looked at Draco; his face was set in concentration and the same sadness that was in his eyes before was still there. After all they made it out alive but something was bothering him. It was almost like he was having second thoughts. His head was bent low and his shoulders were slumped down low. It was not like a Malfoy to act this way but was he still, a ‘real’ Malfoy after tonight? After all he betrayed Voldemort… and his father.

She knew deep down that he wouldn’t ever be going back to his family after tonight. The Death Eater’s were probably looking for him. And it was all because of her. If she had never come into his life everything would be right. This was a whole new love for the both of them. Of course he could always stay at her parent’s house with her until he would get enough money to live on his own. She knew how he felt; misery and helpless. He went from being a spoiled rich kid to a homeless kid. He was not a kid anymore though, they each grew up and had their struggles in life but the year was over in a few days. Only a few days until they were all going their separate ways, off to start a new journey and a path of a new life. Would she and Draco still remain together after all they’ve been through? The time they spent together that enchanted room felt like years ago when they were still kids with no worries. No future to think about, just about the presence.

She looked at him, her brown eyes full of deep concern. Her hair, just like herself changed and was now more curly than bushy, pulled back tightly into a bun, broke apart and she raised her hands to fix it up.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked him quietly.

No answer. His head was still bowed down and he didn’t look up. She placed a comforting arm on his shoulders. He looked up at her and tried to smile but Hermione saw right through him.

“Is everything alright?” she whispered.

He looked back down and pushed her arm off him. After a moment of quiet he opened his mouth.

“You won’t understand,” he said quietly.

Hermione’s expression changed to a mixture of confusion and sadness of him.

“Draco, we’ve been through so much together. We both understand each other. I know how you feel,” she said looking at him. Draco stopped walking. They were facing the gate of Hogwarts.

“No,” he said and for the first time his eyes welled up with tears that were threatening to fall.

“What, no?” she asked confused.

“You don’t know how I feel.”

“What do you mean? Of course I do--”

“No Hermione. There’s no possible way you know how I feel. You haven’t been through what I have. You didn’t grow up in a family of Death Eaters who expect you to grow up and be like them, to serve the Dark Lord and bring pride to their family. All my life I grew up knowing that one day I would be a Death Eater and I was proud of it. My parents were proud of me. I was doing great in the Dark Arts and every Death Eater meeting they had I always begged them to let me come along and they kept saying ‘when you get older, Draco’. I was always proud that my parents were Death Eater’s but I never knew what really meant being a Death Eater. I knew it involved killing Mudblood’s but that was what I always wanted. I thought high and proud like my parents did. I went through every year like any other student but when each year passed I knew I was getting closer and closer to becoming a Death Eater. And then this year I was proud beyond imagining. After all those years I finally get to be one of ‘them’. I was finally going to be one of the people who go into the meetings. I wouldn’t have to listen secretly by the door I would be inside the room. It was a big thing.”

As he talked, a tear slid down his pale cheek. More tears fell down and Hermione didn’t know what to say or do. Her eyes filled with tears too and fell and rolled down her cheeks and fell onto her ripped robes.

“And then I fell in love with you… I would never have dreamed in a thousand years that I would fall in love with a girl I called a ‘Mudblood.’ You changed me. You made me into something good and made me realize that all my life I was thinking wrong. It was very difficult for me. My father beat me up when he found out I was with you. He told me to stay away from you and think like a Malfoy, so I did. I forced myself to think like a Malfoy and forget you but it was hard and I suffered. Things just got worse. I was forced to do all kinds of things I didn’t want to do. It got to a point where I didn’t know whose side to take. I was turned between my biggest dream and my biggest love. I was confused. No one had any idea what I was going through. I had no one to talk to and spill my worries to. My friends were all for me being a Death Eater and you were Harry Potter’s best friend, working to bring the Dark Lord down. I kept it all in.

“Tonight when Goyle let it slip that you were captured and taken hostage at my house, I didn’t think but aparatted straight there and tried to save you. At that point nothing else mattered except saving you. I didn’t realize that it meant giving up my dream and my family. Everything I ever wanted was gone. I had nowhere to go back too.”

