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Old 06-01-2005, 12:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Default Patrick Thatcher and the Colonist's Compass - Sa9+





***New Readers***
I'm going to help you out so you don't have to navigate through all these pages. You can read this fic here and you'll have a much easier time. Plus, that link has the most current version of Patrick available. Hope you enjoy it and happy reading!


This story takes place in the same universe and world as Harry Potter, but it is about a boy who attends the American Wizarding School. This is really more of a condensed version of what I intend to write. This is just a more detailed outline per se. So...here's a bit from the first chapter. (Siggy thanks to Mikaela!)


Chapter One: The Message Mishap
As far as anyone could remember the Thatchers had never been a normal family. In fact, the whole town of Arbridge was more unusual than most. Lining the streets stood several wooden houses of varying shapes and sizes. Nothing in this town would lead anyone to believe that ordinary people lived here. The yards of the many homes kept far from average plants and far from average people and none of the dwellings looked like the ones on either side of it. Each one did have something in common, however; they were owned by wizards. Decorated with odd fashioned weather panes and golden wind chimes, the house at thirty-one Mather Street held a very excited family and one resting ten year-old. Inside, a tall and lanky figure pulled away the covers concealing his lazy, snoozing brother.

"Patrick wake up! Come on everyone is waiting downstairs, today might be the day!" Patrick Thatcher was a blonde-haired, freckle-faced boy with sapphire blue eyes. He squinted at his brother's long face and he buried his head once more into his pillow.

"If today's the day then wake me when it gets here," mumbled a drowsy Patrick through his pillow.

Patrick had been waiting for the day that all Wizarding children anticipate. Before they turn the age of eleven, wizards are sent their most cherished letter; the letter admitting them to the best Wizarding School in America. Patrick, who figured he could read his letter at any time once it arrived, was not keen on being interrupted from his slumber. His ears could hear the sound of many chattering voices from downstairs. Patrick knew that these belonged to his large family who had been spending the past couple days waiting along with Patrick, for his letter. This type of gathering was a tradition in the Pureblood family of Thatchers.

Paul looked down at his brother with a frown, reached into his pocket and withdrew a thin wooden wand from inside it. He waved it with a simple swish and flicked it while muttering, "Wingardium Leviosa."

Leaving his bed well beneath him, Patrick's body hovered mid-air, above his room. Flailing his arms in the air he exclaimed, "All right, all right I'm up!"

"Too right, you know," said Paul as he dropped him back onto his bed and turned to leave the room. Patrick stumbled to his feet and followed him out the door.

"I'm going to be honest, if it doesn't come today it'll never come," remarked a bemused Paul.

Patrick's face had changed from indifferent to worried. He had always taken his Wizarding abilities for granted, if he did not get the chance to learn how to use them he feared he would end up disgracing the long Pureblood line of Thatchers. So far, no one in his family had turned out to be a Squib (a wizard who had inherited no magical prowess.) This thought brewed inside his mind while walking down the long flight of stairs separating him from those chattering voices. Patrick's attention was grabbed by the large number of faces moving excitedly in their parlor. He had heard several voices, but not as many as there were people to lend them. Almost every family member he knew was sitting, standing, or drinking tea. The living room had definitely held a much larger crowd than those that had turned up yesterday.

Before Patrick could be barraged with never-ending embraces, his owl Icarus had swooped down and perched himself on his shoulder screeching and flapping his wings, clearly as excited as everyone else. Icarus' wings shielded Patrick from his Aunt Ordna, whose fingers had tried to pinch his mildly-freckled face, and the rest of the clambering crowd who had gathered around him. They backed away fearing to be cut by his great, grey claws.

"Let the boy through," croaked a gruff voice. "He's only just gotten up. The sooner you all leave him alone the sooner he can shut up that bird!" The voice belonged to Emeritus Thatcher, Patrick's grandfather. He was very well known in the Wizarding world as he was one of the oldest living American wizards. Everyone listened reluctantly, ensuring that Grandpa Thatcher got his way. This was usually what happened whenever he made a request. The Thatchers obeyed not so much out of respect, but because if they didn't, he would start firing off the numerous achievements he had accomplished in his younger days. "Come here Patrick," requested Grandpa Thatcher, "just you wait and it'll be here in no time.

Patrick patted his owl’s neck and set him on the back of the couch where he was asked to sit.

“Ah, I remember when I got my letter. Back then it had to be delivered by hand. Wizards weren't very popular in my day, but we--"

Before he could finish his sentence a large brown owl had flown in through a window that the Thatchers had decorated for this momentous occasion. It was covered in streamers and banners with pictures of Patrick showered in confetti. The owl circled the room and landed on top one of the stairway banisters clutching an ivory white envelope. Patrick ran over to it, and removed it from the owl's claw, which immediately flew away through the same window not without carrying a "Congratulations Patrick!" banner with him.

Patrick ripped open the letter quickly, not even bothering to glance at the envelope. He was so relieved that his letter had arrived he wasted no time tearing through the navy-blue seal, bearing a "W" encircled by 13 stars, and quickly skimmed the words. His face fell....

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Old 06-02-2005, 11:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Lightbulb Your first reader is here my friend

Quote:
Chapter One: The Message Mishap
As far as anyone could remember the Thatchers had never been a normal family. In fact, the whole town of Arbridge was more unusual than most. Lining the streets stood several wooden houses of varying sizes and shapes.Each one had something in common; they were owned by wizards.

