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*Zoe* · #1 (**permalink**) 08-01-2018, 06:35 PM

Quotable Quips

Ever stumbled upon a post made in the SSRPGs that made you LOL so hard that you cried or accidentally spit your beverage at your computer screen? Did you feel like you just HAD to share the precious gem that hit your funny bone to someone? Well, that is the entire purpose of this thread: to post those witty little quips, quotes, and snippets for the enjoyment of others. Share the love, and keep those good memories alive!

When posting in this thread, please keep the following guidelines in mind:

Your Quotable Quip can come from any SSRPG area -- Ministry, Diagon Alley, or Hogwarts. They can come from the past or present.

Please post only quotes here. Comments can be made in the chat thread or via private message, visitor message, or instant message.

Refrain from posting your own character's quotes here. The whole point of this thread is to share some funnies that others come up with.

You can include your character for context if they were involved; however, the focus should be on someone ELSE being funny. Spread the love!

In the event that something memorable occurs and it is a large body of text and/or a collaboration of multiple posts, please use a text cut.

Have fun sharing your Quotable Quips and spreading the laughter!

Ginevra · 08-19-2018, 02:18 PM

Found this gem in the Beauty Potions Aisle at Madame Primpernelle's.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shanners

"I need man stuff, too. I have a hair on my chin!"

sweetpinkpixie · 08-21-2018, 04:26 AM

when a department head spontaneously turns into a cheetah what should you do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Birchwoodmom

.....

The catlike head poked out of the suite and growled at her again. It growled! At her! Like she was some sort of prey separated from the heard on the Serengeti. Her heart thundered in her chest and her instincts took over. The only thing that came to mind was to reach out and bop it on the nose. "No! Sit!" she yelled at the large cat, like it was a naughty little puppy that had just piddled on the carpet.

...tell it to sit, clearly

ArianaBlack · 11-30-2018, 06:20 PM

@ the student led rebellion meeting, which was advertised as a "study group" im not ok max carden makes me weaaaaaaaaaaak

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waterloo

Bel and Abra had the right idea and Max was close to high-tailing out of there too except....... listening to these kids talk about releasing nifflers and trashing offices was actually kind of amusing. Did they really think doing any of this stuff was going to HELP matters???? He wouldn't put it past RoboMan to just expel the lot of them. He wouldn't mind if the student population shrunk a little to be honest.

Not that Maxton had any better ideas, because he didn't. He'd just come to accept that this was how things were gonna be from now on. Sure, S.O.R.E still sucked and so did a bunch of the other new rules but........

"At least we're not getting possessed by who knows what or getting attacked by inferi anymore," the Slytherin piped up moodily, rolling his eyes at the delusional bunch before finding himself a spot to sit with his books.

He flipped open his Charms textbook and started reading. Listen, if he was going to struggle up to the seventh floor with all his textbooks he was going to try and do SOME studying at least.

whole post is a gem but bits i underlined tickled me most

ArianaBlack · 01-05-2019, 10:14 PM

I don't know if i'm allowed to double post here but #yolo ???

For context when it is years from now one day and you're reading through this thread and can't remember how this happened: Essentially, pumpkin juice at the Start of the Term Feast was spiked with love-at-first-sight potion and in all of the chaos Max and Ronan (both first years) have fallen madly "in love" and there is a lot of wholesome hilarity please enjoy

SPOILER!!: this is glorious

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daemon

Ooooooooh FOOD. Ronan's stomach made a loud noise of protest and he suddenly realised how much he was starving. Pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes were great but there's nothing quite like a good chicken leg. And POTATOES. Yum!! Ronan piled food onto his plate, digging into the potatoes without a care in the world, when he realised there was JUICE too!!! He knew you weren't supposed to drink lots of juice during a meal, Mum always said so, but Mum's not here so Ronan could drink allllll the juice he wanted to!

Pouring himself a cup filled to the brim, he shot grins at everyone around the table and downed his entire cup in one go. Ahhhhhhhhh. So refreshing. Smacking his lips, Ronan rubbed at his itchy nose and opened his eyes moments later, smiling at the boy from summer - Max, it was Max - as if to say 'isn't this so great'??

Then....... oh. Oh. OH OH OH.

Max is so BEAUTIFUL, dear merlin. Ronan wanted to HUG HIM SO MUCH. And be near him and touch him and laugh with him and best the bestest of best friends EVER AND EVER but like MORE THAN EVEN THAT with him wooowwww HE'S NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE EVER IN HIS LIFE "HI YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL I'M COMING TO SIT WITH YOU!!"

