Chapter 2: Traces


Long before the death of Albus Dumbledore, before Severus Snape was locked up in his home with a weeping seventeen year old, a vow had been made.

Though, in truth it had hardly been a year before the above events occurred, but for Snape, it felt like a lifetime ago when he sat in the now dead headmaster’s office, not even a day after the Unbreakable Vow had been made.

“Severus, you wanted to see me?”

There he was, old, wise and twinkling eyes, but, what’s this?

Snape’s eyes fell on the old man’s hand. Blackened and rather grotesque looking, Dumbledore’s hand looked disease ridden.

“Albus, I—” he paused. He knew he shouldn’t but, that hand was so—it looked so painful. “What has happened to your hand?”

“Ah, yes… Well, I’ve recently stumbled upon a very interesting artefact that was in need of being…destroyed. The importance of the task, of course, outweighed the importance of my hand, although, I must admit I did not realize this would happen.” He waved his hand, a small, weary smile on his face. “I’m sure it’s past saving, however, I’m sure you could whip up a salve without any trouble, Severus, just to—lessen the pain?” he asked.

Severus nodded. He knew he would get no more out of the headmaster than that.

”Now, what was it you wished to speak with me about?”

Severus sighed, taking his seat. “Albus, I have some bad news.”

“Ah, but of course, for what is war without some bad news every now and then,” he said, barely keeping the bitter bite from his voice. “Tell me, Severus, what is today’s bad news?”

At that moment, Severus wished more than anything to suddenly disappear. Of course, in situations like this, when were you wishes ever granted?

“The soon to be sixth year Slytherin, Draco Malfoy, has been given a task by the Dark Lord. He has no choice in the matter, it is either this task or—death, for both him and his mother.”

“Oh, dear. I imagine Lord Voldemort has made the task rather difficult?” he asked, the worry in his eyes sparkling like stars.

Severus nodded. “Yes. He has been ordered to kill you.”

Dumbledore blinked once, leaned back in his chair, sighed and fell into thought. It took him a long while to reply. But when he did his tone was grave, though there was an edge of hope to it.

“I think it’s best if you speak with him, Severus. Perhaps you can discover his true feelings, perhaps he will want protection from—” Dumbledore sighed again, breaking off.

“Sir, there is more.”

“But of course. Go on.”

“His mother has asked me, if in the event that Draco is unable to perform this task, I’d perform it for him. I had no choice at the time but to agree to the terms, however, I cannot back out unless I wish to die. She has cast the Unbreakable Vow.”

Dumbledore, surprisingly enough, smiled at him. “Ah, a loophole.”

Severus baulked. “W--what?”

“Young Mr. Malfoy is not a killer. He may be a bit of a bully, a very mean bully, at that, but he is not a killer. You and I both know he will be unable to perform this task. However, you have been charged with… aiding him. I will not let you die, Severus, you are very important to this war, to the Order, whether you realize it or not. I realize there are those who do not trust you, but their trust is not what counts; my trust is what counts.

“I put my faith in you, Severus, that you will see to the fulfilling of this task. When young Mr. Malfoy is unable to kill me, you will step in and do the task for him.”

Severus must have gone temporarily mad and deaf. “Al-Albus, you can’t be serious—”

“No, I am not, he is dead.”

“This is no time to joke!”

Dumbledore sighed. “I know, Severus, but there is no way to fight this. Sometimes the only way to shed light in the darkness is to laugh. I am merely doing just that, although, I could also be laughing in the face of death,” here he laughed heartily, “while you Severus watch on, most likely thinking that I am indeed a crazy old codger.” He smiled a very benign smile and Severus suddenly realized that there was no arguing the man.

However, that did not mean he wouldn’t try.

“I refuse. I will not kill you.”

“So, you will die in my stead?”

Severus’ eyes hardened. “I would rather—”

“You are young and able. You can do far more for this war now than even I can. I do not have the capabilities; I am most certain that if I attempted to sign up for the Death Eaters, I would most certainly be denied and of course, that means killed. You however are able to do the things that most members of the Order cannot. You are a spy, Severus, and the information you have can help put a stop to countless deaths. My death, though tragic, I am sure, would be only a small dent compared to the number of deaths this war is going to see.

“I’m an old man, Severus; my time is coming to an end. I can feel it approaching fast and it does not take time off because a war has broken out. I will do what I can with the time I have left. There is much that Harry needs to know. I cannot die before I have taught all I can. I will make sure to be careful of young Mr. Malfoy’s attempts on my life, though, I do not see him a real threat; he is not his father.”

Severus could not agree more, but that was beside the point. The point was, he would not be murdering Albus Dumbledore.

