1. Herbology 2. Muggle Studies 3. Transfiguration 4. Ancient Runes 5. Astronomy 6. Divination 7. Care of Magical Creatures 8. Potions 9. Defense Against the Dark Arts 10. Arithmancy 11. History of Magic 12. Charms 13. Quidditch 14. Hogwarts, A History 15. Room 16. Dragonhide gloves 17. Cauldron 18. Whomping Willow 19. Wand 20. Hogsmeade 21. Veela 22. Kneazle 23. Telescope 24. House elf 25. Sorting Hat 26. Quill 27. Owl 28. Timeturner 29. Pensieve 30. Feast 31. Dress robes 32. Common room 33. Classroom 34. Parseltongue 35. Pureblood 36. Muggle 37. Animagus 38. Patronus 39. Duel 40. Spell 41. Thestrals 42. Portraits 43. Headmaster 44. Ford Anglia 45. torch 46. Dungeon 47. Portkey 48. Leprechaun 49. Yule Ball 50. Boggart 51. act 52. bore 53. Chase 54. Dare 55. Egg on 56. Fight 57. Gape 58. Hoot 59. Ignore 60. Joke 61. Kiss 62. Lope 63. Mooch 64. Nap 65. Ooze 66. Pace 67. Quell 68. Roar 69. Slap 70. teem 71. Untie 72. Vex 73. Warn 74. x-tinguish 75. Yodel 76. Zap 77. Cheerful 78. author's choice 79. author's choice 80. author's choice 81. Depression 82. Careful 83. Fearful
84. Angry 85. Snappish 86. Daring 87. Plaid 88. sweet tooth 89. Past 90. present 91. Future 92. Chocolate 93. Chicken 94. Allergic 95. Snowball 96. Socks 97. Dictionary 98. Pajamas 99. Newspaper 100. Homework

Snargaluff Pods 1.) Herbology


Today in Herbology class Gryffindor and Sytherin students are harvesting Snargaluff Pods. Severus, Bellatrix, and Lucius put on their dragonhide gloves and googles. Bellatrix dives at the gnarled stump. The vines fly in all directions. While Lucius tries to knot the vines together, a hole opens up in the center of the branches. Severus plunges his arm in the center and pulls out a green pod. He holds it up for everyone to see. Severus notices James kissing an injured Lily. Snape squeezes the pod. Green worms fly all over Bellatrix.

“You imbecile,” she screams.

The class roars with laughter.

Tartan and Old Lace 90. Present


The teachers sip egg nog while Dumbledore hands out Christmas presents. He gives a shiny green box to Snape. Severus looks at the tag and opens it.

“You shouldn’t have, Minerva.” Snape frowns.

“I thought you could wear the scarf to the school Quidditch matches,” McGonagall says. “It’s so windy in the stands.”

“Well try it on,” Sprout suggests.

Snape takes the tartan scarf out of the box and looks at it like it’s the reincarnation of James Potter. Snape wraps the scarf around his neck.

“The plaid really sets off your eyes,” Dumbledore says smiling. Snape sneers.

Any Old Tartan Will Do 87. Plaid



Professors Snape and McGonagall are watching the Slytherin/Gryffindor Quidditch match.

“Is that a new hat you’re wearing, Minerva?”

“Why yes. My old plaid hat was falling apart. I bought myself a new one the same time I bought your scarf. By the way where is your scarf?

“I didn’t want it to blow away, so I put it in my pocket.”

“Put it on now, Snape. It’s freezing!”

Ron sees Snape and McGonagall through his omnioculars.

“Blimey, Snape and McGonagall are wearing matching hat and scarf. Do you think they’re going steady?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ron. Teacher’s don’t go steady.”

The Umbridge Trilogy part I

Just a Few Questions 78. Author’s Choice Ministry Progress Report



Snape enters his classroom.

“Silence!” he sneers. “Today we will be brewing a Confusing Draught. You…”

“Hem ,hem”

“Professor Umbridge, what are you doing in my class?”

“It’s time for you inspection, Professor Snape. Please carry on.”

“The instructions for the potion are on the board. You will…”

“How long have you been teaching at Hogwarts, Umbridge asks.”

“Fourteen years”

“You were a deatheater before that?”

“That is correct. Now you need to chop…”

“How did you go from being a deatheater to teaching here at Hogwarts?”

