Anyone who knows me will know that I’m stubborn, inappropriate and boy, have I got a potty mouth. I’m not exactly the most ideal person to be taking advice from so if you’re reading this, either you care a lot about me or you’re in some deep trouble and need advice from a very judgemental, but also very hot, Slytherin.

I came to this school as a fourteen year old who hated the world -- as fourteen year olds do. In that time, I’ve been given love potion, hit with by more books than I’d care to mention, hit on (dang, I know ), silencio-ed for Merlin knows what reason, been in a battle with a suit of armours (not as epic as it sounds, believe me), lost a friend, had my heart broken, ALMOST BEEN BURNT ALIVE BY SOME FREAKING IDIOT, been to a buncha parties where I’ve done things I probably shouldn’t have. That’s generally my life: doing things I shouldn’t do.

But through all of that, I’ve managed to make friends and grow close to a bunch of people that I’d like to mention here:

Firstly, to Ruby Banner. We’re gonna see each other again, there’s absolutely no doubt about that so writing this individually to you is almost pointless. You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon. There’s not much to say apart from: I freaking love you and I hope I make a buncha people jealous by calling you mine.

Next, my Slytherbros: Ethan Mordaunt, Simon Holden and Cutty Mordaunt: MAN, I’m gonna miss you guys and our weird hang-outs. It sucks that you lot were born a year after I was. The dream would have been to strut out of Hogwarts together as the good looking graduates we would be but that’s not happening. Instead, I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to keep the coolness factor up. Keep the Slytherin dorms alive and if I hear that any of you do anything stupid, I’m gonna personally hunt you down myself. Keep me updated, mkay? And the minute you guys finish your NEWTs, we’re all gonna go out and celebrate.

Toby Fuller-Thompson: Dunno if you know or not but you’ve changed my views on Hufflepuffs. I thought Hufflepuffs that were always happy were up to something or had taken too much Essence to Induce Euphoria and that I should be wary of them. But you’re different. You’re cool and dead nice and man, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for your help. Keep in touch, hot stuff.

Eden McGee: Thanks for outing my secret identity as a loyal guy, jeez. But in all seriousness, you’re so freaking great. You have a reputation, sure, but what I admire is that you don’t care. You don’t give two knuts about it all (unless you do and just hide it very well).

Zander Adair: You’ve saved my life, I am eternally grateful. Also, you’re dead cool and I’m glad we met.

Dima Toussaint: You’re a good kid and I’m still in denial that you’re growing up so quickly. Do you mind stopping that? It’s kinda rude. But really, I think you’re cool. Dead cool.

Marigold McAlistor: You bet I’m gonna take care of Rubes. And I don’t care if we don’t talk a lot now, you’d better keep in touch, Gold.

Professor Culloden: You’re the freaking best. I can’t even begin to explain how much I’m gonna miss you and your lessons. I liked Potions long before coming to Hogwarts but you and your lessons have done a great deal in making me love the subject even more. So, I’d like to thank you for…….. well, for everything. Keep being brilliant, sir.

Clara Wilde: The awkward moment where I didn’t know that you were the one to initiate that one sided food fight. Jeez, Wilde.

Nemo Grimm: We should hang out more. Period.

Paris Sykes: I expect you to visit as much as possible, no questions asked.

Sophie Newell: I don’t have the same kinda feelings for you as I did before but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss you.

To any of my friends that I’ve missed: It’s nothing personal, I’m just tired of writing and I can’t think right now.

To my haters: I get it, not everyone likes me, not everyone has good taste.

To everyone who didn’t get the chance to get to know me: Lololol, sucks to be you.


Let it be known that this is hard. Throughout this year, I was dead excited to graduate and be done with studying subjects I won’t need in the future. Heck, the spiders only made me even more excited to get outta this place. But standing here and writing this buncha nonsense is dead hard.

Wise words? Well, here goes:

• Don’t let anyone intimidate or get the better of you
• Stop and think PROPERLY before doing anything rash. There is a time and a place to be a freaking Gryffindor.
• There is NOTHING wrong with having a bit of self-confidence
• There’s nothing wrong with looking out for yourself either and don’t listen to the tosspots that tell you otherwise
• There is ALWAYS time to have a bit of fun. Always.

Shoutout to Hogwarts for giving my life more drama than it needed and for making me dead paranoid about a buncha stuff I wasn’t paranoid about before. You rock.