Falling over himself to get to his feet quickly, Ronan dashed around the table and moved to sit next to the beautiful, wonderful, amazing, cool, brilliant, smart, funny boy from summer. MAX. "Have you ever been in love???" the confused but very much ENAMORED eleven year old grinned widely at Max, leaning in very close. "My books say love happens only when you're like... WAY older...... but I....... I think I'm in love with you, Max!!!!!!"

THIS IS STRANGE??? BUT WOWOW HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole black

Maxie nodded, unable to think of a single response to the older girl's words.
What did you say when someone brought up you had the same name as their significant other without it becoming awkward? Maxie obviously didn't have the answer to that question. He wriggled in his seat, and nodded again. "T-Thanks. I-I.. t-think." Right, that went absolutely awful.

So much was happening, almost too much and Maxie kept his head down for all of it. It was in his best interest, he sincerely believed, at least until after food.

............

The Headmaster had spoken, and though the young boy wasn't exactly a fan of adults he didn't know he had to admit there was something warm in the way he'd spoken. Maxie began to clap after the speech ended, but almost immediately stopped- Food- FOOD.

His stomach let out a gurgle of approval. Potatoes? Potatoes. Steak? Steak. Bread? Bread. Stuffing? Stuffing. Pumpkin juice? Yes, please! He'd never been so thirsty in his whole life. Maxie brought the goblet to his lips and was about to take a nice long sip when Ronan- right, that was his name.- started shouting at him. "W-Ww-what?" Maxie spluttered out, nearly dropping his drink in his panicked-surprise. He tried to crack a smile, assuming it was one of the younger boy's over-exuberant antics, but then he was quite suddenly sitting beside him and talking about....??

love?

being in love?

"W-we don't even... I-I-don't even k-know you." Maxie's head was racing as well as that panicked bird he called a heart. This wasn't just weird- it was insane and if Ronan didn't quiet down everyone and their mums would be staring at them. Maxie swallowed, his throat dryer than before. He sipped his juice, and tried to think of a way to a) get out of here and b)How To Let The Whole Wide World know he loved Ronan.

He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.
He loved Ronan.

Cheeks aflush, Maxie threw aside his juice in a hurry and hugged Ronan like the world was ending and only their embrace could solve it. "'I'm in love, I'm in love- and I don't care who knows it!!!!" Maxie shouted, squeezing Ronan as he nuzzled his face into the other boy's warm - and very nice smelling!! - neck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daemon

Ronan wondered how he had MISSED Max's beautiful face during the summer because W O W. Like, he'd SEEN it so why hadn't he realised it was SO PERFECT?? The most perfect face with the most brilliant smile, Ronan melted just sitting next to Max WhateverLastName. "Yeah you do, we met in the summer, with the rock remember?? Best day of my liiiiife," Ronan sing-songed, his smile beatific. MAX MAX MAX MAX.

Oh but then the most WONDERFUL thing happened. Max HUGGED HIM. HIM!! YES! Ronan wrapped his arms around the other boy and HUGGED HIM RIGHT BACK, squeezing like he would his siblings but different because he LOVED Max but it was a different type of love than he felt for his family. He wanted... he.. ohhhhhhhhhhh. Ronan couldn't even think, because Max's face was at his neck and it made Ronan VERY HAPPY. Very. VERY VERY.

"Do you want to get married???????????" BE WITH HIM! TOGETHER, FOREVERRRR.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole black

this was all so.... so sudden.

Maxie's heart was lighter than air, his chest was full and warm and everything suddenly felt so very right for fate had led him here. Fate's unknowable and loving hands had worked tirelessly to bring Maxie Anderson-Belfort face to face with his one true love- and to think he'd believed this night cursed only a few moments ago! what a dummy! what a loser! Everything made sense now.

He was whole and warm and Ronan's arms was the comfiest place in the whole wide wizarding world. "I-I remember- Y-your rock- I s-should have kept it for us." It was lost forever now, the sole witness to the time their eyes had first met- guilt welled up in him, but only for a second- he was much too much in love to feel anything but said love.