That sounded so much like the opening of the fourth book, but I must say it was appealing. By the way, I noticed that you've got an excellent tate for names...Arbridge does sound magical.


Quote:
"If today's the day then wake me when it gets here," mumbled a drowsy Patrick through his pillow.


I liked that line because it tells so much about the charater, you know, it's just like the mind of a ten year old, by the way, aren't students supposed to get their call letters when they're 11? maybe that only for Hogwarts i guess...

Quote:
"I'm going to be honest, if it doesn't come today it'll never come," remarked a bemused Paul. Patrick's face had changed from indifferent to worried. He had always taken his wizarding abilities for granted, if he did not get the chance to learn how to use them he feared he would end up disgracing the long pureblood line of Thatchers.
You've caught the typical wizarding mentality there...

Quote:
his owl, Icarus, had swooped down and perched himself on his shoulder, screeching and flapping his wings clearly as excited as everyone else. Icarus' wings shielded Patrick from his Aunt Ordna, whose fingers had tried to pinch his mildly-freckled face, and the rest of the clamboring crowd who had gathered around him.
Another example of your good choice of names

Quote:

This was usually what happened whenever he made a request. The Thatchers obeyed not so much out of respect, but because if they didn't, he would start firing off the numerous achievements he had accomplished in his younger days.
"Come here Patrick," requested Grandpa Thatcher, "just you wait and it'll be here in no time. Ah, I remember when I got my letter. Back then it had to be delivered by hand. Wizards weren't very popular in my day, but we--"
Hehe! grandad's!!! *rolls eyes*


Quote:
Patrick ripped open the letter quickly, not even bothering to glance at the envelope. He was so relieved that his letter had arrived he wasted no time tearing through the navy-blue seal and quickly skimmed the words. His face fell....
A cliffhanger....you know the tricks of the trade!
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Old 06-02-2005, 05:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by hoh4twins
by the way, aren't students supposed to get their call letters when they're 11? maybe that only for Hogwarts i guess...
Just as in Harry's case, they usually get their letters a little bit before their birthday. As you know, Harry had to wait until his birthday because the Dursley's kept him away from the letters.
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Old 06-03-2005, 02:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Exclamation

That cleared it...but I'm always looking forward for more!
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Old 06-03-2005, 03:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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That is ingenious, Dean. I'm curious to see how the American side differs from England. I never would have thought of making a American story. I can't wait to see what you do with this. Post your updates soon!
 
Old 06-03-2005, 04:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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First off, I would like to say that from what I have read so far, I am very happy with the way that you seem to be writing this story. I am always a bit hesitant with HP fanfic that takes place in America, or features American students. You appear to have decided to not fall unto the crutch of a 'typical' 'Americanized' HP fic. (I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about.) Because of the more mature level of this outline, I think that this will be nice and original.

I like how your characters are very real, and give the read the abilty to relate to the story. I can "see" the characters doing this in my mind. Who doesn't think of someone they know that the grandad reminds them of? Finding a balance between giving a character quirks and personality, and not going over the top can be difficult, but characters like the grandad nail it.

Since you have already stated that this is an outline and compressed, I won't nag on length. Just remember that description is important, and people generally like good sized chapters. I look forward to reading the entire chapter fleshed out.

Kudos to you as well for your grammar, it makes your story that much more enjoyable to read.

Just curious, when does this take place in relation to the HP series...or do we not know that yet for plot purposes?

In all, I look forward to watching how this story develops, and will definately keep my eye on it.
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Old 06-03-2005, 04:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Default Mishap cont...

The room, once filled with smiling faces, stared intently at Patrick as he stood silently holding both the unfolded letter and envelope.

"What is it boy? Read it!" Grandpa Thatcher was clearly annoyed at Patrick's statue-esque behavior. He waved his wand and the letter flew out of his grandson's hand. He, too, read the letter with a puzzled expression.

The rest of the Thatchers began to get restless as neither Patrick nor Emeritus would explain all the fuss. One of Patrick's stockier uncles removed his yellow hat violently and furrowed his brow.

"Well, are you going to tell us what it said?" he spat.

"With a tone like that I can just keep it to myself. I didn't risk my neck--talk to me like that, will you?" Grandpa Thatcher dabbed the small beads of sweat dripping from his pearl white hair.

"Please Dad, just read it," pleaded Patrick's father, Charles Thatcher. He stood as he spoke and it became apparent that he was a very tall man. He walked over behind his father trying to read along as he read aloud:

WENTWATER CONSERVATORY


of MAGIC

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dean: Miles Montgomery

(Fmr. Rep.of New England Legislative Chamber)


Dear Mr. Quinn,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the Wentwater Conservatory of Magic. You will find enclosed a list of necessary school supplies.


The school term begins August 20. We expect your reply by return owl no later than August 1.


Yours Sincerely,


Ernest Snerkin


Ernest Snerkin


Asst. Dean


Mr. Quinn? Everyone seemed to be pondering what that name was doing on Patrick's letter. Once he finished, he folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope. He turned it over and he could clearly see the name that Patrick overlooked in his excitement. Surely enough, the letter was addressed to a Mr. William Quinn. Grandpa Thatcher inclined his head toward the envelope after reading the name, and surveyed the room.

Suddenly the people had understood the state of shock that Patrick was feeling. Mr. Thatcher took the letter from his father and opened it once more; as if to check that what his father had read was accurate. Many others got up from their seats and hurried behind to do the same.

