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Finished EEFD's Finished Evil Elite Fan Fiction Dares are housed in their own vault. Dare ye enter?

 
 
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Old 03-30-2007, 10:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
Ramora
 
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Jacqueline (Jackie) Sampson

Ministry RPG Name:
Katy Sampson
Talking Madfish's EEFFD Sa9+
K.O. Tonks' Babies

here is starlightangel's dare! that I did, go me...

I called it Toe Soup:

Ron Weasley was hungry. It was 9 o’clock and he hadn’t eaten since 7 o’clock, he was a growing boy and he needed food now. Well that’s what he thought anyway. Ron skipped happily down to the Great Hall singing about mashed potato and rare steak, until heard Harry screaming.

“Ron! Wait for me! I had to get out of the common room it stinks of Neville’s underwear! Hermione’s trying to burn them but her wand starts decomposing everytime she goes near them…”

Neville then appeared coming out of the portrait hole, carrying with him a distinct wiff of sweaty underwear. Hermione was sneaking behind him holding a lit match.

“Hello Ron! Mind if I join you for some food!” said Neville as Harry and Ron suffocated.

“erm… no…” Ron replied, watching Hermione try to climb the wall in her attempt to be… sneaky…

Harry, Ron, Neville, Hermione (sneaking) and Ginny (because Ginny’s cool and she will be in every scene from now on) entered the Great Hall and saw all the lights were out. Only one person was in the room, and that was Dobby the house-elf, stirring a large cauldron in the middle of the Ravenclaw table. The cauldron was glowing bright green and lit up Dobby so he looked like a strange, mouldy lava lamp. Ginny said something cruel but very funny and generally cool.

“Err… Dobby what is that?” Harry pointed at the bubbling red mass in the cauldron.

“Tis toe soup sir, Dobby made it specially for Harry Potter!”

Hermione stared at Dobby and didn’t notice her hair had caught fire. But Neville looked positively delighted! He bent down and began lapping up the soup with great gusto. Ron fainted as Neville’s underpants rose into the air, bringing the smell with them. Ginny said something cool.

As Neville appeared to be enjoying his toe soup, Harry decided to try some. Big mistake.

Dobby beamed with joy as Harry ran around screaming
“Somebody get me an egg mayonnaise sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hermione’s hair was still on fire and Ginny was staring at her head looking very interested.

Neville rose from the cauldron and was suddenly very different. He was… more slimy and… generally disgusting. His eyes were big and grey; his skin was pale and clammy. Mysteriously, he was left with nothing but his revolting underwear on.

“Toeses precious… yes… toeses… we wants them… we wants them precious…” He then had a strange coughing fit and metaphorically threw up his name.

Hermione gave Neville a disgusted look as her hair burned away; Ginny was still watching her in a cool way.

Harry was now lapping an egg mayonnaise sandwich in the corner; Ron had regained consciousness and was eyeing Harry’s sandwich greedily.

Neville had picked up a pair of nail scissors and was now crawling along the floor saying, “Me wants toeses…”

Ginny decided now was an appropriate time to tell Hermione she was on fire.

“Hermione, you’re on fire by the way…”

“Yeah I know, looks cool doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Harry and Ron were now wrestling for the egg mayonnaise sandwich on the Slytherin table, while Hermione and Ginny discussed the positive effects of burning hair. Meanwhile, Neville was crawling under the table, attempting to slice off Hermione’s toes.

“AH!” yelled Hermione, but not because Neville was now slicing away at her pinky toe. Neville’s underwear had just somehow freed themselves from Neville’s waste and rose into the air, cackling. Neville’s Underwear then blew a raspberry at Hermione (not at Ginny because she’s just too cool) and flew off leaving a trail of putrid green smoke behind them.

Neville of course, was left completely naked.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! Quick! Someone get me an egg mayonnaise sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he yelled, and sprinted out of the Great Hall covering his “unmentionables.”

“Hooray! My toe is saved!” screamed Hermione as Neville’s underwear soared freely around the Great Hall, singing “I’m a little teapot” just for the heck of it.

Harry and Ron were still wrestling even thought the egg mayonnaise sandwich had been stolen by Neville to cover his “unmentionables.” (Neville had now returned to sneaking around on the floor trying to cut peoples toes off.)

Neville’s underwear flew past and Ron’s flailing arms hit them. The underwear gasped (do not ask how). Harry and Ron froze and the hall became silent.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My pinkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!” Harry yelled as Neville sliced off his pinky toe and ran around singing “I’ve got a pinky, I’ve got a pinky…”

Neville’s underwear charged at Ron and began chasing him around the Great Hall. Ron screamed as he was engulfed by Neville’s underwear smell…

Harry was hopping around the hall shouting random swear words. Ginny said something cool because she hadn’t in a while. Hermione finally put out her hair and admired her new “singed” look in the back of a teaspoon.

Neville’s underwear had chased Ron out onto the grounds and Harry saw that now was his time to shine.

Harry whistled for his army of razor sharp muggle dinner plates, and together Harry and his army charged out to save Ron from the evil clutches of Neville’s stinky underwear. But too late!

Ron had been chased towards the Whomping Willow, which was now attacking Neville’s underwear with all it’s branches.

Ron was cheering the tree on while Harry hopped on one foot saying, “Go whompy, go whompy, it’s not your birthday, but who cares, go whompy, go whompy.” Ginny’s identical twin sister appeared and did the can-can because Ginny has somehow got to be in every scene because I like her.

