She was far less enthusiastic than he was, mustering up an extremely tiny smile and a "thanks". Not much more, though.

"Formal invitation to try out for the Bats and offers from the Magpies." Paaaause.

"...... and the Falcons."

The Falcons? West of course latched onto that.

"We..... could end up on the same team." And now the decision meant... .more.

.... yeah. Yeah. Obviously, the Magpies were her first choice. Alice had adored them since she was a kid and was more in love with Colin Mackenzie than she was with her own boyfriend. It was obvious to anyone who knew her favorites that her answer to them would be an immediate yes if she chose Quidditch as a profession... but a West on her other potential team? Most definitely tipped the scales out of balance.

She said nothing, though.

West just looked at her.

For quite a while before speaking.

"If I.... do this... if I..." if he chose to go professional with his Quidditch and forgo his final year of school... "we wouldn't have to even think about.... being apart."

... like he was the only one with decisions. Psh. Assumptions, Odessa.

Although it was very, very likely that she'd take the Falcons up on their offer if he did. "If I do it too, you mean." Merlin. Did he have to go and get recruited? Really? "I... you won't leave school, though. You have to graduate."

"Even if you don't." West said quietly. Because... either way, it'd mean he'd not be stuck here while she was out there. It sorta changed things. Game changer.

"................................. I don't really have to graduate. I have all my OWLs. I want to play Quidditch... and do music. I don't need any NEWTs for either of those things." So. Big... hard. Choice. Thing.

He chewed his lip and looked at her.

"Are you going to?"

Did that mean whatever she chose... didn't change things? Well.

"... you don't." It wasn't as if NEWTs or an extra year of schooling would assist him in either of his desired career pursuits... "... but I don't think you will." She wouldn't say so, because Alice wanted him out of school and with her more than anything, but she wouldn't ever drop out. Her gran would kill her, and what if Quidditch didn't work out? Those exam scores were excellent back up.

Plus it felt like a cop out of sorts. Running away from stuff before you were meant to run.

"Dunno."

He shrugged one shoulder. He didn't know what he was going to do. He didn't. It was crazy. This was one of his dreams, his goals, and what kind of person turned down something they worked for, something they so badly wanted? Especially with one particular added perk.

Alice.

She was kind of... a huge factor in this.

And she didn't know?

.... ?

"You mean... you haven't decided who to say yes to?" Because she'd accept one of them, right?

"Yeah." Pause. "And I don't know if I'll make Quidditch my profession anyway."

... everyone was expecting her to, weren't they? Alice hadn't been so sure she would be recruited due to her lack of self-confidence, but it wasn't exactly the rarest thing in the world. It seemed as if everyone in the sport at their school, even the ones who were less than decent, got picked up by some team or another. Wouldn't be much of a surprise if yet another captain went into that field.

West would get that too, as he knew what it was like to have options, having music and all.. but he didn't have to make THAT decision right now.

She didn't? Even with the offers on the table? He tilted his head, reassessing things. So what would she do, astronomy stuff? That was her best subject and all...

But really the point remained that it didn't matter if she didn't choose to do it, if he did it was a ticket for them to be together once school was done.

Yeah.

NOT that that was a reason to choose to accept... it was just.... it made it awfully tempting.

She sat there in silence, just marinating in all of this for a bit. The nice thing about this, though, was that no matter what he did, Alice could do whatever she pleased. And she quite liked that her decision was still independent of his, because as much as she loved him, the seventh year wouldn't make choices for herself based on him.

"If you do it...... it won't be because of me, yeah?" It'd be because he loved Quidditch?

It wouldn't be BECAUSE of her.... but.... she was definitely an influence. He just looked at her and shrugged. "You know you're a factor, Alice."

She had to know she was.

"I know I am." If she wasn't, it'd be a problem. "But it won't be because of me if you take it."

'Cause that would be stupid, really.

