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Balcony https://i.postimg.cc/RF4vTVYm/balcony-banner2.jpg The balcony located on the fourth floor is one of the few balconies in the castle. In an opening along the corridor, on the opposite side of the castle from the library, is where you can find this particular balcony. If you ever need a break from doing that lengthy Arithmancy homework or need a place to relax with a friend, this balcony is a great place to get a few minutes of fresh air before getting back to work again. |
~ open post ~ Kinsay needed to clear her head. It was only one day into the new term and everything was already So Much. More than anything, she wanted to talk to Matty and ask him about ... Things. But. But everytime she tried to find him, he seemed to disappear. Maybe he already had too much homework? She'd try to catch up with him some time in the morning maybe. But for now, she needed some fresh air before heading to bed. Stepping out onto the balcony, she sighed quietly and rested her chin along the railing. She did miss the view, but. But things were always so much easier over the summer. No drama. No homework. All the free time in the world. The only redeeming thing about the school year was seeing those friends she didn't have time to catch up with during the summer... But even that seemed to change from year to year. And. And next year even more of her friends would be gone. And her older siblings would be gone too. And and and. At least she'd always have the moon. It was especially pretty tonight. |
SPOILER!!: Kinsay Ash liked the balcony. It was... a balcony. It was a quiet spot, with a nice view. Quiet place, good for doing art or thinking. She often liked to sneak out after dark and watch the stars. Which was what she intended to do tonight. Last time she had gotten caught. New plan. She’d come here before curfew, then stay. Great idea, right? As she stepped onto the balcony, she saw her. The sight of Kinsay James made her frown. The therapist said that under all the other stuff, Ash and Kinsay were just the same. Well, he had really said that Ash was afraid and blamed everything on herself. So basically, he said she was Kinsay. That kind of made her sad for both of them. “Kinsay?” Her voice was softer than usual. She didn’t want the other girl to get startled and accidentally fall off the balcony. That seemed like something she’d do. She took a seat near the other girl, sticking her feet off the edge a little. |
SPOILER!!: from the ash rises ... more ash. i really thought i was gonna come up with something clever but i disappointed myself After a few still moments (a rarity), Kins lowered herself to sit down, pulling her knees to her chest. It was probably a bad idea to be out here without any sense of time. She didn't plan to stay out here for long, but sometimes, she could get lost staring at the sky, admiring the moon. It was silly, but sometimes she felt like the moon was watching over her. It was a constant. Even when there were clouds, she knew it was there, y'know? Like a good friend. Or, um, something. And she was so caught up in all of this, that she hadn't even noticed someone else joining her on the balcony. Um. Not until the someone else in question said her name. Kins recognized the voice immediately, her muscles tensing up involuntarily as she turned to confirm her suspicions. She felt terribly on account of just how terribly she felt when Ash was around but. But they just couldn't talk. Because. Because if they did, then they might become friends. And they couldn't be friends. Because then Kinsay would lose her best and longest friend. It was a horrible, terrible situation compounding with lots and lots of guilt over things that Kinsay couldn't entirely control. But she was extra tired tonight. So extra tired that she didn't really want to put up a fight. So she even offered Ashley a half-hearted smile as she replied, "Hey." No one could be upset with her for saying hey, right?. "It's a nice night." The warm kind that sort of embraced you like a hug, y'know? |
