Hey,
I've just read this.
It's just HILARIOUS!
When Harry stood up and ran to Beth's grandma and the other guest cause he wanted to be the centre of attention... Well, My family all looked at me as if I was soothing a crying Gollum...
But anyway, I love this so please wrirte some more soon!

*waits for Sirius to start his story*

*Kirstie, the author, slaps a sleeping sirius and orders him to tell his story and stop keeping these poor people waiting*

"Sorry Kirstie, now where was i? oh yes i remember...

It was Christmas Eve, and me, James, Lupin and Wormtail has Gryffindor tower all to ourselves. Well, Lily was there too, but she was avoiding us with all her might, pretending she didn't like James. Anyway, we were bored. There's only so many times you can trip Peter up before he starts crying like a baby. So we decided to go find Snivellus.

*TBC very soon i promise*

That was short.
But better than nothing I suppose!
Hey, true, so true...
Only a certain amont of time for tripping peter... =D

Anyway, hope to hear from u soon,
Kimmy

LOL. That was VERY short. But a good start. Please do continue.....

OOC: i am so incredibly sorry that this story is taking so long for me - i have a really bad case of writers block at the moment, and i haven't been able to get on the computer much lately. Anyway enough excuses, the story goes on...

Sirius: ok, so we went to the dungeons, expecting Snape to be down there somewhere, stroking his greasy hair and thinking dark thoughts. We got to the dungeons all right, but we didn't know where the slytherin common room was. So we poked around a bit and managed to get ourselves thoroughly lost. Remus tried the 'point me' spell, but knowing which way was north was no help, because we didn't know which direction the staircase was.

So we walked through corridoor after corridoor, with Peter getting increasingly more frightened and scaredy.
"Shouldn't we be going right?" he said as we came to a fork in the hallway.
" Two wrongs don't make a right" said Remus, who was looking tired.
"Yes, but three rights make a left" said Peter, who then started muttering under his breath.
I ignored them both and kept on walking.

Two hours later
We were still lost, but i could hear a faint noise. i led the others towards the source. We came around the corner and saw three bananas riding Llamas. They looked at us and laughed.
"What are you laughing at?" i asked them
"Why you, four boys out of bed in their pajamas lurking in the dungeons. you must admit, it is a funny sight."
"umm ok, i guess it would be kinda funny" i said as i looked around and noticed James was wearing his pink rabbit slippers and Peter was wearing a nightie and pink tights.
"We're lost. could you help us get to the staircase?" Remus asked.
banana_wtf banana_wtf banana_wtf the bananas riding llamas led us through the dungeons. On the way Snivellus ran out in front of us, wielding a pointy stick.
"Where have you been? i'll tell the headmaster on you" he said, about to hit one of the bananas on the head.
I quickly pulled out my wand and performed the Petrificus totalis spell.
"Why thank you, Sirius was it? how can we ever repay you?"
"Well, i've always wanted a pet - what say you come and live with me?"
"Ok"

So, we made it out of the dungeons and Bobby came to live with me in the tower. i carried Bobby around in my bag to scare Snivellus, because for some wierd reason he developed a crippling fear of bananas - and llamas.

"And that's my story. sorry it's not that interesting, but i've been cooped up in this house all summer, i've lost my ability to make things funny"
"That was cool Sirius. What do you want us to do with Bobby now?"
At this Bobby jumped up " i'm going back to the garden to live with my wife, Seville - An orange that rides a Alpaca".