He just shrugged and slumped against the back of the chair, eyeing the stack of Quidditchy stuff in front of him.

"And if I don't take it.... and I stay here..." He looked up at her. Then she knew what would be coming.

".............. what?" If he stayed here... what?

Alice wanted to hear the proper words, thanks. No implications.

"You know. We've talked about it. I just.... I don't see how..." Things would work? He frowned and stared at the Quidditch stuff some more. "I just... I don't want it to come to us breaking up but if we barely get to see each other... and with things all... you know, tough. And stuff...?" Why was that a question? She knew it was tough. She knew there was stuff going on that made it harder on both ends. It was just that if they couldn't actively be around each other and work on things that needed constant work, how could it get better?

And besides, he was needy, and could barely handle a week or two, let alone months on end.

She wanted him to say it. Hear it for herself. Maybe that'd finally be slap in the face she needed, yeah?

"... not really. I mean... we haven't talked at all about what would happen if we DID try." But the way he was always leaning towards splitting up.... maybe he wanted to. "Or.... or what would happen if we didn't. After we broke up, I mean." Them being.... friends? Alice had quite a tough time seeing it was all.

"And you make it seem like you won't sometimes, then start talking about it again." Like all the things he'd said when they discussed his stuff before. It got her hopes up, and that was the worst part. Having to not know and lose more of herself to him everyday when she didn't know if she'd be getting it back.

There was also the option of him doing things now too and just getting it over with. Really, sometimes it felt like that'd be better than the waiting.

He shifted uneasily and looked at her. "I just... I don't think I can do it. I don't think I'm strong enough. If we can't' be together, then how can we stay together?" He grabbed her hand and threaded his fingers with her. "Like this, little things, like being able to hold your hand or just sit with you, being able to watch you with your friends, or just if I see something I think you might be interested in, and being able to turn to you and tell you about it. Quidditch. Flying with you. Kissing you whenever I want to. I can barely handle it when its just a few weeks from holidays or if you're not talking to me or whatever. I don't want Hogwarts to feel like a prison, if I stay." And it would. He'd forever be thinking about her and about getting out and being done with it all, and she'd be still caught up in him and not be able to properly go forth and do what she wanted to do... And what if she met someone? It could happen so easily. West thought she was so amazing, how could other people not notice? He stared at her, eyes locked on. "And if we are properly meant to be, like I hope we are, then when I graduate, we can get back together again anyways. Like... for good and for always."

He chewed his lip. "I keep going back and forward because... because I don't want to break up. I'm selfish and want you all to myself. You know that on account of all the times you tried to dump me and I wouldn't let you. But its like I said... I want you all the way, not just little parts. All or nothing." He'd said that before. And he was all over the place with it, but that wasn't completely his fault either, not given how much of an emotional roller coaster she was to be with.

"I don't know. I... its confusing." He looked at the Quidditch stuff. It... wouldn't matter though, if he chose that. If he said yes to one of the teams...

"I mean... I feel that way too," she mumbled, eyes on their hands, "but it would be better than having none of you. I wouldn't have your mouth or your hands or your closeness, but I'd still have you. I'd still get to talk to you and see you sometimes, like how Dora sees Paulie, and through those mirrors and owl you. It's not enough, obviously... but it'd be enough to hold me for a year. Especially with the idea of having you after."

Alice raised her eyes then. Very slowly. "I couldn't be yours after you'd been with someone else." Just... she couldn't, okay? Knowing that he'd be kissing and touching and holding someone else... ew. Didn't even want to think about it, definitely not who it'd be.

"And I told you all. But I don't want it to be for nothing." He didn't get that, did he?

West scoffed. As if Dora's little fling with her ooooold man could even be compared. Didn't count at all. Besides, Dora preferred it that way didn't she? Having her own space and all that, and didn't know any different and since when was that 'official' it wasn't right? So it didn't compare. Didn't count. "You'll always have me." In a way that nobody else ever could. Not ever.