Patrick watched as his family's murmurs filled the room. He had disappointed them. He was to first to ruin the tradition of the Thatchers. He did not know what he wanted to do. Perhaps, he would run away and try to make it as a Muggle, he thought, that was, until his mother walked over and embraced him. Her light brown hair tickled his ear as she whispered her assurances.

"Don't worry we'll get this straightened out. We know you're a wizard and even your brother can vouch for that. Remember when he used to stick out his tongue at you when he got the last piece of pie? It took quite a while for your father to find a spell to re-arrange his face again." Patrick let out a soft chuckle and his mother flashed a wide smile. He had been foolish to think that his past demonstrations of magic could be overridden by an incident such as this. He remembered yet another, moment of budding Wizardry. One that included the spontaneous appearance of no less than fifty crystal vases, after tossing and breaking the original one with a new quaffle he had received for his sixth birthday.

"Catherine! Come on we're heading down to the school to check on this," Mr. Thatcher beckoned. The rest of the family stood behind him ready to investigate this oddity.

Mrs. Thatcher turned once more to her son. “Ok, Patrick, we'll be back soon. Meanwhile, you start sending some owls to your family thanking them for coming." She hugged and kissed him on the cheeks and moved to join her husband.

Patrick slowly climbed the stairs back to his room listening to the popping sounds of twenty wizards and witches apparating away. He sat on his bed where his blankets had been untouched from before. Not feeling in the mood to write letters at a time such as this, he laid on his bed watching his poster of Ryan Custford from his favorite Quidditch team, the Wickenburg Warblers, fly around a large field. Looking around at all that he had ever known, he wrapped his covers around him and sat in solemn silence.

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Old 06-03-2005, 05:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShriekingSnape
First off, I would like to say that from what I have read so far, I am very happy with the way that you seem to be writing this story. I am always a bit hesitant with HP fanfic that takes place in America, or features American students. You appear to have decided to not fall unto the crutch of a 'typical' 'Americanized' HP fic. (I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about.) Because of the more mature level of this outline, I think that this will be nice and original.
I do know what you mean all too well. Of the few American fics I've read they tend to be either a complete copy of HP with different names or something that is a bit too farfetched. I think the difference with this story I'm planning, is that it doesn't have anything to do with HP other than the fact that it is in the same universe. So you won't see any of the characters mentioned in the HP series, but you may see allusions to the events that have occurred once in a while. I want to make this as original as possible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShriekingSnape
Since you have already stated that this is an outline and compressed, I won't nag on length. Just remember that description is important, and people generally like good sized chapters. I look forward to reading the entire chapter fleshed out.
You're right, and I plan on writing longer chapters...but like you've already noticed this is an elaborated outline so once I'm done I plan to go back through and add more to the places that are lacking. That first post was a bit shorter than it was now, I've edited that 5 or more times for grammar and additional info so even that is subject to change. You never know, you could look back on any of the chapters and they might not be the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShriekingSnape
Just curious, when does this take place in relation to the HP series...or do we not know that yet for plot purposes
It takes place 10 years after PS/SS. So this is 2001. So about the time that Harry is starting school Patrick was born.You never know where the next great wizard will be...
Thanks for all your feedback...I really appreciate it.
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Old 06-03-2005, 07:07 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Post I see that you've got a nice title!

The latest post was as good as the previous one. I'm glad its all original, very rarely have I come across such stories. I'm not reviewing now, but I assure that my views have always been and will be honest.

Looking forward for more of the story...

your avid reader
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Old 06-03-2005, 07:14 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Like the title? I kept trying to change it to something else, but it wouldn't fit and I couldn't get rid of this one.
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Old 06-03-2005, 07:27 AM   #11 (permalink)
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That's a nice title indeed, its kept me guessing what the colonist's compass would mean...but I uess I'll find out! BTW< are posting more of this story, coz I'm seing you here for the third time!!! no offence.
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Old 06-03-2005, 07:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm still conjuring my story. Plus I'm looking over what I've already posted for grammar and for sentences I can reword or make longer and the like.
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Old 06-03-2005, 10:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Default Chapter Two: Grandpa Thatcher's Gift

Having fallen asleep in his wandering thoughts, Patrick awoke later in the day. He looked outside his window and noticed that the sun was ready to set. Surely, everyone had returned from Wentwater, he thought, as he followed the same path downstairs that he had taken earlier that morning. He walked through the house until he came across his brother and their house elf, Merton. Merton was a very young elf with sparkling silver eyes and long bat-like ears. He wore a well kept green vest that was a bit too large for him. He had been scurrying back and forth fixing Paul a sandwich when he moved to usher Patrick through the door. Merton could be incredibly forceful when helping around the house. As a matter of fact, whenever he was not offering food to the closest Thatcher, he was busy keeping everything in the house spic and span. Merton tended mostly to Patrick, making sure that his room was always kept up; which usually meant Patrick had a hard time finding things that Merton had rearranged.

“Please sit down sir, Merton doesn't want his newest wizard to be uncomfortable," the elf squeaked. Patrick looked from the elf to his brother. He obviously had not bothered to inform Merton of the events that occurred earlier. Patrick was pushed into a chair and once more looked at his brother, this time furtively.


“What happened to everyone? Did they come back?" He spoke almost frantically as if his whole life depended on it.

“All of them decided to move to Honduras, said something about you being a disgrace and having to cut their losses," said Paul licking mayonnaise off of his fingers.