Maxie pulled back, his cheeks a vibrant purple-pink. "Y-y-You- W-what?" Eloquent as ever, the boy absolutely beamed at his house-mate. MARRIAGE??? What would his mother say? His father? Barton? Roza? Finley (that git)? NiKO? He had to tell Niko, he had to tell everyone. "But w-we're underage? W-we'd have t-to get p-permission f-f-first." Unless they used a potion to grow up quick, but that was illegal and he didn't want to marry the love of his life illegally.

MARRIED. HUSBAND AND HUSBAND.

Was he ready for marriage? was anyone ever ready for anything? It didn't matter nothing matter but Ronan's beautiful smile and sweet eyes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daemon

Max smelled soooooo nice. Ronan felt a little embarrassed that he was so icky with mud, but Max LOVED HIM STILL so it was all alright! He could stay here in Max's arms forever and ever and ever, it was the comfiest place and he felt like he'd NEVER felt before, this weird mixture of giddiness and calm and oh, he HAD to marry him. Is this what Noel always talked about in his songs??? Because he understood it now, yes he did!! He'd WRITE to him tonight and tell him allllll about the love of his life and how mum and dad will LOVE Max because HE loves him and it'll be the best life ever!!

"No, that's okay, we can have more rocks........" Such a silly thing to worry about, because they had each other and that's what matters!! Then Max spoke next and Ronan smiled, entirely lovesick, and remembered only a few moments after that he needed to respond. OH!

"I have the best brother in the world, he'll help us get married!!" Ronan was sure of it. Max's voice calmed him, settled him, made him feel like nothing in the world could ever ever ever go wrong because he was HERE and they were going to get married and live together and just be close all the time!!!!!!!!

"ILOVEYOU!!" Just in case he forgot. HE MUSTN'T FORGET, it's VERY IMPORTANT.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole black

Max didn't even notice the mud. Or the smell of wet rat. Love eclipsed any and all unpleasing aspects of Ronan Wallace. Did he have a middle name? Two middle names? Max would ask him that latter, you know - after they figured put the marriage stuff. The Marriage Stuff. They were getting married. They were in love. The world of hogwarts had dissolved utterly and entirely to reveal a world of possibilities and pink-colored warmth.

"I love you." Maxie replied, his eyes tearing up as Ronan so sweetly brushed away his worry and guilt with just a few perfect words. Tomorrow he would go out to the grounds, he'd find the most perfect, beautiful rock and present it to his fiancé on a velvet pillow like a prince presenting a glass slipper.

"I love you." Maxie said again, holding Ronan's face in his hands. Precious face. Precious nose. HIS SPARKLING EYES. His hair reminded Max of a shaggy dog- which made sense because Ronan was twice as cute as any shaggy dog. "My brother'll come too. If he isn't busy hiding from his ex-wife." Maxie doubted Damien wouldn't be. Not everyone, it seemed, could be as lucky in love as he and Ronan were. "Are you hungry? Do you want dessert? I heard Hogwarts dessert is the best" He was so in love his stutter had vanished.

"I LOVE YOU TOO. I LOVE YOU." HE LOVED RONAN.

sweetpinkpixie · 01-09-2019, 10:36 AM

Charms class in general is a gold mine of hilarity, but I had to make sure that the instigator of these shenanigans was immortalized:

Sangeetha · 01-09-2019, 06:02 PM

^ I agree!!

But this line had me in hysterics:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waterloo

"I agree with Max, Professor." Wait. "I mean... I agree with me.... I mean......"

His head hurt.

Lislchen · 03-01-2019, 06:42 PM

(because I laughed so much when I first read it)

In the first Charms class with a very...not-alive Dopple.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TakemetotheBurrow

Having a ghost for a professor in your favorite of all subjects was...strange. There were limitations now, for one, and even as she heard the others volunteering to help where they could, Vita knew they weren't as skilled as Dopple was. Or well, she assumed. The woman was old and a bit lacking in the observational skills department, but surely she wouldn't have been hired if she wasn't good at her craft..

Hello Professor. Happy to see you didn't let anything stop you from holding class. That's the spiri-" ...The brunette went pink, realizing what she'd said. Was that okay to say when speaking with a ghost??? She decided to just make a quick exit in case it was rude and took up a spot by Indigo.

Also simply the title of this post:

ArianaBlack · 12-11-2019, 03:16 AM

LOL this interaction between Airey / Aslan in DoM I underlined my favorite parts in both

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetpinkpixie

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ------

Airey nearly jumped out of his skin when her of all his Unspeakables stepped into his office. The pregnant breed of female was truly...terrifying. He often wondered how he had survived Medea going through the whole ordeal...twice. But he had - though the whole stomach rubbing had taken until the third trimester to happen. And they HAD had some very stellar Halloween pictures taken, Alien inspired - duh.

