|
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above.
You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed.
To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
| Finished Poetry Finished poetry threads come here to rest and be remembered. |
07-09-2005, 04:10 AM
|
#1 (permalink)
| SS Featured Author Snidget
Join Date: May 2004 Location: The Burrow
Posts: 2,923
| Miss Malfoy's Poetry Fan Fic Queen
Hello everyone. I am Shannon. No, this is not a thread where I post my poetry. This is where Miss Malfoy, a very talented young lady, will post her poetry. She's really good, though she won't admit it. But, I think with this thread I am making for her, she will come out of her shell and see that she writes beautifully and that she can touch the world with her very lovely poems...
To you Mal.
Love,
Shannon Flying Alone with Holes in my wings
Flying alone wth holes in my wings My innocense tingles on the inside with my maturity keeping me airborn. Flying alone with holes in my wings. I hear the people down below hating me for who I am and what I have become. Flying alone with holes in my wings. I hear the gun and the bullet screaming past my ear. It is she, my own blood and down the line, the one who fires piercing another hole inside my creative mind. And yet, she's not the only one who have killing machines in hand and malice in their hearts. I pray to the heavens, in which I soar in, to give me something, anything, to make them understand. Flying alone with repaired wings sewn with silver thread. It tells them something, as I hoped it would, they can't change me on the inside even when they try on the outside. And... Fairy Dance
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was between the ages of five and seven, and everything had an innocent meaning. It was the day the ran beat down hard and the first time I saw magic. And there I was, sitting on a stool, bored and restless. My mind wondering to to other worlds- I saw it. Near the bushes came the most beautiful light I had ever seen. They came in all colors, their wings made of rainbow. They flew to the puddles and started to dance, making tiny little dents in the smooth surface. I couldn't believe my eyes. I ran to my room and grabbed my rain coat wanting to see up close. I opened the door and rushed out, but they didn't mind. They kept on dancing, their wings mixing together. I went to the largest group of fairies and bent down. They liked having an audience. I put my hands in the water and scooped some up. Some fairies danced in my hand and I screamed with delight. The sun came out and the fairies departed, leaving behind a long path of rainbow across the sky for me to follow. Hopefully much more to come!
__________________ |
| |
07-21-2005, 06:41 AM
|
#2 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
| Hi people who read my poetry...
Hi, I'm MalMalfoy, or better know as Miss Malfoy to some. I'm the poet. My friend Shannon did this for me as a present. I'm very grateful. So, if you want more soon, you'll have to wait. A bunch of my stuff is kinda messing, because I wrote them down and I have to try and revise them, if being the appropiate word, since my handwriting is not perfect. But I would appreciate it if you do read them. It would be great
Post pretty soon, if lucky,
Miss Malfoy
|
| |
08-03-2005, 03:51 AM
|
#3 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
I have three more poems to post here. I hope some people start to read them. I have a quote that I came up with:
So many broken hearts lay in the path of the past of my life. Will he be the one who doesn't spill another drop of ink on my precious parchment I call my path of destiny of life?