“Seriously, where are they?!" said Patrick recognizing his brother's horrible habit to joke at the most uninviting time. His hand hit the table almost knocking over the plate of sandwiches Merton had just put out for them.

“Don't blow a gasket, Patty! They straightened everything out. They're probably out buying stuff to celebrate," he finished in a high-pitched mock voice. "You're lucky. I didn't get half the stuff you did."

Relieved, but still confused Patrick took a chunk out of his sandwich and began to question. "Well why did I get William's letter?"

“Heck, they don't even know," he mumbled between bites. "They said something like this is pretty rare, especially for a school with a reputation like Wentwater. Turns out that Quinn kid already got his letter a while back, must have forgotten to cross him off the list."


It was definitely a possibility; albeit an unlikely one. Surely the school would not be so reckless as to forget such a minute, yet simple, task. Maybe, Patrick thought, his letter simply forgot to be written; although this scenario was a far worse predicament than his previous one. Patrick pondered several possibilities while stuffing his face with the large amount of food on his plate. Now that he was sure that he was going to Wentwater again, his appetite mirrored his growing excitement. After a couple more refills of Merton's sandwiches and tea, the Thatchers returned. One by one, they emerged from the giant brick fireplace in the Thatcher's living room. Merton wasted no time cleaning up the layers of ash the wizards had smuggled inside the house from their trip. There were considerably less people now than there were earlier today. Patrick assumed they had returned home after the commotion.

Patrick was greeted with hugs from his remaining family, all of which were eager to tell him the news. It was refreshing, this time, to meet their embraces and even their fingers (Aunt Ordna was able to reach them now). They sat around chatting as Merton once more carried in an arsenal of food and drinks to be devoured. Everyone was busy discussing which Residence Hall he might be placed in upon his arrival at Wentwater.

“Both Catherine and I were Allards, he’s bound to follow in our footsteps,” triumphed Mr. Thatcher.

“Nonsense,” croaked Patrick’s stocky Uncle Latimer. “I’ve watched the boy. He’s a Kinsey if I’ve ever seen one.”

Patrick hardly listened to their words. Seeing his family roused with excitement confirmed his admittance; it was a great feeling that he could now share with this family. While dozing, he was tapped on the shoulder by his grandfather who was wearing a sly grin on his face.

“Over here, I have something for you."

He got up unnoticed, his family still fussing over his new home, and followed his grandfather to his room. Patrick had just realized that he had rarely been in here. The previous occasions he had only been instructed to leave something on his grandfather's bed or another task where his time in the room was kept short. Otherwise, Grandpa Thatcher’s room was normally locked and he was rarely seen in his room for any extended period of time. He used this opportunity to survey the room. It was decorated with numerous medals and several old pictures of him, some of them from his younger days others more recent. Old banners of navy-blue hung on the walls and there were several old objects scattered across his grandfather’s furniture. He focused on something that lay resting on his dresser.


“What is this?" Patrick inquired pointing to a picture of ten, twenty-something wizards, each of them wearing plus-fours and long, navy-blue, coat-like robes.

"That's one of my old brigades, but you have no interest in that," he replied.

Patrick stared at their waving hands until he saw his grandfather struggling to open a drawer with his wand. Judging by his difficultly opening it, the drawer had been sealed with a hefty bit of magic that even his grandfather had trouble conjuring. Poking and prodding it over and over he got past this obstacle and he finally jolted open the drawer and reached inside for its dusty contents. He searched around until his arm was half-way inside the small drawer. He frisked around and soon pulled out a smooth wooden box.

“Here, I want to give this to you," he said offering the box forward to Patrick. "It helped me when I was growing up and I want you to have it, too.” His grandfather’s face released a wide smile. He had never seen him with any such expression. “I would have given it to your brother, but he was insistent that he could handle himself and didn’t want any help…so I saved it for you."

Patrick took the box and noticed a pair of hinges on one side of the wood. He tried to pry it open, but he had no luck.

His grandfather chuckled. "You can't open that box, it'll open when you need it."


"How will I know when I need it?" he asked.

“I don't think you'll have to worry about that," he said with a smirk. "Now go on and get out of here, and don't show that to anyone, you hear?"


Patrick nodded, and hurried outside the room. He stared at it for a moment, shaking its contents. He could not hear anything. Placing his present comfortably between his two hands, he ran up the stairs to tuck away his new gift. In his excitement he took the stairs two at a time. About halfway up, he stopped, mid-jump, and was called by his mother.

“Patrick!"


He hastily hid the box behind his back and answered her. "Yes mom?"

“Go to bed early, we're going to go out to the Square tomorrow and get your supplies for school."

Patrick nodded his head quickly and ran upstairs to his room. He greeted it much better than before, with a huge jump on his mattress and a face full of smiles. Not only was he admitted to his school, but he was not a disgrace to his family. With a new gift that was sure to help him if he needed it, he was more excited than ever for the start of the fall term. It was hard to believe that earlier today he was worried at all.
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Old 06-03-2005, 06:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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-clappin- This is a very good imaginitive fic you have here. I'll be stoppin by often for the updates.
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Old 06-03-2005, 08:30 PM   #15 (permalink)



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Hey Alex.
This is fantastic. I'll start to reveiw after this, either that or I'll go into more detail on AIM (if it stops playing up). Keep writing!
Toria
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Old 06-03-2005, 11:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Default Chapter Three: Agnomon Square

*A portion of the third chapter...

