Just seeing Becca so beautiful in her dress had warmed my heart, we went down the aisle as two people and came back down as a family of five. Torie was now our son, Norah and Jay were back in Becca’s life and a part of our family. We spent a wonderful few weeks on our honeymoon, just the two of us enjoying each other’s company and starting out fresh in our new lives together. I didn’t ever forget what my life had been like prior to this but now I saw it as a fresh start, one that could only get better. Sure Becca and I had our problems, we fought, but in the end, we always went to bed okay with one another. It was the one promise I had made to her, and would always make sure to follow through on.

Jay and Norah were back in our lives, and we were wanting to make life as natural as possible for them. Jay and Torie were best friends, having become friends at the academy, and shared a room. We set the bedroom beside ours for Norah, and let her decorate it how she saw fit but the boys wanted a room to themselves and not one that they had alone, so we added on to the house with a nice sized room for them to share. Jay was having a hard time with deciding what I was to him. He didn’t want to call me dad, in case that ended up offending Brian, his actual dad, but I let him decide what to call me. Norah warmed to me sooner but Jay didn’t take it all that well when Norah called me daddy for the first time. It took a lot of patience on Becca and my part. I felt for Jay, it wasn’t easy coming to see his mother for the first time in years and then suddenly finding that she had another family as well.

Becca and I had talked many times on whether we wanted to have another child, especially after the accident in the training room. One night just after our wedding, she had a dream where she had found out she was pregnant, but when she awoke and told me she was pregnant before she had realized it was only a dream, I sat there in shock trying to comprehend what was happening. She wasn’t? Was she?!?! She finally realized that it had been just a dream but in those minutes we both realized that we would like a little baby, one that the two of us had created and loved as much as we loved the other three. We still decided to wait on it, but it was definitely something we both were wanting and one day hoped we’d be blessed with.

It wasn’t long after the wedding that Garrick, Willow’s father was having classes for people to try to find their animagus, and become an animagi. Becca and I were two of the four students in the class, one other actually pregnant but wanting to learn the basics and once her babies were born, would be able to attempt to become an animagi as well. We sat in the classroom, trying to figure out what on earth was the one part of us that we had that we weren’t sure about. And that would be indicative of what we might become. I sat there in the corner of the room staring at my list and finally it came to me. Passive Aggressive, it was definitely something he was but would never admit to anyone. The next class we were to attempt to become the one animal that would be our animagus. I felt like my head was going to explode as I sat there. I remember as I heard a low growl, I turned to watch as Becca became a lioness and stared at her. Merlin….a lioness? I had a wife who could turn into a lioness at will now! I laughed a little and she definitely hadn’t liked that much and nipped at my hand. It took me a good half an hour before I finally changed into a koala, trying to get into a form of such a small animal from my height was quite a surprise and took getting used to. It had been amusing watch Becca try to walk on all fours and here I was trying to now as well. I stared at my three fingered hands and moved to walk when suddenly I found Becca right there to help me stand, that took the fear I had in that little body and threw me for a twist and I went running, or at least tried to, on my hind legs and ended up tumbling head over ears into a ball rolling and finding myself flat on the ground and squealing before running to hide under the desk. Those teeth were huge! To my tiny eyes those teeth were scary and I was now cowering under the desk as this huge lioness sat howling as she watched me and Garrick was right there trying to help me become less fearful. It took me some time to finally get up and be able to move past Becca the lioness to the mirror to find out what I even was. I was grateful it was a koala though, and not something tiny like a rat or mouse. Though compared to Becca I definitely was still very small.

The kids were always crazy about animals so when we became animagi we went back home and the kids all had different reactions to them. The boys were being naughty and I changed into koala form and chased them, the both of them screaming and running down the hall, but they both thought it really cool. Norah whom I thought would love it, as she loves bears, thought I was really scary. But the one that made the three of them even more excited was mummy as a lioness. They loved hearing her roar, or at least Jay and Torie did. Norah found it a little too scary.