“Severus, I know you do not want this, but you of all people know that we do not always get what we want. There is no arguing in the matter. You will kill me, even if I have to force you, you will. I may be old, but I am still powerful enough.” He smiled. “Now, then, a lemon drop?”

“Albus, this is no time for sweets! Or jokes! This is not a matter I want closed! I will not kill you!”

“Yes, Severus, you will.”

And he knew the matter was closed. But how could it be? He didn’t want to, he couldn’t do such a thing! But those twinkling blue eyes told him that a battle of wills was going to be pointless, Dumbledore would win.

Severus sighed, resignedly. “Y—you win,” he choked.

“As I knew I would.” Dumbledore smiled. “Now, a lemon drop?”

“No, no thank you, I—I need to go… rest.”

Dumbledore nodded, a small consoling smile playing his lips. “I know this will be hard for you, Severus, but trust me, you will be doing me a favour.”

For whatever reason, Severus found that impossible to believe. He nodded and in a swish of black billowing robes, he left the office.

Dumbledore watched him go. Once the door to his office was closed, he retired to his cabinet, retrieved his Pensieve and returned to his desk.

Some memories were more valuable than others, and Dumbledore knew that he would be needing this one again, though when he could not be sure. It was imperative that he left proof of this meeting behind.

He removed the memory of his conversation with Severus Snape from his mind and placed it in the Pensieve where it swirled within. The Pensieve was placed again in his cabinet and locked away for safe keeping.

Severus would need that when the time came for him to do the impossible. Dumbledore smiled a sad smile and looked up at the headmasters and headmistresses on the wall.

“My next great adventure…”

Chapter 3: Through the Pain

Nothing good had come out of Dumbledore’s death, nothing ever would. Not only did Severus miss his old friend, but innocent people were being hurt as a result of Dumbledore’s loss, as well. Severus knew the next person who would feel unnecessary suffering was young Draco Malfoy. The boy had already been permanently marred by the experiences and preparations to become a Death Eater which he had gone through, but now he was going to be punished by the Dark Lord for failing in his appointed mission and there was very little Severus could do to help him.

Severus knew that the least he could do was to try and prepare Draco for his meeting with Voldemort. He felt it was entirely his fault that Draco was being punished in the first place; all of this was his fault. Dumbledore would still be alive if it weren’t for him.

“Listen to me carefully,” Severus said, taking a seat next to the boy. Draco was still very shaken from the events, tear streaks were evident on his face. “You are going to have to be strong when you face the Dark Lord. Don’t break down, be a man. I will help you with the pain afterwards. Do you understand?”

Sadly, Draco nodded his head. He was scared to death, Severus could tell, but like him, he had no choice but to face the consequences for his failure. Together the two of them slowly walked into Voldemort’s chambers, Draco looking as if he were going to his own execution. Severus didn’t think things would go well with either one of them, but he feared most for the boy. He knew very well how to handle anything which Voldemort might throw his way.

“Well, we meet again,” Voldemort intoned dryly as they entered the room. He was looking more sinister and reptilian than ever, his nostrils were mere slits and his red eyes glared eerily at them. Was he actually turning into a snake, Severus wondered. Being a skilled Occlumens, Severus was able to disguise his disgust even from the master of deceit. He stood, preparing himself for whatever was to happen next.

“Both of you disappoint me,” Voldemort started, sounding almost sad. Severus knew the man knew no remorse, that this was all an act of his. “Draco, you have prepared for this task for months and you show your weakness at the last moment and fail miserably? And Severus, while I appreciate the fact that you wanted to help the boy by completing the job yourself, it was not your place to do so. Nevertheless, you never would have been placed in a position where you would have to interfere were it not for this one’s incompetence.” He gestured disgustedly in the direction of Draco. “Therefore you will be spared from punishment for the time being, Severus, but I am warning you never to defy me again.”

Severus bowed his head and stiffened. He had every reason to fear for Draco. He already knew what was going to come next.

Voldemort looked directly at Draco with his evil red eyes. “You are still young and have shown some promise, and that’s the only thing that is stopping me from killing you right now. Still, you need to suffer great pain for what you have done, and suffer you shall. Crucio!” Voldemort shouted, pointing his wand at the unprepared Draco.

Draco immediately fell to the floor, screaming and crying uncontrollably. It was clear to Severus that he had never experienced pain like this before, as certainly few people had and survived. Draco contorted himself into a foetal position; his pitiful wails could be heard for miles. Severus felt for the boy, he certainly didn’t deserve this torture. If only, he thought once again. Finally, it was too much for even someone with as much control as he had to take.