“I was hired by Professor….”

Does not like talking about his past. Umbridge writes.

Umbridge Trilogy part II

The Interview Continues 9. Defense Against the Dark Arts



“Professor Dumbledore hired me for this postion. He has every confidence in me,” Snape says. “Begin cutting the scurry grass now.”

“Dumbledore doesn’t have enough confidence in you to let you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“He has his reasons.”

“How many times have you applied for that position?”

“Fourteen times”

“I see.” Does not respect the headmaster. Umbridge writes.

"Why have there been so many DADA teachers?

“Dumbledore has had trouble hiring qualified Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. They have ranged form a bogus author to a werewolf.”

Does not get along with the rest of the staff.

The Umbridge Trilogy part III

The Last Straw 8. Potions


“Longbottom small pieces. You’re brewing a potion not making stew.”

“Do you think you could do a better job of hiring a Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor?”

“Yes, I would hire myself.”

Umbridge walks around the room looking at the potions.

“The students don’t seem to know how to brew a potion properly. Can you explain this?”

“I teach potions. I can’t help it if some students are more adapt at potions than other.”

Teaching skills questionable.

“If you are finished, I have a class to teach.”

“I have everything I need. Thank you, Professor Snape.” Recommend dismissal. Incompetent.

Snakes and Dogs 37. Animagus


“Lily would have never married you, Snivellus. You were nothing to her.”

“That’s what you think, Black. Lily and I were childhood friends. She hated Potter until you’ll played that prank on me.”

“We didn’t make you call her a mudblood. She never forgave you. It was the last straw.”

“I was angry! Lily knew I didn’t mean it. Potter poisoned her mind.”

“He didn’t have to. Lily knew what you were. You disgusted her.”

Sirius turns into his animagus form and tinkles on Snape’s leg.

“Why don’t you stay a dog. You’ve always been so pathetic as a human.”

Celebration!!! 43. Headmaster



Fred and George are in their office having coffee and doughnuts.

“I don’t believe it! The Daily Prophet says Snape has been named the new headmaster of Hogwarts. Percy would make a better one.”

“Dumbledore’s murderer headmaster. That’s so not right. Why don’t we send Snape a present.”

‘And let him know exactly how we feel, I know just the thing…”

Two weeks later Snape finds a large box on his desk. He carefully opens it. A fireworks display flies out. A parchment banner floats down.


Congratulations on Your New Job

May You Rot in Hell

Fred and George Weasley

The Confrontation 3. Transfiguration


McGonagall storms into Snape’s office.

“I won’t stand for this, Snape!!!”

“Professor Snape. What won’t you stand of this time?”

“The Carrows!!! They’re torturing innocent students on your authority.”

”Not my authority. The Ministry’s”

“Albus would have never allowed it. The Ministry be damned.”

“ Dumbledore is dead. I’m headmaster now.”

“I’m well aware Albus is dead and how he died.”

“If you want to continue teaching here, I advise you to keep your opinions to yourself.”

“And if I don’t?”

“There’s always Azkaban. I’ll talk to the Carrows about student dicipline. Don’t you have a transfiguration class to teach?”

The Trelawney Trilogy part I

Desert with Trelawney 88. Sweet Tooth



Another boring dinner at Hogwarts. Snape is late, so he has to sit next to Trelawney. He watches her pick her food like a bird.

“Not hungry?”

“No my reading says I shouldn’t eat lamb until the next full moon, and everyone knows you don’t eat root vegetables during the winter solstice.”

Then the deserts appear. Trelawney fills her plate with treacle tart, cakes, and puddings. Snape gets his usual pudding and tea. Trelawney tucks in like she hasn’t eaten in a month.

“You must have a serious sweet tooth,” Snape observes.

“Nonsence! My psyche needs recharging. This is fuel.”

Trelawney Trilogy Part II

How to Predict the Future in Ten Easy Lessons 10.Arithmancy




Professor Vector, who is also sitting next to Sibyll, looks at her plate.

“The inner eye does need nourishment. Fortunately, Arithmancy is a more exact form of Divination. We use our minds not our physic being. I couldn’t keep my figure if I had to eat like that.”

“I agree,” Snape says. “Arithmancy doesn’t claim to predict the future. It uses numbers to help determine you future. Divination is nothing more than rubbish.”

