| 4r17hm4ncy Horklump
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 35
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SPOILER!!: R3PL13S yes okay Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoom 
Which was... BEARDS?
How were beards and numbers even sort of related? Well... Ariel could think of one way. The girl poked her hand into the air. "Vell, beards tend to grow in a random pattern as far as the 'air follicles are arranged, but ze amount of growth does maintain a consistent average from person to person." Or at least, it sounded like it should. To be honest, Ariel didn't know a lot about facial hair.
"Ah yes, very good. Well done. Exactly. RAND0MN3SS!!!!!!!! That is 1MPORTANT!!!!!!!!" Quote:
Originally Posted by aaetha "Well," Adrienne pondered, "Since it is September and I'm pretty sure it's not a full moon, I guess seven can be the magic number." She supposed it could be a full moon, but she usually tried to keep updated on when new and full moons were going to be, and she didn't remember seeing anything about today. "But technically, everywhere is east of Tahiti, so does that mean that it's neither seven nor three?" She wasn't sure whether she was looking for an answer or not, but she said it anyway, because she was simply curious.
"Well, to begin with, yours could use some grooming." Oh, dear, she really hadn't meant to say that. Adrienne pressed her lips together and mentally cursed herself for blurting it out, but figured it would be easier to just keep talking than to pretend she hadn't said anything. "They grow on faces, often men's but sometimes women's too, and, um, they're made out of hair," she finished rather lamely. Adrienne quickly jotted down everything Professor French had said about... Huns, was it? and went on to shut herself up because otherwise she'd probably say something else offensive. "Be sure. Not pretty sure, your physical attractiveness is of no consequence to Arithmancy, yes okay thanks."
"..... No, no thank you. Please k33p your tongue in check or there will be consequences, yes okay." Quote:
Originally Posted by DaniDiNardo Scowl.
"Beards are something that almost no girl can grow." So it didn't actually matter much to her, see? "Boys seem to like them though, like Ascanius." Because there was that one conversation that one time. Lex glanced to the floor then to the door. Where the hell was a man eating plant when you needed one? She'd give it 'til the second class because Christiansen has lasted that long.
No longer. "Except today, yes okay. You will all grow beards, very well." Quote:
Originally Posted by bitsyandtank "All I know about beards, since I don't have the luxury of having one yet, is that they are...well...random. Just like the numbers we shouted out. Each beard is unique. There are no two exactly alike." He took a breath and continued "Some are rather large, others small. Some are full and others missing spots here and there."
With a giant smile upon his face, Asher straightened himself in his seat. He had no idea if his answer was even remotely correct, but he had answered. He tried. "So you no little, or n0ne, ZER0! That is okay. You will learn today when you grow one." Quote:
Originally Posted by JennMarie Really....
Really......
REALLY!?!?
Ariana was now laughing, and she could be heard, go on and ask if she cared. She glanced over at SKY and back to the front before putting her hand up and saying what EVERYONE was thinking "What do beards have to do with arithmancy? "
Really, could she know... if he really had a good GOOD explanation she might just stay and THINK about coming to his next class...
Maybe. "You still never gave a number. You answer my request, perhaps I'll answer yours, yes please okay. But you may also wait and remember your place. It's there, in a desk, n0t at the front of the room. I am Professor French, you are the girl that can't answer questions. Know your place, please okay thanks bye." Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassirin Facial hair? Interesting question. Very interesting question. Mo put his finger over his lip to demonstrate. "So mustaches happen when there's hair on top of your lip. It can be only on top of your lip, or it can be on top and to the sides, or it can curl wildly... those are awesome. But when it starts to grow on the bottom, what your mustache is doing is turning into a beard."
Fact about Facial Hair 101. "Beards are okay, but only with a mustache. If you have a beard but no mustache, you aren't living right and you need to rethink your life choices." "You are not fond of the goatee? Interesting, yes okay. The goatee can be and is important to Arithmancy. They were first grown in Voodoo farms for bats to sleep in. Very important, yes okay." Quote:
Originally Posted by Syd Jake's head hurt.
