Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear the fairest of them all
Overhead, the phoenix had grown larger still and began to burn more brightly. It’s radiance filled the whole of the hall, causing the students to shield their eyes.
I like your writing ...
I love your plotting and what you write ... your stories are so not predictable. A lot of fanfiction sadly follows a cookie cutter kind of pattern ... look a christmas tree and a snow man cookie ... but not yours Kellybear. That is why ... I love your stories ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear my love
Whether she had hoped to end the enchantment, and thus block out the view, or if she had simply snapped and could bear the sight of the phoenix--and what she feared it portended--no longer, no one ever learned. With a thunderous CRACK! she was struck down. Amycus cried out and knelt beside her, fearing her dead.
See? I would never have thought Alecto so stupid
or in the following paragraphs, Amycus so cowardly
but I guess to push students around they didn't need their strongest Death Eaters, did they? It's tragically poignant too how Dumbledore understood Voldemort so well and trusted Severus so much that he knew the Dark Lord would have appointed him to oversee the school and that Snape would be the protector of his students
I miss Dumbledore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear how many times have I quote you now?
“I don’t think it liked that very much.” Luna said, once again at Neville's side.
“What?” said Neville, perplexed.
“Hogwarts castle. I think it felt she was attacking it.”
:luna: I say again is love ♥
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear with the smiling face *smoochies*
“It was him.” Neville heard the lie, the terrible pronouncement, and went cold. Any second now, they would kill him, he was certain of it.
“It was not! She tried to hex the ceiling!” Luna cried
…
A tall blonde Death Eater was eyeing Amycus speculatively. “Take them both to the dungeon.” she snapped at Filch and he rushed forward to comply.
I thought for sure the school would riot. I guess British kids don't automatically resort to violence over every little thing do they?
Hmm, I guess it doesn't surprise this happened but I thought it sad that Neville seemed to accept his fate so readily ... Luna coming to his defense though
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear Horatio Hornblower Fan
Filch had them each by the elbow and though he growled and grumbled, he didn’t seem in rush to reach the dungeons either.
I'm glad you're addressing the Filch issue. It always bothered me that the books did not do anything with it. Just a sentence ... I mean for such a long book it left a lot of open ends ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear ticklemonster
When Dumbledore died, however, the life had seemed to go out of him and he’d seemed no more than a shadow, just one more ghost in the castle. Now, with Snape as Headmaster, he cowered and skulked, much like a beaten dog. The Death Eaters regarded him as filth and he spent most of his time just trying to stay out of their way, trying not to get kicked.
D/F
No I mean Dumbledore/Ms. Figg
I loved the descriptions you used for Filch and how you followed the dog one with the getting kicked one. You kept the metaphor going and I thought that was cute ... it would have worked better farther away from the ghost one but ... I can always just think of Filch as a ghost dog roaming the halls of Hogwarts
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear the sweetest sweet potato
Down they went, passed the Slytherin Common Room, deep into the bowels of the castle. Filch’s lantern swayed crazily. It shone on one damp, moldy stone wall, then another, but the path before them remained indistinct in the ricocheting pools of light. Neville tried to peer ahead, to see what awaited them but it was no use. It was as though someone had used Peruvian Darkness Powder in the corridor ahead. Luna had taken a particular interest in the floor, and Neville wondered why she was staring at it so intently.
I liked the way you described the dungeons I always go with dank but that's kind of cliche your way was actually quite refreshing and so much better. Even I can learn goes to show
I also liked the description of the light swaying and the Peruvian Powder ... you know I love when you use HP references.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear Queen of the Cornbread
He sighed and gave up trying to work out what might be going on in Luna’s mind. Her thoughts were like quicksilver and she always seemed to be three steps ahead, when she wasn’t just plain strange. He had always liked the way her mind worked, but he found it impossible to guess her thoughts.
I do not ascribe to the argument that :luna: was/is smarter or more freewheeling than Neville to be with him. Yes, she did puzzle him but ... though I do agree that she would be so much more different than he ... still, Neville changed a lot in book 7 so I always threw that argument out. In any event ... I like your descriptions because while I don't think Neville couldn't keep up, I do think Luna did have quicksilver thoughts and not just because of her hair
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyBear who smells so well
Claustrophobia in the dungeons would drive him mad, and he would not allow that.
...
The room was no more than a stone box--no windows, no doors--and Neville had to beat back the claustrophobia once more.
Neville sat in the center of the room, closed his eyes, and pictured himself in a wide open field. In his imagination, he surrounded himself with hundreds of rare and beautiful plants. One by one, he began to study and catalogue them, saying their names aloud to fracture the encompassing silence. In this way, he set his mind free.
Your description of Claustrophobia is very apt. I like little details like this that flesh out the character. It makes Neville more real and it shows that you know the character and his whole Herbology thing going on ... yeah. I've always thought it interesting you'd want to write about someone other than the trio ... I didn't know you knew and loved Neville so much, honestly. I always liked him but I thought it was a pity that it wasn't until the 7th book that he really came into his own. Still, you write this story so well but ... what's going to happen to Hannah now? And what have you done with my Seamus?
You know I love Seamus and Dean
Tell us more about them ... or the rest of the D.A. Whatever. I love this story. Just keep doing what you're doing write brilliantly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The love of my life ♥
An: I was trying to let you catch up, Ottybear, but the story must go on 
This post however, is more of an interlude. It's a chance to catch your breath before...well, you'll see... What? How dare you Accio Kellybear *smoochies you*