An ametuer's poems
 

Hello. I have written some poetry over the years and I'd like to know what you guys think.

Night

Like a blanket it covers the sky
As the hallow moon flies slowly by
And while I watch the sun say good-bye
I welcome the world of Night

It darkens the world and caresses the stars
As they shine so glamorous from the world above ours
And I think to myself that they’re farther than far
I welcome the world of Night

The cool breeze blows your way
As if to tempt you to stay out to play
Beyond even the precious Milky Way
I welcome the world of Night

For all the pain done when the sun’s in the sky
And there’s never a moment that passes you by
When you don’t feel that you’re about to cry
I welcome the world of Night

When the darkness arrives and you lay down your head
And you lie in your comfortable bed
And it’s the morning that you have come to dread
I welcome the world of Night

its really good

i love it and i love the technique with the last line being the same in each verse. One thing i don't liek is a three way rhyme (three lines ryhming) its lengthens the poem and makes it boring, well for me. But it was good and a good use of words etc.

good jorbbbb

For an amateur you're so good! your poem's great!

This is deep man keep writing.

Ottery is honestly shocked...why did you keep this from me...
 

OMG Shannon you write poetry why didn't you tell me??? *she probably did Ottery just forgets easily*

I thought it was nice...I want you to write a poem for my fic...about love and how it sucks...but more on that later...OMG I'm telling all the girls at UDDUP...

That's really good Shannon. I really like it. No, love it. I write poems myself sometimes but mine are just about life and the abnormal and what's going through my head. Just wacky stuff. Good job though. Write one about Dawn now. I'd like to read that.

Miss Malfoy

That was lovely. I really liked it. You dont seem like an amatuer. I wish I could write poetry... Anyway, That was great.
Post another one soon Please.
~Cj~

I doubt anyone's going to read this, but I was bored so...

What Do You Do?

What do you do when it's quarter to nine,
And you're already late as it is?
What do you do when you study your books,
But you want a career in show biz?

What do you do when you really can't sleep,
And you toss and you turn in your bed?
What do you do when the homework piles up,
And you feel like your losing your head?

What do you do when your best friend won't talk
When she always has something to say?
What do you do when you're in love with a boy
Who won't give you the time of his day?

What do you do when you just want to scream
At the top of your agonized voice?
What do you do when your folks ask advice,
But you know you don't have any choice?

What do you do when you feel goofy inside,
And your cheeks turn embarrassment red?
What do you do in your mortified state,
And it's facing your peers that you dread

What do you do when you have a problem
About life, about love, about chance or...
What do you do when your last hope is gone,
And no one can give you the answer?

L-O-V-E

It is said to move a mountain
It can steal a baby's cry
It pours gold from it's flowing fountain
It is something that can never die

It is terribly bitter sweet
It is not easily shaken
It is reflected in those you come to meet
It can't be bought, sold or taken

It is stronger with every breath that I take
It can pull a family through
It is a bond that is never easy to break
It is rejected by few

What is theis force given from above?
This wonder power happens to be love.

I liked 'em. I think I've asked myself all of the questions in the first one at least once...though, not in those words...Lol. And the second one was just...beautiful. I thought it was pretty. Anyway, great job. I really like these and your good at it.
Keep it up.
Add another soon please
~Cj~

wow your poems are great i loved the Night one.

Thanks for those of you who replied. It's so nice of you to stop by...one more...

Untitled
God's fingers caress my face gently
As His chorus of anels softlyu sing
Calling out to me on a bird's wing
The bird's majesties rule all creation
With a mighty hand and a sensitive
Dispostition. His divine tears fall
From heaven to grow and renew
Something good out of the pain
Nature's true diamonds light up
THe night sky in hopes to brighten
Unfeeling darkeness. Lost in
The real beauty of life.

:hello:SHANNON! these are really good! I like them. My favorite so far is "what do you do?" keep them cooming cause ill be checking!

I...Wow. I really liked this one. "Night" used to be my favorite but I think that this one just took it's place. Totally loved it. It was just soo...lovely...beautiful. Anyway, keep writing. You're good at it. Really, I'm not just sayin' that.
POST MORE SOON PLEASE! Love these!
Loads of love
~Cj~

omg. ur poetry is so good. please have more soon

Shannon cannot be here right now due to complicated circumstances in her health. But I came across her journal, and her poems. I remember her mentioning that she writes poems here too...I found this one as a last entry before she collapsed. She wrote it yesterday. And I'm writing it on her (I'm her sister) behalf. She doesn't know I'm doing this, but if the worst should happen, I want you all to know what kind of person she was.

Note: We're not Jewish, but she did use a common Jewish phrase as the title of the poem. I'm sure she didn't mean to offend anyone...

L'chai-im!

I want to know it's not over
I want to know you're here
I don't want to go
I know I'm too young
I don't want to live the rest in fear

I want to know I'm loved
I want to know someone's there
It's hard and empty and cold and dark
When you are afraid that no one could care

Born on a day in February,
Grown to be sweet sixteen
I have made memories of lifetime
I want to keep them forever
But I know what an upcoming event may mean

I want to live to graduate
I want to marry too
I want to grow old to be ninety with him
And have kids and grandkids, if only
God will let me live that long with you

I'm not exceptionally pretty
I'm not thin, I'm not fat, I'm just me
I wanted to make a difference
I wanted something more than a dream

As I welcome change and possibility
I wonder how much have I been
Have I lived life to the fullest?
Have I appreciated mine?
Maybe: with paper, thought and my pen

Through my song, through my poem and stories
I create a world in my head
So I'll dream of that world
When they put me to sleep
On that lonely operating bed

I'm scared, I admit it
I know I can fight
I've got an Irish and American heart
I'm too young to see that light

I'm not afraid to die
I'm afraid that I let life be sieved
My worst fear is that I didn't fulfill my dream:
I want to go onto an eternal stream
Knowing that I loved
Knowing that I lived

So raise your glass to the world beyond
I'll rest in His arms with my fife
All I can say is L'chaim-im
To life

.................................................. ................
 