“My Lord, I’m sure you have more important things to do with your time. This will have been a lesson for him and I will see that he won’t step out of line again,” Severus whispered to Voldemort, much more calmly than he felt. He knew he had to give the impression that the boy’s wellbeing was not that important to him, or else he might catch on.

“Perhaps you are right,” Voldemort commented, finally withdrawing his wand from Draco’s direction. “Take the boy out of my sight, and be warned that disobedience of any kind will not be tolerated. That applies to both of you.”

Severus gathered the body of Draco off the floor and carried him to safety. Draco was still sobbing and crying uncontrollably, he didn’t even seem to be aware of what was happening or where he was. Severus feared the experience might break the boy, he was so very young. Quickly, he performed a spell to ease the worst of Draco’s suffering and help him forget most of his ordeal. There was no reason for Voldemort to have put a young boy through something like this. Severus vowed revenge, not only for Draco’s suffering, but for Dumbledore’s death and so many other wrongs that had resulted since Voldemort had come to power. He could barely wait for the day when this Dark Lord was finally defeated, and he swore to do anything he could to hasten it along.

Severus spent the entire night caring for Draco and tending to his needs. By morning, he was finally better. Severus was happy to see the boy’s improvement. If anything had happened to him it would have been entirely his fault. He was an exceedingly strong man, but he honestly didn’t know how much more he could take. He knew the time was coming soon for him to serve his true mission.

Chapter 4 – Knowledge

Minerva McGonagall had been made headmistress of Hogwarts, that is, if the school would ever reopen. She never wanted to come by her position this way. She missed Albus Dumbledore every single day of her life. There would never be anyone to replace him in her mind and she didn’t think the pain would ever end. Minerva was never going to get over his loss. She couldn’t understand how someone she had trusted so deeply, Severus Snape, could have done this hideous, horrible act. Her trust was seldom misplaced and she had known Severus for years and years. Albus had trusted him also, probably even more than she did. There was an inexplicable bond between them that she was aware of and she couldn’t see why this bond had been broken. Many times she thought there had to be some reason why Albus had died, but there was none that she could think of. She wanted something to happen, to make her understand what had gone wrong that day. Her life was filled with a terrible sadness that time itself could never heal.

Minerva would often visit Albus’ office. She still felt his presence there very strongly and because of this, it was the only place where she could find even a small measure of comfort. She was feeling particularly depressed on this particular morning, and entered into the familiar room, desperately needing to sense him somewhere.

For some reason, her hand reached for the key to Albus’ cabinet. It was almost as if some invisible force was urging her on. She had never opened that cabinet before, but today she knew that she had to see what was inside that was calling out to here, wanting her to open it. She unlocked the cabinet and her eyes immediately fell on the Pensieve.

Minerva thought to herself about all the many secrets the Pensieve must have contained. Without really thinking about it, she set the Pensieve in its place on the desk. She looked at it and thought about all her pleasant memories of the days when Albus was alive when suddenly she felt the force of the Pensieve pulling her into it. Unable to resist, she allowed herself to enter the memory, the one that she was pre-ordained to see.

To her amazement, the meeting between Severus and Albus was played out before her eyes. She heard Severus tell Albus all about the plans of the Death Eaters and clearly state, “I will not kill you.” She felt his true feelings, and knew that he cared deeply about the headmaster, actually loved him, though she knew he would never use that word or admit to such a feeling. She heard Albus insist to Severus over and over again that he must kill him, he must.

Minerva felt herself returned from the Pensieve’s memory. She now knew for certain that her instincts had been right all along and that Severus must still be working for the Order in some capacity. Having this knowledge, she knew that she could never reveal his secret to anyone, but that somehow it was meant for her to realize the truth. She felt much relieved. She would work and do everything she could to make sure that Severus remained free, even if she weren’t able to convince anyone else of his innocence, and that his risky spying wasn’t done in vain. At least she knew his true purpose in her heart now. Somehow she felt that everything was going to work out in the end, despite all the horrendous suffering and loss that had already been sustained.

From his portrait on the wall, Dumbledore smiled.

Chapter 5 – Last days

It had been two weeks since Dumbledore died. Snape was still feeling sad and rather confused. He was still in his position as a double agent but since he ha murdered Albus Dumbledore everyone in the Order thought he was truly evil. However, one person was left he could confide in and leak information to. Minerva McGonagall had sought him after she found out about the meeting between him and Albus. She had visited him at Spinner's End and they had had an over-due talk. Severus was relieved, that he didn't have to pretend in front of her anymore. Especially now. Voldemort gave him the deserved respect for his act, but he the murder had shook him badly and he now had troubles hiding his real feelings from the Dark Lord.

