Thread: Romance: I Never Knew - Sa13+
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Old 09-03-2010, 04:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
Looneybird
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wonderland ❤
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Ferosa "Roe" Collins
Second Year
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Hello, Emma! I made it safely to the thread without too much direction loss. I was afraid I was going to have to ask you for the link.

Anyways, mystery is always good so I can't wait to see exactly what happens in the next part of the story with Jackie. Are you going to go into more detail about why she had to leave? *looks around hopefully* And I'd love to know more about Jackie's past as well, what she did with her aunt all this time and her schooling in France. You've got a good plot so if it keeps developing well enough in the next few chapters, you'll be in good shape!

However, my only concerns were the typos, tense changes, and slight POV changes. *runs and hides* They were just a bit distracting to the overall story; however, that may be just be me since I'm a bit of a grammar freak. You can totally ignore me if you want. I won't mind. Anyways, I loved the first chapter and I'd love to see you write more. Wow, I left a long review...I should just stop typing now.
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