Thread: Character: The Phoenix - Sa13+
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:37 AM   #99 (permalink)
Connie
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415

Hogwarts RPG Name:
Janet Lynn Gordon
Fifth Year
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Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions

Hey Allison, very nicely done. I have to say when you described Abby in her black dress and her white skin I had a thought about the vampire that was going to be at the party.

This bit was so funny. Isn't it funny how he doesn't see people for who they are, but for the gage of blood that pumps through their veins.
Quote:
"Well that boy you are with. His blood...it just...well it just pumps so strongly. How do you exert such self control?"
I also was impressed with the edge you gave your character here;
Quote:
"No..no...there's definitely something different about you. You're much cooler than the other people in the room and your blood...it's just...different," the man responded, his eyes taking a new gleam to them that made me take a hesitant step back.
Very nicely done. I was afraid for Abby and I was only reading it. Super job giving your imagination the run of the story telling. great writing. I'll be watching for your next.
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