THE END

Okay, Part one of Merman's Dare:

Staff Meeting 7.30 am Monday morning

The collective staff members of Hogwarts were sitting in the teacher’s lounge, awaiting Dumbledore’s arrival for the staff meeting. Hagrid was asleep in his chair, Madame Sprout was pruning one of the ornamental trees that live in the staff room, and Snape was writing frantically on a note pad. When Filch tried to sneak a look at what Snape was writing, Snape hexed him so his hair stood on end and turned bright green. After about 15 minutes of waiting, Dumbledore finally appeared, looking angry and with his hair greasy and lank. Professor Kettelburn limped inside behind Dumbledore, looking pale and transparent. He sat down in the corner near Professor McGonagall, who gave him an uncharacteristically warm smile. Dumbledore remained standing, and looking at Filch said “ Thank goodness, someone else is having a bad hair day too”
“Well actually sir, it was Severus” said Filch. “You couldn’t get him to change it back could you?”
“Not just yet I think” said Dumbledore. “ I can’t be the only one with bad hair today, I’ll change it back when I find the scoundrel who stole my very expensive, special Headmaster’s Shampoo.”
“It was Potter, Albus. I overheard him in class on Friday telling his little friends that he wanted to be Headmaster.” Said Snape , looking up from his frantic speech-writing (How did I know he was speech-writing? All shall be revealed later…)
“I’m going to kill that brat!” Yelled Dumbledore as he ran from the room.

“So, Professor Kettleburn, what brings you back to Hogwarts?” said McGonagall.
“I was happily enjoying my retirement at Sunny Huffapod Gardens, in Hogsmeade, when one day I was walking along the border of the Forbidden Forest to the post office and I got hit by a runaway flying car. I died and became a ghost, and my retirement home kicked me out. So I asked Dumbledore if I could stay here. He said yes, so here I am.”

Hmm...I either have short term memory loss or I have a VERY short attention span, because I could have sworn that I've already commented. LOL. Hm...Another unsolved mystery...

Well, anyway, very excellent dares and good job! They were funny. Can't wait for the rest of Merman's dare...

Good job with just the start of that dare. Cant wait to see the rest of it my evil friend.

Part Two:

Gryffindor Common Room 8am the same Morning

Harry, Ron and Hermione were huddled in a corner, whispering amongst themselves – as they often do. Harry was rubbing something in his hair and grinning evilly. Ron and Hermione were smiling too when…

BANG!!!

The door from the boys dormitories flew open, and George ran over and snatched Ron by the back of his robes.

“Did you know? I’m not really Fred’s twin – I was adopted! I just got a letter from my real father, Brad Pitt, who’s a really rich muggle movie star! I’m going to go live with him in the US – bye” he said as he hopped on his broomstick and flew out the window.

“That was weird – I suppose mum will be all upset that he’s gone – I’d better go home” Ron said sadly, as he stood and walked towards the dormitories to get his stuff.

“Anyway, on with our plan Hermione. Apparently when I use this shampoo, I will become headmaster. Lets see if it worked”

Harry stood and made his was over to a group of first year girls. Just as he was about to speak, the portrait hole opened and an irate looking Dumbledore stormed in.

“How dare you Potter? I’ll kill you for this treachery!” He yelled, as he ran towards Harry, his arms outstretched. Harry, sensing that he was in danger, ducked under Dumbledore’s outstretched arms and ran out the portrait hole.

TBC

TBC? Ur evil. U need to post the rest...NOW! please and thank you.

The concluding chapter of my dare:

Snape’s Office – 9.30 am: Campaign Results Meeting

Snape sat at his desk, his hands tightly clenched while he awaited the owl with the US presidential election results. With him in his office were Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Argus Filch and Voldemort. Filch’s hair was back to normal. Voldemort was whimpering and rocking backwards and forwards in his chair.
“What’s the matter with you, Voldy?” said Snape.
“Potter’s nose, it scares the heck out of me. I don’t really know why, it just terrifies me”
“O-K” said Snape, trying not to laugh.
At that moment an owl arrived on Snape’s desk. He quickly removed the letter and opened it.
“MWAAHAHAHAHA! I won! Our plan for world domination can be put into action!! Time for a party – in the great hall. Draco – go and set up the party, we will be there soon”
The others smiled and applauded, but Voldemort started to cry.
“Cheer up Voldy… just because I am president and you are a lowly dark lord, doesn’t mean I will treat you any different. Now, bring me my best suit.” Said Snape.

