The Great and Terrible Zymurgy has read your fic. Deal.

She also has no clue about Buffy, so she sadly didn't really get the last one... still, she admires your evilness!

Fiesta!

Professor Snape looked very anxious up at the Head Table. “I sure wish Harry could be here to see Snape. I hope he feels better soon,” Ron said to Hermione at breakfast one morning.

“Oh, he should be fine in a day or so,” Hermione replied. “But, I do wish he could see the look on Professor Snape’s face. He looks so funny,” she giggled.

“Oh! Don’t worry,” said Colin Creevy, pulling out his camera. “I’ve got my camera with me so we can just take a picture.”

Colin snapped the picture and the others laughed as Snape’s face turned bright red. He had seen the flash and was now scanning the Gryffindor table to find the culprit. Luckily, Hermione had pushed the camera under the table before Snape could see it. CRASH! “Oh no!” Hermione said. “I’m so sorry, Colin.”

“I dropped my camera!” Colin said, looking heart broken. Then, shaking his head, he picked up the camera and said, “But I won’t take a negative attitude. I’ll just see what develops.”

Colin left and the Hermione and Ron looked at one another. “What is Snape’s deal, anyway?” Ron asked.

Meanwhile, Severus was getting anxious. He still hadn’t found the perfect gift for the Dark Lord’s Rebirth Day party. He walked back to the dungeons and into his office. There was a student sitting in front of the desk with a half eaten apple in his hand. “What do you think you are doing, eating one of my apples?” Snape demanded. “Detention and five points from Slytherin.”

Snape rarely gave out punishments to members of his own house, but he was in a very bad mood because of the whole lack of a present issue. “Actually, sir, this isn’t the only one I’ve eaten. So, if I have seven apples and I eat all of them, how many hours detention do I get?”

Snape was so angry he was ready to explode. He literally threw the student out of his office and then made for the fireplace. He threw in some floo powder, stepped inside, and said, “Number Four Privet Drive.”

He arrived at the Dursleys house, to much screaming and yelling. He cursed Vernon and Petunia, nicked their TV, and went back to the fireplace, “Malfoy Manor.”

“Where have you been, Severus? And where is your costume?” asked Lucius who was wearing a large sombrero, chaps, and boots with spurs.

“I had to get my present,” Snape replied. “It’s a piñata.”

“Oh goody!” said Wormtail. “I love piñatas. My mother used to have them for my birthday parties.”

“Nacho Mama!” yelled Bellatrix from across the room. “That was my Mama who had the piñatas.”

“Ah! My reality check just bounced,” replied Wormtail, knocking himself out when he hit himself in the head with the wrong hand.

Several hours later, the Death Eaters had finished decorating for Voldemort’s surprise Rebirth Day Fiesta and the man of the hour arrived. The party was going well, at first. But, Voldemort was looking very sad after they finished playing musical chairs. “What’s wrong, my Lord,” asked Bellatrix.

“Oh, my dear Bella,” he lamented. “I’m afraid I just can’t get into this fiesta. I think I need a more ethnic name to match the theme of the party. *sigh*”

“Well, that’s not a problem. How about we call you Pedro?” said Bella, cheerfully.

Voldemort… I mean, Pedro, perked up. “Yes! From now on, you will all call me Pedro! Now, let’s go whack the piñata!”

Snape set up the piñata in the ballroom, Vol… Pedro was blindfolded, and he took out his wand, ready to take the first crack at the piñata. He was spun around and pointed his wand. There was a yellow flash and a smash. Thinking he had cracked the piñata, Pedro took off his blindfold. But all he saw was a rat wiggling in the mouth of Nagini. Pedro extracted the rat from the snake and the rat turned back into Wormtail who was shaking. “If I were squirming at the bottom of the ocean, I’d be a nervous wreck.”

Pedro and the Death Eaters groaned. “Well, so much for the piñata. Let’s have cake!” said Pedro.

So, they went back to the dining room and just as Pedro blew out the candles, there were several large cracks and a clap of thunder. Zymurgy, Lotus, Cassirin, and Biochemkris appeared at the end of the table. Then, pigs and chickens appeared and began rampaging around Malfoy Manor. Biochemkris approached Voldemort *coughPedrocough*, dragging Harry Potter who was wearing eye patches instead of his glasses, behind her. “What’s wrong with him?” asked Pedro.

“He’s sick, of course,” replied Cassirin.