That new years we all went down to Italy with Willow and Dan and Willow’s father Garrick. Taking the kids there so they could enjoy the night and ring in the new year with all of us. Upon arriving we found out Willow and Dan were expecting a baby, which we were delighted for them. Becca seemed to be really quiet, but was happy for them as well. The kids were talking of their new cousin they’d be getting at the end of the summer. With neither Becca or I having siblings that were still alive, nor Dan and Willow having siblings, we thought it would be nice between our families that they could consider each other cousins, as they already called Dan and Willow uncle and auntie. That night we were taking the kids out to the water to swim out in the Mediterranean Sea, and Becca walked out after Dan had spoken to her, telling her to calm down. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on and why she had lost it. She’d not been doing well that day, and she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I followed her out the door and said her name gently when she turned on me and just burst out ‘I’m pregnant’. I stared at her, completely unsure what was going on, it hadn’t truly sunk in yet and I was sure I’d heard her wrong. She was in tears and all I could do was stare. I finally came to my senses and asked if she was sure. DUH! Yeah that didn’t help. I was so surprised it took me a moment still yet to get a grip on what was happening. We were expecting a baby! I was thrilled but also now really concerned, she did want the baby right? She seemed angry and hurt, but sad and happy too? I knew emotions went flying during pregnancy and realized I seriously better get a better grip on this or things would turn nasty. It worked out well though, obviously we had a little girl 9 months later, and somehow she didn’t end up killing me in that time.

I won’t forget the day I broke her wand. I hadn’t meant to at all. I knew we were having problems when Emma laid just right to cause problems at times and Jordan was keeping a close eye on her. I didn’t want her to lift more than she could handle, not with the accident back in the training room and Jordan had warned her about that. But one day she finally lost her temper though I’d never tell her that now, and said fine and to carry the box for her. I’d stepped on something but thought it was just a stick from the kids playing outside. When she asked for her wand later, I went back out and stared horrified at finding her wand broken on the ground. It had fallen off the box I had carried up. Now not only was she pregnant, but she was pregnant and had a wand I had just broken. She cried for hours, hurt that I would do such a thing. Willow came had her exact wand as well as a whole stack of others, to try out and would continue going through them and more if needed until they found the perfect wand for her. But I was miserable and felt horrible for breaking it. I’d never done something so cruel as I had the day I broke Becca’s wand. I’d be hurt if I had broken my own, I’ve had it since I was 11 and don’t know what I’d do if it ever broke.

Towards the third trimester of the pregnancy, Becca was getting really tired of carrying the baby and didn’t feel I was quite as sympathetic as I should be. At least that’s what I figured. I knew she was uncomfortable and it didn’t help that it was the middle of summer. But I still tried to help in every possible way I could. It was about then that she decided that she was going to make me carry Emma for a day and see what I thought. Her and Jordan had worked it out that the baby could be transferred from her to me and I was going to carry her for just one day. No warning, Becca dragged me to St. Mungo’s and into Jordan’s office and told Jordan to do it. All I could do was stand there and stare at her “Do what?” I asked, and stared when Becca said I was carrying Emma for a day. No freakin’ way, seriously? Was all I could think. I mean yes, it was the magical field and we should be able to do things like this very easily. But really? Was it even safe? She made me lie down on the bed and Jordan did just as Becca said, though to his credit he did look uncomfortable about the prospect of actually doing this. Becca seemed quite pleased and jumped up from the bed like she’d been given a new life and there I lay on the bed with Emma now inside me, and staring at the bulge of her there in my stomach. That was the weirdest feeling I’d ever had in my life! I couldn’t apparate, being how far along the pregnancy was, and I certainly wasn’t about to walk outside where people would see me! So we floo’d home and I nearly fell over with each step I took, trying to gain the balance I was now lacking. Becca on the other hand was quite chipper and pleased that she didn’t have the baby weight on her. Jordan had said he wanted at least 24 hours before we considered switching back. CONSIDERED? I didn’t think there was a choice there! There were so many things I couldn’t do…no lifting, apparating, bending down, coffee, and having to use my wand if I really needed to do something. It was so frustrating! The amusing part was Becca spent a lot of that time in her lioness form now that she could once again. The fun part of carrying Emma was feeling her kick every part of me, sometimes not so much for instance when it was my bladder, but other times when I rested my hand against her, and she would poke it or kick it. It was an amazing feeling to feel her kicking and moving around. It was one thing for her to do it when Becca carried her but a completely different feeling when I was carrying her. I was ever so grateful though when it was time for her to go back.

