 ♣ Heejin here | Did somebody say coffee & cakes? | cat lover ♣
There is tension and it is filling up the air.
Jonathan's just getting sick and tired of looking at Lewis as he tried to make things worse. He accepted the fact he was gone in the first place. However, he didn't know how 6 months can turn from lovely to dreadful. Did he expect himself to be gone? No, but he expected nothing like this would ever happen. Kurumi is a different story, Jonathan trusted her but she showed him otherwise. They were badly hurt enough the last time they talked. So that's why she doesn't want her included here. No amount of hatred can cause this when Lewis just kept his lips to himself, because when you look at all of this, the first fault was at the time when he kissed her. That's where he is to blame. That is where he needed to realize that it IS his fault in the first place.
So he can stop blaming anyone for his own mistake. He should start owning up to it. He was guilty, yes, Jonathan can see that. He's been stuttering the whole time. And yet at the same time, he's denying to see that he was at fault. If he thinks like that, well then, he doesn't deserve her.
Jonathan's fist fell on his side when Lewis spoke. She needed you. that repeated on his head a hundred times in a row. He knew that and Jonathan accepts that it was wrong of him not to write her any letter at all. This is why he also decided to accept her break-up. He also blames himself for not writing to her. Slowly his other hand, the one that was on his collar, loosened and hanged on his side as well. Jonathan didn't looked at Lewis, he faced the corridor, hearing those words broke him. His heart beat raised as he swallowed the big lump on his throat.
Blink. Blink.
Jonathan glanced over to Lewis as he continued talking. I'm just-??? You're just what? Lewis was just what? Was he always like this? Can't finish his own sentences? Then instead of punching him in the face, Jonathan just pushed him hard. He could feel the amount of energy he gave with that push. "You were just what?" He repeated his words "... Selfish?" Jonathan's voice raised this time. His right hand back into a fist again. "Do you know how much damage you have caused, not only to her...... but to me?" his voice raised even higher on that last part.
He gets it. He was gone for half the term and she needed her. A hug could have been okay but... but... His heart is hurting. He looked away from Lewis as he closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. Jonathan, once again, is broken.
__________________  |