SPOILER!!: Connor <3
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Deatheater 2251 
Connor saw the fluttering ribbon that was caught on his robes. He got it and placed it in his pocket. He glanced up but noticed that she was looking away. He reached up to run his fingers through her hair just once. It was as soft and silky as he had imagined.
He reached inside his shirt where he kept the charm she had given him close to his heart and pulled it out, twisting it through his fingers as he did when he was alone. "I know about being different Kurumi. I've been this..this thing all of my life." He sighed, then continued. "I'm not a human being and I'm not a veela, I'm a monster and when I get angry I don't like what I become. There are things the veela does to me that I can't control and very literally I become a beast." He turned his head away so she couldn't see his tears as he spoke. "Do you ever wonder why I wear makeup all the time? it's because I can't bear to see my face. It reminds me of the first time I ever got mad enough to transform."
He looked down at his hands and saw the claws they became. "I was a second year at Drumstrang and some of my roommates were not very nice. My fear of fire came out somehow and I woke with three of my roommates standing around my bed. One of them had a muggle lighter and set my bedcurtians on fire. I yelled and screamed and cursed them and tried to put the fire out when one of them laughed at me and I got so mad that I turned into this..this thing. I opened my mouth to speak and instead of words it was more like the caw of a crow." He shuddered at the memory. "I jumped at the guy and I hate to think what I would have done if Luke, Dani's brother, had not pulled me off of the other boy. Luke had me by the arms and pinned me to the nearest chair until I calmed down, but before I did I looked at the full length mirror near the chair and I saw the face of the monster I became." He shuddered. "I wear the makeup so I will never have to see that face again." he didn't care if it made no sense. It helped him. "you say you've never seen what you can do, who you are. I'm afraid of what I am and what I can do." he whispered.
He looked into her eyes. "You say I deserve more than to be the one to turn to to help you forget. The thing is that I want you to." He sighed. "Not so much because I want to make you forget him Kurumi. I don't, I meant what I said earlier. It's because you are the only grirl ever to see the thing that I am and love me anyway. I don't ever want to loose that." He turned to her with tears falling down his pale cheeks creating tracks of tears and black eyeliner. "You said you came to a decision after reading the letter, what decision sweetheart? He asked softly as he reached into his pocket for his green handkerchief and wiped his eyes, removing the makeup.
"I don't want to remove myself from us Kurumi. I want us to have a chance. "
Kurumi tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear and bit her lower lip as she listened to Connor talk about being part Veela. Why did it always seem like those she grew closest to were struggling with the same thing: being different. Selina had her visions that hung over her like a dark rain cloud, Connor with the very blood flowing in his veins, and herself with her metamorphagus abilities. Lexi had taken her aside, talked to her about not being afraid of her abilities and to embrace them rather than run from them. She had only recently begun to take that to heart and, as a result, had found that she was better able to control them.
"
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely," she said quietly looking back into his eyes. "
Connor, I used to hate what I was too. When I learned that I was a witch and could speak openly with my father about it, I asked him why I had been cursed with metamorphagus abilities and not my brothers. We don't get to pick our blood, but we can decide what we do with it." She paused for a moment and looked around at the ground. Where had her ribbon gone? Oh well, that wasn't important at the moment. "
I hate it when I change, transform, and I can't always control it. It frightens me, but you can't stop denying that part of yourself. It hinders you from greatness. It prevents you from becoming more." Lexi would be proud of her for this little pep talk she was giving. Kurumi too had finally begun to realize that she had been looking at herself as if the her with the ability and the her without the ability were two different people, and one needed to be shut away. Truth of the matter was that they were both the same person and THAT made up her.
She shook her head as Connor continued. "
Y-You don't get it," Kurumi said sadly. "
I think I like you, but I think I may like you because I feel that I need to fill the gap left by him leaving. It...it wouldn't be real...it would be me holding onto an idea," she flicked her gaze back up at him. "
You are so much more than an idea, Connor. Don't say you want me to turn you into something that you are not. Don't you dare say that you would rather have me use you to dull pain instead of giving me time to grieve, find my footing, and then find you as a person, a man, and not as an idea that I want to hold on to." She wanted to add to not talk about love, seeing as she didn't even know where to begin with understanding it, but she hoped that that was at least hinted at in what she had just said.
"
This is what I decided," she said in a low whispered as she removed the silver chain that hung around her neck and held it in her hands. "
I'm taking it off, putting it away....looking forward." She looked at the ring and could almost hear Adam's voice calling her name, so she shut her eyes to hide the pain before it was reflected in her gaze. It took her six months, a letter a week from her, and one in return to finally figure out that she needed to let go of the school girl ideal she had been holding onto and take a small baby step forward.