The last meeting he had attended, Voldemort told him that he was going to attack the Order soon. Bellatrix was assigned to spy on Potter and discovered that Potter wass going to visit the graveyard of his parents at Godric's Hollow in a few days. Severus immediately warned Minerva about the looming attack. But Harry was still reluctant to believe Snape’s words.

On the day of the last battle, Snape decided to go to Godric's Hollow a little earlier to face the Order and explain his situation. As soon as he apparated, he heard voices behind his back. He turned around and saw Harry with his best friends and at least half of the Order. He spotted Minerva among the crowed as well. She looked at him, smiling, but stood no chance against the reflexes of the rest of the group. They reacted immediately, shot spells at Snape and finally Mad-Eye tied him up - around a tree. Snape knew that it would take some time to convince them, so he let them proceed without defending himself.

“Ooh, so you thought Harry would be here alone, didn't you? Well, guess what. He isn't. We are all with him and ready to fight Voldemort and you. After all you did… I should kill you right know,” saying these words, Mad-Eye raised his wand.

Minerva quickly stepped forward and lowered his wand. “Don't you dare to kill him! He is on our side! I saw proof of it.”

Everybody gazed at her in disbelief.

“You can't be serious, Minerva. How can you be on his side? Think … he killed Dumbledore,” said Lupin, throwing a disgusting look at Snape.

“Yes. Yes, I did kill him, but not because I wanted to, but because he asked me to,” Snape stated quietly. He had to convince them. He hoped everything would work out fine. “Minerva, I hope you brought what I asked you to. Please, show them. We don't have much time left.”

Everyone looked at Minerva while she opened a little bottle containing the silvery-bluish memory. When they saw a meeting between Dumbledore and Snape, they couldn't believe it.

“I don't believe this. It's fake. Either way, why did you do it? Even if he asked you to do it, you should have refused,” screamed Harry at Snape. Severus saw his anger and disappointment.

“I know. I did. I fought against his crazy idea, but you know, you can't win over him. And I made an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy,” replied Snape.

“Like we care for you,” Harry yelled, a mad look on his face.

These words really hurt Snape, but he had expected this nonetheless. Suddenly, his Dark Mark burned and he gasped.

“Please, believe me. I'm on your side and now, please untie me. The Dark Lord is coming. He will apparate any second now. He is bringing Dementors, Death Eaters, maybe even giants. This is going to be a terrible battle. Let me help you.”

Mad-Eye untied him, still bearing a suspicious look on his face. Harry, who didn’t believe a word, tried to stop him. “One wrong move and you are dead. You hear me, Snape?” said Mad-Eye.

A few seconds later, the war begun. Death Eaters appeared and Dementors attacked. One approached Snape.

“Here you are, Snape. Where have you been? Never mind, help us kill this rats,” Goyle said.

“Oh, I don't think so, Goyle,” replied Snape.

“What –” Goyle never finished the question.

Snape wanted to kill the Death Eaters and maybe even Voldemort with every fibre of his being. Taking revenge for everything they mdae him do. He shouted ‘Avada Kedavra!’ with almost a hint of pleasure in his voice.

Soon, he had killed at least five Death Eaters more. All of them believed he was on their side, so they didn't try to stop him, He saw that Harry was fighting Bellatrix. He saw the disgust on the young boy’s face. He remembered – Bellatrix had murdered Sirius, but Harry was no much for the witch. Snape was running towards the pair when some hex hit him in the back. He fell down on the grounds and couldn't move. He saw him, the Dark Lord. He had never before seen so much anger in his eyes. It was even more horrible and uglier than usual. Snape didn't hide his feelings anymore.

“Finally, Snape. I see your real thoughts. You've disappointed me. You see, I believed you. I thought you were on my side, but now I see I was wrong. I can't believe you are such a looser to be with these fools. But don't worry, they will all die, including you,” Voldemort sneered.

“I have no need to hide them, now. You should know, how much I hate you and how much you disgust me.” Snape spat on the ground.

“Ooh, no need to insult me. One thing, I don't get is – why did you kill Dumbledore? If you are so good and all, you would need him alive,” started Voldemort, but Snape interrupted him: “I killed him on his request, to secure my place at your side until the time would come to reveal my true loyalties and mark your downfall.”

“How kind of you. But, we shouldn't forget…you made the Unbreakable Vow, didn't you? I'm sure you didn't want to die. Stop pretending, Snape! You aren't as good as you say. Admit it,” Voldemort whispered.
But Voldemort didn't give Snape a chance to answer. “Well, it doesn't matter, now. It's time to put you in your place.”

