Office of Professor Schmoe If one were to walk a few paces to the right of the class bulletin board, they'd find a completely repurposed broom closet which now serves as home to Professor Schmoe's Office. Once you've been welcomed in, you'll notice two things. First, the ceiling. It is LOW, you may need to watch your head. So, y'know, it may be wise to duck. Second, the |
Well. Well. Well. After class ended, and she had a chance to eat a cookie so she'd be in a slightly better mood, Bernadette approached the Muggle Studies professor's ....er, office door. Honestly, it just looked a bit like a random broom closet, but who was she to judge how the French stored their Muggle "Studies" Professors. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. She stood back from knocking loudly on the door and WAITED, arms crossed, for this MAN to ANSWER. |
déjà vu, anyone? Quote:
It was in this chaos when he heard the knock, knock, knock on the door and lifted his head, promptly letting go of his hold on the catalogues and causing a huge avalanche of ikea magazines off his desk. "Errrrrrrr, come in," he called out with some hesitance. If this was the Beauxbatons Headmistress, he was really screwed. |
One can only HOPE Quote:
"Interesting place you have here," Bernie announced somewhat stiffly, pretending to be snobbish and posh as she entered into the closet space and was almost immediately forced to take a seat on a folding chair. She frowned at the chair, as it faintly reminded her of a cheap Muggle festival or wedding, but sat anyway and pulled out her spiral-bound notebook. Yes yes, she too had Muggle relics amongst her things. She hadn't learned how to charm a quill yet and was faster at writing with Muggle pencils than quill and parchment. And this activity DEFINITELY required speed and deftness. So here she was, prepared to interview the professor about his qualifications. "Can I ask you a few questions," the first-year stated rather than asked, staring down the professor with the same suspicious intensity she had applied in class. She had worn her fake glasses today and her cleanest, most new-looking school uniform sweater, tie, and skirt. "My name is Bernadette O. Grantham, and I am a Muggle expert. I need to verify your qualifications for teaching my peers and myself." And that was ALL the explanation he was going to GET. |
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Her comment elicited a strange sort of uncomfortable Schmoe-branded laugh. "Ha, ha, ha," just like that, but six times. "Yes." He blinked a few times, knowing very well that he ought to keep his comments on the matter neutral. Wouldn't want to give the Headmistress ANOTHER reason to hate every single thing about him! Surprisingly? (Or maybe unsurprisingly)? (Yeah, unsurprisingly). UNSURPRISINGLY, Finneas hadn't received any student visitors yet and wasn't entirely sure how these drop-in hours were meant to go. He assumed that it was his turn to ask what he could help her with, but she had beat him to the punch! Oh ho ho ho har har har. Anyway, anyway, anyway. "Of course," he gave her an awkward sort of grin. Verify? Qualifications? ........... "...............O-Okay," was she.......... sent here by the Headmaster......... or something? Because........ he had.............. already....... signed his yearly contract? |
All i can hear is Michael Cera being awkward in Superbad which I just watched Quote:
She cleared her throat without further ado and began with her first question. "Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?" |
that is absolutely wonderful, because it is absolutely the vibeTM Quote:
"Oh," he found himself surprised. "Excellent question." Though he wasn't entirely sure that it was. "Well, uh, the rubber duck has, er, stumped academics for hundreds of years..." he began, his arms still extended and back still hunched. "There are a few trains of thought..." He blinked a few several times. "Some say they are made for children, others believe the rubber ducky, errr, makes bath time lots of fun!" There was a song about that. He remembered. "But," he whispered, leaning in as if sharing a secret. His eyes were on a spot just past her ear. "I believe they are a symbol of comfort." |
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssss Quote:
But, alas, the duck. She scribbled something down as he began talking, her face revealing nought about her thoughts on his answer. "And why would they be a symbol of comfort?" She asked sharply, finally looking up from her desk. "Why would Muggles in particular be interested in rubber ducks, as opposed to wizards?" Did wizards NOT have rubber ducks? She just now thought of that question, and wondered how sad and terrible her classmates' upbringings must have been without fun bathtime toys. |
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But he was making it work (hardly!). What a trooper, truly. Speaking of which, he was really hanging in there. Didn't dare let go of his hold around the desk, as any wrong move and there would be another catastrophic avalanche of paperwork. Such! A! Trooper!!! "WELL," it was another good question, he had to admit. "For many reasons, er, typically the rubber duck is introduced to the muggle at a young age. The formative years, if you will." His eyes looked at a spot just above her right ear as he explained. "It wouldn't be surprising if a sense of childhood nostalgia was involved or if a sense of dependency was built or if the rubber duck became... a friend." He smiled uncomfortably from his hunched over position. "I guess the fondness towards rubber ducks could potentially extend to wizards too," he mused. "But they are far more relevant in muggle pop culture, just one of those things that never made it's way across the pond," HAHAHA GET IT? That was a pun. Finneas looked at her expectantly waiting for the joke to make her laugh. Yes. |