He figured it out though. At least he thought he did. The Professor was completely mental. Completely. So basically Jake could say anything he wanted and earn points. Right? So the prefect put up his hand and answered the question. About beards. "They're more work than they're worth. I mean, I can grow facial hair, but why would I want stuff growing out of my face? A little bit is okay, but if it gets to be too much then it scratches Anya when we snog. So I have to shave often, which is a pain in the neck." ...And that was his full knowledge on beards. "...Oh. But also, I think some men grow it so that it hypnotizes females in a really creepy and unhealthy way." That was his full knowledge on the subject. He was done. "You should not be shaving your neck, yes okay. Very dangerous, that okay? The House of Jeremy Gryffindor are known for their grooming, so be safe yes okay." Quote:
Originally Posted by ForeverYours This was hurting her braaaaaaain.
Check her calculations? She hadn't actually DONE any and by the looks of many of the others, they hadn't either. "Professor," she called, "what was the number?" Yes. She knew they were waiting for the 'invisible' and the 'magic' numbers, but she was an impatient soul. Also, how good infinity be wrong? It meant the highest number ever, or to suit her needs, any number.
... Beards?
Imagine if her Mum had seen this class; she'd send home for the twins straight away. This was super silly and most other peoples probably thought so, too. But at the chance that Professor man DID know what he was doing, she answered again. "Beards are cool. You have a beard. This class doesn't have a beard, though. I don't understand why this is relevant, Siiiiiiiir." Seriously.
"That was for you to calculate. Please no cheat1ing in class!"
"And that is probably because I have not yet explained. I am Professor, I know the lesson, you are student. You will know s00n, okay thanks." Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelStone101 Jayden was in complete shock. First numbers. And then weird homework. And now Beards.
BEARDS....
.......
Beards.
"Well, Beards can be fancy or braided sometimes, and I know that some women prefer their men to have them... and others not so much... but sir. What do beards have to do with Arithmancy?"
Beaaaaaaards. O.o "If you were any good at Arithmancy, perhaps you would have been able to predict the use of beards in Arithmancy, meow okay. Please keep listening, yes please thanks." Quote:
Originally Posted by lemon Agreed. They were all as dumb as socks, except for H3R and PR0F3SS0R FR3NCH.
Alice of House Jeremy Gryffindor beamed.
"Beards, professor? You have ONE. I see it. On your face. It looks very nice TWODAY. It's groomed nicely. Yes. Okay. Well done. Well done."
She was so getting the hang of this. R3ADY 2 INT3RPR3T TH3 NUMB3RS. "Yes, okay, well done thank you! Ten points to Jeremy Gryffindor's House!" Quote:
Originally Posted by Tegz West looked at Alice. Looked. Stared. Disbelief. Whatever you wanted to call it. And then back at this man called French.
Invisib... what. An invisible number and a multiplier? Which was... what, also invisible?
And bowling and Arithmancy were one and the same? And beards. West's logic aligned brain subsequently imploded. He gamely attempted an answer, hand wavering somewhat.
"They can give girls rashes while snogging." He might've added 'Ascanius wants one' but he wasn't about to throw his mate under the bus like that, who knew what this Professor French might do to Ascanius's face? "Not the actual beard, no no okay thanks. The beard is just hair. Unless you are allergic to hair, like all known Giants are. It's the fricti0n of you rubbing your face on another. Please no sn0gging in my lesson, I do not like rashes okay yes." Quote:
Originally Posted by TakemetotheBurrow "You've got to be careful with facial hair. Beards can make you look wise but they can also make you look just plain silly." Or plain scary, depending. Some people didn't have the faces for beards, y'know. Or the faces for facial hair in general. In that case, you might end up looking like some sort of super villain. *COUGH* Oakey Gunter *COUGH* "Grooming can also be an issue cause food and yeah, not cool." Plus they could catch FIRE. Imagine you FACE on fire. Merlin. "I'm sure yours is perfectly safe, though. Well groomed too." "Yes, thank you okay! Well done!" Quote:
Originally Posted by Govoni "They make guys look older...'Adult' older...and they don't look too comfortable, either. Don't they itch bad?"