His voice shook and more and more tears slid down.

“I’m sorry Draco,” Hermione cried hysterically, swinging her arms around him. “I’m so sorry Draco! I didn’t know! I should’ve guessed it. Oh, you did so much for me and I didn’t even deserve it. I was so clueless and focused on my own worries and I didn’t realize it! Now you’re left with no family… Oh, I am so sorry! You don’t have to forgive me. I was selfish and being a spoiled teenager. It wasn’t meant to be this way. It should’ve been better. How could life do this to us?” She yelled to the heavens. “Why always misery? How much do I need to ask for to live a happy life? Is this how you want us to turn out, torn between pain and death? Please, just end it! End it before it is too late! I am sick of living this way. End the war! How much longer could a person live this way until he breaks down? All these questions are not being answered. Stop hiding and face reality. Look what’s happening down here!” She had no idea who was supposed to hear this. She had never believed in a god but she had to let the world know they coulden’t continue living this way. They were living in absolute hell!

They stood huddled together crying loudly, right in front of the Hogwarts gates. The tears meant spilling out all there worries and miseries that whole year that were kept inside as if the shadow of misery that was hiding in them for so long was unleashed into the wildness and floating up to the skies. They had to let it all out or they would explode. The sadness in Draco’s eyes turned even sadder and bore no hope in them as the cold grey eyes faded away. The person hiding behind them was going far, far away and may never return.

I hope it wasn't too sad! I was crying like an insane person!
Please tell me what you think!
-*~ Shirel ~*-

It was really sad, but I loved it...I feel bad for draco because he doesnt have a family to go back to now!
PAMS!
<3Jenn

Oh my gosh!!! I loved it! I almost started crying. My nose got that tingly feeling that said tears where about to fall. lol. But I didn't luckily.

You're such a talented writer! I can't wait to see what you come up with next!!!!

<3 Jordyn

Aww, poor Draco, I know what you're going through, I really do Draco.

That was a great post, and sad too, I can't wait to find out what happens next PAMS.

OMG............................................... .........................
That was so sad!
Y did u have to make it sad Shirel?
But there is still hope that they might be able to be together! right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
But poor Draco!!!!!!
If anymore bad things happen to him I will personally deal with u Shirel!!!
So wonderful!!!
Luv Ya!
~Abby~

OMG!!! Nice job!!
Is this the end of the FF??
If not PAMS!!

..:Lisa:..

wow i don't know what to syaa ......... sorry new reader that was amaing yet very veryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery sad

OMG !! it's really really sad , * cries *

Neverthless it's a really nice chapter ...

Keep up the awesome work ..

PAMS

sorry i forgot to write my name before ..

Danielle ~، ~

Why why why why did you have to make me cry.I was listening to a sad song in some sort of way it was sad and it sorta went pretty good with trhe chapter.
Broken-seether ft.Amy lee.
Anyways.Great post.
~*<3*~
Heather

Guess what?
I just 20 minutes ago finished the chapter 18. Then I came back here and found new one. Why are you doing this to me? I have no holiday Well.. I was a bit lazy, though. But I have to go straight back to my Word and start this. Damn.

butbut. It was great. It was pretty short That's good. Long chapters are the greatest dreams of a fan, but the worst nightmare of a translator. It was sad. And nothing actually happened. But it was still awesome. People always rude good fics by writing them in hurry and everything happens too fast. This is great speed.

Thanks. (and NO PAMS too soon!)

O wait! I haven't the chapter 17-19, i've just visited this site,but I surely read it when i got home. I'm very excited. (Draco/Hermione really rocks!!)

Awww,I thinkivefallen in love with Draco!!
Brill
Plz Post More!!
xxxxxxxx

HAPPY
VALENTINES
DAY!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME THE ENTIRWAY EVEN IF YOU JUST JOINED! I LOVE YOU ALL FOR READING AND TAKING YOUR TIME THROUGH EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE THAT YOU HAVE GOING! IT MEANS SOOOO MUCH TO ME!