Finale in the Great Hall, 10am: Presidential Party

Draco has gone all out with the decorations. There were American flags all over, and red, white and blue streamers, balloons and food. Curious students were beginning to enter, because they never turn down a chance to party, even if it was Snape’s. Snape and his entourage swarmed in moment’s later, and took seats at the teacher’s table. Voldemort picked up a red, white and blue striped muffin and proceeded to kill himself with it (don’t ask me how he did it, but he did). No-one noticed. Just as the band started to play the star spangled banner, Dumbledore chased Harry into the hall. Dumbldore was getting puffed, as you would if you had been chasing someone around for over an hour. He stopped, reached into his robes and pulled out a block of smelly cheese. He carefully aimed and threw it, striking the back of Harry’s freshly shampooed head and killing him instantly.

That’s all the Requirements done, so this is THE END

more dares soon...

LMAO, kirstie! Haha. Killing Harry with a block of smelly cheese. That was priceless. And Voldemort with a muffin? I sure hope the muffin man doesn't sue...Those men and their muffins...you just never know. :unsure: Anyway, WONDERFUL ending to a funny dare! I loved every minute of it! I can't wait to see mine. This will be good.

Toodles with noodles,
b2m

The Great and Terrible Zymurgy has read your fic. Deal.

once again i am very apologetic that this is late - i totally forgot about it and i've been super busy at uni - here is B2M's dare:

Coffee Capers

Bill and Bob were getting ready. Today was their first day of selling coffee and doughnuts at Hogwarts. They were fundraising for their DACAM (dementors against Cookies and Milk) campaign. So they ironed their cloaks, pulled on their pink tights and checked themselves in the mirror.
“Looking good Bob” said Bill
“Same to you fancy pants” said Bob.

And so off they went. After carefully investigating where the best place for their stall would be, they decided on right outside the great hall, because they could catch everyone going to breakfast and the house elves made lousy coffee, so everyone was bound to buy theirs. They set up a table and on it they placed an espresso machine and 4 trays of Dunkin donuts.

“Cups, fancy pants – where are all the cups? How are we supposed to serve coffee without cups? You idiot, I should’ve known you would mess things up” said Bob.
“That’s not very nice Bob. I left them in the trunk – I’ll be right back” Bill said as he stood up, ready to leave.
“Sorry fancy pants, you know how grumpy I get before my morning coffee. I think I’ll have a doughnut…”
“You can’t have a doughnut Bob, it will cut into our profit.”
“oh, ok.” Said Bob as he eyed up a Boston Crème.
“I’ll be right back – is there anything else we’re missing?” Said Bill (AKA fancy pants)
“ Could you grab me some milk duds? Seeing as I can’t have a doughnut…”
Bill left and came back very quickly. Bob quickly occupied his doughnut craving-ness with milk duds.

Then students slowly began to come down the stairs. The first person to stop at the Dementor’s table was Severus Snape, craving his morning espresso.
“ One large espresso, and make it snappy. Do you have any English Muffins?” he asked.
“No muffins sorry sir. Flitwick the Muffin Man controls all the muffins at Hogwarts, and he wouldn’t let us sell any. Could we interest you in a doughnut?”
“You two are the diet coke of evil. Dementors are supposed to be menacing, scary and very rude – like me” he said sneering. “ I suppose it’s all that yellow food dye number 4 going to your heads. Where’s my coffee?”
Bill and Bob sprung into action, and Snape’s coffee appeared moments later. Snape handed over a sickle, turned around and walked into the great hall.

Harry and Ron appeared next.
“Arrgh, Dementors!” cried Harry. He then fainted.
Ron ignored him and stared fascinatingly at Bob’s legs.
“Cool, you have pink tights! Where can I get a pair?” asked Ron.
“Here, you can have this spare pair I was carrying around, only 15 sickles, and we’ll throw in a free hot chocolate” said Bill, grinning happily (the tights had only cost him 3 knuts). Ron handed over the money and proceeded to put the tights on over his head.