“Yeah, but what’s with the double eye patches?” asked Bella.

“He had to see the ophthalmologist,” said Zymurgy.

“Oh, eye doctors are always cutting corneas,” said Wormtail, absently, as he looked up at Lotus, in awe.

“Anyway...” Biochemkris said. “Happy Rebirth Day, Voldie! I just wanted to give you a little present for this auspicious occasion.”

“It’s Pedro, now,” sneered Vol..Pedro.

“Whatever.” Biochemkris positioned Harry in front of Pedro. Then, she took out some pepper and made Harry take a sniff. Harry sneezed in Pedro’s face. “Perfect,” Biochemkris said.

“What was that all about?” said Pedro, drawing out his wand.

“I don’t think so, Voldie,” said Cassirin; she had reorganized the pigs and chickens; they were now ready to attack.

“Thanks, Cass,” said Biochemkris before turning back to Pedro. “My gift to you is a nice batch of Orthomyxovirus.”

“And what exactly is that?” he asked.

“The flu.”

The End.

Fiesta was a double-dare. it was supposed to be a single dare, but I couldn't come up with a plot so, I used Cassirin's dare to help me along

Zymurgy's Dare:
These quotes must be there:
"I dropped my camera. But I won't take a negative atitude. I'll just see what developes."

"AH! My reality check just bounced!"

"If I were squirming at the bottom of the ocian, I'd be a nervous wreck."

"Oh, eyedoctors are always cutting corneas."

"So, if I have seven apples, and I eat all of them, how many hours detention do I get?"

And... Harry has the flu.
Due date: 29th Feb.

Cassirin's dare:
*The Death Eaters are throwing a fiesta.
*Something unusual must be used as a pinata.
* Someone must shout "Nacho Mama" at least once.
*Voldemort wants to change his name to something more ethnic.
*The EE crash the party.
Due date: 29th Feb.

YAY! I just read your entire musical and it was great!

Now I have to go back and read the rest...*grins sheepishly*

Haha! I absolutely LOVED the musical! Amazing! That was really creative of you! And that dare had me laughing too! Stay evil!!! :sorcerer:

great Biochemkris nicly done

Well, here it is; the dare you've all been waiting for (well, maybe not all of you, but at least one of you as far as I know). I'd like to dedicate this story to Emma, my fellow Snape-lover, and my inspiration.

Phil vs. Snape

It was Monday morning and the sixth year Gryffindors were abuzz. They had double potions with the Slytherins today. They would have been groaning about having class with the Slytherins if it hadn’t been for the fact that Professor Snape :wub: was Potions Master. Who cared where Gilderoy Lockhart ran off to when they still had Severus Snape :wub: at Hogwarts?

The morning post arrived and the students stared at the owl carrying the large red envelope to see who would receive the howler. The owl dropped its burden into Snape’s lap and the students gasped. Who would be sending Snape a howler at breakfast? Snape sneered and opened the howler, which announced for the whole Hall to hear, ”Congratulations, Severus Snape, you are the lucky winner of our Hair-Potion-of-the-Month Club’s sweepstakes. Your prize, a hair makeover by The British National Hairdressing Champion of 2000, Phil Allen, will be arriving by the Floo-network soon.”

Snape’s sneer deepened as he saw the students try to stifle their giggles. Now everyone thought he had a subscription to the Hair-Potion-of-the-Month Club. He quickly swept off to the dungeons to begin preparing for class, hoping against hope that this was all just a big mistake.

Unfortunately for Snape, Mr. Phil Allen arrived in his grate just before the students were to arrive for class. Phil came prepared with his combs, hairspray, curlers, clips, and some rather threatening looking blow dryers and scissors. “Ah, you must be Professor Snape,” he said, holding out his hand to Snape.

Snape sneered at the man, who looked surprisingly like himself. “I think there’s been some sort of mistake,” he spat.

“Just check the spreadsheet. You’ll see,” Phil said, holding out his Dell laptop, running Windows XP (home edition ).

Snape took a step back. He didn’t like being threatened with Muggle contraptions. He didn’t even know what a spreadsheet was- sounded like some sort of torture devise to him. "I wanna refund!" Snape took out his wand and pointed it at the man, “What do you want?”

Phil smiled at Snape and then looked up at his hair. His jaw dropped :o . “The horror! My eyes! My eyes! Must… get… degreasing formula shampoo,” Phil said, shielding his eyes and digging through his bag of hairdressing goodies.