That summer we had to start finding ways that Becca could actually sleep. She wasn’t comfortable and it was too hot to sleep in bed. The kids had really enjoyed the swimming in Willow and Dan’s pool in Italy and we decided to create a pool there at the house. We created a slide of sorts that Becca found was comfortable as she was in the water and able to relax more in that position. She started sleeping in that position, with a charm to keep her from going underwater. For the first time during the entire pregnancy we found a position and comfort for her to sleep.

The night that Emma was born, Becca headed for the office and Jordan went to see her. He knew something was wrong when she refused to let him check her over. So he called me summoning me to come, and she had locked everyone from her office. I stood there at the door waiting for her to respond when she finally said she was in labor. What? How? I thought she wasn’t due for another week or two, but apparently Emma had other plans. But she was still determined to work in spite being in labor. I went to my office and basically sat around staring at the clock and filling out paperwork. I wasn’t going anywhere, not if she was about to have the baby! I finally headed back up to her office to check on her and she finally agreed it was time to go to St. Mungo’s and well…I discovered… If your wife is in labor don’t pick her up unexpectedly, especially if she’d just had a contraction! Yep, idiot me decided it might be a good idea and she had three contractions, one after the next. One on the way to my office, one before flooing after I picked her up and the third right the moment we floo’d to St. Mungos. I felt absolutely horrible, putting her through three consecutive contractions. In the meantime, we got her into bed and watched as labor progressed and it was time for Emma to be born. She got some pain potion after a while which helped her but she still was feeling a lot of the pain and contractions. I’d been told not to wear a tie, but well that hadn’t mattered, collars work just as well. And I learned don’t ever say the word ‘just’ when your wife is in labor as well. After a small problem during delivery we had Emma in Becca’s arms and she was absolutely beautiful. They both were. Becca had been amazing and our little girl was wailing her head off not in the least even a little happy. But she was beautiful all the same. Jordan and Becca decided that they’d do the minor surgery that they’d looked at doing when Becca had had the accident in the training room and I held Emma as Becca fell asleep with the potion she was given. I didn’t want to watch but wanted to be there and in no time the surgery was done and Becca was resting comfortably as Emma slept. The kids were going to be ecstatic when they saw their little sister and I was looking forward to them seeing her. But for right then, we all needed some sleep and tried to as much as we could with a new baby.

She had a lot of problem with self-consciousness and being unsure of herself. Brian had done quite a number on her and making her feel unsure of herself. She wasn’t even able to nurse Emma without feeling incapable of taking care of her own daughter. Jordan and I helped her because she wanted to and I wanted her to be able to do anything she wanted to do, I didn’t want her fear to take over. The biggest fear she had was that Brian would do something such as take her little girl from her. It was hard to get her to sleep a bit, let alone put her down for a few minutes. The kids took it really hard when I asked them to wait to see mummy and Emma when they arrived. I didn’t want to wake Becca now that she was asleep and they really wanted to see her and there were lots of tears but they finally understood that mummy needed a little more sleep and let Brian escort them to the family room until mummy woke up. When they returned I woke Bec, though she was really tired still, the potion having worked well for the pain she’d been having from the minor surgery. But the kids excitement to see mummy and Emma was just as great as I had thought it would be. Brian wanted to leave the kids to see their new sister but Jay didn’t want him to leave. Norah and Torie both moving to hold their little sister one after the other. They were little but even little Emma looked tiny in their arms. It was sweet watching each of them take in their little sister. Jay asked for Brian to hold her with him and I could see in Becca’s eyes that she was nervous about it. Her and Brian hadn’t ended well and I knew she feared what Brian was going to do. I didn’t know him well, but for Norah and Jay’s sake I wanted everything to be okay between us. It definitely wasn’t easy. Becca finally got up and left the room, I was concerned and confused both unsure what she was doing, but I wasn’t going to leave the kids and Emma with Brian. I was grateful when Brian offered to go look for her and tried to relax. While we waited for them to return, I took advantage of the opportunity to do a little surprise I’d hoped to do for Becca, and settled the three kids on the chair and lay Emma in each of their laps so each one was holding her in some way. As soon as Brian came back and insisted that it was time for them to go I understood. He briefly explained what was going on as the kids got ready to go and said their good byes to Emma but asked to say good bye to mummy. I told them mummy was a little busy but promised them I’d tell her goodbye for them. They seemed okay especially when they saw how upset Brian appeared to be. I didn’t know what had happened but I knew something had caused it. After they had left I asked Jordan to check in on and keep an eye on Emma. Finally I headed upstairs to where Brian had said she was and took the stairs three at a time. I could hear her crying and made my way to her, and held her as I sat beside her. Letting her cry it out. I had known something would happen between her and Brian eventually, and couldn’t imagine the pain she was feeling. I stroked her hair and just held her silently.