It's not really a quote but it came to me and I just had to put it here. But on with the posts. I Ask You I ask you Did life treat you well? Did it bring you love, hope, happiness? Though those are the good things. Did it also bring you a broken heart, rejection and disappointment, sadness even? I ask you Did destiny happen the way it was supposed to? For I wouldn't know, we've only just met. All I want to know, will all those things happen to me too? Will I be blessed with a name that will fit me? A name that depicts who I am inside and out? Will I know that God was right in choosing the best parents for the job of raising me until I am ready to go off and prove myself to the world? I ask you Is walking and talking my first challenge? They don't seem that hard. Walking is only one foot in front of the other and talking is moving my lips and making sure sound comes out. Yes. They don't seem hard at all. How will things feel? The sand in the sandbox just flows through, between my fingers. But as it does, should it make me feel like it's all magical? Is the air going to fly through my hair as I go back and forth on the swing? I ask you Is it really good to share with others? Will the things I learn be interesting? I want to know everything. Will the rest of the others I have to learn with be nice? Will they want to play with me? As I grow up, will I have to experience things that I really don't want to? Will the pressure be so much that I will? Will one of those experiences be love and a broken heart? Is it really apart of life? I ask you Will I have to grow up and get a job? Can it be a job I like and can do? Will I have kids of my own who look like me? Will it be fun watching them do what I used to and become something they want? Will old age get to me? Is it going to be tough knowing I'm going to die soon? Will dieing be the next adventure? Where will I go? What will I do? So I ask you one last simple question: Will life treat me good too? That's about what a baby would be asking before it's being born. Like it's soul is still in heaven and is asking someone how life really is. I know weird but I thought it was good. |
| |
08-03-2005, 03:58 AM
|
#4 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
This next one is about how beauty is in nature and how that beauty is like another world or another earth. Another Earth What a place that we live in. It's absolutely brilliant. If you would take those eyes away from all that cruelty, and feast them on something beautiful, you would see another Earth. Another place where nothing really matters. A place where beauty is in nature and all those who see its beauty. Waterfalls so blue, forrests so green, Sky how fresh, dirt how soft and delicate. People go to them, worries and troubles all in their heads, and silently ask to be consoled. They look and see this other Earth, completely different than their own. It grabs their souls and they are heeled. Oh, such beauty is hard to find. It's sad to know we are destroying it. |
| |
08-03-2005, 04:08 AM
|
#5 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
This last one is somewhat like a prequel of Flying Alone With Holes In My Wings. Growing Up Different It never occured to me, until later on in life, that I'm different. Especially in the family. I didnn't know that I was the only one with wings. As a child, things seemed perfect. Holidays with all of them, eating good food, and always having a good time. Growing up is the worst thing. Later on in my childhood, I realized they didn't like my wings. They are what make me, me. They are a gift, I do believe. These wings take me to other places I can never visit: magic castles, other worlds where adventure is. The wings also help me fly. Fly across my canvas sky and put down whatever is running through me. Growing up different is hard. It means finding out what you believed in or existed, never really was or did. Finding out the people you thought loved you for you and just couldn't wait to see when something special came around, never really did. Some you knew did, others just didn't. And now, I hope I don't have to spend more than ten minutes with them so they can't ask how my flying is going. I have to say, it's just something about the creative mind that makes me think that they are like wings. Have any of you ever heard of the term in some stories "flying across the paper" or "flying across the canvas"? When I think about the mind and when it creates, it's almost as if it's flying. And when you have a pen and paper, it soares. It's weird I know but that's how I see it.
I'll post soon when I come up with more. I hope you like them.
Miss Malfoy |
| |
08-09-2005, 10:05 PM
|
#6 (permalink)
| BeekaBeeka Firecrab
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 762
Hogwarts RPG Name: Aurora Mandich |
These are really good! I can really relate to 'growing up different' keep posting, you're a really good poet.
|
| |
08-10-2005, 07:02 AM
|
#7 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
Thanks, FireboltFreak. You are my very first reviewer. I appreciate it. Tell your friends *laughs*. I will post more soon. I hope my other friends come and look at them too. Maybe I should remind them. *poses as if thinking*
I have another poem. It's not much, just some little different things. It started out as a song, but I don't know. It's just little different things of the mind. It's not finished but I lost my flow when I started to think what to do next. It's called Dream. Dream Never say never that's what I've been taught But now I'm a fish that's finally been caught lately, lately I'm a person lost at sea I'm a drunk without a home I'm like a girl drenched in rain who's running down an empty road of dreams I'm not aloud to go out at night So I stay cooped up at night Waiting, waiting for my prince to come I'm like a person lost at sea I'm like a drunk without a home I'm like a girl drenched in rain who's running down an empty road of dreams. It's not much, as I said, but, yeah. Hope my readers like it.
