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astrocat · 05-28-2021, 07:10 PM

SPOILER!!: hi Quinn

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiallNIP

Quinn chuckled a bit. Yep, they would be a good supervillain lair decoration, wouldn't they? He could see Nemesis having some in the future, when they were leading some sort of coup against the Ministry. He knew it would probably happen at some point.

Another hum and frown came from Quinn at Ash's response about Samuel. "Well... sometimes, the nice enemies are the ones you should be worrying about. Because at least with the mean ones..... you know who they are, and what they're capable of," Quinn bit the inside of his cheek. He knew that from experience. "But, either way, anything that's affecting you in any way is important, you know? You shouldn't just ignore something because you don't want to deal with it. And trying to keep up this relationship is affecting you." He sat in thought for a moment. "Think.... think of it like you have a splinter. It's pretty scary to take it out because you know it'll hurt and you'll have a wound, right? Leaving it in won't hurt as bad at first, but the longer you leave it in the more it'll hurt, the longer it'll hurt, and the worse it'll be once you finally take it out. Plus, worse stuff could happen because you leave it in, like, it could get infected, or... well, I guess that's not really important to the analogy, but... you see what I'm saying, right?" He just didn't want Ash to hurt herself for someone else. "It's ultimately up to you for whatever you want to do, but... that's my advice."

Quinn nodded. He understood not wanting to change for anyone else. He... was never really sure if he did change for other people. He felt like he didn't know himself, sometimes.

Quinn also understood having a lack of happiness and peace.... but he knew they were out there, somewhere. And he would find them someday. He felt like he was already moving in the right direction, somehow. He had moments of happiness. "Well, I hope you do. You might be able to get some help to make your memory go back to how it was. I know what I said about not knowing your friendly enemies, but... trust is still an important thing, too."

Ash had thought of Upstead when she mentioned the man-eating hedges. She pushed that thought away. She didn't feel like opening that Pandora's box at the moment. Or ever. All her jumbled and confusing thoughts about Nemesis Upstead could remain behind the locked door in her brain. Far back in the room, behind the memories of her parents and what it felt like to be possessed and even what crucio felt like. She was never, ever, ever going to open up that box again.

Maybe there could be space made for memories of Sammy. He hurt her too. Upstead did not care for her at all. She was nothing to them, other than perhaps an amusement or a nuisance. But Sammy was different. He at least pretended to care. And if he really was pretending, he was pretending well. Ash cared about him. She did. But maybe it was time for her to let go. Of all the people who didn't really like her. Like her father, and Upstead, and Sammy, and all of them. What if she just didn't care? What if she shut all her emotions in a box, cut ties with people who'd never support her, and did stuff all by herself? It SEEMED like a good idea... was that what Upstead had done? Would it cause her less pain, or more?

"I guess I should just like, take the shrapnel out and hope nothing bad happens." Something in her heart did not like this... but maybe she'd be better off? Maybe it would be better for her to not have friends. To not love. To not care too much for anyone, in case they betrayed her. Or died. Whatever. The exception to this was her boyfriend and her brother. And Lisa and Claudine and Mamie. And the professors that she liked. And Eden and Quinn. And Heath. And Daniel and Minjae. And... actually, Ash could see this whole "forgetting to care" thing being impossible. It didn't seem like the type of thing you could do voluntarily, purposefully, whatever.

That was... relieving. Because Ash certainly had people in her life she could do without, but she didn't wanna go too far and hurt her emotions unnecessarily by getting rid of people she needed. Was caring a safety mechanism to stop you from withering away? Or was Not Caring the safety mechanism? WHY WAS THIS SO CONFUSING??? Anyway, Ash understood from Quinn that she would be better off without Cambridge's best friends in her life. Which unfortunately made a lot of sense. They were always apologizing for her. Making excuses. At least Cambridge never had the nerve to fake apologize to her. So that was that.

Ash needed more space in the shadowy parts of her brain that she kept locked away. It was getting crowded in there.

"I don't think any of the kids could help with the memory stuff. And if they could, I wouldn't let them, because they'd be better off without my memories. I trust some of the professors I guess. I'll just ask them." She trusted Professor Kazmi, but he was the flying professor and unlikely to be helpful. Same idea with Schmoe. And Aguilar, who Ash reminded herself did not work here anymore. Healer Poppy was a firm NOPE. She didn't need Trent knowing about her either. She didn't know how she felt about him yet. She didn't know some of the other professors that well. The two available options were the divination professor and Recard. Healer Recard was a healer. And the divination professor was in charge of divination. Both sorta helpful. Maybe she'd ACTUALLY go and talk to them, instead of just saying that she would. Maybe. If the stars aligned. Or whatever.