It seemed after that point that her and Brian were more civil to one another and could at least be in the same room together without barking at one another. Or at least Becca wasn’t so much. Brian had seemed to accept it sooner though he still had his moments.
One night not long after that, we had Brian over for dinner. Emma, looked at us and actually smiled for the first time which made my heart just squeeze tight, seeing that beautiful smile. It was when Becca went into the bedroom to get changed that we started having problems. I have NEVER gotten over the idea, that women have to look perfect. ESPECIALLY with her ex being there for the first time. I walked into the room to see how she was doing and immediately wanted to cower and run back out of the room and pretend I hadn’t been in there. She was having problems finding something that fit, and I thought she’d look beautiful in anything but apparently that was the wrong thing to say as well. I finally left the room, though I was likely very lucky she hadn’t thrown something at me as I left. Norah went in and I’m sure offered to give her a tiara or something to wear to make her more pretty, but whatever she did, brought Becca back out and she looked absolutely amazing! I still remember that outfit she wore, with the checkered colors and the black form fitting bottoms and heels. God just amazing and I loved seeing how beautiful she looked standing there. Brian certainly did as well! Jay still very much felt he had one dad and only one dad up until that point. Norah had decided she had two daddies just like Torie did, but just as Torie had, it was taken Jay awhile to be able to accept me in his life. I was the one who’d taken his mummy away in his eyes. Though I had nothing to do with it, but had just been the one to pick up the pieces. He still felt that I had taken her away from him. At dinner, Jay asked ‘Do you want the apple sauce daddy?’ as he looked towards me. You could have heard a pin drop at that moment at the table and Jay stared at all of us disbelievingly. Fear showing on his face before he ran off out of the room. I mouthed to Brian to give it a few minutes, and knew full well Jay wasn’t handing that well. I felt for him, I couldn’t see that that was going over well, and knew he’d be hurting now. When Jay came back in the room I had given him a smile as if nothing had happened, but it warmed my heart so much when he said that word again almost immediately. I knew what had happened had worked itself out, and to hear him say daddy and mean it, meant so much to me. It was just as when Torie had said it.

That December, we celebrated Hannukkah, teaching the kids what Hannakkah was and letting them celebrate it with us. Becca and I had decided that we would teach the children to respect all religions and one day they’d decide which one they preferred, if any, to teach their own children one day. We celebrated both Hannukkah and Christmas each year from that point on. I am sure the kids enjoyed Hannukah more than Christmas as they got one gift each night and a number of gifts the last night. But we felt it important that they make their own decision for themselves, not because we as their parents celebrated them but because they also wanted to.