Miss Malfoy |
| |
08-10-2005, 09:50 AM
|
#8 (permalink)
| SS Featured Artist DA Poet Rupert is My Man! SS100 Triumphant Aethonan
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Lovin m wolf & dingo
Posts: 18,891
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ottery St. Catchpole Third Year | *In best Terminator voice* I'll be back! Paris & Kellybear r luv :Read Otty 's fics:Gone With the Wind:I♥Rupert Miss Malfoy, the good news...I found your thread, the bad news...but it's five a.m. almost...and the worst news...I need my sleep. So rather than give you bad feedback I promise I will be here tomorrow first thing...what'smore...I'm subscribed. I promise to be back, I'm sorry I keep running out of time...seriously...but I'm here and I will be back. Loves,
-Ottery
__________________ |
| |
08-10-2005, 06:07 PM
|
#9 (permalink)
| SS Featured Artist DA Poet Rupert is My Man! SS100 Triumphant Aethonan
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Lovin m wolf & dingo
Posts: 18,891
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ottery St. Catchpole Third Year | Review for you Ms. Malfoy... Paris & Kellybear r luv :Read Otty 's fics:Gone With the Wind:I♥Rupert Quote:
Originally Posted by Malmalfoy I have three more poems to post here. I hope some people start to read them. I'm here Ms. Malfoy, just like I said I would. :ballcap: Quote:
So many broken hearts lay in the path of the past of my life. Will he be the one who doesn't spill another drop of ink on my precious parchment I call my path of destiny of life?
It sounds very pretty. But the metaphor in the second sentence is confusing (to me anyways... sorry Poetry is so not my forte) what are you trying to say? But it does sound very lovely. I Ask You I ask you Did life treat you well? Did it bring you love, hope, happiness? I like how you start it out...but I thought the next line... Though those are the good things. Awkward. Is having good things bad? I'm sorry, it just seemed odd. Did it also bring you a broken heart, rejection and disappointment, sadness even? Well if you must know...LOL. That's a smart question to ask, I like how it balances the other. I ask you Did destiny happen the way it was supposed to? Now you're delving into the realm of philosophy... For I wouldn't know, we've only just met. All I want to know, will all those things happen to me too? Yes. Will I be blessed with a name that will fit me? A name that depicts who I am inside and out? Will I know that God was right in choosing the best parents for the job of raising me until I am ready to go off and prove myself to the world? I like that. Interesting... I ask you Is walking and talking my first challenge? They don't seem that hard. I like that line...it belies the child's innocence and naivete...especially the part about the talking... Not that hard...some of us spend our whole lives just trying to find someone that will understand us... Walking is only one foot in front of the other and talking is moving my lips and making sure sound comes out. Yes. They don't seem hard at all. Here again, like I said before...I love that line because it shows us just how innocent and naive the child in the poem is. *Ottery wonders he was ever that young* Is the air going to fly through my hair as I go back and forth on the swing? I remember that. I love the imagery there, that's pretty. As I grow up, will I have to experience things that I really don't want to? Will the pressure be so much that I will? This sounded a little too uhm...grown up, which kind of undoes that whole naivete...so...hmm... Will one of those experiences be love and a broken heart? Definately too prescient... Is it really apart of life? Here you meant a part not apart...and yes sadly all of that is. I ask you Will I have to grow up and get a job? Can it be a job I like and can do? Will I have kids of my own who look like me? Will it be fun watching them do what I used to and become something they want? I would suggest moving this whole stanza up above the last one, for the simple reason that this kind of is still in the realm of childish dreams, and the last stanza was all about adult disillusionment, and since you seem to be going about it chronologically it would fit better before I think. Will old age get to me? Is it going to be tough knowing I'm going to die soon? Will dieing be the next adventure? dying Where will I go? What will I do? Good questions, kid. Wish I knew. So I ask you one last simple question: Will life treat me good too? And the final stanza, I like how you end it, it brings the whole poem together and wraps it up rather nicely. Very well done. I liked this one...just a few minor suggestions, and that's all they are, feel free to ignore them totally, it's your voice not mine. Quote: That's about what a baby would be asking before it's being born. Like it's soul is still in heaven and is asking someone how life really is. I know weird but I thought it was good. For the record I don't think it's weird at all. As I said, it's an interesting poem, and baby posed a lot of interesting questions...some of them I'm still asking myself...