Snape was horrified. He saw that desire for revenge in Voldemort's eyes. Snape knew his end had come.

Without any words, Voldemort raised his wand and suddenly Snape screamed so terribly, painfully. Voldemort removed his wand for a while and said in cold voice, “Enjoying, Snape? Well, I've got more coming to you.”

Snape lie there on the ground, breathing heavily.

They reacted immediately, shot spells at Snape and finally Mad-Eye tied him up - around a tree.

:simm: Haha, SISNMM.

Snape would ever care what the Order thought of him

Chapter six: We Are Saints

Snape glared up at the Dark Lord just long enough to see him raise his wand again. He writhed in agony; he was in so much pain he could only feel the beating of his heart, the searing torture, and the hard ground. He also felt the hex that bound him wearing off, but could still not reach his wand, which was barely a foot away. Suddenly, Voldemort turned his back to Snape and began shooting hexes in the opposite direction. Severus was slowly regaining his breath as he looked to what Voldemort had turned to.

It was Minerva, who had been trying to distract the Dark Lord, if just for a moment, and it worked. Snape drew every ounce of strength left in him and twisted as hard as he could to trip Voldemort. He fell backwards just as Minerva performed the counter-curse on Snape.

He leapt up, grabbed his wand and felt the searing pain again. Voldemort aimed another curse at Snape.

If I fall again, I may not get another chance..., he thought.

He couldn't breathe, he didn't even know if he'd fallen or not. Nevertheless, with as much concentration as he could, he blindly raised his wand and whsipered, "Sectumsempra!"

The pain stopped. Snape swayed in place, suddenly realising that he was still standing, and struck again. Voldemort wasn't hurt badly, of course, but was in pain just long enough for Snape to disarm him. Voldemort's wand flew yards away and Snape pointed his own wand directly at the Dark Lord.

"Get up!" he spat, "If I'm to kill you now, I want to see your lifeless body drop!"

Behind Snape, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were standing back-to-back, shooting curses at the remaining Death Eaters. Voldemort got up, smiling coldly at Snape, who knew that Voldemort could easily kill him without a wand.

"Severus. You know-"

But Snape cut through him, "Shut up! I've listened to you long enough! Years of bowing in your presence and watching you kill and torture-" But was cut short as he shot a curse at Voldemort, as his opponent was about to do the same.

Minerva was fending off a Death Eater and shouted, "What are you waiting for, Severus?!"

Snape moved backwards, just to Harry's left, remembering the prophecy he heard so many years ago: One must die at the hand of the other and neither can live while the other survives.

But he knew it wouldn't happen. He would take too much pleasure in killing his former Master here and now. There were only five or six Death Eaters remaining now, and a few members of the Prder had already apparated out, on orders of course.

"Severus!" Minerva was gaining the upper hand against the Death Eater as Voldemort stood at Snape's mercy, defenceless, and...laughing?

"He can't do it...He won't do it...He's a coward!"

These words were all he needed. Snape began to draw breath for the final curse when the rest of the Death Eaters turned and directed all their energy towards Harry. He was torn, either kill the most evil wizard alive, or save the boy who lived.

The next few moments happened in seemingly Slow-motion. Voldemort reached his wand and was bringing it up to point at Severus. Hermione and Ron had fallen victim to a hex and were motionless on the ground. The Death Eaters were closing in on Harry, and Snape could smell the cold, icy, breath that he knew was Death. He also knew there was a choice he had to make: The choice to live or the choice to die.

He leapt back in front of Harry, his wand still pointed at Voldemort. The Death Eaters who were in front of Harry cast Avada Kedavra only one tiny moment after Snape did. Harry closed his eyes, not realising that Snape had just flung himself in front of him.

Voldemort dropped to the ground, dead. Severus saw him glare with his red eyes just before they turned soft and empty. The final moment of Snape’s life was not filled with pain or fear, but pleasure and pride. He dropped onto the ground; his hand fell to his side, still clutching his wand.

Minerva and Lupin took the Death Eaters by surprise as Harry opened his eyes and lifted the curses of Hermione and Ron. Severus had provided the spare moment they'd needed.

It was over. It was all over. Most of the Death Eaters were dead, as was Voldemort, who deserved nothing more. The remaining Death Eaters were Stunned. The Trio and the Order were cheerfully congratulating each other, but McGonagall stood quietly next to Snape’s lifeless body, a silent tear trickling down her face. They all stopped and turned. Snape's cold, empty eyes stared up at the equally empty sky, his black hair was bathed in a small puddle of accumulated blood. His long, black cloak spread over the ground under him.