But it was entirely different when it was a PUPIL of his. Miss Cambridge...or Mrs Cambridge - he was rather confused on that front and would also rather not think about it - had been alarming enough. He hadn't had to work around, quite literally sometimes, her round...occasionally moving and wiggling hump on front. And now...here it, and she, were...in his office. And he was doing a real poor job of not staring at it.

"Come again?" he asked, blinking a few times as he came out of his...trance of sorts. "Hogwarts? Oh. You mean the notice. Yes, of course I am." There was preg....ther was a long pause that followed that statement. "You will not be." In case that was any question. "Not in your...well...not with you...well...it would be better if you were to remain at the Ministry for you..both on your..." Sweet solstice, Flamsteed. Takes a moment to clear his throat and then straightens his tie as he stands, feeling rather cornered while he remained sitting behind his desk. "...was there a follow up inquiry?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole black

It did not escape her notice.

Aslan was very aware of Airey's disgust. She had felt similarly once, back when Angelo had been an unwanted parasite growing and squirming within her body, taking her energy and giving nothing back. But the twins had been her choice, and though the emotions they brought were as uncomfortable to endure as birth itself to her, she knew now that the reward of having them in her life would be worth it all.

for the same was true, thousand times over, with Angelo.

Idly, Aslan placed her palm on her protruding belly. A defensive pose against Airey's discomforted gaze. She moved, her hips shifting as a pain- gaseous in nature, she assumed- rattled past her lower back. "Yes." the notice. the mist. she had been thinking of it for days now, enough so that the mist was in her dreams swirling and calling. Aslan felt a connection that she did not like, and yet. Her features shifted, from quiet contemplation to something like unimpressed.
"The.. baby." She finished for him, her fingers drumming on the surface of her stomach. Aslan watched Airey. She searched the lines of his face, the beginnings of age in his hair and around his eyes.

She ignored his question. "something there is calling me." she said, her voice empty of feeling. Aslan was about to explain, to issue the warning digging away in her heart- but there was a pressure building up, and building up and before the former Gryffindor could properly connect this feeling with anything- color, memory, or even pain-

her water broke.

soaking through her robes and onto Airey's chair.

Aslan had the decency to look mildly perturbed.

THIS LAST LINE GOT ME. AHAHHAHA she had the DECENCY i just alsdfja;sdflkadsf;kla anyway

BanaBatGirl · 09-09-2020, 04:11 AM

It's perfect.

The references, the nicknames, the jokes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Felixir

Pretty smart, eh? "Thanks for noticing," Nem replied drily. Weasley was so astute. "'Spose we'll see." He had jokes though, so that was something.

Whether or not Nem had enough interest in trolls to want to learn their language was another matter. Their level of interest in the lesson itself was quickly falling into a nosedive. Trolls were very similar to humans. Too similar. Similar enough that Nem did not really count them as creatures at all, no matter what the ministry had them categorised as. They were well versed in that whole classification debacle.

Point was, trolls were close enough to people that they didn't have the appeal of creatures, yet lacked all the aspects of humans that gave them decent entertainment value. What did trolls have? Brute strength. The ability to scare muggle- and potentially wizardkind witless if you caught them unawares. A little magic. Nothing Nem didn't already have, or couldn't conjure up on their own, or find in a better creature. No unique selling proposition, as far as they were concerned.

Nemesis was not the type to reserve judgement. Surprise.

... Hesitant to enter a pensieve? Nem glanced around, wondering who Dubya might be referring to, before stepping forward to dive into it themselves. They'd never done this before, didn't even know what to expect, and were met with the strangest sensation of falling through nothing, and then suddenly standing - as opposed to landing - at the destination.

Huh.

"Woah. Land before time." Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth - though if anyone asked, they were referring to the forest setting - and there was the dino himself now. Wild Wild West. Whistling. Worst. Same went for that bloody Gryffindor, too. On the list.

Nem looked to the present day fossil, then back to his memory self, and watched. Upon the appearance of the trolls, they promptly pulled the top of their robes up and over their nose and mouth. Not breathing that in, thanks.

