 Mod Babysitter | be curious, not judgmental
Max didn't make eye contact, not once through anything she said to him. He could feel her disappointment and anger pouring over him with every syllable. He wanted nothing more than to feed himself to the inhabitants of the Forbidden Forest. He deserved that, didn't he? No one should upset Ellie the way he was. Ever.
...Even in his attempt at freeing himself from worries over what others thought of him, he couldn't stop worrying. But he acknowledged it. He was thinking about Ellie and how Ellie was feeling again. He didn't think he could ever conquer that way of thinking.
"I just thought... maybe I'd figure myself out this way. I'd learn not to care so much about what everyone thinks of me by severing the tie to the one thing that made me most self-conscious." Maybe he was running from his problems that way. Or was he truly facing them head-on? He didn't know. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to figure things out.
"Sometimes," he said finally, pulling his hands away from his eyes, "I think you need to make sure you're okay before you can take care of anyone else." The sick can't efficiently heal the sick. Max knew he pushed himself too far, too hard. With how worn out he was over everything over the past term, he just couldn't cope. He had to make a change somewhere.
Unfortunately, he might have lost his best - and what often seemed like only - friend in the process.
"I'm really sorry, Ellie. I never, ever wanted to hurt you. That's the one thing I've always tried to avoid." And it's the thing he so blatantly did. He did feel selfish. But... there were more important things than Quidditch, weren't there? He certainly wasn't going to ask Ellie that.
...But maybe he should. He wondered if anyone had ever asked her such a preposterous thing. Well, if he was already in the process of ruining their friendship(and his life), why not go ahead and ask her something she would likely find insulting rather than reflective, the way he meant it?
"Shouldn't there be things that are more important than Quidditch, Ellie?" One's health, mental stability, and taking care of harvesting the beautiful things that made life worth living?
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