Nah, don't be so harsh on yourself. First you should try more times before giving up.
I think the problem with that poem is that is shows very little of youself, and a lot of cliché impersonal fragments make it too predictable and, if I may, boring. Even if you are doing a cliché fragment you should put it with your own wording (I doubt you would say aloud 'why, why, oh why!' for example) and in a way which express exactly what you wanna tell until you feel satisfied - I stress YOU :: no matter if every other hates your poems, they are yours and you are the one who has to be satisfied.