SPOILER!!: I can’t think of anything clever to say either When Ash felt Kinsay tense up beside her, she became a little more tense too. She hated their relationship. They were practically the same, except Kinsay was friends with Cambridge and Ash hated Cambridge with a passion. Kinsay was popular and Ash wasn’t. Kinsay was afraid out loud and Ash liked to bottle up her emotions. Maybe they weren’t the same after all. Maybe they were opposites. Maybe they weren’t meant to be friends. Maybe they were just meant to be sad. Maybe. “Yeah. I love astronomy.” She paused. “The moon is so nonjudgmental. The stars are so sparkly.” But that was only part of the reason she liked it. She liked knowing that the past three years of her life were so insignificant when you thought about how old the universe was. Surely it had seen worse. But she wouldn’t tell Kinsay about that. She’d just feel bad about it forever, and Ash didn’t want that. In any case, it would probably sound stupid to say it out loud. She looked over at Kinsay, not bothering to smile back. Kinsay’s half-smile wasn’t even real. Ash knew she didn’t make the other girl even a little bit happy. Why were they pretending? ”If I stayed out here, would you tell?” That was what really mattered to her. Or... that was what Ash told herself really mattered to her. It was hard to tell the difference. |
SPOILER!!: bet, we're even Kinsay had never considered herself to be popular - even though sometimes that's all she wanted to be. It was just that she had friends who were popular. It doesn't really count when that's all it is, right? She could tell that Ashley liked to bottle up her emotions though. It's in part why Kins always felt so guilty and terrible in her presence. Like, even when the emotions weren't be felt out loud, she could still tell they were present and making Ash sad. It was hard to ignore. Even quiet emotions can be super loud. She was glad that they were just talking about the sky. Ash always wanted to talk about the hard things and Kins wasn't ever up to it. Especially not now. So. The sky was the best topic to dive into. Maybe. "Me too," she replied quietly, uncertain about how to feel knowing that she had this in common with Ash. Astronomy was one of her favorite subjects and the tower, one of her favorite places. "The moon's my favorite thing about the sky." It was so reliable. And captivating. And reminded her of home. Especially when home felt so far away. Kins didn't know what to make of the look Ash gave her. The lack of a smile was a bit unnerving, but she tried to focus on the Ravenclaw's question instead. "... Tell who?" She asked. |
SPOILER!!: Kins Kinsay made Ash feel the worst. If Upstead was sent here by the universe to make her feel despair and regret, Kinsay James was here to make her feel guilt and regret. Could she make the other girl happy, just ONE time? Just one real smile, or one moment where she didn’t wanna go away. Just one positive thought. Anything. Please? Maybe if she was a pureblood... but she wasn’t. “Wherever I go, I’m with different people in different circumstances. But the moon never changes. Wherever I go, it’s always there. And it always comes back.” She even smiled. GENUINELY. Was that a statement that Kinsay wouldn’t feel bad about? Probably not. She always felt bad, no matter how happy Ash pretended to be or how much she avoided talking about Cambridge or how much she tried to be nice. It just didn’t work. She didn’t even know why she cared. Kinsay wasn’t her friend. She hung out with Cambridge!!! She avoided Ash like the plague!!! They couldn’t ever talk. So why did she care so MUCH about something she couldn’t change? It was dumb. She was dumb to try and fix this. Ash repeated her question. “If I stayed out here past, would you get me in trouble? I’d- I’d understand if you did.” She didn’t want to get in trouble for this again. But watching the stars was more important. She’d stay out here regardless- she didn’t want to go back to the dorms right now. She wanted to watch the moon until she fell asleep with it watching over her. |
Kins didn't know that she made Ash feel the worst. If she did, it'd probably make her feel all the more guilty. Which would maybe, in turn, make Ash feel even worse, if that was possible. So. Um. Maybe this unknown was for the best. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss. "Yeah," she mused, nodding slowly with Ash's words. Kins felt that way about the moon too. And after a few quiet moments, she added, "It reminds me of my parents." Had it been any other night, she may have been more reluctant to have this conversation with Ashley Fox of all people. Not just because it was a vulnerable one, but because. Because she didn't like having reasons to like Ash. Liking someone meant that you were only steps away from being their friend and that wasn't allowed. For Reasons. It was the biggest reason why she avoided this particular Ravenclaw whenever she could. Friendship was a non-option. She didn't even want to entertain the possibility. Because. Because she really, really couldn't lose Emm again. Hopefully Ash understood that. It wasn't anything personal. Not really. "Oh," she considered the question for a moment before shaking her head. "Your secret's safe with me." Kiz wasn't a snitch. She'd have no reason to tell anyway. And maybe it'd be best if no one knew they were sitting out here together anyway because Emm might hear about it and then. Yeah. So. That was another reason. "Will you stay here all night?" It didn't sound like a comfortable place to sleep ... though Kins had also fallen asleep in many an unlikely Hogwarts' corner, so maybe it was a moot point. |