__________________ |
| |
08-15-2005, 08:55 AM
|
#10 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
Ottery, what I meant by that quote is... well, it's not really a quote but I thought it sounded nice when I thought of it... what I meant was is that people have to go through so many bad relationships and all this stuff happens to them if you're starting to catch up now. Like what would be going through their mind when they meet someone they like and that would probably be the question I'd ask when I meet someone who could be a future boyfriend. I hope that clears it up for you.
Now, when I said,"Though those are the good things" I meant that they are the good things in life that people should have. I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought that it was bad. Sorry about that. It made sense to me. *shrugs then blinks*
When you said I was delving in the realm of philosophy, I didn't know I was doing that. I thought it went in nicely with everything else. And I agree with you, we all do spend most of our lives finding that one person who understands us... I'm still looking.
I'm sorry about all those grammar problems. *beats herself on the head with a metal baseball bat* I wrote it at night when I was tired. I'm not coming up with an excuse or anything but that's just how it was. Are you an English teacher because you sure do sound like one.
I know it went from being innocent and naive to being grown up. I never meant for it to be that way... honest. I thought it still sounded like a good question to ask. I knew, even as a five year old way back when about the pressures of being a teen and a grown up because I saw it others around me and also, movies can teach you a lot. But to me it sounded like a child asking if that will happen. I meant that stanza to be more of like the teen years instead of the grown up part of life and the one about the kids and the job was to be the grown up stanza. Sorry if that confused you.
Thanks for not thinking it was weird. While it was swimming around in my head it sounded that way but now I know it doesn't.
|
| |
08-15-2005, 09:03 AM
|
#11 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
I have another poem to post on here. It's my first love poem so anyone is welcome to slam it.
It's about this guy I like *mumbles 'love'* and I needed to get a lot of this stuff building in me out so I grabbed my notebook and started to write. It's called "Is It Wrong To Think". Is It Wrong To Think Is it wrong to think of the memories of you? About the first words you ever said to me? About what shirt you wore and how you looked at me when you said them? is it wrong to think of your annoying quirk? How you are so quiet that it's easy to stare and listen to what's really going on in your head? Is it wrong to think you're perfect? How you can make me feel safe and how you don't have to say anything to let me know you'll be there? Oh, yes. You are perfect. I know it's short but... I can't explain fully on why it is. It's hard.
Miss Malfoy |
| |
08-17-2005, 10:22 PM
|
#12 (permalink)
| SS Featured Artist DA Poet Rupert is My Man! SS100 Triumphant Aethonan
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Lovin m wolf & dingo
Posts: 18,891
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ottery St. Catchpole Third Year | A criticism of Another Earth...why can't we make this one it???? Paris & Kellybear r luv :Read Otty 's fics:Gone With the Wind:I♥Rupert Quote:
Originally Posted by Malmalfoy Another Earth Hmm... What a place that we live in. It's absolutely brilliant. If you would take those eyes away from all that cruelty, and feast them on something beautiful, you would see another Earth. And how sister... Another place where nothing really matters. A place where beauty is in nature and all those who see its beauty. Waterfalls so blue, forrests so green, Sky how fresh, dirt how soft and delicate. People go to them, worries and troubles all in their heads, and silently ask to be consoled. I think we live there already...it's just we hide ourselves away in cities and as far away removed from nature and beauty...well city people anyways. I live out in the country...me and my cows... No cows aren't nature and no they're not pretty...but they are "What's for dinner..." Mwahahahahahahaha They look and see this other Earth, completely different than their own. It grabs their souls and they are heeled. (it's actually healed) Unless you're referring to the heel of a persons feet... Oh, such beauty is hard to find. It's sad to know we are destroying it. Well it's nice to see you could end this on a happy note Malmalfoy... |
| |
08-17-2005, 10:38 PM
|
#13 (permalink)
| SS Featured Artist DA Poet Rupert is My Man! SS100 Triumphant Aethonan
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Lovin m wolf & dingo
Posts: 18,891
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ottery St. Catchpole Third Year | de reponse... Paris & Kellybear r luv :Read Otty 's fics:Gone With the Wind:I♥Rupert Quote:
