Chapter 15 – What’s the material?

I hate myself and I want to die.
No, I didn’t say that. It’s not something that I feel, it’s what she felt. Cassidy. Her name was Cassidy and she was fourteen years old; and that’s what her suicide note read. Shocked yet? You should be. Just like all of us are. I don’t think that ever in all of Hogwarts’ history has a student committed suicide inside the castle. Moaning Myrtle is actually the only student who might have considered it, but the Basilisk beat her to it. (Okay, okay I know not funny).
Anyway, Cassidy didn’t seem able to keep on leaving with herself and we soon learnt why too. Apparently she had been forced to torture her best friend during one of Alecto’s classes/punishments and after that her best friend was too afraid to speak to her again and well her mum died not so long ago and one thing led to another and…I don’t think I need to say what happened next. I was more than shocked, I was scared. It didn’t seem possible to me that someone would actually want to end their lives. It just seemed like a none existent possibility. And so wrong. What about all the people that you’d live behind? What about all the pain you’d cause them? Like in Cassidy’s case what about her dad who was all alone now or her friend who would always hold herself responsible? People just shouldn’t do such reckless things. Sure, it’s your life and you can do whatever you want with it, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t respect the gift that has been given to you. Because no matter how sucky it is, that’s what our life is; a gift.
I just cannot accept that someone will willingly walk up to his own death. I mean who would do that? And why?
My frustration and despair with what happened worked to take my mind off of the fact that I was going to meet Amycus for the first time after that horrible night in his office tonight. I had already skipped two of my ‘Dark Arts’ classes and I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to deal with it; I had to deal with him. So with my mind focused on Cassidy and the unfairness of the situation all of us were in, I packed my things and left the library to go to Amycus’ class.
As I drew closer to the third floor, where the class was I was very aware of my heart and her loud throbbing inside my chest. I wondered if it was loud enough to be audible. I didn’t want to be afraid. As Neville says: “Ginny Wesley never gets scared”. Oh, Neville, how little do you know. I’m scared all the time. It’s like a constant feeling for me now, that sometimes I ignore it, just because it feels so natural like wearing my clothes. I’m scared that someone from my family will get hurt, I’m scared that my friends will get hurt, I’m scared that I’m never gonna see Harry again…I’m scared of Amycus. See, I said it. I’m scared. Of a lot of things. I’m sorry but I’m only human. But I’m not gonna let Amycus or anyone else unnerve me. I’m strong, not because I’m not afraid of anything, but because I know how to get passed it. So I kept on placing one foot in front of the other, my legs bringing me closer and closer to the man who tried to rape me.
As I turned the corner however I heard angry voices and what got my attention was that I did recognized one of them. Crabbe. Who was he torturing this time around? Without thinking it I opened the door of the bathroom where all the noise was coming from and entered it, even though it was a boys’ bathroom. My wand was in my hand, anxious to shoot curses and hexes at the pathetic loser who send Luna to the hospital. Okay, okay I know I’m looking from trouble, but I’m Ginny; I’m feisty.
I was baffled from what I saw however. Crabbe was there, Goyle and Malfoy too, but nobody else was and they seem to be arguing among themselves. Or more like Crabbe and Goyle seemed to have picked on Malfoy. Huh? What happened? The legs woke up and picked on the head?
Just as I thought of turning around and leaving unnoticed, Goyle turned to leave and saw me. G-R-E-A-T. Don’t you just love when that happens? That being you getting caught at the last moment…
“Looks like a weasel just entered”, Goyle said with his heavy voice. I snickered and turned to leave.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Crabbe said. I spun around immediately to glare at him. He smirked.
“What?” I retorted angrily.
“Why were you listening on us?” Malfoy inquired. I fixed my eyes on him for a few seconds. I couldn’t figure out what was the deal with Malfoy. Could he possibly not want all of these? Not want to be a Death Eater? Then why didn’t he just walk out?
“I thought you had picked on someone again”, I said then taking my eyes from Malfoy to glare at Crabbe and Goyle again. “Then I realized that I was wrong and turn to leave and that’s when Goyle saw me and made that stupid joke with the weasel”.
“Watch out weasel…you go lookin’ for trouble”, Crabbe said raising his wand. I didn’t back away; I had mine raised long before that.
The three of us were glaring at each other, Malfoy standing behind the two buffoons looking something between tired and scared. Then the bell rang. Crabbe grunted.
“Lucky day scum…” he said and he and Goyle walked out. I suppose they had a class with Alecto, since that would explain their eagerness to go to class and because Amycus had us.
I exhaled angrily before I realized that Malfoy was still there.
“What?” I barked.
“Don’t you realize how easy it is for them to hurt you like they did with Looney? Nobody is going to say anything”.
I can’t say that I wasn’t taken aback with the lack of snickering in his voice or the fact that he seemed sincere and yet anger flooded through my veins at the mention of Luna and what had happened to her; the fact that he called her Looney did not help.
“Malfoy you are a Death Eater. Death Eaters do not care what happens to blood traitors”.
Blood flooded to his pale face and he let out a growl and passing me, he walked out. I shook my head starring at the place he had just disappeared to. I could remember Harry saying at some part over the summer that Malfoy wasn’t really Death Eater material and I also remembered myself laughing at this. Now however I would have to accept that my ex boyfriend’s instincts were never wrong.



-Angie-