We decided to go and visit Dan and Willow and little Aurora in mid-October, and were driving down to Wales to visit them, rather than floo with a new baby. Each of the kids were strapped into their seats and Becca and I sat in the front of the people carrier. Laughing and teasing the children as we drove, keeping them occupied while they were awake at least. I sat there about to pass an onramp when I looked over in time to see a car coming right at us and knew right then we were going to be hit. I shouted and in that moment, Becca threw a shield charm up over the kids behind us as I hit the steering wheel the moment we collided. Pain shot through me and I could hear the screams of the kids behind me and saw Becca there fear etched on my face. I could see her bleeding but her first thought as was my own was the kids. She moved to get them and pass them to me as I got each one to safety. She went directly to the other cars, as I sat with the kids holding Emma and Norah with the boys there beside me, not giving into the wave of pain but concentrating on them and worrying about Becca. I knew she was hurt and I wanted to know just how bad but she wouldn’t stay PUT long enough to find out! I rang Dan and then Jordan right as soon as I was able because I knew that the muggles would try to put us in ambulances and take us to A&E and I didn’t want to subject the kids to that with the needles and all. Becca looked worse for wear than I did, I’m sure exhausted from the large charm she’d done to protect the kids from any pain and injury. I ignored my own pain and the soreness that followed wanting to stay alert. The moment she hit the floor, well sat anyway my heart dropped in my chest. Someone came over to check on us and I sent them her way immediately, and of course she told them to leave her. I could see the van from St. Mungo’s weaving in and out of traffic before they pulled up and Jordan jumped out running our way. Becca called me an idiot for not accepting help but well…that wasn’t exactly new, and she was refusing help as well so I wasn’t too concerned. She sat beside me and laid back as her eyes closed and my worry still was on her, even as Jordan looked us over quickly and set off directing people to help and to get the kids all buckled into the people carrier. I watched as he loaded the kids in and stayed with Becca until they had her into the people carrier and got in as well. The kids were really worried and I didn’t blame them. It was going to take some time for all of us to get over being shaken. Hearing her wake asking where she was was the most blessed sound I’d heard. The kids were all asleep on the bed and Jordan had seen to my concussion but we were just waiting for her to wake. We rarely all rode in the same vehicle after that point, we didn’t want to risk another accident and the fear that we’d leave the kids and not be there for them. At least if one of us wasn’t there in the accident if it ever happened again, at least the other could be there to help.

That night after we were all back home again, I had the nightmare I’d feared would happen to us. The accident not helping in the slightest, only encouraging that fear and opening a whole near level of fear, that something might happen to Becca, myself or even the kids. I remember in the dream hitting the steering well and blacking out instantly. I kept being drawn into the darkness, the pain keeping me from fully waking. When I finally came to, the pain was excruciating but my first thoughts weren’t the kids who were crying and screaming but to Becca. I couldn’t hear her let alone see her and the pain of knowing something might seriously be wrong made me beg to see her. I begged the nurse to know how she was, ignoring the pain and wishing Jordan was there. I finally got her to call for Jordan by saying it was a condition Becca had. I saw Jordan appear in the A&E and wanted to cry because I knew by his face it was too late. He went right to Norah and fear shook me as I saw the worry in Jordan’s face. Jordan didn’t have worry, not unless….I held Norah in my arms, brushing her hair with my hand as I fought the tears “Stay with me baby” I whispered tears on my cheeks. Jay was crying out asking for Norah and then she was gone. A sob sounded from me and I shook, two of my girls gone. GONE! The fear was on my face as Jay climbed up with me and I held him tight. Torie had to be okay, he’d been the worst spot in the people carrier and was in the worst condition. I knew that, and I was desperate for him to be okay. I heard Torie’s words of his mummy’s both reaching for him and smiling. I sobbed again as Jay asked for Torie and held onto him tight. Begging for Emma to be okay, I sobbed again. This time being shook awake by Becca, hearing her voice as she called me trying to wake me. I remember sobbing again and wrapping my arms around her tight. She’d had a nightmare which had been so much of the same but having lost only one person, Emma. Our little girl, while she was still pregnant. She knew the pain that I was having, the fear that I had and listened to every word. I’ll never forget that dream, and having lost Norah and Torie both of them dying in my arms in that dream. Holding Jay tight as I cried. The pain so fresh even now. So desperate to hold onto a life that can be snatched from us in just moments.

Over the years I’d learned to appreciate more and more what I had and not dwell on the things I didn’t. We took the four kids to Russia to visit my family’s graves, we took them to Becca’s parent’s grave, and to where they had died in the car accident. We didn’t shield them from death but taught them to respect it. I took the four of them to the place in the Alps where I’d taken Becca and Torie. We all went there as a family and it meant a lot for each of them to learn to appreciate it there as well. I was so proud of the kids as they learned to rock climb as well. It was fun seeing them as they conquered their fears with the climbing. Even Emma seemed to enjoy it. I felt horrible that Becca hadn’t felt that I trusted her to climb the rock with Emma on her back. I felt I had done the right thing then but looking back now I knew I’d likely not do that again.