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Anyway. ANYWAY. AnYwAy. She was a bit placated by his response. It did ring true, and sounded QUITE academic for such a... curious person. She hadn't actually been expecting a decent answer from Schmoe, and might have nodded along at his response. Bernadette might have even cracked the faintest of smiles at the professor's pun, but she quickly looked down at her notes again and cleared her throat, as though clearing away all signs of amusement. It also signaled that she was moving on to a new line of questioning. So he'd passed the object test, big deal. That was the SMALLEST of the TESTS. "What is Muggle primary and secondary school like, and how does it differ from the wizard education system?" All REAL "professors" would know this one. |
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He was disappointment in the lack of true response to his joke, though he was still wearing a grin anyway. At least he made HIMSELF laugh. Ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha. Anyway (anyway, anyway). But he quickly recovered, just in time for another question too. "WELL," he began again. Blink a few times. Twitch of the head. Normal! Finneas! Things! "That depends upon which elements you would like to focus on... From a far-removed perspective, it is-er-clear that there are differences in subject material... Astronomy, History of Magic, Muggle Studies, Potions... Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera," he waved one of his hands before very quickly realizing the mistake and throwing it right back down to the desk. Precautionary. You could never be too safe from an impending paperwork avalanche! Where was he? OH YES. School. "The primary and secondary systems are otherwise, similar in terms of age range, though-uh state boarding schools are not as er common," that was a PRETTY big difference. "Muggle schools also take far more pride in their sports, I find... We, uh, just focus on Quidditch. And Gobstones!" Which was a sport in his own opinion. AND CHESS. Chess was a sport of the MIND. The greatest muscle of them all. |
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More! Blinking! And! Twitching! "Do you have Tourettes, sir?" Bernadette blurted out, then quickly put her hand over her mouth. Oh no, how rude! But DID HE? He certainly met the symptoms she'd read about when her one Muggle classmate kept cursing, which was allegedly due to this disease and not to the fact that he was a brat.... She hurriedly jotted down his answers, which were actually accurate, and made a note of the sporting differences with an illustration of a broom in the air. Bernie added on to her question with another question: "Well which did you attend, sir? Muggle or wizarding school? Did you do any field work to study Muggles, like living amongst them?" It was important for a so-called Muggle expert to have actually studied Muggles in the wild, in her opinion. |
make!!! him!!! weep!!!! Quote:
The blinking came to an immediate stop when she asked the question. ".... No," and suddenly, he was no longer blinking. No, that was a lie. He was still blinking, but at a far more normal pace now. He was still holding onto the desk, keeping all the papers snug and in place underneath his tum. That much did not change. Errrrrrrrrrrrrr. "My primary and secondary education were wizarding schools," he had attended Hogwarts! Hufflepuff! Yes. "And university as well," but but but but. There was always a but. "For my doctorate, I went to a muggle school." YES. "Had a muggle roommate for the first three years." Todd was a true disaster. What a weird, nervous bloke. Always fidgeting. So strange. Schmoe felt a little bad for him, y'know? Must be difficult living your life in such a nervous state all the time. Ho ho ho. "I took every opportunity to be with muggles. The supermarket was my favorite sector to study. Very fascinating stuff. Especially watching watermelon-picking strategies." You had your tappers, your put-em-by-the-ear and listeners, the chaotic choose one and be done with its! So. Many. Watermelon. Choosing. Techniques. |
omg I can't, I actually liked/tolerated him on Arrested Development xD Quote:
She tried to write as much as she could about his so-called Muggle education, though she KNEW that he was NOT MUGGLEBORN. "Knew it!" the firstie muttered to herself, continuing to scribble scribble in her notebook with her ordinary Muggle pen. She was somewhat surprised that he had a doctorate.... he just didn't seem organized enough to get through so much school... and then he began discussing supermarkets, and didn't... didn't wizards pick out their own produce too? "How do wizards get their food then? They all have house elves to grocery shop for them?" Bernie didn't realize she had asked this out loud, but now she really wanted to know. Oh, and back to her previous question: "Don't you think wizards should be taught Muggle Studies by a Muggleborn, sir?" Bernie adjusted her fake glasses with a few tap taps on the bridge of her nose. |
then i must apologize for tarnishing the image u had of him Quote:
................... Ah. He understood now. The point. He was wondering when she would get to that. It took a moment, but then his lips twitched into an uncomfortable thing that could only be described as..... a??? Smile??? "Ah," he blinked three times. "I can assure you, Ms. Bernadette," he began. "I am qualified for this position." Because clearly that was the worry, no? |