“Umm Ron, I don’t think that goes there” said Colin, who had just showed up ( actually he was following Harry and Ron around like a bad smell).
“Oh, right” said Ron, who then tried to pull them back off his head. They were stuck.
Colin grabbed Ron’s arm, led him around the still fainted Harry, and to the Hospital Wing, where Madame Pomfrey managed to remove them.

Harry woke up 10 minutes later, wondered where everyone had gone and why no-one had noticed him faint, and walked dejectedly into the great hall.

Bill and Bob made a whole lot of money, enough to fund their march to the ministry of magic to get them to ban cookies and milk.

THE END

Yay! I'm so happy for Fancy Pants and Bob! They banned cookies and milk! Coffee and Jelly doughnuts for EVERYBODY! *throws confetti* Well, I'm off to congratulate them! Toodles with Noodles! (And great job. kirstie!) :sorcerer:

Lol that was sooooooo funny im still laughing
GREAT POST
kaint wait tell you post more
Post more soon

i will hopefully have time to do a new dare sometime next week. at the moment i have to study for a molecular genetics test i have on thursday

Alrighty, time for my next creation:

Part One

Draco was snooping. Technically he was on prefect duty, so he was patrolling the corridors in the dungeons. He heard a strange noise, like a cauldron bubbling, from one of the supposedly empty classrooms. He snuck up to the door , and began to listen to the faint voices he heard from within.

“We’ve done it Fred, we’ve invented the elixir of life! Who’d have known the vital secret ingredient was play-dough. Good times!” said one voice.
“This will disrupt life as we know it George – even more than a herd of rampaging Banana’s riding Llamas would!” replied Fred
“This will make us filthy rich – beam me up Scotty!”
“What are you on about George – you’re saying the weirdest things”
“Sorry, must be the smell of peppermint – it makes me go a little crazy. They stole my Spork!” said George.
“Right, remind me to keep you away from peppermint in future – so where are we going to hide our creation? We don’t want it falling into enemy hands, like those evil Dancing Banana’s Lee was hanging around with last week.” Said Fred.
“Lets leave it in this empty, unlocked cupboard – no-one will look in there, and it will be safe until we use it at the quidditch match” said George.

So the twins left their precious invention in almost the stupidest place ever – we’ll blame the peppermint for their stupidity shall we? Anyway, they left and Draco, being all sneaky and mean that he is, decided to steal the elixir and use it to cause chaos at Hogwarts.

to be concluded shortly... comments please

Part two

The next morning, Breakfast in the Great Hall
Draco thought this would be a most excellent time to wreak his havoc on the other students. He crept up behind Hermione, poured some elixir on a tissue, and held it in front of her nose. She promptly dropped her toast, jumped on the table and began to sing:
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright!”. Draco stood and sniggered as the entire hall turned to stare at Hermione. She sang the entire song, and began on another song from a musical.

It was at this time that Fred and George started to get suspicious.
“Can you smell that Fred – good times! It smells like peppermint!”
“ Look, behind Hermione, it’s Draco – and he’s holding our Elixir – lets get him!”
“ He stole my spork – I mean, he stole our Elixir!” said George.
The twins sprinted towards the Blond devil, who realized just in time that he was about to be beaten to a pulp by the twins, who were taller and bigger than him, and he ran. They chased him out of the great hall, and because they were faster than him too, he was soon caught and dealt to.

He woke up a week later in the Hospital Wing, convinced that he was a duck.

THE END

Secretive_phoenix’s dare:
1.someone must repeatedly say the following:
-good times!
-they stole my spork!
-beam me up Scotty
2.the following items must be mentioned: - play dough, -dancing banana’a, - a banana riding a llama
3.Draco must be a main character
4.fred and George invent something (make it up) that disrupts life as we know it
5.Hermione must jump on a table and sing at the top of her lungs “I feel pretty” (from West Side Story). “I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright!”