One day a few months after Emma turned one years old I had just gone to see Tar and I was suddenly stunned and apparated out. It was Becca’s birthday and we were to meet for a nice birthday dinner just the two of us. When I came to I found myself in this secluded room and was hanging from the ceiling by my wrists when I opened my eyes. I was hit repeatedly over and over, and tortured to the point of nearly crying out during that time. I tried to get my arms in a better position so I wouldn’t be putting all the pressure on them, but it was hopeless. I’d had torture training done none other than by Becca but even that hadn’t prepared me for what happened there in that room. They started using the kids screams against me and even Becca’s screams. It ripped at my heart the more I heard but I knew that I couldn’t give in or I’d never forgive myself. They wanted to know where Dan was and there was no way that I’d ever give that away. I would protect him with my life if need be, and the torture was bad but I still wasn’t giving in to it which angered them even more. I heard noises outside the room and knew that something was happening but even then I refused to give in. If Becca was out there she was in danger, if it were more people there to torture or hurt me, I wouldn’t let them get to me no matter what they did. I’d been trained to be an auror and I was very well going to do as I was trained to do. I heard gun shots which rang in my ears, terrifying me that Becca might be shot. She was an excellent marksman but I knew even with a wand some things happened you never wished upon anyone. My own getting shot was proof enough of that. I waited, fear gripping me until the moment Becca appeared in the room. I don’t know how she did it, I knew she was strong but she got me down from that rope and apparated me to St. Mungo’s where my wounds and injuries were cared for before going home. Those hours, YES hours, were the longest hours of my life. Fear and pain from what they’d done and what I’d heard. I’d give anything to protect any of my family, for they’re all I have left. And I can still even now, hear those screams of pain from the kids and Becca, even little Emma from those recordings, fake as they were.

Auror training as a young adult around the age of 18-19 probably wouldn’t be all that bad. But getting trained in as an auror at the age of 30 is something else. All these young kids becoming aurors and me having to train in with them was a bit embarrassing. I had a lot of experience under my belt in some aspects but in others, oh dear lord I’d prefer not to have to go through again. I’m thankful now as a full-fledged auror that I can sit back and watch the new trainees and even train some of them, but I doubt I’d ever be able to pass some of those tests again. I sometimes wonder how I actually passed them. I enjoyed the trainings, especially Becca and mine down in our basement. Though I’d prefer not to have so many injuries, nor watch Becca slice open her leg with the sword. I have to say she’s become an amazing swordsman though, she’s come a long way and I’m proud of what she has become!

The one fear that I’ve had in my life is heights, it’s always been my downfall and I don’t see that fear ever being conquered. It’s weird though because I can do rock climbing, fly in aeroplanes and so much more, but when it comes to heights by themselves I tense and clam up. Becca swore that she was going to take me skydiving and it was the one thing that I desperately prayed she’d never do. It seemed to amuse her about my fear, that I could do some things and not others. One day she pretty much escorted me right to the small airport and set me in front of the instructor who was showing us the equipment and explaining what we were going to do. All I could think of during that was that I wasn’t going to jump. There was no way in hell. We got the equipment on, me very VERY reluctantly but not being given a choice by Becca, it was do it or I was going out of the plane without it. I swallowed still staring at her but put the equipment on. Letting her lead me to the plane, still hoping she wasn’t going to force me to do this. Soon we were up in the air and were being given further instructions. The moment was there and my throat ached painfully that Becca was still so adamant on this, still forcing me to do something like this. I’d never made her do anything that terrified her. Maybe because she’d never had a fear, though flying wasn’t high on her list, I’d never forced her to get aboard a plane. She’d done that on her own. I stood there wanting to cry, my face white as a sheet I am sure. But still I let the instructor strap me to him my eyes on the floor unable to even look at her. I knew if I did I’d just cry and I wouldn’t do that. I finally looked at her and I know my eyes showed hurt when she looked apologetically at the instructor. I remember whispering ‘I love you’ to her, knowing I had to or I’d regret it if something happened to either of us.