Too eager for school, Patrick sprang out of his bed and dressed quickly. He threw on a pair of scarlet robes and raced down to meet his mother. He had never been so happy to go anywhere before, especially when it came to shopping. His mother was holding a brown pot while she called her husband in to join them.

"Charles! Come on dear you know there are going to be huge crowds. There always are at this time of year." She looked at her son softly. "Are you ready to go? Whatever you need we'll get it just ask." Patrick nodded and his father came walking out of the kitchen clutching the current edition of The Warlock Examiner.

"This country is going downhill since Filibuster stepped into office," he said, setting his mug down on the table in front of them.

"Later, dear," Mrs. Thatcher said, while wiping off a few stray crumbs from her husband's face, "you can talk about politics later. You know your father has strong views when it comes to that." She checked her family over again, and handed Mr. Thatcher the brown jar. He reached in and pulled out a fist full of grey powder. He stepped inside his enormous fireplace, and spoke very clearly, in the direction of his family, the words "Agnomon Square." At these words he threw the powder at his feet where a rush of green flames immediately engulfed him. Patrick's mother had reached for the jar to hand some to her son, but Patrick had already grabbed his share and dashed into the fireplace. He, just like his father, stood in front of his mother and spoke the name of his destination. "Agnomon Square!" He threw the fistful of powder down giggling, and was taken away by the same emerald green flames. His eyes saw flashes of many other fireplaces as he tumbled around toward the Square. Went he finally arrived, he fell flat on his bottom to the hearty laughs of his father. He helped Patrick up and they waited only a few seconds until his mother arrived through the same fireplace. She brushed herself off and they made their way through the several other wizards who, too, had just arrived.

The irony in Agnomon Square was that it was not even a square at all. Agnomon was a large, two-story circular plaza and situated in the center was a magnificent silver sundial. It was surrounded all around by several stores, some larger than others, that were concentric from the sundial.
Patrick looked up as those on the second floor looked down on the shoppers, admiring the sundial. Today was just as crowded as Mrs. Thatcher suspected. Patrick’s gaze bounced from wizard to witch noticing differences in each one’s attire. He watched one short witch wearing flower-print robes, walk into Fancour's Wizarding Sports Shop. The store’s window bore a display of the Bloomfield Barons Quodpot team. The moving poster showed twenty players attempting to hurl a ball into a pot. The player wearing robes with “Jewkes” across the back came close to scoring before the ball he was holding exploded during the release.

Mr. Thatcher unfolded an ivory piece of parchment, not unlike the letter Patrick had opened, that he had removed from his cloak. He briefly skimmed the list and passed it over to his son. Patrick, who, amongst the tumult, had neglected this piece of paper yesterday, carefully read its contents:


WENTWATER CONSERVATORY

of MAGIC
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


UNIFORM
First-year students will require:
1. Three sets of plain work robes (Navy-blue)
2. One pair of protective gloves (Dragon hide or similar)
3. One winter cloak (Navy-blue, silver fastenings)

COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of each of the following:
The Essential Spell Book (Volume 1) by Tyler Hewden
A Historical Look at Magic by Andrew Plinius
Introduction to Transfiguration by Jeffrey Flexing
Common Charms and Enchantments by Otfried Joltt
Magical Properties of Plants by Wynona Pistil
Playing with Potions by Digory Mediment
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander
Fending off Forces: A Journey in Self-Defense by Oscar Tutham

OTHER EQUIPMENT
1 wand
1 cauldron (copper, standard size 2)
1 telescope
1 set brass scales
Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad.


PARENTS PLEASE NOTE THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS.



"Come Patrick," his parents called, "we have to go get your wand first!" He tore his focus from the list and turned to follow them and they stepped over to one of the larger stores. A bell chimed as the Thatchers creaked open the door and walked into Wedgewood's Wand Shop. Patrick handed the paper back to his father and stood along with his mother behind another group of people who were standing a few feet in front of them, at the counter. They were very oddly dressed. All of them were wearing black clothes with many silver links and chains that were hanging, attached, to various areas. Their daughter had black nails and matching lipstick. When the Middle-aged man at the counter returned holding a thin box, the family nodded appreciatively and walked quickly out the door. Patrick caught a glimpse of the girl's face as she passed, and he could tell that she was clearly embarrassed.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Thatcher," the man said, happily.

"Hello, Walter. How's your father?" Mr.Thatcher replied."Doesn't he usually run the counter?"

"Yes, he's away at a wand-making convention meeting with all the top makers. What about your father, how is the ol' hero holding up?"

"He's doing fine, especially for his age, but, from the oldest of the Thatchers to the youngest. We're getting Patrick, here, his first wand." Mr. Thatcher moved Patrick who had been looking out the nearby window at balloons that had been gradually appearing on the other side of the glass, to the front of the counter.

"Ah, another Thatcher. I'm sure your grandfather had told you stories of his old days. I bet he gave you a few pointers on being a first-class wizard." Patrick nodded, not paying attention. His eyes were browsing the numerous boxes lining the walls of the shop. He knew that one of these had to have been his, and he would try every one if he had to.

"Let's see...how about this one? 12 1/2 inches, Hazelwood, strong and durable." He handed it over to Patrick. His hands were warmed at the touch of the wand. He gave it a wave and out shot a marvelous display of gold sparks. All of those present were amazed.