SPOILER!!: Kins + Ash + the moon Oh, but it was personal. It was about her specifically. It was about her, and her relationship with Cambridge, and her relationship with Sammy, and how nobody was allowed to be friends with Ash because she was Cambridge didn’t like her. Because of Sammy. But also because she was a muggleborn. It was personal. It just was. Ash settled against the wall. “I was sorta planning on sleeping out here... or not sleeping at all... but I have my sleeping potions just in case... then I’ll head to the common room before anyone wakes up and notices that I left.” Would they even notice AFTER they woke up? It seemed unlikely. “I feel so small compared to the rest of the universe. I like that feeling.” She liked being unimportant and overlooked. That was so much better than feeling like the whole universe was trying to come after her or something. |
SPOILER!!: Pensive Ashley Okay, but when it was put like that maybe it did sound personal. But it wasn't. It really, really wasn't. It was just that. it was just. It was hard because Emm was involved and all the Kizzy logic malfunctioned when Emm was involved. So it wasn't fair. "Oh," she replied casually, even though what Ash said wasn't all that casual. "It gets cold at night." Even colder than it was now and it was already kind of chilly. In other news, Kiz didn't think it was a very good idea to sleep out here or maybe it wasn't so much that she thought it was a bad idea. She just. It sounded sad. A sad idea. One that made her feel kind of weird and guilty and not-so-great. Even though she promised not to tell. "You like feeling small?" Kins repeated the thought in disbelief. She didn't like feeling small. Not really. Feeling small and insignificant was kind of the worst. It was the thing she hated the most, maybe. Insignificant and useless and like she didn't belong. Those were some of the worst feelings. |
SPOILER!!: Kizzy + Ashley It was definitely personal. “I know that.” Ash did this a lot. It was cold. Sometimes she even brought a blanket. Not tonight though. Tonight, it was an alright temperature right now. “I promise to come inside if I start freezing, so that you won’t worry.” But Kinsay always worried. No matter what she did, it was never good enough for Kinsay. She was always just sad and worried, sometimes for no reason. “I like feeling small. No matter how much I hate a specific day or week or month or year or decade- it’s just a drop in the bucket. Also I’ve lived for 14 years, which is crazy, but the universe has been around for so much longer. And tons of bad things have happened to the universe, but it still lives and we- we still love it.” She looked upwards at the stars. “I come here whenever I feel sad.” Probably she shouldn’t have mentioned that to Kinsay. “And I am preemptively telling you not to blame yourself for all of that.” She paused again, wondering if her next question was allowed or not. “Do you do that too?” |
SPOILER!!: Ashley It wasn't. It really, really wasn't! "I only meant because you might get sick and it'd be uncomfortable." Not because was worried. Except she was worried too. But she didn't know if she was allowed to be worried about Ashley Fox, so this other way was better. And maybe Kinsay did worry a lot, but there was always reasons for it. She didn't used to worry so much. It was only recently that it started up so bad. She really couldn't help it. Even when she tried not to. ............ This was a lot. And maybe some of what Ash said resonated with her, but there were so many things being said that it was hard to respond to all of them at once.. Not that she was sure she even wanted to respond to all of them. See? This is why she wanted to be here alone. Conversations were so exhausting sometimes. "Are you feeling sad now?" Because she was out here now. Which meant if she wasn't lying about what she said... But then the Ravenclaw's question caught Kizzy by surprise and she wasn't sure she really wanted to answer or talk about this sort of thing anymore. "Come out here when I'm sad? Or... blame myself for things?" Clarification was necessary. |