Thinking the man was clearly insane, Snape prepared to defend himself and utter a curse. Something must have interfered with his magic because instead of petrifying Phil, the dungeon classroom turned pink. Phil turned around to stare at Snape, this man was clearly unstable. First he sneers at him, and now he’s turning his classroom pink. "I know, you probably think I turned my classroom pink on purpose," Snape sneered.

“Whatever makes you happy,” Phil answered, smirking. “Now, where shall we begin?”

“Get away from me with those things,” Snape said, a note of fear in his voice.

“What things? You mean my Blow Dryers of Doom (©Emma)?” Phil taunted, making menacing noises by turning them quickly on and off.

Snape retreated, wand still pointing at Phil. “Or, were you referring to my Scissors of Savagery (©Emma)?” Phil continued, opening and closing his golden scissors, threateningly.

“Avada Kedavra!” Snape yelled in desperation. :o

There was a flash of green light and Snape sat up in bed, sweat pouring down his face and his heart racing. It was just a dream...

And this concludes our story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it

Phil vs. Snape included the follow dare requirements:

jtherlow's dare:
The following phrases must be said:
"Just check the spreadsheet. You'll see."
"I know, you probably think I turned my classroom pink on purpose."
"I wanna refund!"
The following actions must occur:
There must be a reversal of popularity (Popular people will become unpopular, and vice versa, e.g. Neville becomes the school hero rather than Harry.)
Someone must bring a Windows XP to school.
Someone must recieve a Howler.
Due date: 13th March.

cool, well done, Kris...you got it all in in a very short piece..it always takes me much more writing to get it all in......good job



...fang

I'm a freak. I do everything fast. I guess I'm just always in a rush even when I don't need to be. I eat fast, clean fast, write fast, rp fast... you get the picture. I've also been accused of being too efficient by my boss, so I guess I'm just good at doing the minimum amount of work necessary to get the job done; I should have been an engineer

Thanks Fang!

I'm honored Kris. Lol and I thought it was superb. I love widning Snape and you do it so perfectly. Dont worry about the copyrights, I wont sue

Winding Snape up does seem to be a favorite pasttime for us, doesn't it?

I have to say, I'm feeling pretty sorry I haven't read all of these sooner! Your musical was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! Well done!

LOLWPOTT!!!


I reaaally :heart: these lines.
Wow! I haven't seen "Blowdry" yet, but I think it's hilarious.
Great job, Kris. :up: :up:

Beautiful! You put my dare to good use!

It was great Biochemkris very wel done :up: :up: :up: :beer:

Hooray, Kris! Excellent work! I have a date with one of my friends to see Blow Dry soon... so... I'm excited.

Snape is so... Snapey. I love it.

Kris! So much evilness! *b2m mutters* so there IS a way to get the copy right sign on the computer... hehehe. Excellent job! You made me laugh. teehee.

toodles,
b2m

OMG!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

The Great and Terrible Zymurgy congratulates Kris on a job well done. Deal.

Sorry I haven't done a dare in a while and I'm even more sorry that the first dare I've done in months really stinks. But, I just didn't feell like rewriting so, you're stuck with it

Let the torture begin:

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been searching the castle since last Tuesday for any sign of Professor Snape. He was reported missing by the Slytherin house ghost on Sunday and when he hadn’t shown up for his classes on Monday, Dumbledore sent out an APB to all professors and staff. When he still hadn’t shown up on Tuesday, he enlisted the help of the famous trio. “My spider powers aren’t working!” he yelled in frustration before sending Ron, Hermione, and Harry out to find their wayward professor.

It was now Saturday, and there was still no sign of the potions master. “Why are we still looking for him, anyway?” asked Ron.

“Because he’s a teacher, Ron,” Hermione said exasperatedly.

Just then, Harry stumbled across a door he hadn’t seen before when looking behind a suit of armour. “Hey… you guys… have you seen this door before?” Harry asked.

Ron walked up and peered over Harry’s shoulder. “Nope.”

“Try opening it,” Hermione said.

“I can’t it won’t budge,” Harry said after trying the door handle.

Suddenly, they all jumped as they heard, what sounded like Snape, yell from somewhere behind the door, “Try dipping your hands in syrup."

“What?!” Ron asked. “I think he’s gone nutters.”

With that, the door swung open. “How did that happen?” Harry asked.

“Oh, come on!” Hermione said before walking through the door calling out, “Professor Snape? Are you in here?”

