ooo, going to
kiss, I'm sorry, that should say kill her? Wow, ok.
You want critism? Here goes. You jump to much. There should have been a trasitition from when Goyle was with his girl and when he talks to Malfoy.
I personally think that
Quote:
Her eyes meet mine, and then she looks back down at the necklace, and then back at me, and before I know what she’s doing, she’s tackling me. We fall over and land on the couch, and she’s laughing and hugging me.
That could have been combined with semi-colons; how I am doing now is an example.
That's all I can think of.
Sorry, if that's not what you wanted, but I really do think this story is great. PAMS!
Jessica