Pandora looked at Silas, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Well, it's time to start Silas. We can work it out together. You need to get a rhythm going for feeds and naps. For you and them. And when they're a bit bigger, you're going to come and have dinner with us at Mill Cottage. Regular thursday night dinners. It's the only way to get through it. To know how to breathe and how to walk."

When he talked about how the babies looked like Dora, and trailed off before admitting what Pandora already knew, that it was painful to look at them. She went back to him and wrapped her arms around him, folding his angular frame into her increasingly curvy one. " Silas, until Ronan moved in, there were no photographs on display in my house. Even though we took them, they were in a box. My father couldn't stand to look at photographs of me because I look like my mother, I have her eyes. Some days he couldn't look at me. But I knew that he loved me. Right now, everything in this house is going to remind you of her, but you have got to be strong enough to use the love that she poured into you and into those babies to bring them up feeling loved and safe. That's all they need love and safety. I can't promise that this is going to be easy, but you're strong. And you've got me." She was not crying but her voice was strained with emotion. She stroked his hair in an almost maternal way. "You are going to be a brilliant father, you just have to allow yourself to."

"Paint," he said softly, as Pandora stroked his hair.

"It's the paint that gets me most. And then the pictures. And then her stuff." His voice was monotone, his eyes focusing on the wood grain of the table. "I haven't put any of it away. Her toothbrush is still in the bath."

Silas picked at his cuticles. "I don't go in there anymore."

Pandora continued to stroke his hair. "I understand, I honestly do. Are you sleeping in the guest room?" She gasps as one of her babies gave a sharp kick, in the side that was pressed against him. "Did you feel that? I'm sorry..." She pulled away from him, blushing.

She stood up. "Well, umm, if you're not going to eat, you should at least try and get some rest, go lay down? I'll be here." For some reason, she could not look at him. The baby kicking reminded her that in a way, she was just like Dora. She could not stand to think that she had probably made Silas feel worse.

Silas began to nod. If he didn't sleep in the rocking chair in the nursery, it was the guest room. But then he felt a sharp kick to his ribs. Babies.

As Pandora apologized, he turned to tell her not to, but she wouldn't look at him. Silas was many things: distraught, underfed, underslept. But he was not oblivious.

Standing, he put his hand on Pandora's stomach where he thought the kick must have been. "Do not apologize for them. Or for the fact that you happen to be pregnant with twins." Silas squinted, biting his lip. His voice was strained. "I'm pretty sure you're carrying my children's first best friends."

Silas pulled his hand back and stuck it in his pocket. It was hard being around her. Talking about things that Dora was supposed to share in. Being jolted into memories of Dora's own pregnancy whenever he let his mind wander.

Lip trembling slightly, he blinked his eyes slowly. Wearily. "You're right. I should rest."

Silas moved toward the kitchen door before stopping to turn around. "Pandora... you don't have to keep it together for me. You just found out. Go home. Be with Ronan.

Pandora tensed as Silas touched her bump. When he said the that she was carrying his children's first best friends and not to apologise, she blinked rapidly, tears spilling, but she still could not look at him. She could hear the strained emotion in his voice, hear how difficult this was it was for him to say, knowing that he must be breaking inside all over again. This was not going to be easy...

"Yes you should rest." She watched him walk to the door before turning back to her. When he told her to go home, she blinked repeatedly feeling... really hurt. He clearly didn't want her there. He was pushing her away.

However, she wasn't going to let him do that. She couldn't. "Silas, this place is a mess. I can't in all good conscience leave you all like this. I'd never forgive myself." There was a tension and a finality to her voice that would have told a sensible man not to argue with her

She walked to the sink and started to sort out the dishes, her back turned to him so that he could not see the tears that were flowing thick and fast.

Silas tilted his head to the side as she refused to leave, puzzled by her tone of voice. He'd merely thought that his kitchen might not be the best place for her to mourn.