I agree. It was the pepermint. Wonderful dare, Kirstie! It was very different from mine, huh? Well, I can't wait for my Troy dare! You've got me on the edge of my seat! hehe.

toodles with noodles!
the diet coke of evil in an elegant way b2m

Part One of TROY

Harry, Ron and Hermione were bored. It was summer and they were hanging out at Ron’s house. They decided to go see the muggle movie Troy ( well really Hermione decided, because she loves Orlando Bloom, but the two guys were keen to see it too – lots of action, although they were a bit scared of the idea of Brad Pitt in a short skirt). They went and asked Ginny if she wanted to come, and she said yes (she too was an Orlando fan).

They then went to the kitchen to tell Mrs Weasley where they were going. They walked towards the kitchen and heard lots of noise, that seemed poultyish in origin. Above that noise were Mrs Weasley’s cries of “ Get out of the Kitchen! There’s nothing for you to eat in here!”. They entered to find Mrs Weasley holding a broom and attempting to push a large Snarfle out of the door.
“Are you alright Mum?” asked Ginny, not wanting to get any closer to the chicken-like scary creature.
“Yeah, this is the last one – I don’t know how many times I’ve told Cassirin to keep the Snarfles locked in her yard (Cass lives next door). I might have to let Henry eat some of them (I lent Henry to the Weasley’s so he could guard their pumpkin patch). They’ve been eating my cabbages, cabbage is a great word, almost as good as abbreviate, which is a very long word, considering what it means. Arthur likes abbreviations, likes to abbreviate long words, hehe. You four look tired, you should fly away, fly, fly above the clouds, like birdies, birds that fly that is, …” (she rambled on for about another 10 minutes, with the kids trying to politely listen and stay quiet, even though it was obvious she was rambling, and had a bit too much coffee that morning).

Finally Ginny got fed up, picked up the Snarfle and kicked it out the door, then turned to her mum and said “ Mum, we’re going out. Here, talk to the cheese grater” she forced the Grater into Mrs Weasley’s hand and then grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him outside. The others followed.

“What’s up with your mum, Ginny?” asked Hermione concernedly (is that even a word?)
“It’s because Dad’s away on business, she goes really stir-crazy and drinks a LOT of coffee. Best thing to do is leave her with something to talk to all day, by tonight she’ll be fine. Now lets go, or we’ll miss the movie”

They walked out of the garden gate and started walking down the road towards town.

15 Minutes later…

The foursome were walking through a local park, when they noticed a silvery shape standing under some trees. The walked closer and saw it was a Unicorn, except it had three horns.

“Hello there” said Harry.

“Hi” said the Unicorn “My name is Vickerian, and I’ve been kicked out of my herd, because of having a mutated gene with gave me a phenotype of three horns. I don’t mind that they kicked me out though, I have an adaptive advantage and natural selection will ensure the continuation of my new species, the Tricorn! MWAHAHAHAHA!”

They backed away quickly, leaving the evil uni/Tricorn to his evil business. They left the group of trees and saw the movie theatre across the road. They entered, bought their tickets, and popcorn for Ron (because he has problems paying attention for more than 30 mins without food). Hermione and Ginny made sure they got seats right in the middle, nearish the front, so they could have maximum ..er, views (*snigger* *giggle*).

The movie was half an hour in when Ron and Harry noticed Hermione was drooling all over the armrest. Ron started laughing, rather loudly, considering he was in a movie and should have known to keep his voice down. Ginny, who was sitting on the other side of Ron, punched him and said

"Please. Don't spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack."

He promptly shut up, and let the girls enjoy the rest of the movie in peace.

THE END

The dare was....
born2mugglz's dare:
1) Snarfles must run around the fic.
2) Someone must say, "Please. Don't spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack."
3) Someone must ramble on and on and on and on and on....and on. (Like the energizer bunny!)
4) And a unicorn with three horns must decide that it wants to be called a tricorn.
Due date: 25th May.

hehehehehehehe! Yay for Troy! (was that not the best movie?) and everyone is like, Orli is a wimp in it. But i dont care. that just means he's a good actor, right? anyway, excellent, Kirstie! Btw, how's henry? Doing good...yes, no, maybe so? Ok, toodles with noodles!

b2m