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Old 05-18-2021, 05:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
astrocat
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Ashley "Ash" C. Fox
Fourth Year
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SPOILER!!: Schmoe
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArianaBlack View Post
"Er yes, of course," he gestured to the beanbags. Finneas wasn't entirely oblivious to the urgency with which she stepped inside, but he politely refrained from inquiring. He had a feeling she would address the matter soon enough, call it professor's intuition. Or, er, something like that. "I, er, also have hot chocolate if that interests you." He'd pour a cup of chamomile just for himself then.

He moved over to do just that, but paused to look up as Ashley spoke again. The tea could wait. Ms. Fox posed an interesting question. It was one that Finneas wasn't sure he had the ultimate answer to, but he did listen as she continued to elaborate. Sometimes, when you remained quiet, a student would come to their own conclusions. Often times, it helped to allow them to marinate in the question they posed for themselves. Or maybe it didn't. At least this way he could buy himself some more time when he needed. It was easier to converse via owl, when you didn't have to give instantaneous replies.

He stood reverently (aside from the occasional twitch), only speaking when he was sure she was finished sharing her own thoughts. "I'm, er, I'm not sure there's a right answer to that, Ms. Fox," he replied honestly. "You did what you could with what you had and with what you knew at the time." As he began to elaborate, he felt he was saying this just as much for himself as he was for Ashley. Perhaps one day, he would be able to internalize this. But for now, he felt the guilt full force. Was he doing all he could by staying here? By teaching? "That's all we could do. You did what you thought would protect you." And perhaps it did not work in the way that they would have hoped and, perhaps, it did hurt more than it did help, but the information they had was limited. Schmoe found that clarity often only came from hindsight. "Do you, er, do you feel it would have been better?"


Ash absolutely was not interested in crying in front of anybody ever. So she sniffled really loud to suppress the tears. The tears were ready to fall, but she was not going to let them. They could fall when she got back to the dormitory, or the treehouse or a closet, or even the laundry room. Somewhere where they could fall alone. The tears and the girl. "Yes, please. I'd have some hot chocolate." Hot chocolate sometimes burned her tongue. But that was okay. Ash didn't mind those burns. They weren't even close to the feeling of real fire. And hot chocolate sometimes had whipped cream and marshmallows. Ash did not think there would be either. And she was too afraid to ask. But hot chocolate was hot chocolate. It was mostly good. "Well, the headmaster asked how we liked to handle situations. And I said just go into the situation with what you have and make the best decision you can, and he did NOT think that was safe." Or something like that. And an angrier version of Ash would have said that that's why they had a war where everyone almost died. And that nobody was safe and they were all gonna die in the end anyway. Ash HAD said that before. Actually not very long ago, at that mandatory therapy thing... but she did not feel like saying it now. Maybe she would later. It was still true. "I don't see any other options though. Doing nothing usually seems like the worst option to me." Because what if you did nothing and someone got hurt because of it? If they got hurt because of your actions, at least you had tried, right? Sure, a pureblood supremacist could get upset with her defiance, but they were also upset with her existence, so it didn't really matter. Ash wished that the other people at Hogwarts would understand.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. Ash remembered that quote. It was taped to the wall at the muggle school where she used to go. It made so much sense to her now.
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