SPOILER!!: Kizzy Ash smiled despite herself for a brief moment, caught off guard by Kinsay's words. Then she cleared her throat. "If I get sick, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself." You won't even know I caught a cold. She doubted those words would be reassuring if said aloud. And really, she wanted to reassure Kinsay. She didn't like seeing her upset, for reasons that she didn't really understand. Was it because she saw a bit of herself in Kinsay, or was it because Kinsay was kind of adorable when she wasn't so upset? Who even knew? Not Ash. "Right now? I'm not feeling sad anymore. That's what this balcony is here for. I don't really know what I am feeling though. It's kind of peaceful out here." Not even Kinsay could make her feel very sad when she was staring at the stars. That was another thing that she chose to not say. "I don't know. Both? You don't have to answer if you don't want to..." She probably wouldn't answer. Because she was Kinsay, and she didn't want to talk to Ash, etc. etc. Yeah. Whatever. At least she asked, right? That was all she could do. She hated that. She hated feeling helpless. She hated knowing that Kinsay always felt bad because of her, and she couldn't do anything about it because she was a muggleborn and she'd never be Cambridge's friend. She hated all of it. |
SPOILER!!: Ash "But you shouldn't have to." Kins sighed quietly, as she let her head fall back. Maybe she just needed to fully splay out on the balcony and take in the starry night. The stars might know what to do about all this Matty stuff. In any case, it was maybe worth a try because Kins had no workable ideas at the moment. Except for maybe asking him about it, but the prospect of bringing it up herself was a little scary. So. Um. She was only half-listening to Ash, but not in an obvious way. Just in the way that she was quiet and her mind was wondering, even as the Ravenclaw explained her own feelings. Kins could relate to the not really knowing how she felt bit. Kiz was that way a lot. All the feelings sort of turned into soup all the time. A weird feelings soup. It made it hard to talk about, which is why she usually opted not to. And for what it was worth? Even though Ash's existential dread made Kins all sorts of uncomfortable all the time, maybe it was good that she was talking about it at least. Kiz couldn't even do that. "Yeah, I guess so." Peaceful out here, that is. "I don't usually come here when I'm sad," she answered slowly after having stayed quiet for a little bit. She didn't really want to answer either of the questions, but not answering didn't feel right either. The balcony was nice, but it was a thinking spot. Not a sad spot. The last stall in the girl's loo was a sad spot. And under Phoebe's covers was a sad spot. And sometimes the boathouse was a sad spot. But not the balcony. After another long pause she found herself shrugging deeply. "And, well, I guess so. But a lot of things are my fault usually so." So it was warranted to blame herself. Kizzy ideas usually backfired. |
SPOILER!!: Kinsay James And Ashley Fox Ash shrugged. “There are lots of things nobody should have to do, Kinsay James.” She’d leave it at that... but. Getting a cold and making herself soup was hardly the worst thing to happen to her. She’d live. She’d be fine. “If I need something, I’ll just get one of my older siblings to help me.” She didn’t have older siblings. But she did have older students who liked her, and what was the difference? “You’re not sad then? That’s... nice.” Ash was a little bit surprised. She couldn’t remember Kinsay feeling... not sad in the past... really long time. Not around her. Right. She made Kinsay feel bad, constantly. What had she even done? Was there any way to fix it? Personally, Ash thought that most things weren’t Kinsay’s fault. But she had the feeling that Kinsay would just feel weird if that was pointed out. Instead... “Would you be mad if I drew you? You wouldn’t have to sit for anything... and nobody would see it. I’m painting people for...” A therapy thing. She couldn’t mention that to Kinsay, or they’d both feel weird. “...because I like to paint.” She hoped Kinsay would say yes... but she also hoped Kinsay wouldn’t feel terrible about whatever she decided. If that was what Ash was hoping for... perhaps she shouldn’t have asked. |