Though, he realized as he watched her walk to the sink, that maybe this was her way... "I'll be in the guest, then... if you need anything."

He spoke softly, and turned to leave without waiting for a response.

Pandora nodded silently, not trusting her voice at all. She set the dishes to wash themselves and gripped the edge of the sink. Thinking that he had gone and could not hear her, she let out the deep sobs that she had been suppressing.

When they had subsided, she walked to the pantry and opened it, simply vanishing almost everything. It was all stale and some of it was mouldy. She cleaned out the cupboard and paused for a moment, trying to formulate a plan for how she would tackle the rest of the house.

Silas had made it to the bottom of the stairs, his hand resting on the banister, when he heard the sobs from the kitchen. Biting his lip, he turned to head back, but stopped.

He wouldn't let her know that he'd heard. He was too exhausted to console her. And too exhausted to handle her trying not to let it show.

Climbing the stairs, Silas sighed heavily. When he reached the guest room, he simply curled up on top of the covers, still in his clothes...

and stared at the wall.

Eventually, her sobs subsided. She pulled herself together and worked methodically to clean the kitchen and then the rest of the ground floor. She left the sitting room until last, her eyes flicking magnetically to the sofa where Dora had cradled her, stroking her hair and telling her that she would protect her. More tears were drawn from her eyes, even though she had thought that she hand none left.

Eventually she collapsed onto that sofa, in almost the same spot that she had been in before. There was something underneath the cushion, and she investigated. Her eyes swam with more tears as she found two soft phoenix toys. She hugged them to her chest and stood up slowly, walking out of the room and heading up the stairs to the nursery.

She opened the door quietly. The twins were huddled together, as though they were attached with an invisible cord. To be safe, she placed the toys on the chair she had found Silas in. Holding her hair back so that it didn't tickle them, she stooped forwards and kissed them softly on their tiny cheeks.

"Tell your daddy I'm sorry, but I can't stay." It was the truth. Being in the house that screamed Dora so loudly was painful to her right now and it had been clear that he had wanted her to leave too. She was exhausted and the only place she really wanted to be was in Ronan's arms.

She pulled herself away from the babies and back downstairs. She stopped in the kitchen, grabbing some parchment and a quill to leave Silas a sort note:

Quote:

Dearest S,

I needed to go home but I'll come back tomorrow with supplies, food and baby things.

P

It seemed almost cold, but she didn't want him to worry and she had no energy to spare for long sentences. She made her way to the fireplace in the sitting room, took a pinch of Floo powder, shouted "Old Mill Cottage" and vanished in a burst of green flames.

Silas stirred, stretching his lanky frame as he woke, having rumpled the bedcovers and his own clothes significantly during a rather fitful sleep.

Rubbing his eyes, he made his way downstairs. "Pandora?" He called out into the quiet house, curious at the lack of reply. Walking through the sitting room, he noticed it had been tidied before pushing into the kitchen. Everything gleamed. It was clean. The smell of stale food had abated and... there was no one to be found.

Frowning, Silas noticed a piece of parchment on the table. She had gone. Sighing, Silas made a mental note to send the owl for some sort of thank you gift - maybe more honey - before heading up to the nursery.

Opening the door, he could hear the tender coos of his children, laying together in the crib. Smiling, he went over to them, thinking to pick them up and rock them when something on the chair caught his eye.

"The phoenixes..." he whispered to himself. He had forgotten all about them. Picking them up gingerly, Silas held them in his hands.

"Reborn from ashes..." Looking at the twin birds and then down at his twin children, he smiled.

Maybe he could do this, after all.

END SCENE

NEW SCENE

Silas stood in front of the door, boxes precariously balanced in his arms. Clothes and books and photos all neatly tucked away, saved for Imogen and Gabriel. But things that Silas could simply not have around every day. Not yet.

And so he stood in front of the study door, remembering the first time he saw the inside of it. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Silas turned the knob and stepped into the room.

