Last bit... and yes, I am an Ohio State fan!

The Gryffindors stared at the small yellow goldfish circling Neville's head, while Neville attempted to follow their path as well. He stopped because his eyes kept crossing.

"Glub, glub," Neville said.

"What?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and held her tongue. Ron never learned, no matter what she said.

The kind and beautiful author took the water and fish from the bowl because Neville was starting to look quite frantic, despite the fact that he also looked quite purple from being inside a bowl of water (and goldfish).

"I swa'd fsh," Neville's muffled shout caused all the kids to jump back into action.

"What?" Hermione batted Ron on the back of the head.

"Oh, bloody baskets of bread, I think Neville swallowed one of those goldfish!" Ginny was getting fairly adept at interpreting Neville.

"Das wha ah sed," Neville sighed.

"What?" Ginny kicked Ron in the shins.

"We need to get him to the infirmary!" Hermione shouted.

Harry looked at her incredulously. "It was a fish, Hermione, not one of his Potions assignments."

Neville said something else that was rude, but it wasn't aimed at the author, so she let it slide.

"We might as well," Ron suggested, alternating rubbing his head and his shins because the mean girls were always picking on him. Honestly, he had no idea why they hit him, and thus was doomed to repeat his mistakes.

Once in the infirmary, the Gryffs were surprised to see Snape running laps around the beds. Madam Pomfrey shrugged. "A misfired hex hit a bad batch of Potions and exploded on him. He thinks he's a Buckeye preparing for a Bowl game." Snape began to do sit ups.

The Gryffs glared at the author but kept their mouths shut. No reason to get upset at a random Ohio State University reference when the author was so clearly vindictive.

"Madam Pomfrey!" Ginny was shouting. Harry rolled his eyes, and Hermione hid behind a bed because she saw something silver glinting and suspected it was a spoon. Ron just hopped along, trying to rub his shin and head at the same time. "Neville has a fishbowl on his head and he just swallowed a fish! What can we do?"

"O-H!" Snape yelled.

"Nothing," she said simply. "In its most violent form, fishbowlitis must simply run its course."

"I-O!" Snape responded to himself.

Neville groaned and hit his head against the wall. The bowl cracked and crumbled around him. The kids looked at him in surprise, and Neville rubbed his slightly red forehead in disbelief.

"Now," the author said cracking her knuckles. "Anybody else have any 'suggestions' for me?"

Everyone was silent, except Snape, who was singing "Hang on, Sloopy."