“It’s obvious neither of you have the sight necessary to appreciate Divination,” Telawney says between bites. “Unbelievers are a burden true physics have to deal with everyday.

Telawney Trilogy part III

The Grim 6. Divination




“Let me prove to you that Divination can predict the future,” Sybill pleads. “Let me reads your tealeave, Severus.”

“Very well,” Snape says. He finishes his tea and hands the cup to Trelawney. She swirls the cup and reads the leaves.

“I see the falcon. You have a deadly enemy and the club… an attack. There is a skull too. Danger is in your future.”

Trelawny drops the cup.

“The Grim!!!”

Snape looks down at the tealeaves.

“What is a Grim?”

“The giant spectral dog that haunts churchyards!! It is an omen. I see death in your near future, Severus.”

A Date with Lily 31. Dress Robes



I dedicate this drapple to Ern. It’s only fair. I stole the idea from her drapple.






The sales clerk pulls out a set of dark green dress robes.


“I’m afraid there a little faded and warn around the edges. This is all we have in your son’s size.”

“It will do. Severus is only wearing them to a school dance,” Mrs. Snape says.

The sales clerk help Severus put the robes on. He looks in the mirror. The robes are at least three inches too short and the sleeves end at his shirt cuffs.

“You’re sure you don’t have anything else in my size,” Severus pleads.

“They will do. It’s not like you have a date.”

A Kneazle by Any Other Name… 22. Kneazle





Hermione knocks on Professor Snape’s door.

“Enter!”

“Professor Snape, I hate to bother you, but I’m looking for my missing kneazle.”

“Student’s pets are supposed to be in their owner’s common or dorm rooms not my office.”

“Yes sir, it just Crookshank was chasing Ron’s rat, and Scabbers…”

“Miss Granger, there are no kneazles in my office!!”

“Meow”

Snape turns his chair around. Crookshank is sitting in his lap purring.

“Crookshank usually likes a saucer of milk in the afternoon.”

“I’ll have a house elf bring some. Now if you will excuse me I have work to do.”

“Yes sir...”

Welcome to the First Annual Hogwarts Talent Show 60. Joke



Slughorn is in charge of the talent show. He convinces Snape to tell some jokes. Reluctantly he agrees. Slughorn pushes Snape on stage. The audience laughs. Severus tells his jokes.


“Why do mummies make excellent spies?”

“They’re good at keeping things under wraps.”

Snape finishes his jokes without a single laugh. He leaves the stage.

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Snape says.


“Your delivery was all wrong,” Slughorn replies.

He goes on stage and tells all of Severus’s jokes. The crowd roars.

“ I told you. It’s all in the delivery. The Imperius Curse helps too,” Slughorns says.

The Rat Eat It 100 Homework



Professor Snape collects the homework assignments. He looks them over.

“Mr. Weasley, where is your homework?”

“You see professor I had just finished my homework when Crookshank started chasing Scabbers. They ran across my parchment spilling the bottle of ink. Hermione tried to remove the ink using Evanesco. She must have used the wrong spell because my parchment caught on fire. Harry put the fire out. By the time we’d cleaned the Common Room up, I didn’t have time to redo my homework.”

“You expect me to believe that story, Mr. Weasley.”

“Yes sir”

“Twenty points from Gryffindor for lying.”

Tea Time 24. House Elf



Snape is in his office working. The clock strikes four. He looks around for the house elf with his tea.

“You’re late!” Snape bellows.

“Sorry Headmaster.”

The elf puts the tray on the table. He picks up a book and bangs his head.

Snape looks at the tray.

“Where are my macaroons?”

“Sorry, headmaster, none were left from lunch.”

“This isn’t Earl Grey Tea?”

“They were out headmaster.”

The elf hits himself with the book again.

“Will you stop that! You’re destroying my book!”

“Yes headmaster.” The house elf gets a silver instrument instead.

“That will do. You’re ruining my tea.”

What do You Sleep in? 98. Pajamas



Professor Snape sounds the alarm. The teachers come running in their pajamas and dressing gowns.

“What happened, Minerva? Dumbledore asks.

“Sirius Black! He got into Gryffindor House. Sirius tried to stab Ron Weasley.”

Snape walks up. His billowing robes blowing around him exposing his legs and gray underpants.