Unfortunately for our favourite tree, Neville’s underwear was tired and had fallen asleep on one of the branches. But this was not the Whompinmg Willow’s only problem. A tall red-haired boy was now hugging the Willow and snogging the trunk. It was rather uncomfortable for little Willy (new and shorter name for Whomping Willow)

“Oh Willy, I love you, you’re so tough and beautiful… kiss me…” cooed Ron and Willy was very offended. He was as male tree after all and was not “beautiful.”

Harry was hopping in a circle hissing at Neville, who was crawling towards Harry’s feet again after another pinky.

MEANWHILE:

Hermione and Ginny had watched Neville’s underwear chasing Ron happily, and were now bored.

Hoppity hoppity squidge squidge

“Hmmmmm that’s interesting…” said Ginny.

“What?” asked Hermione.

“An undead carrier pigeon just hopped along the Gryffindor table, fell over and squidged off down the corridor…”

“Really? Cool…”

The undead carrier pigeon will be making another appearance I assure you.

Ginny and Hermione decided now was the time to go and help Ron fight off Neville’s underwear.

As Ginny and Hermione were strutting (because they’re cool) down to Harry, Ron and of course Willy trying to figure out why Ron was snogging Willy, Harry was as usual pondering on miserable things. His razor sharp muggle dinner plates had flown off to play croquet with the centaurs.

“How can I defeat Voldemort? I need a really horrible weapon, that would make him wet himself!” Harry giggled like a schoolgirl (his darkest secret, that’s why he never laughs.)

Then it came to him, in one sudden stroke of genius.

Neville’s underwear!

“Ron! Ron! Get off the tree I need to get Neville’s underwear back so I can use them to defeat Voldemort!”

Conveniently, Ginny and Hermione arrived and dragged Ron away from poor Willy.

“No!” said Ron, “I’ll be back, my darling…” he then blew Willy a kiss and turned to face Harry.

“Well how are you going to get them down?”

“If we could get that branch down…” Harry muttered and put on his think face, while stroking his non-existent beard (he thought it looked intelligent).

“You know, you could always chop it off,” Suggested Ginny, and naturally because Ginny is very smart and generally cool, they all thought it was a great idea. Ginny’s idea has to be a great idea so Hermione went to get her chainsaw.

Unfortunately, Hermione is very independent and therefore doesn’t always obey the rule about doing everything that Ginny says they should do. So she came back with the pot of toe soup instead.

Neville became instantly hyper and Willy slapped him with one of his branches. Neville was knocked out but luckily the egg mayonnaise sandwich was still covering his “unmentionables.”

Hermione (being very smart and yet very cruel sometimes) tipped the toe soup onto poor innocent Willy, who promptly began to melt.

Ron screamed, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Hunnybunny munchkin! Don’t melt! I love you! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!”

Ron continued crying over the loss of his beloved tree for the remainder of this story.

Nevertheless, Dobby’s toe soup had saved the day! Sort of…

Willy had melted and Harry retrieved Neville’s sleeping underwear. He, Ginny and Hermione then carried them up to the Common room, leaving Ron to his not-so-silent grief.

IN THE COMMON ROOM:

"So Harry, how are Neville's underwear going to stop Voldemort?" asked Hermione. Ginny sat on the sofa looking pretty, yet feisty and intelligent.

Harry answered Hermione's question rather drastically. He somehow removed his pants and put them on over his jeans.

He then placed Neville's stinky and deadly underwear on his head and yelled, "CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!"

Ginny said something funny that I couldn't think of as Harry charged around the Common room with one hand in the air. Finally, Harry smashed out the window and fell from view.

Hermione sighed and went over the window to watch what had happened.

DOWN ON THE GROUNDS:

Ron was still mourning.

Harry landed with an uncomfortable thud on something that was most definitely not the ground. It was Voldemort! A now very crushed Voldemort, who was innocently looking for his favourite undead carrier pigeon (I said he would be back) when a boy with rather smelly underwear on his head fell on him. Poor little Voldy.

“Yes! Captain Underpants strikes again!” Harry yelled, before running off into the Forbidden Forest never to be seen again.

Hermione and Ginny (being very scary) sentenced Voldemort to a lifetime of eating toe soup. Ron spent the rest of his days mourning for Willy.
THE END!


starlightangel’s dare was:

-Neville must have an obsession with toes
-Harry must decide that he will save the world from Voldemort with...Underwear.
-Ron must fall in love with the Whomping Willow
-Ginny must say 'You know, you could always chop it off'
-Must all be based around a meal

I hope it's good enough!
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Last edited by Madfish; 04-06-2007 at 07:31 PM.
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Old 05-03-2007, 12:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey, I've been away a while and see that someone has posted an EEFFD at last. Good on you for trying.

With regard to feedback, I did find the story a bit jumpy and found that it bounced from theme to theme in awkward ways. The intent of the story was hard to follow and I guess you were aiming for farcical and over the top in your tone. I can see how that might work and be appealing to younger audiences, but it wasn't to my taste in reading. I'm more of a subtle sarcasm kind of guy.

Nonetheless, good on you for having a go. Perhaps we may see more EEFFD's in the future ? I could be enticed back to the thread to write more if we have a few more participants.

Regards

Durro
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
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Lol that was funny!
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