...

.....

............... had he said anything about anyone else?

"I didn't say anything about anyone else... but... out of curiosity, why?"


And as for this for nothing thing, what?

"It could never be for nothing. None of it." No way not ever. Even if he did regret certain things that he wasn't going to bring up just now.

"A lot of people have you." Truth.

... she knew he hadn't said anything. Obviously. West'd be mad to even try that while they were still dating, wouldn't he? "I mean... you'll find someone else. Have to get kisses from someone, don't you?" He was needy and all. "It would drive me nuts. I'd think about it always. Wonder... get paranoid..." It wasn't a rare occurrence for Alice.

"Wouldn't it be? If it's all just gonna end anyway....?" What was the point?

"No." He reached out and caught her chin gently, keeping her face tilted towards his so she couldn't look away. "Not the way you do."

... maybe he would but who knew? He sure wasn't thinking about any of that. She was what he was worried about right now, it had nothing to do with going out there and seeing if he could find any better or anything like that. But yeah... he was needy. "Wonder and get paranoid like I used to when you were dating my best mate?" Like that? His eyebrows went up. "What's that got to do with getting back together if we did break up for a while though?" Because... in a way, she'd done it before. With Bliss kissing, and Olly... whatevering...

... yeah.

?

??

"No." He was adamant about that. It'd never be pointless. It couldn't be, given what he'd given up for her... he refused to believe it was 'for nothing' because that opened a whole other can o' worms.

"That can't be true." If it was, he'd never give her up.

... psh. "All we ever did was kiss. Like twice. Nothing compared to you and Bliss." He was one to talk. "And it's different now. We're... we're different. It'd hurt more. I'd always be thinking about it, about whatever you did, and freak out and I... I just couldn't." It'd be different, wouldn't it? Than other things, since she knew exactly what had gone on the other times... and it was sort of bearable.

"I mean.... if you're going to dump me anyway... why are you even waiting to do it?" It'd give them time to get used to things and such, too.

"Of course its true! I wouldn't have ha--" he cut himself off and glanced around, sure it was private here but he knew she wouldn't want him blurting their private business out if there was a chance of anyone hearing, "--you know its true." and he couldn't believe otherwise because it would mean that what they did, what he gave up for her, was a mistake. And neither of them needed to be thinking that, did they? "You always will. Even when you don't want me anymore." And apparently if they broke up and he even looked at anyone else, then she wouldn't want him? Because apparently she could just decide that.

..... just exactly what did she think him and Bliss had got up to all that time ago then? Not that much more than kissing. He chewed on his lip and looked at her, still not getting why she was dwelling on stuff that wasn't even in his head as a thing. Future possibilities of snogging someone if they did break up? What even was that? And if they were broken up and he somehow even ever wanted to do that, then how could that be enough to make her just decide that she wasn't even interested anymore anyways? It sure wouldn't work that way for him. "You'll probably be worried about what I'd be doing without you around even if we do somehow stay together." He pointed out. Or worried about what girls might try without her around to scare them off or something.

Quidditch was somehow forgotten in the moment. He stared at her.

"Because we have about four months before it matters? About that long before I'll either be back here alone, or... not." Pause. "I'd rather spend every single spare moment of that time with you, and make the most of it. Enjoy the rest of your time here... and have a perfect summer. Together" Why would he want to break up now? He didn't. Not even a little bit. Just like he'd told his healer...

"When I don't want you anymore?" Scoff. "You're the one who wants to break up."

... and another scoff. "I trust you. Not others. You don't know what it's like, to have to watch girls throw themselves at you all the time." Disgusting, really. That was practically what they did, and no doubt it'd get worse when he was single. "And you'd do stuff because you were single. Obviously." And she didn't want to have to deal with whatever sort of history he made with other people while she wasn't there was all.

Falling silent once more, she let him talk. But it... it didn't make sense. That was four more months of waiting for... it.