I was thinking a lot for the past week to tell you or not to tell you... I decided that you should know since you've all been so loyal and faithful to me! It was really hard for me to say this... I've always been pushing it off but okay... There is one more chapter left to this ff and than it is ending.
It will have a nice ending to it I think so I won't leave you guys hanging.
All though I am planning to write another ff after that and I hope you guys will all come back to me. *wipes tears away* I am soo grateful to have soo many readers and never in my dreams did I think that I would have so many nice readers that I became good friends with!When I started it it wasn't so popular and when you alll came slowlly I was just surprised and shocked! You all made me realize that I did have talent (at least a little) in writing and that pushed me to do more things in life. I started out with not knowing how to spell the word something to spelling more complicated words. I am even tihnking of writing a book when I have more time maybe... If that will happen...
I really really hope that all of you will come to read my next fan fic that will be based on a hmm.. I don't want to give anything away but it will be based on a Malfoy. It will be going a totally difrent way than this one but I am sure (and hope) you will all like it!
Thank you!!!

Will post the last chapter soon!
-*~ Shirel ~*-

Oh Shirel!!!!
You are such a good writer!
I became very emotional after I read your last post ^^^^
I hope your having an amazing Valentine's Day
Please tell me the name of your new story as soon as it comes out cause
I love your writing!!
It's always so good!
I can't wait 4 the Next and Final Chapter!

Love,

~Abby~

[QUOTE=Abby13**;6207324]
You are such a good writer!
QUOTE]


yeah u really are !!

* cries * the final chapter , ooooh i really liked this ff and it was the first , coz i never liked ff , but yours it's simply AWESOME !!


i wish ya luck with the next ff ..

waiting for the next chapter

Happy Valentines ^^

Danielle #

hey they shirel its been a relly long time since i read ur fic 'coz i had exams!!!!
but the story is turning out to be really beautiful especially the last post it made me cry!!!!!!
anywayz i am soooooo sad to hear u r ending ur fic (*cries a lot*)!!!!!!!!
anywayz PAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[COLOR="Red"]same reason (*stupid exams*)
anywayz love ur posts loke anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but sad that u r ending the fic (*cries*)
but anywayz all good things must end (whew what a bit of philosophy)
anywayz PAMS sooooooooon!!!!!!!!!

You now... That was actually a relief. I just.. Well. This is awesome fic and... I've had really great time with it. BUT. I have no time to work with the translation at this moment and I have too much other things to do. School (what a surprise, isn't it? ), my own website, football-hobby, other fics, easter-event... Just everything like that.

And now you come and punch me of that. I relly shoudn't say so, but I think it's the best thing you can do. Nothing great keeps on going endlessly. And it would be really awkward for me to start to translate this and cut it off and not complete it ever. I think I can do those 2 chapters (I have got that number 19 on my computer unfinished) and then I can focus to my other missions.

Thaks a lot of this great trip with this ff. See you somewhere. Hope so.

It's almost over? *cries* this is a great ff, and I can't wait to read your next, please let me know when it's up and I'll be right there reading it. PAMS.

OH MY GOSH!!! NOOOOOOOO Why is it almost over!?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!? AH! *cries*.... I'm going to miss this fanfic!!
<3 You!
Jordyn

Ahhhh! I have soo many comments! I knew I was going to regret ending this ff! Thank you guys soo much. I am also sad that it's ending.
I am not able to post for the next couple of days because I have a humungess history test and I will need all the studying I can get. My test in on Mon. so after that I will try to post.
Thanks!
-*~ Shirel ~*-

Take you're time, school is important after all, even nasty little History, sorry hate history. Good luck on your test.

I'm really sad that this FF is almost over, but I am looking forward to your new one. And you are a good writer. I like your idea about writing a book. I don't think I'd ever have enough patience for that, although I get told by my dad I should. So anyways, I think you should write a book.

Can't wait for the last chapter but take all the time you want to study.

<3Jenn

Last Chapter I fink im going to cry .....

But it comes to a relief to me that I know it will be the best one

Lots of Love

Tash
xxxxx

I just noticed it said last chapter. Now I'm about to cry.....
~*<3*~
Heather