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Old 12-31-2017, 02:54 AM   #22 (permalink)
Bazinga
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Goblins In a Stew Over Service Refusal in Wizarding Pub

August, 2094
by:Bryan Stanley

A group of goblins refused a table at Carkitt Market pub, The Cackling Stump, this past Saturday is a clear goblin rights breach, activist Margaret Qwindel says.

Gemlig, Bagglin, and Ferog, all employees at Gringotts Wizarding Bank were upset after being booted out of The Cackling Stump by owner Wilfred Prickle. They had chosen to stop into the pub because they had heard its cuisine was 'Goblin friendly,' but they were told to leave before they had ordered any food, Bagglin said.

"Mr. Prickle heard us speaking Gobbledegook and then came over and told us to get out," Gemlig said. "We were shocked to say the least." When pressed, Wilfred Prickle stated he thought it was 'just not on' for goblins to be speaking 'such a wicked sounding tongue.' He went on to explain he did not understand Gobbledegook himself and had no intention of learning a non-wizarding language. He also professed that he did not care if the pub lost business over his refusal to serve goblins, but that goblins were welcome to come in if they spoke only human languages while on the premises.

"There was a sign saying no Gobbledegook, but we thought it was a joke," Ferog said. The sign in question also states that no Mermish, no Parseltongue, and no Trollish may be spoken on the premises. "Merpeople and trolls don't even go to pubs, and the snake language is rarer than fwooper teeth, so the sign is clearly just about being prejudiced against goblins," declared a wizard eyewitness who did not wish to be named.

Fern Dunder, representative from the Goblin Liaison Office, explained that, while Mr. Prickle kicking the goblins out of his premises was a flagrant disregard of goblin rights, there are no laws specifically outlining the legal right to speak Gobbledegook anywhere other than in front of the Wizengamot. As such Mr. Prickle's hard line on non-human languages does not warrant a fine as he is well within his rights as a business owner to display a sign stating the rules of his premises and have patrons who break the rules asked to leave.

Mr. Elsdon Parata, Head Finance and Securities Analyst at Gringotts Wizarding Bank, describes Gemlig, Bagglin, and Ferog as "good blokes" and "hard-workers who are always kind and friendly with witches and wizards that come to them to keep their galleons safe." Gringotts has decided, in solidarity with the mistreated trio, to bar Mr. Prickle from accessing his vault unless he speaks Gobbledegook to the goblins on duty, but added that they are happy to provide him with a translator if he wishes.

Wilfred Prickle has refused to comment on his money essentially being held hostage at Gringotts, and as of yet has not made use of the offered translation service in order to access his vault, nor has he removed the offending sign from his premises.
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