The instructor and I jumped from the plane and I didn’t open my eyes even once. I could heard Becca in the distance shout happily and even hear her encouraging me to open my eyes but I just couldn’t. My heart was racing painfully in my chest and fear gripped me. I even shook my head at the instructor as he tried to get me to look at things as well. I hated that free falling. It wasn’t a good feeling and it scared the heck out of me. I did finally open my eyes when it was time to land because I wasn’t going to be the one to cause us to fall upon landing. As soon as the ropes were unhooked I looked up just in time for Becca to land and jump on me, kissing me hard and he kissed her back though my heart was really heavy and hurting a lot now. I wanted to cry and go curl up in the corner both at the same time. I knew she’d enjoyed herself and was thrilled but I just wasn’t able to even speak. Even with the encouragement of her saying how well I had done. It took a while before I even trusted my voice to speak. It hurt me immensely that she would force such a thing on me and I didn’t know if I could even forgive her right that moment. She knew something was wrong and it was hard to look at her without looking hurt. I needed time and I even wondered if I needed some space. But I wasn’t going to say that to her, none of the hurt I was feeling was I going to say. She’d meant well, forcing me to do something that could easily mean life or death to me as an auror. But it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt like hell that she’d made me do it without letting me overcome it on my own and in my own time. She said that I had agreed to doing it, and I sure as hell didn’t agree. She hadn’t given me a choice whether I wanted to do it or not. She’d done everything but push me out of the plane, but again I didn’t argue with her just shut my mouth and nodded. She kept apologizing and I know she was waiting for me to say ‘it was okay’ but it wasn’t. At least right then it wasn’t. I couldn’t forgive her and that in itself hurt more than what she had forced me to do. I saw the tears in her eyes and wished I could say it was okay. But I couldn’t lie to her either. I couldn’t fully forgive her right then and I know it hurt her a lot. It was the first time she’d really ever hurt me like that, I know I’d done stupid things that had hurt her. But never had she hurt me so emotionally as she had that day.

I thought about it throughout the time that she was upset and finally decided I was going back up. I didn’t want to. No way did I ever want to go back up into the air let alone jump out the plane once again, but I would for her. And I’d damn well do it again and again til I could jump out of it myself. She had done it for me, making me conquer my fear and all I’d done? Was act like a stupid child and make her upset because I didn’t want to go in the air and jump from a plane. I was an auror! I should be able to jump from a plane or any other thing without question! I finally went to her and said I’ll be back in a few hours and that brought on a whole new level of her being upset. I would have thought she’d be relieved honestly, to know that I wanted to make it that I could do this. But no, it made her more upset and she begged for me not to go. I held her as she whispered that it was not okay, when I finally realized that it was. She didn’t feel it was, she had realized what she had done was wrong and though now I felt even more like crying I held her stroking her hair and wishing that it could be different. I loved her more than life itself and she had been there for me and I for her, through so much. And now I sat there holding her promising her that it was okay.

The time together was the best that I’d had in my life, and I’d been to hell and back it seemed since my dad died when I was young. But Becca and the kids had taught me something over the years, and in the years to come, which I hope are many more than I can count. I don’t want to look to a day that I won’t be with them any longer, whether it’s because I died, or Becca did or something happened to one of the kids. I watched as Emma took her first steps, and said her first words. Those things will never be able to happen a second time. Nor will I be able to see Jay and Torie off to Hogwarts for the first time more than once. Or even see Norah fly on a broomstick for the first time and go fast and thoroughly enjoy it. Each one of those things I have seen or will see in the next year or two and each one is a treasured moment. One I never want to forget. Just as with the first kiss with Becca. Yes I got punched in the face and told it was an experiment, but just the same I wouldn’t ever change a single thing about it. She’s my world and nothing can take that from me.

Over the years since the accident so much had happened both good and bad. But the best part was meeting Becca and our lives wrapping around one another’s. We brought together 3 separate families; mine, Becca’s, and Torie’s and combined them all into one family and adding Emma to it as well. I can’t say the life has been completely fantastic but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. I wouldn’t give up a single one of them for they’re all a part of me and I would give my life for each one of them. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I know where I want to be.