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She found it almost impossible not to scoff when he didn't return to her side. The nerve, the cheek. Here she was, in pain because of him, wounded because of him and crying because of him and all he could do was to go off in a strop and plonk himself into a bed. Even if she had wanted to, there was no way she could apologise now, she found out as she attempted to life her left leg and an intense feeling of agony shot up her limb. Without hope, she sighed and closed her eyes miserably into her pillow, resigned to her horrible fate. |
He tried to shut his eyes but every time he did, Dumbledore's words would flash through his mind. Open your eyes, do you not see how injured she is? Her wounds, her scars lay far deeper than yours; if you left now she would have no chance of recovery. You will stay for her, whether you think it best or not! If he was supposed to be staying for her; for her emotional well-being, what was he doing lying here in this bed, leaving her alone? With those thoughts, he slowly slipped from his bed. He leaned a hand on the wall and pulled back the curtain, just enough to see Marcella laying on her side, with her back to him. |
Because the curtains were so light, she would not have heard it, with her back turned if he had bothered to return to her side. This thought at least comforted her as she groaned in pain and whimpered quietly, regretting turning over knowing now she could not turn back. |
He watched her for a moment but, quickly rushed around the bed to her side as he heard her soft whimpering. He knelt down so that he was level with her face and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Can I help you find a more comfortable position?" he asked, a look of worry and concern in eyes. |
"You can help me by leaving me alone." she said, determined that she wasn't going to look up or into his eyes. If she did, she knew she'd instantly remember every reason why she loved him and instead of being strong, she'd become emotionally weakened, making her an easier target for her father. |
"I'm sorry," he said, straightening up and pulling chair to the side of the bed. "I would leave you if I could. Unfortunately, the Headmaster has barricaded us inside and instructed me to stay." |
"Ever the knight in shinning armour..." she commented, sarcastically, trying to turn her head the opposite way on the pillow. "Just because you're stuck in here with me doesn't mean you have to sit by me. Why bring more inconvenience and awkwardness on yourself?" |
"I am tired of arguing with you, Marcella. Why must you always question everything that I do? Can I not just sit beside your bed as a concerned person?" he asked, his voice quiet and fatigued. |
"My mother told me, when I was younger, that asking questions made you an intelligent person. Besides, why not ask questions when you understand nothing that is going on around you? You shouldn't be concerned for me, being concerned for me was what got you involved in the mess in the first place." |
"I was in this mess long before I was even aware of your existance," Snape replied, wistfully. "Besides, I thought you wanted me to act on my feelings. Or have you changed your mind? Would you rather barrage me with questions?" |
"Whichever makes you feel more important, more needed." she sighed, picking at the sheets. "There's no point in trying to keep myself happy, that never works." |
Snape sat down in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest as he scowled. He stared at the door to the Hospital Wing and allowed the silence to stretch between them. Impossible. Nothing he said was the right thing. Nothing he did seemed to help. Dumbledore was mistaken, Marcella did not need him here to help her recover, she needed him gone. "Happiness is always a fleeting emotion," he finally spoke, twisted away from her in the chair and still staring at the door. |
"Almost as fleeting as your concern for me." she breathed heavil, her chest feeling rather heavy. If he had really cared, he would not have given up so easily. Her mind flickered back to the summer they had first met, the rows they had had, the disagreements, but not once had he allowed her to silence him. So why was he letting her shut him up now? |
Snape shot her a scathing look. "What makes you think that I've ever stopped being concerned for you? Just because I've grown tired of your constant questioning, your need to argue with everything that I say and do? I've been concerned for your welfare since the moment I collected you from Durmstrang. We may have had times when we had fallen out or times when we were passionate or times when we were indifferent. But, there was never a time when I wasn't concerned for you." |
"You didn't care in the very beginning and I see no reason why you should now. It pains me to do this, but I think it'd be better for you if you just forgot me. Look where beign with me has gotten you?!" |
"In the very begining you are correct in thinking that I had no personal reasons to be concerned for you. However, I was concerned for your welfare, even then, in some small way," Snape defended. "As for whether being with you has gotten me where I am today... I think you give yourself too much credit. I'd have come to this place eventually." He paused and reflected a moment before asking, "And would you be better off without me?" |
"Ask Trelawney, she'd be able to give you a far more accurate answer than I ever could." |
Snape took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. Crossing one leg over the other, he slouched down into the chair and rested his head against the back. He stared at Marcella, trying to remember why it was she was so angry with him. |
"I'm not angry at you alright?" she sighed, exasperated. "I just dont know what to make of anything anymore. Everything, my whole world has been turned upside down. I dont even know who I am anymore." |
Snape tilted his head down and looked at Marcella. "But, do any of us ever truly know who who we are at all? Or, if we think we do, can we be sure? Our experiences, however small, will always influence our lives. Only time will tell how this experience will affect your life and who you are," he said pensively, being unually philosophical. |
Breaking into a small laugh, despite herself and her mood, she added, "Why do I feel like you're channeling Dumbledore? I think you've been hanging around Trelawney for too long. I just hope you dont consider taking on that old bat as an extra mistress." |
Snape scowled at Marcella's words. Telling him he sounded like Dumbledore he might be willing to forgive... might. But, what was this about that insane woman? If she hadn't been a member of the staff, he wouldn't be caught within a hundred miles of that woman. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, icily. |
"Just that I think you're turning senile in your old age." she smirked, barely able to keep a straight face. Stuffing a hand over her mouth, she stifled it into a cough and then waited for his response. |
Snape narrowed his eyes. Old age? Older than her, perhaps, but old.... certainly not. He wasn't even considered middle aged in the wizarding world. And what did she mean by senile? "Senile?" he sneered. |
"Yes, senile. You know, mad, crazy, deluded, eccentric..." she smiled, listing off definitions of the word. Twirling a piece of her hair in finger, she became disturbed as to how much of a mess she must look. |
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