Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole 
Author's Note: It's Pat Benatar, Kellybear
C'mon hit me with your best shot
You know, it's really a good thing I love you, or I'd be taking aim right now...or hostages *eyes Teddy*
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole Neways kiddies, I've been working like a horse, and here you have them. I apologize for any typos, feel free to point them out
I will fix them.
Just remember, you asked for it. And you wanted me to be specific.
Actually, the update was great, all the mistakes were purely grammatical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole Remember this is still HBP and someone please remind me this is steampunk
:choochoo: Remember, this is
steampunk 
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole
I can recount to you how a flame is from inside,
I can tell you how much fire weighs,
And it’s just that loving in solitude,
Is like a hole without a bottom,
Where not even God exists …”
Alejandro Sanz, “To the first person” trans. Ottery St. Catchpole with apologies to the author 
Seriously, I love Alejandro Sanz. That is soooo beautiful...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole The thunder crackled in the sky, the rain pouring like sheets of tears and sorrow, as a red car drove around the cliff, the ocean waves slapping against the shore, and on a cliff rising high above the wild waters in the darkness, the old castle stood against the force of elements unleashed on that dark night.
The part I highlighted is really the main grammatical error. I'm pretty sure that sentence fragment, in order to be correct, has to refer back to the car. I know you love long sentences but this one really needs to be two or more to work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole “You don’t have to visit with him,” the girl remarked. I could go disguised as you. You’re too valuable …”
Just a missing quotation mark here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole “I don’t bargain with people’s lives,” the older wizard replied coldly, dropping any semblance of cordiality as if it were some disgusting thing he did not want soiling his blackened hand.
Eep, I love you. I l♥ve the imagery there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole It was an impossibly high ceiling chamber, a large fireplace, with the help of magic, warmed the large space filled by the small table they were sitting at. All around them large wizard tapestries depicting knights fighting dragons, and wizards fighting muggle oppression, and the Bolshevik revolution, suits of armor in between the tapestries and large rugs on the floor, but otherwise an empty room.
Most of the errors here are of tense, except where highlighted. The first, I think needs an "ed" and the second really needs to be a separate sentence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
OtterySt.Catchpole “Be that as it may be, we are united against a common foe, are we not?” the old wizard didn’t nod and the man took his silence as assent, “So, why not ally our considerable resources to putting a stop to this usurper, this pretender.”
“Because then I would be giving you a foot in the door, so to speak, into the Order and the proper wizarding world. I won’t allow that, unless you meet my concessions.”
“Again you harp on that old man. This is a war we’re in, you can’t seriously …”
“No killing. No stealing. No …”
“What are you the Pope? Some kind of Christian conservative?”
“What I am is ever hopeful that you might come back into the fold,” Dumbledore replied, taking another sip of his tea.
“After what the Death Eaters did to … you have … do you have any idea …?” the man gripped the table and taking deep breaths. “I’m sorry, but …”
“I was there Sebastian. And I tell you, you’ve nothing to gain from lowering yourself to their tactics, and fighting them with their own dark magic.”
“I do not condone the use of dark magic except …”
“As a means to an end. And how much different is that from the wizards we’re trying to fight?” The headmaster retorted gently placing his cup on the saucer on the table and helping himself to a biscuit.
“We’ve argued these philosophies for a long time old man,” the stranger said looking away.
“For a very long time, Sebastian, but I remain …”
“I know. Ever hopeful,” the man laughed a little, the sarcasm as clear as Dumbledore‘s stance.
♥ I love the whole dialog here.
Oh, and Teddy, don't tempt me love, you know how much I love taking a dare...
Otty, I will comment on the second update tomorrow. I must go to bed.