“I warned you something like this would happen,” Snape bellows. “We all know where Lupin’s loyalties lie. He can’t be trusted.”

“I can assure you I didn’t help Sirius get into Gryffindor House,” Lupin says.

“Professor Snape, where are you pajamas,” Minerva inquires.

“I don’t wear pajamas.”

“Don’t you get cold, Minerva asks.”

The Conversation 42. Portrait




The former headmaster’s portraits have a conversation.

“I can’t believe Dumbledore is allowing deatheaters to teach at Hogwarts,” Dexter Fortescue says.

“I’m no longer headmaster,” Dumbledore says. “ Severus is headmaster now. He’s doing the best he can.”

“Fine boy, Severus Snape,” Phineas Nigellus says. “Bout times Hogwarts had another headmaster from my house.”

“It’s all that dark wizard’s fault. What’s his name?” Everard asks.

“Voldemort,” Dumbledore injects.

“Please don’t say the Dark Lord’s name in my office,” Snape says. “There is a curse on it.”

Someone knocks at the door.

“Enter”

“Is everything alright, Snape?” Amycus asks.

“That’s Professor Snape!!!!”

Love or Obsession 45. Torch



Snape takes out his wand and says “Expecto Patronum!” A silver doe apprears out the end. She runs around Dumbledore’s office and disappears out the window.


“Your patronus is still a doe?” Dumbledore asks.

“Yes, since the day Lily died,” Snape answers.

“After all these years I didn’t know you still carried a torch for her.” Dumbledore replies.

“Our love is eternal. I will love her until the day I die. Nothing can change that,” Snape says.

Dumbledore looks over his glasses. He’s seeing the real Snape for the first time.

“Tell me Severus, is it true love or obsession?”

The Purchasing of the Wand 19. Wand



Ollivander’s is in a shambles. Severus hands the latest wand he’s tried back to Ollivander.

“Number 25 didn’t work either. Let’s see….”

Ollivander takes out another box.

“Vine Wood, 12 inches long, dragon heartstrings, rigid.”

He hands it to Severus. He swirls it around. Sparks fly out of the wand singeing Ollivander’s hair.

“Not that one either. Let’s see…”

Ollivander pulls out an extremely dusty box.

“Walnut, 13 ½ inches long, phoenix feather, very flexable. This is the one,” Ollivander says.

Severus takes it. The air around the wand turns bright blue.

“We have a winner!”

“Bout time!” Mrs. Snape says.

The Meeting 33. Classroom




Severus is in his classroom getting things ready for class. Lucius Malfoy walks in.

“What is this I hear?” Lucius asks. “Potter is still here.”

“Potter is Dumbledore’s fair haired kid. He insists on keeping him close,” Snape answers.

“We can’t touch him as long as he’s under Dumbledore’s protection,” Lucius says. “Weasley and Potter flew a muggle car around London. Any other students would have been expelled.”

“Potter has Dumbledore and McGonagall snowballed. My hands are tied,” Snape says.

“You must increase your efforts,” Lucius orders.

“I understand,” Snape answers.

“Keep me informed,” Lucius replies.

Lucius leaves the classroom.

Saturday in the Park part I 62. Lope




Lily and Sev lope around the park enjoying a friendly race.

“Got ya!” Severus says.

“You cheat,” Lily says. “Your legs are longer than mine, so you run faster.”

“That’s not cheating,” Severus says. “I can’t help it if I’m taller than you.”

They laugh and sit down together.

“I can’t believe we’re going to Hogwarts in less than a week,” Lily says.

‘It can’t happen soon enough for me,” Sev says.

‘Things are still bad at home,” Lily asks.

“Worse,” Snape says. “My dad doesn’t want me to go to Hogwarts. He doesn’t want a wizard for a son.”

Saturday in the Park part II 58. Hoot




“That’s so unfair Sev. It’s not you’re fault you’re a wizard,” Lily says. “It took my parents a while to accept me as a witch, but they never stopped loving me.”

“What about your sister?” Sev asks.

Lily pulls her legs close and wraps her arm around them. She sobs.

“Petuna still hates me. She calls me a freak.”

“I don’t give a hoot about any of them,” Severus answers loudly. “We aren’t freaks.

“It’s okay, Sev,” Lily says. “I can get through this as long as I have you.”

“You will always have me,” Severus says.

They smile brightly.