"Wow, I've never gotten it right on the first try. Heh, I must be getting better," Walter said with a soft chuckle. "I feel relieved that I don't have to go through all of these wands. I had to do that the other day with a little red-haired girl, almost had to close off the shop so we could find it." He took Patrick's new wand back and placed it inside its box. "There you go, 'Use it wisely,' dad would say."

"I wonder what they are doing out here." Patrick's mother, who walked over to look out the window just as her son did before, motioned for her family to come over. The balloons that had been suddenly appearing earlier were now plentiful around the sundial and a huge banner hovered over the crowd, though the words were not visible from where they were standing.

"Looks like some sort of show," Mr. Thatcher suggested. He waved goodbye to Walter and ushered his family out to door to see what the commotion was all about.
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Old 06-04-2005, 02:18 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Details...how much I love them!

Your details are so intricate and nice, your imagination has me dumbfounded...
I'll review later, excuse me because I've got no time.

P.S: When I'm replying here, I'm forced to mind my grammar, seeing that yours is very good! Keep it up!
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Old 06-04-2005, 07:04 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Wow, this is really good! I like how you're writing about another school and someone other than Harry Potter. It's nice to take in the wizarding world from another point of view. I wonder what's in the box....hmmm *ponders* Post more soon
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Old 06-04-2005, 08:30 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I find this story enthralling. I've read this story 15 times and you've only posted 3 chapters. You are truly a master in the arts of literature. Your story gives me a reason to live. Thank you, Dean, thank you.

Last edited by Mikebassnez; 06-04-2005 at 08:33 PM.
 
Old 06-05-2005, 10:43 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean_Thomas
This story takes place in the same universe and world as Harry Potter, but it is about a boy who attends the American Wizarding School. This is really more of a condensed version of what I intend to write. This is just a more detailed outline per se. So...here's a bit from the first chapter.
*scratching head* You consider this *points to first post* an outline? I'd love to read your story uncondensced...LOL. And in America too, yay!



Quote:
Chapter One: The Message Mishap
I can't begin to tell you how much I love chapter titles...that aren't just chapter one I mean...LOL.

Quote:
As far as anyone could remember the Thatchers had never been a normal family. In fact, the whole town of Arbridge was more unusual than most. Lining the streets stood several wooden houses of varying sizes and shapes.Each one had something in common; they were owned by wizards. Decorated with odd shaped weather panes and golden wind chimes, the house at 31 Mather Street kept a very excited family and one resting 10 year-old. Inside, a tall and lanky figure pulled away the covers concealing his lazy, snoozing brother.

Wow. Your skills at description are magnificent, if there's one thing I love it is long descriptions, I don't see that you can tell a story without first setting a scene and you do that very well here. You introduce the town, the family and then the hero. I think you did it rather quickly and very well get the boring details out of the way.





Quote:
"Patrick wake up! Come on everyone is waiting downstairs, today might be the day!" Patrick Thatcher was a blonde-haired, freckle-faced boy with sapphire blue eyes. He squinted at his brother's long face and he buried his head once more into his pillow.

Typical...brothers trying to wake you up when all you want is a little sleep...the prat. Is he the older, the younger, or a twin brother? That's my only problem...you should let us know...pesky details I know.

Quote:
Leaving his bed well beneath him, Patrick's body hovered mid-air above his room. Flailing his arms in the air he exclaimed, "All right, all right I'm up!"

I would have just hexed him back the little...but that's me. I like that they're like that with each other, I mean like siblings are.

Quote:
"I'm going to be honest, if it doesn't come today it'll never come," remarked a bemused Paul. Patrick's face had changed from indifferent to worried. He had always taken his wizarding abilities for granted, if he did not get the chance to learn how to use them he feared he would end up disgracing the long pureblood line of Thatchers.

I like how you drop details about the family, like that they're purebloods and the whole scene shows the contrast between the brothers, where Paul is bemused and Patrick becomes worried, which goes hand in hand with the earlier scene where Paul levitates his brother but Patrick doesn't retaliate, you're showing us their differences in personality...am I right?

Quote:
Before he could be met with never-ending embraces, his owl, Icarus, had swooped down and perched himself on his shoulder, screeching and flapping his wings clearly as excited as everyone else. Icarus' wings shielded Patrick from his Aunt Ordna, whose fingers had tried to pinch his mildly-freckled face, and the rest of the clamboring crowd who had gathered around him.

I like your adjectives. I think that pretty tells half your story so you have to be careful what words you choose to say what you're trying to say, and I think you've done excellently. Screeching and clamboring in particular are very good choices, they say as much as they imply, and they just sound richer and more descriptive too.

Quote:
"Let the boy through," croaked a gruff voice. "He's only just gotten up. The sooner you all leave him alone the sooner he can shut up that bird!" The voice belonged to Emeritus Thatcher, Patrick's grandfather. He was very well known in the wizarding world as he was one of the oldest living American wizards.

Grandpa, as cranky as ever I imagine. I like his name and I think he's just like everyone's grandfather really...LOL But I like how you made him "one of the oldest living American wizards." That's cool. Is he going to be more prominent in the story? A kind of 'at home Dumbledore' for Patrick?

Quote:
Before he could finish his sentence a large brown owl had flown in through a window that the Thatchers had decorated for this momentous occasion. It was covered in streamers and banners with pictures of Patrick showered in confetti.

That was original and very cute, the brown owl with the decorations and the streamers, they don't do that at Hogwarts let me tell you...LOL. And from the school to no less? But then why the...I'm getting ahead of myself.