Maybe all this would be more entertaining if Nem didn't know that the troll's victim somehow got out of it in the end. It wasn't supposed to be entertaining, this being a lesson and all, but since when had that made a difference? When Nem spoke, it was in that same undemonstrative tone, and slightly muffled by their robes. "Doesn't take much for them to fight between themselves, does it? Even though they clearly communicate well." Case in point, they had him all tied up in no time. "Wouldn't be so hard to use that to your advantage." One had already been knocked into the water by another. Speaking of which, Nem eyed the tutu-adorned assailant. "That one of the trolls that met Barnabas the Barmy?" Ha.

Giving away your age there, Walter White.

ArianaBlack · 01-05-2021, 07:19 PM

there's a neo-alliance cult taking over hogwarts and the ravenclaws are having a common room slumber party and trying to name a phoenix-raven hybrid
(I excluded some parts of posts for the purpose of QQ clarity)

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiallNIP

Ash brought it back with the phoenixes, though. "We're phoenixes. But we're Ravenclaws," he mumbled, "We're like, uh... Ravenixes. Or, um... Phoevens." He chuckled at his nonsensical banter. He had to remind himself he was safe, for now. Safe enough to be silly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daemon

"What's a phoeven?" the fifth year asked as he joined the little gathering, feeling strangely... large. Not many his age yet, maybe they'd join later. He picked a spot by the fire to lean against the wall, leaving the couches for the younger years tonight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiallNIP

Quinn was still laughing a bit to himself as the others entered the common room. He glanced at the boy who asked the question. "Um, it's.... us. Phoenixes. Ravenclaws. Um... Phoevens..?"

This is what really did it for me, though:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bryn

Eden took several minutes to compose herself, changed into leggings and an oversized sweater, grabbed a random notebook and pen, and counted one more time before going back down to the commonroom. She saw Quinn and Ash near the stairs and sat next to Quinn on the sofa. "Are we all down here plotting the revolution?" she half-joked.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiallNIP

He turned back towards Eden, the seed of an idea planted in his head. "No, we're talking about phoenix and raven hybrids. Do you have a better name than phoeven?"

anyone want to tell these kids that their mascot is an eagle and not a raven?

ArianaBlack · 03-25-2021, 08:42 PM

THIS WHOLE POST IS SO FUNNY. the mental image is hilar too i'm underlining my fave parts tho

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sian Llewellyn

Sian COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE that a certain someone was not flocking to her aid, perhaps with a dedicated team of Magical Law Enforcement employees kept on standby for this very situation. The Sian Llewellyn Urgent Response Party. S.L.U.R.P. for short. Of course, Sian had never actually spoken to Bain about this, hadn't seriously expected this eventuality, but it was very hurtful that he'd not thought of it himself. Even more hurtful that he was not responding to her ~~unholy racket~~ shrieks for assistance even by himself, when they were a supposed to be a team. What could POSSIBLY be the hold-up?

Hmph. That was the end of his access to Blood Pops on tap. HMPH.

Finally getting the mug free from her hand, Sian wasted no time in lobbing it up and over the desk towards her attackers. Wand now in the correct hand, she transfigured the mug, while it was airborne, into a flock of angry birds, and sent them ahead at EVERYONE in order to defend her honour. "Oppugno!"

... Only to get a taste of her own medicine. From a dragon.

ROGUE.

"BAAAAAAAIIIIN," Sian shrieked - really, it was reflex by this point - diving away from the dragon between several over desks. She pushed to her feet and half-ran, half-speedy-power-walked to the exit, and ideally to safety. Directing her wand back over her shoulder, she let off a barrage of spells to take care of the dragon, and maybe the ROGUE EMPLOYEES. "Bombarda! Obscuro! Flipendo! Duckifors! Redactum Skullus!" Just missing the kitchen sink.

i literally spat my gum out at my computer screen because i cackled so hard omfg

SarcasticStrawberry · 03-31-2021, 03:08 PM

Since I’ve never made a post here. I through that this gem deserved to be my first post ever here. That Curtis Fuller has some spunk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charely Potter

Welp, that didn't take long for Curtis to view the insides of the room when he felt his robe being tugged by (Phoebe) who gave him a look that amused him. One of his eyebrows rose slightly at her. Babies? The exchange she then had with some of the young kids puzzled him leading to his comment. " Are you sure you don't want to go in too and read them a bedside story?" Curtis couldn't help his tongue, especially since there were curses being thrown all around the room. Plus it being a dead-end would only serve to delay their demise if they happened to reach them.

(shorten the quote to only include relevant material)

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