She could take a seat. And Ellie took that pause before he dove into his explanation as him waiting for her to do so. So…she glanced at the seat beside Treyen and…sat on the floor. Right where she was. But she didn’t dare take her eyes off him. Any moment he would explode, right?

Not quite. But the girl sat and listened. She had absolutely no plans to interrupt. Not even if he asked a question or paused or expected her to. She was going to wait until she was fully confident he wanted her opinion to speak. Treyen should probably take his time, it didn’t seem like her voice wanted to work at the moment.

Yes, he helped his friends. That was all very good. And she knew that. Had she not sought him, time and time again, when she was upset? His utter kindness and uncanny ability to make you feel better, even if it wasn’t with his words, was just some of the many things Ellie loved about him.

And no kidding it wasn’t easy to accept. She couldn’t even process the thought fully. She knew she had NO idea what Kurumi was going through. And she knew that, had she known that, her behavior would have been much different. Actually, her behavior should have been anything but what it was, regardless of what she did or did not know. She knew that much. She’d only reacted without thinking, and her thoughts came way too late. How stupidly Gryffindor of her.

Ellie wasn’t sure what she saw, either. Not anymore. It all seemed very muddled. But the ‘wanted’ caught her ear’s attention. Perhaps more than it should have. Should she be worried by that? The past tense? Drawing from experience with Treyen, they were quite particular about tenses. He knew she was particular about tenses. But was it just a simple slip of the tongue? The Ravenclaw dropped her gaze to her lap, where she found her hands were playing with the hem of her robes, without her knowledge.

Treyen sighed. Ellie flinched.

That….that….might not be true. She was very close to verbally disagreeing as soon as that sentence was out of his mouth. Besides the fact that she didn’t want to place any blame on him ever, Ellie was quite certain that regardless of what happened in the past, she’d still be as afraid as ever of losing him, and perhaps no matter what, she’d have acted the exact same way. Though the fact that she’d seen Treyen with Kurumi might have added fuel to the fire. But she stood by her initial agreement with herself; she wasn’t going to interrupt.

‘Because then we wouldn’t be in this situation.’ This awkward situation, right, Treyen? That was what he meant? The fact that she felt she couldn’t face him? That he was going to reprimand her and it would hurt worse than any scolding in her life.

Come to think of it, where was the reprimanding?

Her blue eyes shot back up at him. THAT of all things wasn’t true. She trusted him. She knew that from the sense of betrayal she had felt earlier in the day. The lip biting ceased because her mouth was now hanging open slightly, and she was shaking her head. Not in an over-exaggerated manner, but in one that suggested she was shaking her head more for her sake than his. Yet it was entirely for his sake. Because he was WRONG. Ellie unfolded her legs and rocked to her knees, wanting to shuffle up to him and comfort him and take his hand. But again, she wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted. And she didn’t want to do anything Treyen didn’t want her to do.

Her own tears were falling. Partially from his words and partially from the restrained feeling she had. Did he SEE her head shake? She DID trust him! He needed to stop saying otherwise. He needed to believe her.

The worst part? Yeah, she broke that ‘no interruptions’ policy right there. ”NO!” If Ellie had ever shouted unnecessarily in her life, it was then. She shuffled on her knees toward him and folded her arms on his lap. ”I’m terrified of being hurt again. But something so much more than that at the thought of losing you.” She hoped to Merlin that Treyen didn’t take that in any way that would be WRONG. Sniff.

She’d meant to continue, but he was speaking and she thought it was probably most wise to shut up again.

He was speaking about Kurumi. After he’d said something like that? Sorry, but she didn’t want to talk about Kurumi right now. But Ellie knew that Kurumi was a very important subject in this conversation. So she abandoned her kneeling position and fell back into the crossed legs one from before. Consequently, she Treyen now had his personal space back. ”I know.” Kurumi deserved nothing but…helpful people at this time. And Ellie had been anything but helpful. She was SUCH a TERRIBLE, AWFUL person.

Ouch. Not only was Ellie sniffling and crying, but coughs were added into the mix, as if she really was going to be physically sick. And…well she didn’t even know why. Was she jumping to conclusions after hearing that? Did it matter? Were those conclusions right? Was what she thought about the past tensed ‘wanted’ Treyen had spoken earlier, correct?

Once the hacking subsided, which didn’t take too long, as every cough caused a pounding in her head and she’d very much like it to stop, she was able to control it. Ellie hugged herself and looked at her lap, breathing heavily, as she waited for him to continue.

He didn’t. She must be on the right track with her conclusions.

When he didn’t, she took the opportunity to speak up. ”I do trust you, Treyen,” she looked up at him. ”You said you loved me?” Was that still true? ”And I think you’re mad for it. And I’m so afraid that you’re going to realize how much better you can do.” Better than her. Sniff. ”And I saw you, there with Kurumi, in such close proximity, and I thought…you finally had. You’d come to your senses. Moved onto someone…nicer, smarter, more agreeable.” Because basically, Kurumi was all around better than Ellie was.

”You’ve no idea how much you mean to me. And the fact that you can have anyone, that I can lose you,” because, yes, she would be incredibly upset to ever lose him. She was upset to be losing him now, ”to anyone…” Ellie paused a minute to sniffle some more. ”I was….inexcusably rude and mean,” Whatever he had said she was. ”But I…” Now was NOT the time for her to be unable to explain herself. ”I got upset….I thought I was losing you…”

If this was him breaking up with her….could he SEE how upset she was?