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06-01-2007, 11:43 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| RoR Mod Triwizard Champion Shrake
Location: Free! Free at last!! Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 12,602
Hogwarts RPG Name: Samantha (Sam) Elise Edwards Fourth Year Ministry RPG Name:
Santana Venezula Department of Mysteries | All Alone - Sa13+ Ok this is my first FF so…yeah! As you know all characters belong to J.K. Rowling and all rights belong to her. I'm just using them to make my own story. This is going to take place after their sixth year and during their seventh year. Harry has broken up with Ginny but still loves her. Ron and Hermione are still trying to push past the awkward stage and realize they like each other. This is going to be switching to different characters but it will mostly be Harry’s point of view. I’m ok with criticism, so if I’m doing something wrong tell me! I would really like to improve, so any advice would be welcomed. Ok here goes chapter 1. Chapter 1 Harry sat gloomily on his bed, clutching a letter in his hand. It was a letter from his best friend, Ron, asking him to come stay at the Burrow for the rest of the holiday. He had replied right away, saying he would be over tomorrow. Tomorrow was his birthday and he’d be of age. The magic that protected him at the Dursley’s would be lifted and he would never have to step a foot in this house again. Harry sighed as he got up from his bed to continue packing. He hadn’t seen Ginny since he had broken up with her and was hoping nothing would be awkward between them. He still had strong feelings for her, but he was afraid for her. If something were to happen to her, it would be all his fault. Voldermort was still at large. Every day more and more disappearances and killings were reported in the Daily Prophet. Harry had subscribed to the newspaper, to keep track of what was going on with the wizardly world. He also wanted to know if there were any signs of Voldermort anywhere, or if he was caught yet. So far…nothing. Getting down on his hands and knees, he made sure there was nothing under his bed. Moving his hand around, he felt it hit against something smooth and slick. He took hold of it and pulled it out. It was the photo album Hagrid had given him in his first year. He leaned against the side of his bed and propped the album against his knees. There were a lot more pictures inside it now than when Hagrid had first given it to him. He flipped through the pages watching himself, Ron, and Hermione growing up before his eyes. Ron, always taller than him and Hermione, had been growing into a young man. His hair was still flaming red, but it was growing long and silky, and by the end of their sixth year, it was hanging all in his eyes. Freckles, that used to make him look very childish, were starting to blend in with the color of his skin. His hazel eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he looked at Hermione. Hermione seemed to have changed more than the two boys. She had always had a lot of big, bushy, brown hair. It used to make her face look smaller than it really was because there was so much of it. But by the end of their sixth year, her hair was calming down. They made beautiful curls that reached just below her shoulders. She had also grown nicely into her body. She stood up much straighter and always had her head held high. Her strong posture was because she was the toughest one between the three. She may not have the physical strength that Harry and Ron had, but she was what kept them going when all was lost. Harry flipped back to the pictures of himself in his first year. He was a scrawny little boy, with messed up hair. Flicking ahead, he noticed he had a lot of dark circles underneath his eyes while he was in his fifth year. He didn’t sleep that great through that year and didn’t have so many great memories either. Harry didn’t really see a difference from his first year self and now, but he had changed tremendously. He now had an athlete built and no longer looked little. His jet black hair still did what ever it wanted, but it suited him. The most noticeable thing about him, though, was his deep emerald eyes. Behind the wisdom and caring, there was great sorrow. For his parents, his godfather, and now Dumbledore. All gone in a flash. Flipping the page over he felt his heart brake. He had stopped on his mom and dad’s wedding picture. They were both looking into each other’s eyes lovingly. Every once in a while they would turn their heads to the best man and laugh merrily. Sirius Black, his godfather, was all smiles for the newly married couple, chuckling happily with them. Harry slammed the book shut. They should be here, with him, laughing. But they were gone. Leaving Harry feel entirely alone. Ok that was the first chapter. I hoped you all liked it. Please comment and tell me what you think. *Steph* Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43
Last edited by MUSTANG SALLY : 01-19-2008 at 07:58 AM.