Also...for Alexa...because Ves knew her well enough...and she was trying to help. "Woman can grow beards...and mustaches." "Yes, okay, no not always. That is a matter of your perception, okay yes." Quote:
Originally Posted by LilFox06
... ... and Jake's lovely input just sent her over the edge. Her head met the desk with a defeated thud. After a few seconds she raised her hand. "I judge people based on the length of their beard. Like... if it's super thin I think they're out to rob a bank or something. And if it's longer than medium, they're homeless. And if it's super long, they're old and probably Santa Claus." Probably.
.....
....
"You are going to d0 very, very well in this class. House Jeremy Gryffindor, as everyone knows, is VERY G1FT3D in the ART of AR1THMANCY. WELL DONE, YES OKAY!" Quote:
Originally Posted by emjay
What did she have to offer that someone else hadn't already? What more was there to know about beards, really? Finally she raised her hand. "They make fake ones too, you know.. Like wigs.. except for your face.."
"No, not today okay thanks. Real beards for today, for real predictions and interpretations okay yes." Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna Banana Back to beards... "There's six letters in the word B-E-A-R-D-S," she said, raising her hand. Although at this point, she doubted it even mattered if she raised her hand or yelled the answer while turning a cartwheel. "...and only five letters in the word B-E-A-R-D. That's one even number and one odd." "Oh yes, yes yes okay well done! Write that down, consider it's meaning, and interpret your results!" Quote:
Originally Posted by noodles “Professor, YOU have a beard.” He pointed out, eyebrow raised ever so slightly. “And only a real man can grow one.”
Flattery and facial hair.
Oh and..
“And they're good coverup if you don't have much of a chin.”
Yea..? Yeaah? "Oh no no no thanks, okay please. Not today. Today everyone will grow a beard, fake men, women, children, and everyone else. All beards, all today, yes okay thanks. All chins, present and not, yes okay thanks will be covered well done." Quote:
Originally Posted by Unalii
Taylor stared at the professor. Is he crazy or something? Tay wrote the homework down and just sighed, raising her hand, "A beard, sir? What does that have to do with Arithmancy?" She looked at him confused but continued, "A beard is facial hair that can be any natural color and there are many different styles..." Yeah, not important to numbers in any shape or way...
"You have not been told. You should wait for lesson to come about okay yes, please?" Quote:
Originally Posted by HOPEendures Err...Jezz wrote down her homework still confused and it didn't stop there. Beards. They were going to talk about beards. It was Arithmancy. Numbers. They should be discussing numbers. She took a calm and steady breath. Beards. What did she know about beards? She raised her hand, "People grow beards at different ages. Some younger, some older." At least her answer involved beards and a hint at numbers. "Naturally, yes that is well done good job. But today, all ages at the same time will grow a beard, yes okay." Quote:
Originally Posted by Princesspower Sarah was getting bored with the zeros, s it was she was writing it out as joke. When Tora first started Sarah thought the claw was being serious, yet that wink relaxed her. This was all for fun.
"Actually, I think the people who have more intellect should do the talking," eyes West, unless the teacher made him a selective mute. "This is democracy, all need to have a say, just like you can speak, I can speak. The power of speech is what seperates us from animals, as animals cannot talk, make different sounds like humans can. I was granted to gift of speech,, why should I not use it?" Put her head down, "actually, I am over my anaemia and I don't need rest. Besides, if I put my head down I would miss out the entertainment this class is giving?" On the migraines. "true migraine have genetic predispositions, put I think I am doing okay. Beside, I am from the house of GODRIC Gryfindor, a house which has been around way before Jeremy Gryffindor was born, so I don't need to worry about that. But if I meet someone from the house of Jeremy Gryffindor, I will let them know"
WHAT!!!!!! "I presume that as a professor in this subject you would know the true origins of the subject. Arithmancy is based on Hebrew Gematria using the latin version. But the Hebrews did have beards, so if you needed something from Arithmancy to base your lesson on beards, you could have stuck with the original Hebrew. She said. She would have been okay if an Arithmancy professor did not know his HoM well, (although the Hogwarts houses should have been included in preparations to teach there), but to not know ARITHMANCY!