She had barely crossed the threshold when Hermione felt some pressure on the top of her head. Putting her hands up, she felt the top of her head and when she took her hands away, they were covered in something orange. Putting her fingers to her nose she sniffed and then, tasted. “Is that cheese, or is it just me?" she asked, turning around to face the boys who were doubled over laughing.

"It's just you- take a shower!" Snape said from under the couch.

This pronouncement was followed by some excessive giggling coming from under the black leather sofa located in the center of the room. Hermione stepped closer and heard a female voice, “Why do I put up with you!?" Followed by Snape saying, "Because the tall dark and dower look draws you in."

Harry and Ron made gagging noises from the window as Hermione knelt down beside the couch. “Pr… Pr… Professor? Are you under there?” she asked, as she leaned over to peer underneath. “Who’s under there with you?”

“He’s actually got someone under there with him?” Ron said. “This I gotta see.”

Ron and Harry pushed through the door and ran up to the couch. As they arrive, however, Harry began screaming, “My hair! My hair!!”

“What’s wrong with your…” Ron couldn’t finish his sentence as his eyes suddenly went wide just before he passed out, his hair having turned to worms.

Hermione turned around and saw Ron, unconscious on the floor with his hair all wriggly and Harry, still standing there, dumbstruck, as he felt his bald head. Sighing, Hermione said, “Professor Snape, we really need you. There’s something wrong with our hair.”

“Of course there is. I’ll bet it’s the curse Marcella put on the door… Oooo; look what I found! It’s a piece of spearmint gum. But, it’s too dusty for me. Here, you can have it my love.”

“My favourite,” the female voice said.

Hermione heard some popping as the female voice blew bubbles with the gum. “Who IS that under there with you Professor?”

Snape slid his head out from under the couch and then, looked back, “Well, are you going to show them who you are?”

A translucent head popped out from the top of the couch. “Hello,” she said, waving a hand through the back of the couch.

“You’re a ghost! Who are you?” Harry asked.

The ghost laughed. “Of course I’m a ghost. I’m Professor Airlia.”

“Oh,” Hermione said, simply before she jumped as another ghost appeared, floating right through her.

“Okay, you found me, now you can leave,” Snape said as he slid back under the couch but, not before the two ghosts kissed him; one ghostly kiss for each cheek.

Harry and Hermione floated Ron and ran as fast as they could out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

THE END


Zymurgy's dare:
"My spiderman powers aren't working!" (said by anybody)
"Try dipping your hands in syrup." (said by Snape)
"Is that chease, or is it just me?" (said by anybody)
"It's just you- take a shower!" (said by Snape)
"Why do I put up with you!?" (said by anybody)
"Because the tall dark and dower look draws you in." (Said by Snape)
The entire story must focus on Snape and his love for an underapreciated femail professor.
They must be stuck under a couch throughout the entire fic for some reason. It must end happily, with a kiss.
There must be a stick of very dusty bubblegum, pick your flavour, which somebody has to eat.
Due date: 7th July.

Yay Kris! :flowersmile:

Good job. You've inspired me to get my fic active again too.

hehe loved that bit - Ron shouldn't doubt the pulling power of the sexay severus snape

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were wandering around the corridors of Hogwarts late one winter’s night when they bumped into Dumbledore. “What are you three doing wandering the corridors at this hour?” he asked, sternly, eyeing them over his half-moon glasses.

The three gaped at him for a while but, Hermione started to get a strange look in her eye as she looked at the Headmaster in his neon pink dressing gown. “Hermione, are you ok?” asked Ron.

“Yes, of course I am,” she said, turning to face Ron before eyeing Dumbledore up and down. “Sir, if I may say so….”

Hermione bit her bottom lip and blushed profusely. “Dumbledore, you’re looking MIGHTY fine today!” she said, hoping to distract him from the fact that they were all out of bed so late.

The old wizard smiled down at Hermione, his eyes, twinkling as he put an arm around her and began to lead Hermione down the hall with him. “Why, thank you Hermione….”

The voices dropped off as they rounded the corner while Harry and Ron stared at one another in disbelief. “Come on, Harry, we have to find Jester,” Ron said, tugging on his friend’s sleeve to make him move. “Now, remind me again… How on earth did you lose your donkey?”

Before they could get too far down the corridor, they ran across Lavender who ran up to them and had badges pinned on their chests before they could say anything. The badges were a putrid yellow and emblazoned with black writing: The Seer Sees; STFC. “What’s this?” Harry asked, looking disgusted.