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06-02-2007, 03:55 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| ECFC,ELFC and LLFC Games Officer Snape is my man! Troll
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,889
Hogwarts RPG Name: Mindy Song First | Are you sure this is your first FF? 'Cause this is blowing off my mind!
It's a very great start. Unfortunately, I have no negative comments or things you should improve on, because it's all perfect! I do hope Harry will get everything through. Life can't be that hard, can it?
☆★☆★
Mindy |
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06-02-2007, 05:12 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| GW / BWFC Co-Pres STFC Events ELFC Promo K.O. Tonks' Babies Demiguise
Location: *luffs THe MMN!* / siggy & avvy la perfect by Sirius's Lothlorien Paradise! Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,181
Hogwarts RPG Name: Jacqueline (Jackie) Sampson Second Ministry RPG Name:
Katy Sampson | Omg!! it's Steph!!! with a fanfic!! but not just a fanfic... an awesome fanfic!!!!! Your writing is flowing really nicely. I love your descriptions of the trio! especially Harry... *he's smexi* pams pams pams pams!!!!!
Last edited by Madfish : 06-02-2007 at 05:12 PM.
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06-02-2007, 06:06 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Niffler
Location: On the Track! Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,845
Hogwarts RPG Name: Athena Warren Seventh Year | Steph!...I don't know what to say!
Your first chapter blew me away! It was amazing! Are you sure it's your first FF? Because it doesn't look like it! You have great talent! I am so jealouse! 
Post more soon!
Love,
Emma |
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06-02-2007, 09:06 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| Fellow Twin Prankster Pygmy Puff
Location: singing with david Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 10,502
First Year | Steph this is so good! Aww...poor Harry. Post more or I'll sing. 
Last edited by Dan crazy : 06-02-2007 at 09:07 PM.
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06-02-2007, 09:15 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| GWFC/BWFC Pie thrower Queen of Cookieland Fairer than Fairies Dementor
Location: BanaBuddy HQ Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 57,421
Hogwarts RPG Name: Whigalima (Lima) Whiggmeister Fifth Year | Very good start Steph!! I find it very hard to believe that this is your first FF!! I can't wait for you to up-date it! |
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06-02-2007, 09:29 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| RoR Mod Triwizard Champion Shrake
Location: Free! Free at last!! Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 12,602
Hogwarts RPG Name: Samantha (Sam) Elise Edwards Fourth Year Ministry RPG Name:
Santana Venezula Department of Mysteries | Thank you everybody!! Glomps you all! Quote:
Originally Posted by jkrsong96 Are you sure this is your first FF? 'Cause this is blowing off my mind!
It's a very great start. Unfortunately, I have no negative comments or things you should improve on, because it's all perfect! I do hope Harry will get everything through. Life can't be that hard, can it?
☆★☆★
Mindy | Thanks Mindy! Im so glad you like it. Nothing I should imrove on? Wow it must be good then Life is going to be tough on Harry for awhile im afraid... Quote:
Originally Posted by Madfish Omg!! it's Steph!!! with a fanfic!! but not just a fanfic... an awesome fanfic!!!!! Your writing is flowing really nicely. I love your descriptions of the trio! especially Harry... *he's smexi* pams pams pams pams!!!!! | Thanx Wendy. Yes its me with a FF! And yes Harry is smexi Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry and Ginny??? Steph!...I don't know what to say!
Your first chapter blew me away! It was amazing! Are you sure it's your first FF? Because it doesn't look like it! You have great talent! I am so jealouse! 
Post more soon!
Love,
Emma | Yeah this is my first FF. Can you belive it? Ive written other stories before but never a FF. Im glad you like it. Thanx again and Im glad you liked it. Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan crazy Steph this is so good! Aww...poor Harry. Post more or I'll sing.  | Lili!!! Thanx for reading it!!
Ill post more soon for fear of your singing 
Maybe Ill have people singing in my next post Quote:
Originally Posted by hermy_weasley Very good start Steph!! I find it very hard to believe that this is your first FF!! I can't wait for you to up-date it! | Whit!! I also thank you for reading 
Ok Ill probally post more on Monday. Unless I cant resist tempantion and I post more later...