"Actually, some women can have beards depending on how much masculine genes they have, each person have both, with the more dominant type of genes determining their gender. There has been bearded woman in the past. That being said, males do more commonly have facial hair and usually the way they present it differs depending on culture, locale and religion. Some men have straight beards, other have curly. Dumbledore had a really long beard. Also some people's beard colour is different to the colour on the skull, for example my brother has brown hair on his head, yet when his beard grows, it grows red". That being said, Sarah thought that only married men should let their beards grow. Beards are a sign of maturity. "You are D1STRACT1NG MY CLASS. This is not a D3M0CRACY. This is my lesson, you will talk less, and you will L1ST3N MOR3, YES OKAY THANKS. You have learned N0THING so far. Your jaws must be tired. Rest them, for us all please okay thanks. You are disapp0inting your Housemates! I can 0nly take so many interruptions. ONE more and there will be c0nsequences yes yes okay!!" Quote:
Originally Posted by PotterHeadforLife What about facial hair did they know? How was she supposed to know? Did it look like the Head Girl had a beard or a mustache? Kat raised her hand. "They're supposed to be itchy. Is your beard itchy, Professor?" It was an important question anyway, which held important information. She wanted to know. Feed the curious ones. "My b3ard doesn't have feelings. Hair does not feel, okay yes." Quote:
Originally Posted by fanficfanatict
"Professor, a proper, adult beard can develop at any time, but its more common to develop to skill to grow one between the ages of seventeen and twenty, yeah? 'Course many do develop them earlier if their testosterone levels are high enough, which is common with athletes." And he was one of them. Smirk. "Also, the beginnings of facial hair, not beards, can begin as early as eleven, but it typically occurs 'round fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. The stubble, yeah? Oh...and they are synonymous with manliness." What? He had done his research.
So what if the guy was an idiot? And he was big time. If he could give him any insight on how to rock a beard, Ascanius would pay attention.
"Many will develop a beard today, right now yes okay thanks!"
--
" As everyone knows, beards are pr3dominantly grown by MEN. This, in turn, makes them BETTER ARITHMANCERS. I am so sorry ladies, but it is true okay yes, just true. Unless you are, of course, one of those naturally beard-growing females, then yes okay. I want 3V3RYONE to be good Arithmancers, so EVERYONE gets a b3ard TWOday! For today's activity, you will all N33D a BEARD. Since none of you have ONE, I have provided potion for you. This potion, ONCE consumed, will grow a beard onto your face. You will be bearded. You will need a beard for the activity."
Professor French held up a LADLE and a STACK OF CUPS, then placed them on either side of the cauldron onto the table. "Please okay, form an orderly line here. You will need to fill ONE cup with this potion, DRINK IMM3DIATELY, throw away your cup, and return to your seat. ONE FULL CUP. Not half, not TWO, not THREE. ONE CUP. DRINK IMMEDIATELY. Your beard will begin growing by the time you return to your seat."
Yes okay thanks? Okay well done.
" There is no pain associated with growing a beard okay yes, please follow my directions. This is n0t optional. You have come to class, okay yes, now participate. Orderly line, just here okay yes."
---
OOC: YES OKAY, have your student come to the front, ladle Beard Growing Potion into a cup, DRINK, and sit back down -- a BEARD *WILL* grow onto EVERYONE'S FACES that consumes the potion. You can decide it's make and model  . Amount of potion consumed is proportional to BEARD. So...little potion? Pencil mustache? TOO MUCH? Flood dragging beard? With me? yes okay thanks.
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