OMG! That was amzingly beautiful. It's so sad because its explaining Shannons life. It brought tears to my eyes, but later I will cry. Because Shannon, you don't deserve any of this. Your to kind and to nice. Your an amzing writer. You have some really really great talent. This poem is so touching. Luv you Shannon. Your in my prayers.



~Lady Knight Steph~

Oh Shannon...
 

Oh...that was so honest, and so true. I don't know what to say really...it was just so touching and moving.
Much Love-Erin

Shannon,
I really don't know what to say to that. No, wait I do. You say in the poem you want to make a difference, well I can tell you right now you already have. You've made a world of difference right here on SS. Everyone you've met, you've touched in your own special way. You have affected all of us who know you, through your amazing writing and when you extended the hand of friendship to all of us. I thank you, we all thank you, for being such a presence here and making us think about a lot of things. We have a lot to be grateful to you for. For example, if it hadn't been for you, we wouldn't have Ottery's amazing fic, as well as your own. You are an inspiration to all of us. If you're anything in 'real' life like you are on here, your friends and family are extremely lucky to have you. You are a truly amazing person Shannon, you have a rare gift - being able to touch a multitude of people, the world over, of all different races and religions and bring them together. You are a very talented young girl, you have lived your life to the full, but nderstand this - you have a long life ahead of you, you will find the man of your dreams, and you will live to ninety, maybe even older, and do you know why that is Shannon? Because you are too special to be lost so soon, and we, all of us here on SS are behind you, praying for you, supporting you. You may be an angel, but God can't have you back yet, we need you here, and he understands that. I don't have to tell you how much that poem touched me, or how it made me cry, because it goes without saying.
Praying for you until your return, (and after)
Lots of love,
LadyV.

~Go mbeidh Dia leat~

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Amazing. I'm at a loss for words.

Er...me too. I'm sorry. I didn't know my sister did this. I just wrote that a few days ago before I collapsed. I'm sorry...I didn't know she was doing this...I didn't know she went into my journal. I'm glad you like it.

Quote:

That was just so...honest. I'm so impressed. That almost made me cry. I could never have been able to... It was very...gah, usually I'm so talkative...now I cant find the words. It was very...heartfelt. I really do admire your honesty. I'm praying for you Shannon. And now I'm really crying. I cant even begin to pick out my favorite parts. The whole thing was just amazing. This is definitely going to stick with me...I mean, it wont be easily forgotten. I...cant find any words... Love you heaps Shannon

Er...thank you. I didn't mean to ever have this posted. Honestly. I didn't know she did this. I just did it because I was worried before...well...It was an accident...I didn't anticipate posting it here. I try to be honest in my poetry. Sometimes it's the only thing that can let me be honest...writing, I mean. Thank you for your feedback. I love you too, CJ. Thank you.

Quote:

Oh my gosh. That was SO beautiful. I'm sitting here crying over that poem. I can't think of anything to say because the poem tells everything. I can't pick out which parts I liked the best because I loved the entire thing. Shannon, I'm praying for you and I hope you get better soon. This is a poem that I will probably NEVER forget. Love ya!

Thank you. I finally know what you were talking about in your PM. I honestly didn't know she did this. I don't know how to feel. I mean, I'm kind of upset at her for going through my journal like that. Most of my poems are for me...you know, just rantings really about feelings I have...this was one of them. I'm happy that you like it, and thankful for your prayers. I love you too Sierra.

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I was crying when I wrote it, so I'm just glad you feel the same. THank you for the compliments. But everything happens for a reason, right? I mean, we can't appreciate the good without the bad. I'm just glad to be alive...Thank you, but I know a few better writers here than me. I thank you...I'm just doing what I love. And I love you too, and thank you for your prayers. You're in mine.

Quote:

Oh...that was so honest, and so true. I don't know what to say really...it was just so touching and moving.

Thanks. You don't have to say anything. Just thank you for everything. Love you Erin!

Oh, V. *blushes* What can a poem or a fic do? Really?

*blushes more than ever* That is just in return for how good you all are to me. Really. I don't deserve you. I'm just so grateful to all of you.

*blushing more than ever before* V...that's so sweet. But I just write. I just express what I feel on paper in my poems. My fic is made up nonsense, hardly really changing anyone. I'm so glad you think I inspire you...that means so much to me, and I'm so grateful to you. If I do have that gift, as you call it, it's only what I've learned from my family and friends and all of you and...I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. We all deserve that. It shouldn't matter where you come from or what you believe. We should all be happy.

Thank you...but so are you...moreso than I...really, you're amazing at writing! I'd consider a profession if I were you! Thank you so much.

Lol. The man of my dreams? It seems so impossible when you're sixteen and you can't seem to find that boy who really makes an impression on you...I just hope that I live half as long as my great-grandparents. (They celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary on Wednsday!) And they are still so in love after all that time! I thank you for everything: Love, prayers and confidence. You're all angels...heavensent, I hope you know that. I'm glad you liked the poem. I wasn't planning on posting it...but too late now, right?

I love and thank you all! You're all the best! Thank you so much!

Shannon:hello: