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Old 07-29-2011, 03:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
Connie
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Janet Lynn Gordon
Fifth Year
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Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions

Hello friends, and thank you for reading. I hope everyone will grow to love this story as much as I love it. My chapters are usually pretty long, and there are 23 of them. With this in mind, I plan to post a new chapter every Friday. Next weeks chapter title is, "Ginny's Harsh Confession." I welcome and look forward to every comment. Thank you again.

Chapter 1

Memories To Pass The Time

Movement from the yard of the Burrow caught Harry’s attention and a smile softened his chiseled face. He was watching Mrs. Weasley scattering kernels of corn. “’Ere chick … chick, chick, chick,” she sang out happily as the hens and rooster came for their evening feed. Harry dearly loved her. She always loved and treated him as her own son. He hoped she knew how much he loved her, as he never outright told her.

He thought back to the last time he spoke to her, which happened to be at that very place and time, feeding the chickens four years earlier. He thought of her frustration, as she flung the feed harshly to the ground. She’d been talking to herself the whole while, as she hurried through the evening chores.

She hadn’t noticed Harry because her back was to him, and she was ever so preoccupied with her rant to hear him coming. Her wand was stuck in the waistband of her apron, and a pair of scissors was dangling precariously from its pocket. “…and always off doing who knows what with nary a care in the world! As if the house and all takes care of itself! Why is it he has to go get Hermione and bring her here when she is perfectly capable of getting here on her own like she’s always done before?”

She threw another handful of feed to the ground startling the fowl at the change of manner in their feeding ritual. “...And Ginny moping about these weeks, … crying about Harry being so quiet, unsettled, and confused. Well … these few days she’s been at Muriel’s will turn her about. Huh! She’ll come home tonight and heaven help me she better have a different face and attitude about her or…”

She stopped with a handful of corn she was about to launch to the ground. She too was worried and voiced her thoughts. “Harry? Where are you dear boy? What troubles you so?”

“Mrs. Weasley?”

“Oh!” Startled she turned and put her hands to her chest, and the corn went down the front of her bosom.

Harry saw the situation and quickly turned away from her, and looked to the sky. “It sure is a beautiful evening.” He remarked, giving her time to clean the corn from under her dress.

“Harry dear, what you must think of me!” She exclaimed modestly, as she wiped her face and hands on her apron. “Since you, Hermione and Ginny were all going to be here tonight, I wanted to come out and cut some flowers for the table. However, when I got out here, I found, RONALD, hadn’t fed the chickens like I asked, and so now I have to do it.” She choked on her words as tears threatened to fall. I wanted everything to be…”

“Mrs. Weasley?” Harry put his hand on her shoulder. “Please, Mrs. Weasley, don’t be upset. It’s my fault; I’m sorry. I sent word to Ron and asked him to get Hermione. He said he would after he fed the chickens, but I told him I would come early and do it for him. Let me help you. It looks as if the chickens have enough to last them until next week sometime.” He smiled trying to lift her mood. “I’d like to gather the flowers for you if I may?” He held out his hand and the scissors flew to it.

“Oh my, Harry. Your magic has greatly improved. I hadn’t realized. I guess this past year has been…”

“Are these ones good?” He interrupted her, and steered away from talking about his magical abilities. He had been wondering about this, but Mrs. Weasley wasn’t the one he wanted to talk to about it.

“Yes, dear, those will do nicely. I’m sure you know those are Ginny’s favorites?” She answered with that smile that endeared her to him. She noticed that he avoided her statement about his magic. Molly hesitated, as she watched Harry gather more flowers, and then asked as boldly as she could, “Are you okay, Harry? I have never seen you look so terrible. Those scratches and cuts on your face and arms are fresh and you‘re so terribly thin, and…”

Harry looked around; he had wanted to speak with her and Mr. Weasley together. However, this was not to be, Mr. Weasley must have been delayed at the Ministry. Smiling insipidly, Harry offered her the crook of his arm, and asked if they could go inside and talk.

“Mrs. Weasley…” he started trying to be bolder than he was feeling with the subject he was about to expose. “I want to marry Ginny…”

Mrs. Weasley nervously folded and unfolded her hands. Then she took the flowers from Harry and put them in a vase, positioning them in a non-specific arrangement. Worrisome thoughts were racing through her mind. She was wishing Arthur would walk in the door, and be the one to have to break Harry‘s heart.

“Harry,” she began apologetically. “I’m sorry dear, but you are both still so young and you’ve been through so much and all. Ginny still has to make up this past year of school… and then she has to continue on to her last year at Hogwarts… and you still have…”

“Mrs. Weasley” Harry cut in sharply but not rudely. “Please, let me finish. I do want to marry Ginny, but I’m afraid.” He looked at her and saw her eyes melt with his struggle. “I’m afraid; I don’t know who I am, or what’s to become of me, or what’s expected of me.” He tried to swallow and found it hard, due to the lump that was forming and constricting his throat and making it difficult to go on.

Finally, he was able to swallow hard and take in a shaky cleansing breath, that allowed him to continue with the subject that was making his life miserable.

“Ever since the war, people have been patting me on the back, thanking me; they say they need me. More than a few have asked me to marry their daughters. Loads of people have asked me to become Minister of Magic, and others, have asked me to become Headmaster of Hogwarts. I don’t have any desire to be any one of those things, and I’m sure I am not qualified, even if I did want them. The point is,” tears welled up in Harry’s eyes and spilled down his young face. “I grew up hated, abused and tortured by the Dursley’s. When I met Ron and became friends with him and then your family, I felt like I finally had a life. But, things kept happening, singling me out, and I began to think otherwise. I wondered if maybe I wasn’t meant to have a family, or friends to love me. Each year, things progressively happened that showed me I was right.

As it turned out, my life was already planned. I was to become a machine of doom, to give up my life, kill Voldemort, and all that stuff. Well now that I finished doing what was planned for and lived through it, all that hatred that drove me is gone. Now, I feel empty because I didn‘t know anything else but hatred. There isn’t anything inside me, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

The whole time I was gone, I wanted only to live through everything; so, I could come back and marry Ginny. I told myself that’s what I’d do. So, why didn’t I? The day it was over; why didn’t I ask her to marry me? Why have I waited to get what I so desperately want? Then I figured it out. I don’t know how to be compassionate. I know I have love in my heart, but I don‘t think I can have a commitment without compassion.

You see I enjoy kissing and cuddling. It makes me feel loved, and part of a good thing, but, I’m only thinking of myself. I don’t want to marry Ginny without knowing who I am, or what my purpose in life is. I’m not fit for her right now. How would it be for Ginny to come home from the grocery store all distraught, because she had a hard time with the baby screaming throughout the store? Then, when she finally is done and she’s at the register to pay, she can’t because, she left her wallet in her other purse or something and she came home in tears. She would need me to be understanding and compassionate to her, but I don’t know how. What if I just told her to buck up and go fix supper; so it’d take her mind off of her problems?”

“Harry, you’re worrying over something you don’t have to worry about. You aren’t like that. You wouldn’t do anything like that to Ginny.” She took a firm hold on both of his arms and talked as earnestly as she could. It was heart breaking to see him struggle so hard and hurt so deeply.

She cupped his tearful face and reiterated, “I know you Dear; you aren’t like that.” She enfolded him in her arms and held him tightly. His body shook with convulsions, as he unburdened his soul with tears that had been dammed up and held so much inside of him.

He stopped crying and hugged her, then pulled away from her. “You see, you just proved my point. You said you know me, that I wouldn’t do that. I don’t know that I would or wouldn’t. When Ron left Hermione and me for those weeks… months… I don’t remember right now; but anyway, Hermione was devastated. She cried her heart out, but I couldn’t comfort her. I wanted to… She needed me, and I couldn’t help her. I didn’t know how. Honestly, all I could think of was how hurt and angry I was that Ron had left, and I felt hollow.

I couldn’t comfort anyone when the war was going on. … When we lost Fred, Remus, Tonks, and all the others, I didn’t have a clue what to do to comfort anyone. Yeah, I had something on my mind, and I had this thing I had to do, but why couldn’t I take even a minute to show how sorry and hurt I was for those losses. I was alone with my own inability to share the pain I felt to be able to comfort anyone. I was going to die without anyone knowing how sorry I was. I need to be like Mr. Weasley. He is the best example of what I‘m trying to tell you. Everything he is, I‘m not, but I want to be.” He looked away from her at the road leading into the Burrow.

“So, this is why I wanted to see everyone tonight. They’ll all be here soon. I am leaving for a while to find out who I am, and how I can become a compassionate and loving man. I want to contribute to society, without killing being a prerequisite. When I come back, I am going to ask for your blessings. Then, I can ask Ginny to marry me if she’ll have me.

I can’t possibly go through all of this again with everyone; so, I’m going to say good-bye to everyone, and then I'm going to talk to Ginny alone. I won’t be back until I get my answers and the results I‘m looking for.

Please don’t let Ron and Hermione try to follow me. Make them get on with their lives… and Mrs. Weasley? I don’t want to worry you. I mean I’m sure I’ll be fine, but … well… in case, I don’t get to come back, for whatever reason… well… er… I just want to say that you and Mr. Weasley are fine people. I have always looked up to Mr. Weasley and hoped one day to be like him as far as character, love and devotion to you guys, and towards Muggles. He is an asset to the mortality of the world, and you are… well, I’ve always been a bit envious of Ron for having you as a mom, and getting to live here at the Burrow. You guy’s are the greatest.”

He kissed her cheek and left swiftly.



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