*Steph* |
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06-03-2007, 09:30 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Troll
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,672
Hogwarts RPG Name: Heather Malfoy Seventh Year Ministry RPG Name:
Kahylee Ashford Magical Games & Sports | I loved it.You are almost just as good as J.K.Rowling herself just about one lttle notch below because no one can be as good as her.PAMS.I would love to know what happens next
~Heather~ |
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06-03-2007, 03:20 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| Tonks' Werewolf Crup
Location: Summerr come soonn<3 Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,242
Hogwarts RPG Name: Alana Colarossi Fourth | ahh i loved it hahhaa yeah i think you've secretly been writing other stories, thats how good it sounds hahahah i love it. Post more soon!!
-Anna<3 |
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06-03-2007, 03:38 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| RoR Mod Triwizard Champion Shrake
Location: Free! Free at last!! Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 12,602
Hogwarts RPG Name: Samantha (Sam) Elise Edwards Fourth Year Ministry RPG Name:
Santana Venezula Department of Mysteries | Thank you Springbabe. I never thought I would be compared to JK. Harrypotterbabe, yeah I have wrote other stories but they werent Harry Potter related. So yeah...
Ok everybody I said I would post on Monday cause I thought I wouldnt be on today. But I am so heres chapter two Chapter2
Harry woke around 6:30 the next morning. Sun light was beating through the window, hitting his face. He got up and walked to the bathroom. After taking a quick shower, he returned to his room to make sure he packed everything. He went over to Hedwig’s cage and opened it.
“Fly to the Burrow. I’ll be over there soon.” He told her. She nipped his finger and took flight. He watched the snowy white owl fly away, before picking up his trunk and her cage and walking out the small room he had took refuge in for the past five years.
He left his trunk by the front door and walked into the kitchen. Uncle Vernon was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, as usual. Dudley was eating an omelet and Aunt Petunia was cooking bacon. Nobody said anything when he walked in.
“Well, today is my birthday.” Harry said. Nobody even looked up. “And that means I’m of age-“
“You still have one more year before your eighteen.” Uncle Vernon said, behind his paper.
“In my world, you come of age at seventeen. So I won’t have to come back if I don’t want to. I’ve just come to say goodbye.” When nobody even blinked an eye, he left and walked toward the front door.
“Harry,” somebody said behind him. He turned and saw Aunt Petunia coming toward him.
“I just wanted to say…” She paused in front of him and sighed. “Your welcome here any time.”
“Why would I want to come back? I’ll you have done the past sixteen years is make my life a living nightmare.” Harry retorted.
Then she did something Harry had never seen her do before. She showed real emotion for him. Putting her head down in shame, she sighed again.
“I’m sorry. You remind me so much of your mother.” She said, tears welling up in her eyes. “I miss her a lot you know. It may of seemed like I hated her guts, but she was still my sister.”
Harry watched her intently. Aunt Petunia brought her head up and looked into his eyes.
“You have your mum’s beautiful eyes.” She said. Harry smiled at her. So many people have commented on his eyes. It was starting to get annoying, but when she said it made him beam with pride.
Harry picked up his things and nodded a goodbye to his aunt. Right before he closed the door, she said one last thing she had never said to him.
“Happy birthday Harry.” She smiled. Ok ther was chapter 2! I hope you liked it 
*Steph* |
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06-03-2007, 05:09 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| Fellow Twin Prankster Pygmy Puff
Location: singing with david Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 10,502
First Year | Aww. Someone finally told Harry "happy birthday"!  Aww...Petunia cares! *sniff* Good post Stephie!!!!!!!!! PAMS PAMS PAMS PAMS!!! And by the way...my singing isn't all that bad so it shouldn't be a threat.  Please post anyway! |
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06-03-2007, 06:24 PM
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#12 (permalink)
| Tonks' Werewolf Crup
Location: Summerr come soonn<3 Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,242
Hogwarts RPG Name: Alana Colarossi Fourth | awww that was cute hahaa happy birday harry hehehehe ahhh i loved it... post more soon!!