Looking up to the portrait, his voice cracked as he spoke. "Hello, love."

Dora stood propped against the side of her frame, waiting for... well hell she had an eternity to wait for whatever was to happen now. She loved to hear the children coo and Silas and Pandora seemed to be getting on well, helping one another through this time. She stood staring for a moment and pushed off of her frame and placed her hand to the front of her portrait willing it to let her through to touch him one mroe time.

"Oh Silas... Oh Merlin, Silas. I love you so much darling and I am NEVER wanted to leave you or them, never. I was weak... I couldn't hang on any longer. Oh, love... I am sorry that I left you. It has given me so much guilt and pain even in death, love," she said in a low, throaty voice, thick with the tears that were running liberally down her portrait's face.

This was the last thing he needed to do. Say goodbye properly. Move on... for the sake of the babies. They needed a father who could function. And to function, he had to get past mourning.

"No no no. You were never weak. We will be fine. We will be." Silas set the boxes down, unsure of what to do with his hands. If she were living, he would hold her. But now...

Reaching up with a hand, he rested it on the frame. It was the best he could do. "I cannot be strong for them unless I know that you're at peace. Rest."

Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall. "I miss you," he whispered. "Every day."

Dora's portrait self let her body shake with the sobs that were bubbling up through her. "I never loved anything or anyone the way that I loved you and those babies, Silas. I was weak... I couldn't hold on... I let myself slip away. I wanted to stay. Oh Silas. I can hear you and them in the house so often I ache to be there with you," she blurted out in true Dora fashion. She closed her mouth for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"Silas, I knew you'd be alright... somehow, some way. And don't worry at all about me. I am at peace now, for the most part. All of that pain that had been inside of me was released. The only thing lingering was guilt, but it wasn't enough to keep me from crossing over because I had lived... I had lived a full happy life through you. And seeing those darlings born was the greatest moment of my life, next to saying 'I do' to you. Silas Druery, you are one of the strongest people I ever had the pleasure of knowing in my lifetime. Stronger than me by far. And I rest assured that you and those babies are safe now," she said in a ragged tear soaked voice.

"Darling... I miss you so much it would hurt if I still felt pain. I come to see the children from time to time. I have noticed that little Gabriel's hair changes when I come. Imogen seems to have taken on your personality. I know you feel me around sometimes, I am there.... but I am not sure how much longer I can keep it up..." she said as she cried harder still.

Silas stepped back as the portrait spoke. The portrait, he reminded himself. Not Dora. When she had finished, he nodded slowly.

"You go. Rest. You deserve it," he said solemnly.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't come in here and talk to her, no, the portrait, and pretend she was still around. "I'll take care of them for you," he said, looking up. "But I can't do... this." He gestured at the air between them.

"I love you. But I have to say goodbye."

Dora in the portrait nodded her head slowly not showing the pain she his words caused her. "Please just let Alexandra come in to speak to me if she wishes to do so and the children as well. I will be available anytime they need me," she said through her sobs.

"I love you Silas. Even now in the afterlife I love you just as much as I did on Earth. You are the best thing that EVER happened to me. You need to make yourself happy again," she said and paused, "If you found love again I would understand."

She then looked out of the edge of her portrait and smiled. "I have to go. Next time you think you feel me.... Know that I am there. I will help when I can. I love you and tell those darlings each day how much I love them," she said in a sad voice. She slid her hand across her canvas as she stepped out of the protrait frame. 'I love you' was the last thing heard as she left the frame to give the man his space.

"Goodbye," he whispered, watching her walk out of the frame. His face tear-stained, though drying, he stood in the study, watching the empty portrait frame.

Yes. He would let Alexa in to visit, and in time... when he was sure they understood the difference between a portrait and a person and could do it on their own, he would let the twins as well.

But as he looked at the portrait and the boxes he set down, he turned to toward the door. As he closed it behind him, wincing as he heard the lock click, he was certain that he would not speak to her again.

the end!