“It’s the badges for the new club I’m starting. The Sybil Trelawney Fan Club, to be exact. Now that will be 5 sickles each,” she demanded, holding out her hand.

As Harry and Ron started to protest and try to remove the badges from their robes, they heard someone wailing. At first, they thought it might be Peeves but, as the listened closer it sounded like…. Snape? The three Gryffindor students cautiously followed the sound until they came across Snape with McGonagall; she was patting him on the shoulder while he cried. “There, there, Severus. You really shouldn’t let Sirius get to you like this,” she said, trying to soothe the younger man. “I know he said some very mean things to you about how you are nothing but a greasy-haired Death Eater who will never find true love. But, I’m sure there’s someone, somewhere, out there for you.”

Harry, Ron, and Lavender had to try to keep from laughing at this pronouncement. The look on McGonagall’s face said she clearly didn’t believe that anyone would want to go near the grumpy potions master. Snape let out another wail and buried his face in McGonagall’s shoulder while she rolled her eyes. “Severus,” she said sternly, pulling him away from her. "Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you - punch him so he cries too!"

Snape couldn’t believe what McGonagall had just told him but, he knew she didn’t really mean he should go and hex Black to next Tuesday; he just needed to prove the good-for-nothing, mangy, dog wrong. He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve and pulled himself up. The tear-filled face was suddenly transformed into the more recognizable Severus Snape. “You are absolutely correct, Professor,” he said before sweeping off to the Owlry.

Taking what looked like a crumpled piece of old parchment from a pocket within his robes, Snape called an owl over and began filling in the boxes:

Mail Order Brides by Kris
Name: Severus Snape
Address: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, Dungeons
Gender of Bride: female
Please note that we do not take requests; will match you with a suitable bride.

After sealing the envelope and securing it to the owl’s leg, Snape headed back to the dungeon to wait.

****
Meanwhile, at the Headquarters for the Evil Elite, Cassirin, Lotus, and Zymurgy were holding a party for all their little minions. Biochemkris and Cassirin were chatting off in the corner while the rest of the Elite was dancing, throwing snowballs, and eating Shepherd’s Pie under the official giant disco ball of the Evil Elite. “You know, Cassirin,” Biochemkris was saying. “The way that bat is sneering at that fly reminds me of Snape.”

Cassirin rolled her eyes and replied, “Eating noodle salad would remind you of Snape.”

"Noodles are a boy's best friend," Biochemkris repeated the well-known adage which meant that noodles taste good and should be consumed at least once a day, especially if you are a boy.

Just then, an owl swooped in, heading toward Cassirin and Biochemkris. However, he got distracted when he spotted Kirstie_McGonagall and began to boogie with her until he came to his senses and continued on to deliver his letter. Biochemkris smiled widely after receiving the letter and quickly excused herself from Cassirin to go and take care of this order.

****
Snape paced, wondering when his bride would appear. He was shocked when a tall man stepped out of his fire and looked around. “Wha…?” Snape was about to ask what he was doing here when the man turned back to the fire and held out his hand to the most beautiful thing Snape had ever seen.

His mouth dropped open when the girl ran up and nearly tackled him as she put her arms around him and began to kiss him. Snape pulled back, in shock and delight. The man, with the badge of the Evil Elite which read, “EEFFD: Spots” and was attached to the right side of his blue robes waved to them and left. Snape held the girl out the length of his arms to get a better look at her. He was shocked to find that she, too, was a member of the Evil Elite. “EEFFD: Marcella_Riddle” was what the badge on her Slytherin green and silver robes said. Snape kissed her again, so happy to finally have found true love.

The End!

Kirstie McGonagall's dare:

-The following sayings must be said:
*"Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you - punch him so he cries too!"
*"Noodles are a boy's best friend"
*"Dumbledore, you're looking MIGHTY fine today!"
- Lavender starts a Trewlawney Fan Club and tries to attract members
- Snape gets lonely and mail-orders a bride - and gets a Elite Evil Fanfic Darer of your choice!
- Harry must lose his pet donkey, Jester.
Due date: 30th September.

yay, Kris! I'm glad to see you did this dare too... because I was going to forget about it and be a slacker.

I really wanted YOU to get Snape. *cries* You deserve him. You worked so hard and you've got... you know... stuff. *sigh* I'm going to go and sit over there now, k?