05-28-2021, 07:10 PM	#33 (permalink)
astrocat Puffskein Join Date: Jul 2020 Location: New York City Posts: 2,127 Hogwarts RPG Name: Brandon Fox Hufflepuff Fourth Year Hogwarts RPG Name: Phoebe Calypso [s]Dupont[/s] Slytherin Second Year	long post coming up lmao Which came first, the phoenix or the flame? SPOILER!!: hi Quinn Quote: Originally Posted by NiallNIP Quinn chuckled a bit. Yep, they would be a good supervillain lair decoration, wouldn't they? He could see Nemesis having some in the future, when they were leading some sort of coup against the Ministry. He knew it would probably happen at some point. Another hum and frown came from Quinn at Ash's response about Samuel. "Well... sometimes, the nice enemies are the ones you should be worrying about. Because at least with the mean ones..... you know who they are, and what they're capable of," Quinn bit the inside of his cheek. He knew that from experience. "But, either way, anything that's affecting you in any way is important, you know? You shouldn't just ignore something because you don't want to deal with it. And trying to keep up this relationship is affecting you." He sat in thought for a moment. "Think.... think of it like you have a splinter. It's pretty scary to take it out because you know it'll hurt and you'll have a wound, right? Leaving it in won't hurt as bad at first, but the longer you leave it in the more it'll hurt, the longer it'll hurt, and the worse it'll be once you finally take it out. Plus, worse stuff could happen because you leave it in, like, it could get infected, or... well, I guess that's not really important to the analogy, but... you see what I'm saying, right?" He just didn't want Ash to hurt herself for someone else. "It's ultimately up to you for whatever you want to do, but... that's my advice." Quinn nodded. He understood not wanting to change for anyone else. He... was never really sure if he did change for other people. He felt like he didn't know himself, sometimes. Quinn also understood having a lack of happiness and peace.... but he knew they were out there, somewhere. And he would find them someday. He felt like he was already moving in the right direction, somehow. He had moments of happiness. "Well, I hope you do. You might be able to get some help to make your memory go back to how it was. I know what I said about not knowing your friendly enemies, but... trust is still an important thing, too." Ash had thought of Upstead when she mentioned the man-eating hedges. She pushed that thought away. She didn't feel like opening that Pandora's box at the moment. Or ever. All her jumbled and confusing thoughts about Nemesis Upstead could remain behind the locked door in her brain. Far back in the room, behind the memories of her parents and what it felt like to be possessed and even what crucio felt like. She was never, ever, ever going to open up that box again. Maybe there could be space made for memories of Sammy. He hurt her too. Upstead did not care for her at all. She was nothing to them, other than perhaps an amusement or a nuisance. But Sammy was different. He at least pretended to care. And if he really was pretending, he was pretending well. Ash cared about him. She did. But maybe it was time for her to let go. Of all the people who didn't really like her. Like her father, and Upstead, and Sammy, and all of them. What if she just didn't care? What if she shut all her emotions in a box, cut ties with people who'd never support her, and did stuff all by herself? It SEEMED like a good idea... was that what Upstead had done? Would it cause her less pain, or more? "I guess I should just like, take the shrapnel out and hope nothing bad happens." Something in her heart did not like this... but maybe she'd be better off? Maybe it would be better for her to not have friends. To not love. To not care too much for anyone, in case they betrayed her. Or died. Whatever. The exception to this was her boyfriend and her brother. And Lisa and Claudine and Mamie. And the professors that she liked. And Eden and Quinn. And Heath. And Daniel and Minjae. And... actually, Ash could see this whole "forgetting to care" thing being impossible. It didn't seem like the type of thing you could do voluntarily, purposefully, whatever. That was... relieving. Because Ash certainly had people in her life she could do without, but she didn't wanna go too far and hurt her emotions unnecessarily by getting rid of people she needed. Was caring a safety mechanism to stop you from withering away? Or was Not Caring the safety mechanism? WHY WAS THIS SO CONFUSING??? Anyway, Ash understood from Quinn that she would be better off without Cambridge's best friends in her life. Which unfortunately made a lot of sense. They were always apologizing for her. Making excuses. At least Cambridge never had the nerve to fake apologize to her. So that was that. Ash needed more space in the shadowy parts of her brain that she kept locked away. It was getting crowded in there. "I don't think any of the kids could help with the memory stuff. And if they could, I wouldn't let them, because they'd be better off without my memories. I trust some of the professors I guess. I'll just ask them." She trusted Professor Kazmi, but he was the flying professor and unlikely to be helpful. Same idea with Schmoe. And Aguilar, who Ash reminded herself did not work here anymore. Healer Poppy was a firm NOPE. She didn't need Trent knowing about her either. She didn't know how she felt about him yet. She didn't know some of the other professors that well. The two available options were the divination professor and Recard. Healer Recard was a healer. And the divination professor was in charge of divination. Both sorta helpful. Maybe she'd ACTUALLY go and talk to them, instead of just saying that she would. Maybe. If the stars aligned. Or whatever.