Originally Posted by Malmalfoy Ottery, what I meant by that quote is... well, it's not really a quote but I thought it sounded nice when I thought of it... what I meant was is that people have to go through so many bad relationships and all this stuff happens to them if you're starting to catch up now. Like what would be going through their mind when they meet someone they like and that would probably be the question I'd ask when I meet someone who could be a future boyfriend. I hope that clears it up for you. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I see that now...good, only problem is you need to make the part about dropping your precious ink more...uhm...obvious, as in, staining the parchment or making a blot, because that would be what ruins (i.e. breaks your heart?) Ne? It just sounds, I mean, you're supposed to write on parchment...so *shrugs* but if you ruin the parchment that's different that's heartbreak, I understand it better, and it is good to begin with, but as I said, you might want to make the latter part clearer. It still sounds lovely. Quote:
Now, when I said,"Though those are the good things" I meant that they are the good things in life that people should have. I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought that it was bad. Sorry about that. It made sense to me. *shrugs then blinks*
You don't need to apologize sweetie...readers will not always understand what you write...that's a tragedy inherent in being a writer, trust me...it's our job to impart our thoughts...and hope we get the point across, but you won't always...so don't be sorry. Just write more. Quote:
When you said I was delving in the realm of philosophy, I didn't know I was doing that. I thought it went in nicely with everything else. And I agree with you, we all do spend most of our lives finding that one person who understands us... I'm still looking.
It does go nicely with everything else, don't get me wrong...there's nothing wrong with delving into philosophy even if it was unintentional...I was just pointing it out. Criticism is to criticize the work...that means what's good and what isn't. That was good. People assume criticism is everything that's wrong...Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, it's good and bad, people are just stupid. *Ottery kicks people who don't use dictionaries* Quote:
I'm sorry about all those grammar problems. *beats herself on the head with a metal baseball bat* I wrote it at night when I was tired. I'm not coming up with an excuse or anything but that's just how it was. Are you an English teacher because you sure do sound like one.
You're tooooooooooooooooo cute Ms. Malfoy, no I'm an English Major and someday I may be an English Professor but no, just a fan of the English language (and language in general) but no. English is my second language. As for the grammar mistakes that's okay...but just so you know, so as not to do it again. We all make them it isn't that bad...but it is important. I laugh at people who do this: Flos Diner. It's Flo's Diner. & People who do this: He said................ It's actually: He said...as he walked away. & You can't ever do this. NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! LOL one exclamation is enough thank you....LOL. Quote:
Thanks for not thinking it was weird. While it was swimming around in my head it sounded that way but now I know it doesn't.
You got your point across very well, just because I didn't 'get it' all, doesn't make it wrong. Don't feel bad Miss Malfoy I want you to keep writing you've got talent. Just learn the rules of grammar, before you go breaking them. *Ottery has a license to do this* OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry.
__________________ |
| |
08-18-2005, 07:16 AM
|
#14 (permalink)
| Dementor
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In an imaginery world full of magic.
Posts: 97
|
This next poem is more like a song than a poem. But lyrics are poems so there really isn't much difference. It's called "Lost and Lonely". Lost and Lonely What's wrong little young girl? Why do you cry a river of tears? I know this long road of life ain't all that easy But you know you'll make it through So don't make it hard on yourself It's not always going to be your fault Don't end up lost and lonely 'Cause you know that life is better out there. Don't go sitting by the window trying to find the person who holds the key to your sad cage I know that this long road of life ain't always so easy But you know you'll make it through. So don't make it hard on yourself It's not always going to be your fault Don't end up lost and lonely 'Cause you know that life is better out there. Don't ever be scared to cry Don't ever feel like you're on ground that won't move under your feet You know that life isn't that easy But you know that you'll make it through So don't make it hard on yourself It's not your fault at all Don't end up lost and lonely 'Cause you know that life is better out there.
I hope you like it. It's the first real song I've ever written. Criticism is okay with me. Hey, it's better to know what you think before I start to put it to music on my guitar and before I perform it... oaky I don't know if I will perform it but yeah... Enjoy.
Miss Malfoy |
| |
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts HTML code is Off | | | All times are GMT. The time now is 07:04 PM. |