lmao no my image was of TOLERANCE. Schmoe is HILARIOUS, ho ho ho. Quote:
Back to the subject at hand. "Uhhhhhhhhuh," she drawled in a know-it-all tone, furiously scribbling SOMETHING in her notebook and then making a BIG show of CROSSING IT ALL OUT and SLAMMING her notebook shut. She let a nice long pause follow this dramatic flourish as she carefully stowed her notebook and pen away, and adjusted her glasses as she looked up at the professor. Bernie's head was tilted up so her nose was in the air and her hands were carefully folded together in a pyramid to complete her scholarly look. "I think," pausepausepause "with all due respect," which, in her opinion, was minimal, "sir," a token title for him, that was all, "that you should take me on a teaching assistant for this school year. Sir, all we have learned in class is how NOT to build furniture, and with my expertise, your students could be building SO much more knowledge. I know what it's like to be raised by Muggles. I also know a few things about the wizarding world." Literally, just a few. "Unlike some of your students, and you, I have a unique perspective that could help you plan HELPFUL lessons that bridge the gap between wizard life and the Muggle ways of doing things. I could make YOUR class be one of the MOST USEFUL classes at Hogwarts! Because where else will most Wizard children learn the function of a rubber duck?" Come on, how could he turn down that offer? Look at how SCHOLARLY this first-year was. A veritable EXPERT on Muggles. |
Alexandre had gone full detective. He was still bummed that he didn't have a detective costume or any detective props, like a magnifying glass or a torch or something like that. If he was better at magic he could maybe make something like that happen but he was only a third year, and he didn't have time to get an older student to help him. He had to investigate this cookie thing and then go to his next class. He had arrived at the office of Suspect Number One. Aka Schmoe. He'd gotten all the evidence he needed from potions class and now it was time to confront the suspect. So he knocked on Schmoe's door and waited. Waiting wasn't very detective-like, but he was still a polite student and he wasn't just going to go barging in, even if he was a suspect. |
by the power of timelines invested in me Quote:
So instead he fiddled his thumbs and waited until she was finished. It was what came out of her mouth next that made a single brow lift up into his general forehead area. As eyebrows tend to do when one is..... intrigued? ..... Amused? .................. Slightly confused? He paused for a moment in thought. A long moment. Finneas wasn't planning on taking on a teaching assistant any time soon, but he did give it some consideration. Or pretended to, anyway. "Th-that is a fine idea, Bernadette," he bobbed his head up and down, up and down, up and down. "But what makes you qualified to teach?" Was it his turn to interview now? "Knowing a subject and teaching the subject are two completely d-different beasts." Quote:
Finneas nearly bumped his head on the very low ceiling when he heard a knock on his door. He was an easy man to startle, y'know? But ah, he ought to have been expecting the company. The lanky man took his time before bumbling his way to the doorway. There were crumbs on his sweater vest, but there was a guest at his door and there was no good excuse to keep whoever it was waiting. "Oh, Alexandre!" he smiled at the boy in that awkward way of his. As Schmoes do. "H-how can I help you today?" |
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Yes, he agreed. Good. Bernie scooted forward on her chair, finding herself nodding along with the professor, until he suddenly stopped and started asking ze questions. Oh.... her? Q u a l i f i e d? To teach? Hmm, she hadn't thought he would question her after all her questions. "Um, yes, that's true," the first year agreed, returning to bobbing her head, and then adjusting her fake glasses, and then tapping her foot. She was a little bit nervous at being put on the spot, see. "I can teach because... I know what it's like to be a student!" Yep, yep, that was true. "And I have a lot of E N E R G Y!" She threw her hands up like an wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tubeman to emphasize how much ENERGY she really had. "Plus I have lots of good ideas, and I'm not shy," well, not usually, "and I can be VERY helpful and hardworking." When she wanted to, and was interested in the material. "PLUS," and this was important, "people follow me! They copy me, and do what I do!" She had a little sister copycat, for example, who never stopped following her around! "See, I'd be the PERFECT teaching assistant for Muggle Studies." How could he turn her down? Look at how CUTE but BRILLIANT she was, at only eleven years old. |
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And in attempt to build up the antici........... (SAY IT) ........ pation! "Very well then," he finally spoke. "You speak with conviction, Bernadette." She would make a great lawyer one day, if she were interested in such a thing. "I'll need a copy of your CV of course and a letter of interest, as I consider your offer. All standard." He waved a dismissive hand, so she could see just how standard all of this was. SO standard. So so so soooooooo standard. "If you can get that to me errrrrrrrrrrrrrr," he checked his watch... "Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow morning. I can see what I can do." |
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