SPOILER!!: words can't even describe how sad this all made me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hjhm 
They say 'two wrongs can never make a right'. Before, Jonathan thought that that saying was just something the adults would tell their kids so that they'd behave properly next time. However, he just realized right now, at this moment that yes indeed that saying is powerful. He just felt petrified, his knees were getting weaker by the minute and his throat just feels like it has a lump, it wasn't going down no matter how much he tried to swallow it.
And that, those words... those heavy words that he said to her back when he thought everything was okay, was still there... he still meant it, but he could no longer say it. No more...
The silence was beginning to deafen him and as much as he doesn't like it, he hates them both talking because through it, it was either, she gets hurt or him gets crushed. Right now, there was nothing else to do but to give themselves both a break. She's crying and he's mad, so what's really there to continue. She knew what she was doing and he knew that this is just bad. Normally, Jonathan would react to this in a manner that Kurumi wouldn't like to see... but he couldn't It was best if she wouldn't see it.
Jonathan looked at her for awhile and this time not to observe her... nothing. He just stood there, looking at her not reacting at all. It felt like he was already tired from reacting any longer because he'll just end up destroying more of what's left............ what is really left?
There are so many things left unsaid, however he already feels like they both did say everything. Whatever she was still hiding she can already keep it to herself. Whatever relationship she has going on with the Lewis guy, it was hers to keep. Now, she can just pretend that Jonathan was just someone she knew and left during her Hogwarts days... that's more relieving than trying to work this thing out, right?
Jonathan heard her say his name but his eyes still wandered across the view, the trees, the grass, the stones on the gravel. He didn't want to hear it anymore. He shut his eyes, trying to act like a 5 year old version of himself everytime he didn't want to listen. No more. STOP!
STOP!!!!
How badly he wanted to shout that out... When she finished her sentence, Jonathan's hand moved over to his cheeks to wipe what was something he never wants to see. He just wants to just go away and stop this from continuing any longer. He wanted to sleep.... no, he wanted to eat.... no, he wanted to... WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? He couldn't even make up his own mind over something so simple.
Jonathan didn't want to leave because he knew that when he stands up and walk over to Merlin knows where, this... everything will be final and what he said earlier about not speaking to her again will put into place. This is why he didn't want to leave just yet........
Suddenly she said it again, doesn't she know that it hurts him everytime she says it. I'm not the right one. It's painful to the ears. It feels like someone cuts through your flesh and stayed it like that. We can't...do this...anymore.
That was it right? His cue. She finally made her decision after all this time and he was just too hard headed to believe it. He thought that maybe somewhere in between, she would have just change her mind. But no, she never did. Jonathan stood up and put his hat back on. He stared down at her as she was hugging her own self. "You know what..." he said in a low tone. He can feel the wind, moving the trees and the grass in a swaying motion "... for all this is worth. I hope Lewis takes good care of you" that's it. Right there, he just wanted to cry. It was not about him trying to be selfish anymore and it's no longer about pride. Heck, he just gave his most pathetic blessing ever.
His feet started to walk toward to anywhere. Maybe he could go back to the common room, Ash still hasn't eat. He could feed Coal something to eat at the Owlery. Or he could clean the whole dorm room instead. Whatever it is that he wanted to do.
He turned his back on her, knowing that this is all over. She knows it, he knows it. But before leaving just yet, he stopped and moved his head sideways. Only the corner of his eyes can see her on the ground, taking a large deep breath and letting it out, he finally said "... Goodbye."
Goodbye... forever.
The moment those last words had left her lips Kurumi had curled even more into a ball on the ground. Those words...were they really going to be the last ones she ever said to him? It couldn't be true? Could it?
Looking up at him again, seeing him still close enough to her that she could reach out and touch him, made her heart race and the tears to fall even more. And then there were tears in his eyes. Tears that he quickly removed again like he had done earlier...but they had still been there. Kurumi remembered a conversation they had had before about crying, how he had playfully teased her about how often she did and that it was one of the things that made her beautiful. He admitted then to never having cried in front of anyone before.
And now he had.
Kurumi sucked on her bottom lip fiercely again, almost thriving in the pain it caused because it provided her from a distraction from the pain in her heart. Or what was left of it.
Kurumi knew that people were going to get hurt, were already hurt, and she knew from the start who was going to get hurt the most...and it was the boy crouching in front of her. She opened her mouth to say his name again...just saying it was enough to convince herself for a brief instant that this wasn't happening. That this was just some nightmare that she was going to one day wake up from. But that was selfish. That wasn't being honest and that was all she could ever be with Jonathan, honest.
When he spoke, saying he hoped Lewis would take care of her, the lump in her throat was so overpowering that she gasped and froze in place. Her eyes were locked on his. She hadn't said that. That it was either one over the other. It was her telling him that he deserved better. Deserved someone who wouldn't do this to him. Someone who would care for him more than she was capable of. Someone who he could trust and trust him. In the end she could say nothing...and instead just watched him as he began to walk away.
Away.
Before she could stop herself, Kurumi cruelly reached out for him, managing to find his hand with her own, but he was moving too swiftly for her to be able to hold on. Her strength completely gone. Her fingers felt as though they were on fire with this last desperate effort for physical contact and only intensified with his final words to her.
Goodbye.
Kurumi's eyes widened and her heart pounded in her chest. That wasn't just any goodbye. Kurumi knew that tone in his voice and she felt the entire world collapse around her. She felt dizzy and her vision blurred save one thing: Jonathan's final glimpse towards her and his frame turning away. Away from her. Away from everything.
"
...Jonathan....Jonathan....JONATHAN!"
Kurumi's entire body was shaking again, her eyes never leaving his figure even after it was out of sight. She tried to will her body to run after him. To chase him. Catch him somehow and try to...do what she didn't know. But in the end all she could do was stay on the ground off to the side and hidden from view where no one could see her. No one could see her broken body as she lay there crying.
"
....I'm sorry.....Jonathan..."