SPOILER!!: Aaaaash It was true. There were a lot of things that people shouldn't have to do. Even still, Kins didn't entirely agree and found herself immediately responding with a very well thought out, "Maybe, but," followed by an abrupt stop. That's all. That's all because what Ashley said next took Kinsay by surprise. "I didn't know you have older siblings." Kins knew Ashley was a muggleborn, that much she could never forget. But. But there weren't any older students with her same surname and after three full terms of being in classes with her, she was certain she would've known any siblings that Ash had going to Hogwarts. Was Ashley Fox adopted too? The very thought of having this in common with Ash made Kins feel kind of weird and like she was ready to talk about anything else. So the conversation about her feelings was, for once, a welcome change. "Yeah," she shrugged. She didn't have too much to be sad about really. Not now, anyway. Just missing her parents - but being out on the balcony helped with that. So. ........................... "I um-" she paused, feeling conflicted. Ashley wanted to draw her? Kins didn't want to say no and hurt her feelings, but she also didn't want to say yes and hurt Emm's feelings. "I like painting too." ....... Which was something else she seemed to have in common with the Ravenclaw. Having things in common was not good. It was really, really bad news. |
SPOILER!!: Kizzy and Ash, and also awkwardness Kinsay’s words were responded to with... a very very long pause. She was shocked that Kinsay would know that. “I mean I just take anyone who’s nice to me and decide they are my Hogwarts family. Like Helena, and Kale, and Minjae, and T-“ Ash changed her mind at the last second. Sorry Teddy. She was so sorry. “Claudine.” Yes, that was smooth. Well done, Ashley. NOT. “My family isn’t the people who I’m related to...” Because they all sucked, whether they were muggle or magical. ”They’re just whoever I decide to love. My dads are bodyguards, and I have 13 older siblings and a bunch of younger ones. My extended family talks to me sometimes, and they’re all very nice people who would never kick a squib out their house. And we all love art and music. And none of them care about blood status and all the muggle ones accept wizards. They always help me when I’m sad. They’d all help someone in need...” She tried to imagine Father helping someone in need. It was very very hard. Nearly impossible. She pushed that thought away from her brain. “I love making art. Although I didn’t bring any supplies out here, cause it might rain soon... but I’m drawing a bunch of people for my... project. My family, Lisa, Matty and Sammy, Mamie, my dormmates... everyone else...” She would have drawn Cambridge, but she was afraid to ask. “We can still never be friends if you’d like,” she added hopefully. Bitterly? Hopefully? “Believe me when I say that I’ve drawn lots of people who are the opposite of friends.” She looked up at the moon. “There’s only one person I’d never draw.” Cause he was too terrible for a piece of art. |
SPOILER!!: Ash The pause was unnerving, but not enough for Kins to try to fill the silence with words. But when Ashley finally did speak, Kins listened attentively. Because that's something she had been getting better at. "Oh," she replied with a small nod, taking note of the fact that Ash had almost said another name, but stopped short. Did Kins even want to know? Honestly, no. She liked knowing things, but only specific things and knowing things about Ash wasn't something Kinsay was all that interested in. For reasons. So she didn't press, despite some muted sort of curiosity that tugged at her brain just a little, little bit! Before Kins could get another word in, Ash started sharing again. Oversharing, actually. It was a lot to take in. "That's nice." She shifted around in hopes of finding a more comfortable position. This was weird. "You're drawing Matty?" ... He hadn't told her about that. Kins would've remembered if he did because it would've been- 'We can still never be friends'................................ Kins swallowed hard. Ugh. Guilt. So much guilt. Why did Ashley have to say stuff like that!? It was uncomfortable and unnecessary and made Kins feel all the weird ways. "I just remembered I have to go." She declared suddenly, hopping up to her feet. "See you." |