Quote:
Patrick ripped open the letter quickly, not even bothering to glance at the envelope. He was so relieved that his letter had arrived he wasted no time tearing through the navy-blue seal and quickly skimmed the words. His face fell....
That was a good way to end it...I mean as a cliffhanger...as a reader I hate it, but then that's why I keep coming back, no? So keep it up, I've read the other post I'm just sorry I can't stay and review, but I will be back and I will review them all Dean. Thank you for telling me about your story, you write very well...okay maybe better than well you write really good. I usually don't know what to expect, but in your case I can honestly say I'm impressed. So PAMS, 'kay? I promise I'll be back, even if it isn't often but I will return and I will keep up...just very busy with stories and friends...and stuffs.

Love that's its in America, what we couldn't have a school over here too? LOL Sure beats the transfer students to Hogwarts...*winks* and wholly original too, people really don't appreciate that but it's a lot harder work when you're working outside of canon, they just don't know. So keep up the good work and PAMS...be back soon.
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Old 06-05-2005, 07:53 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
*scratching head* You consider this *points to first post* an outline? I'd love to read your story uncondensced...LOL. And in America too, yay!
I suppose it's not your typical outline, but for me yes. I want to, when I'm done, go through and add more description to places I think are lacking and even add hints (read red herrings) to future stories.



Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole

Typical...brothers trying to wake you up when all you want is a little sleep...the prat. Is he the older, the younger, or a twin brother? That's my only problem...you should let us know...pesky details I know.
He is older, I figured you might pick it up seeing as he was using magic outside of school, but I always planned to let you know Paul is heading in for his last year at Wentwater.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole

I like how you drop details about the family, like that they're purebloods and the whole scene shows the contrast between the brothers, where Paul is bemused and Patrick becomes worried, which goes hand in hand with the earlier scene where Paul levitates his brother but Patrick doesn't retaliate, you're showing us their differences in personality...am I right?
Yes, I am doing that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole

Grandpa, as cranky as ever I imagine. I like his name and I think he's just like everyone's grandfather really...LOL But I like how you made him "one of the oldest living American wizards." That's cool. Is he going to be more prominent in the story? A kind of 'at home Dumbledore' for Patrick?
I really thought he'd be a cool character. I figure that the American wizards haven't been around very long so it is certainly something feasible (especially with the life spans of wizards) His name just fit perfectly and I suppose he is a DD of sorts. Except he probably is a bit worn out from his older days. Yes, but he will have quite an influence on Patrick.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
That was original and very cute, the brown owl with the decorations and the streamers, they don't do that at Hogwarts let me tell you...LOL. And from the school to no less? But then why the...I'm getting ahead of myself.
It was actually the window that had all of those things. I knew that wasn't completely clear. I re-edited that. Wentwater would have been going all out to do something like that. Especially with the size. Oh I haven't told you the size yet have I? Oh, well you'd find out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
Love that's its in America, what we couldn't have a school over here too? LOL Sure beats the transfer students to Hogwarts...*winks* and wholly original too, people really don't appreciate that but it's a lot harder work when you're working outside of canon, they just don't know. So keep up the good work and PAMS...be back soon.[/size][/font]
I know what you mean about the transfer students, I figure "give them a good school and they won't have all these kids transferring." But not all transfer students are bad. I have one showing up in PT 2. I'll try not to make him typical. I just hope I can make this world even half as magical as the one we already know.
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Old 06-06-2005, 03:36 AM   #22 (permalink)
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*claps* Very creative and very well written. Nice job! *grins*
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Old 06-06-2005, 10:51 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I'd like to thank you all for your positive and constructive comments and reviews. I know I've just started, but I'm going to take a break from posting more of this story until I straighten out a few details that have gotten mixed up in my notes. They don't effect anything that I have already posted, but deal with the continuity and all that. It shouldn't take more than a week, but until then feel free to post your reviews until then.

The rest of chapter 3 is soon to come...and you'll get to meet a big figure of the US Wizarding World.
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Old 06-07-2005, 06:28 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Arrow I love your story Dean so PAMS already...oh wait I'm behind...*blushing*
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Dean, I'm back and ready to criticize Mwahahahahahaha, okay that word just has all these evil connotations...critique sounds pretentious, so uhm...give my opinion...which sounds totally pushy...LOL I just can't win. Btw, HP American Style...yeah that's your story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dean_Thomas
The room, once filled with smiling faces, stared intently at Patrick as he stood silently holding both the unfolded letter and envelope.
No pressure there...gee thanks. It's a good way to start putting the spotlight on our hero. Patrick seems like a likeable fellow, which is a good thing too, you never want to make your hero too perfect.

Quote:
"What is it boy? Read it!" Grandpa Thatcher was clearly annoyed at Patrick's statue-esque behavior. He waved his wand and the letter flew out of his grandson's hand. He, too, read the letter with a puzzled expression.
I don't know that I would use the 'statuesque' adjective, makes me think of super models but something like 'immovable' or 'like a statue' yeah. I'm sorry I can't think of something more helpful. As for Grandpa and his puzzled expression, yeah you're evil but good way to keep playing the suspense.

Quote:
"With a tone like that I can just keep it to myself. I didn't risk my neck--talk to me like that, will you?" Grandpa Thatcher dabbed the small beads of sweat dripping from his pearl white hair.
I already told you I like Grandpa right? LOL Seriously, I like his dialogue too, and oh yeah Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! I love your descriptive skills there. Wow.