-Anna<3 |
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06-03-2007, 07:29 PM
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#13 (permalink)
| | Skrewt
Location: Moving on to Hollywo Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,484
Hogwarts RPG Name: Lily Vanfer Ministry RPG Name:
Ministry? Not yet... ^_^ | Hey steph! I really like you're ff! And seriously, you remind me so much of J.K. Rowling! (-its a complement!) Please write chapter 3 soon! *Puppy face*
-Shirel |
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06-04-2007, 07:21 AM
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#14 (permalink)
| | Troll
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,672
Hogwarts RPG Name: Heather Malfoy Seventh Year Ministry RPG Name:
Kahylee Ashford Magical Games & Sports | I liked it and it was sort of sad that she took so long to tell Harry that she loved him.Still good post.PAMS
~Heather~ |
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06-04-2007, 11:31 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| RoR Mod Triwizard Champion Shrake
Location: Free! Free at last!! Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 12,602
Hogwarts RPG Name: Samantha (Sam) Elise Edwards Fourth Year Ministry RPG Name:
Santana Venezula Department of Mysteries | Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan crazy Aww. Someone finally told Harry "happy birthday"!  Aww...Petunia cares! *sniff* Good post Stephie!!!!!!!!! PAMS PAMS PAMS PAMS!!! And by the way...my singing isn't all that bad so it shouldn't be a threat.  Please post anyway! | Yeah Petuina cares. There is going to be singing in the next post You can sing along Quote:
Originally Posted by harrypotterbabe awww that was cute hahaa happy birday harry hehehehe ahhh i loved it... post more soon!!
-Anna<3 | Thanx Anna. Ill post more soon Quote:
Originally Posted by shirelbb Hey steph! I really like you're ff! And seriously, you remind me so much of J.K. Rowling! (-its a complement!) Please write chapter 3 soon! *Puppy face*
-Shirel | I love your compliments Shirel. They make me 
Your puppy dog face is making me want to post right now. But I havent typed it up yet Ill post more really soon though Quote:
Originally Posted by springbaby I liked it and it was sort of sad that she took so long to tell Harry that she loved him.Still good post.PAMS
~Heather~ | Yeah Aunt Petuina is out there. But she still got to say it one time before he never had to see them again. So yeah...
Im glad you liked it Heather.
Ok I need to type up chapter three and Ill probally post it some time tomorrw. If not Wensday for sure. It all depends on how busy I am 
*Steph* |
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06-05-2007, 03:36 AM
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#16 (permalink)
| | Niffler
Location: On the Track! Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,845
Hogwarts RPG Name: Athena Warren Seventh Year | Amazing chapter! I loved it!
Aunt Petunia is so sweet!...What took you so long!? Geez...it took you years woman! LOL!
Can't wait for more!
Love,
Emma |
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06-05-2007, 08:28 PM
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#17 (permalink)
| DRFC Co-Pressie K.O. Harry's Smile Guard of Dan’s Curiosity b> Griffin
Location: In a world with Dan Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 8,760
Hogwarts RPG Name: Lilly Young Second Year Ministry RPG Name:
Keylee May Magical Games & Sports | New Reader. Your story is so amazing. I love it. Can't wait for more to come. |
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06-05-2007, 08:42 PM
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#18 (permalink)
| GW / BWFC Co-Pres STFC Events ELFC Promo K.O. Tonks' Babies Demiguise
Location: *luffs THe MMN!* / siggy & avvy la perfect by Sirius's Lothlorien Paradise! Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,181
Hogwarts RPG Name: Jacqueline (Jackie) Sampson Second Ministry RPG Name:
Katy Sampson | awww that was so sweet! Quote: |
He left his trunk by the front door and walked into the kitchen. Uncle Vernon was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, as usual. Dudley was eating an omelet and Aunt Petunia was cooking bacon. Nobody said anything when he walked in.
| This may seem odd, but that paragraph was really well structured!!! It had a lot of effect and created a realistic and appropriate atmosphere pams pams pams pams!!! | | |