Ash had sort of finished her statement, so she just listened to whatever Kinsay was saying about Matty, even though she had no idea why Kinsay would care. “Yeah, but do you- do you... can you.. will-” Ash’s train of thought was very rapidly losing steam(get it?). Because she looked at people when she talked to them. And she didn’t like how Kinsay looked at her. Because she looked guilty. And she didn’t look happy. Probably, the reason that Kinsay didn’t like her was because she(Ash) was actually the worst. Did Ash have an explanation for the guilt part? Not really. Maybe she was guilty because she didn’t wanna tell the truth about her feelings. That would make sense. Maybe. And then Kinsay was leaving. Ash didn’t want her to! But she had too much pride to say that, sooooo... bye Kinsay, Ash totally did not care if she left and she totally didn’t feel bad at all. Definitely not. Not even a little bit. It sounded like Kinsay wasn’t going to let Ash draw her. That was possibly the worst part. So instead she pulled out her sketchbook and started drawing the moon. ”I thought you didn’t want to be friends,” Ash said to nobody in particular. Because there wasn’t anybody there. |
Mia stepped out onto the balcony, drawing her flannel closer as she looked around the grounds. For once it was not raining on a weekend, and there was a fairly good view from here. She could see the lake, and her cottage, and sort of the greenhouses. It was a good thinking place. There was a lot to think about. Dying plants usually led to dead creatures, as was the squid's concern. And she was not willing to let any creatures die on her watch. It was really too bad that her specialty wasn't freshwater aquatic creatures, she felt somewhat helpless even with the research she'd done so far. Mia frowned, crossing her arms...it was chillier up here than she thought it would be. Maybe they could add some supplements to the lake water to temporarily make up for the unbalanced chemicals from the dead plants. She'd have to talk to Kamran about that. At least until they found out why the plants in the lake were dying. And the plants in the greenhouses, too, she supposed...that fog was weird. |
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"Mia, hey." The Charms professor approached, following her gaze out to the grounds. "Everything okay?" You know, besides the whole plant issue. |
Meda hadn't really been looking for a place to think, but she was chasing after a students pygmy puff that had wondered somewhere around this area. The poor child was upset about the missing pet and Meda couldn't help but want to find the ball of fluff. As she searched she came to the balcony and saw two of her coworkers already there. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but have you seen a little pgymy puff around?" She thought it might be a little cold still for the puff, but maybe if it was lost it ventured toward voices? |
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Her floo of thought was again interrupted by another voice. This time, the Divination professor. Mia turned fully away from gazing thoughtfully at the grounds to smile at the other woman. "A pygmy puff?" she repeated. "Not out on the balcony...maybe it made its way to the creatures barn? There's several puffskeins there, maybe it wanted the company." Or maybe it got stuck in its owner's sock. Hopefully it hadn't gotten tangled up in a vine. Pygmy puffs were so small...it was no wonder they didn't go missing more frequently. |
*not quoting but <3* The vines making themselves at home was putting it a bit mildly and Neva frowned, nodding her head. ”It’s infuriating. My classroom looks like something out of a book and every time I try and get rid of the vines, the next thing I know, they’re back.” She threw up her hands in frustration, needing to just let it out. Glancing at Meda when she joined them, the brunette shook her head. ”I can’t say I have, but I’ve been a bit distracted.” Just having a minor vine-related breakdown over here. No biggy. |
Oh, they were talking about vines, well that put Meda's mind in other places. "I hope the little creature isn't stuck in those. They seem to be all over anymore. The badger common room is looking like a forest more than a place to relax and enjoy." She had seen the game room and it seemed they were making their way around the school. "Have you had an portraits complain? I have had a few that said their frames are being broken a bit from the vines and others that say they can't even be in their frames because all they see is the plant. I'm all for nature and plants to help, but this is getting a bit much." She went into thought for a moment about the vines and partly for the pygmy puff, "The weirdest part was when I had was in the greenhouse and everything seemed so dead but the vine was glowing." Very odd, very, very odd. |
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