Quote:
WENTWATER CONSERVATORY of MAGIC


Booyah! Hogwarts American Style!!!!!!!!!



I was thinking too, since it takes place in America, then you're going to have all these Americanisms right? Like lunch and apple pie instead of tea and biscuits right? Are you going to play up the history too? I can't wait to see how you make it different...the classes whoa...just a thought. Loving your story obviously...


Quote:
Mr. Quinn?
Yeah, I thought owls could always find their recipients...hmm, unless Patrick's owl is cracked...LOL...hmm...good mystery.

Quote:
He turned it over and he could clearly see the name that Patrick overlooked in his excitement. Surely enough, it was addressed to a Mr. William Quinn. Grandpa Thatcher tilted his head after reading the name and surveyed the room.
You can blame his excitement? But hmm...Who is William Quinn (here again that's rhetorical don't answer that...LOL. I hate Spoilers! LOL)?

Quote:
Mr. Thatcher took the letter from his father and opened it once more; as if to check that what his father had read was accurate. Many others got up from their seats and hurried behind to do the same.
Quote:
I thought that was cool, I can see them all standing around the parlor looking over his shoulders, that was a very good scene seriously.

Quote:
Patrick watched as his family's murmurs filled the room. His mother, walked over and embraced him. Her light brown hair tickled his ear as she whispered her assurances.
I like the way you write scenes and how descriptive you are, really I don't see that a lot anymore everyone is trying to write so succinctly and so dryly there's no long beautiful descriptions and I hate that. But you've got it, and I'm liking your descriptions so you go Dean!

Quote:
Remember when he used to stick out his tongue at you when he got the last piece of pie? It took quite a while for your father to find a spell to re-arrange his face again."
That was cute...LOL

Quote:
Patrick slowly climbed the stairs back to his room listening to the popping sounds of twenty wizards and witches apparating away.
I thought that was pretty cool all those people disapparating and all...cool, he's got a big family though.

Quote:
He sat on his bed where his blankets had been untouched from before. Not feeling in the mood to write letters at a time such as this, he laid on his bed watching his poster of Ryan Custford from his favorite Quidditch team, the Wickenburg Warblers, fly around a large field. Looking around at all that he had ever known, he wrapped his covers around him and sat in solemn silence.
That was a good way to finish the post...wow. I've noticed, from having read two posts, so if I'm wrong don't hit me...uhm, you don't tell us what he's thinking, which is a good thing because it plays up the mystery more, is that intentional? I think it would be cool because people can misunderstand what he's thinking or you can guide your readers to think one way when it's clearly another. So anyways Dean, I am sooooooooooo glad you told me about your story, seriously I like your style. Check out my friends fics on my siggie too, and yours is HP American Style btw, I'll tell the girls over at my fic about your story...seriously good. Back when I can.
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Old 06-07-2005, 09:13 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
I don't know that I would use the 'statuesque' adjective, makes me think of super models but something like 'immovable' or 'like a statue' yeah. I'm sorry I can't think of something more helpful. As for Grandpa and his puzzled expression, yeah you're evil but good way to keep playing the suspense.


It's funny you think like a statue is better because that is exactly what statue-esque means. I can see how you think supermodels heak I re-read it and that's exactly what I saw....haha


Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt. Catchpole
Booyah! Hogwarts American Style!!!!!!!!!

I was thinking too, since it takes place in America, then you're going to have all these Americanisms right? Like lunch and apple pie instead of tea and biscuits right? Are you going to play up the history too? I can't wait to see how you make it different...the classes whoa...just a thought. Loving your story obviously...


Since English wizards have this sorta medieval and old-fashioned style to their clothing and architecture this same style definitely won't be the exactly the same. I imagine US wizards to resemble the wizards of colonial times like Washington and Franklin. You'll see some muggle/wizard parallels and see chips instead of crisps...So when you step into Wentwater(which I hope the name sounds colonial enough) you're realize the type of environment you're looking at.


Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
Yeah, I thought owls could always find their recipients...hmm, unless Patrick's owl is cracked...LOL...hmm...good mystery.

It's not Patrick's owl bringing the letter. You'll see what happens with the letter later on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
You can blame his excitement? But hmm...Who is William Quinn (here again that's rhetorical don't answer that...LOL. I hate Spoilers! LOL)?

I thought that was cool, I can see them all standing around the parlor looking over his shoulders, that was a very good scene seriously.


Well William is....oh you didn't want....yes...I liked that scene as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OtterySt.Catchpole
That was a good way to finish the post...wow. I've noticed, from having read two posts, so if I'm wrong don't hit me...uhm, you don't tell us what he's thinking, which is a good thing because it plays up the mystery more, is that intentional? I think it would be cool because people can misunderstand what he's thinking or you can guide your readers to think one way when it's clearly another. So anyways Dean, I am sooooooooooo glad you told me about your story, seriously I like your style. Check out my friends fics on my siggie too, and yours is HP American Style btw, I'll tell the girls over at my fic about your story...seriously good. Back when I can.
You're right about that, somewhat. I've told you a little bit of what he's thinking, but not a lot. Partially because, like i said this is just my "outline" so I'm just trying to get the events out. So I'm going to search back through to add his thoughts where they are most needed. As cool as it would be to try and decipher his feelings, it might become annoying when he faces a problem and we don't know what he's thinking. Thanks for the free publicity. I'll have to check out those other fics to. Don't mind you "commenting" on my story I like clarifying things or giving you something to look forward to.
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