Excellent post! I loved it!
Just one thing...
Saying, "Fred and I" would be more accurate than saying, "Fred and me" wouldn't it? I've grown up being told that the first one is the correct one, so...not to be picky, but Camila incorrectly correcting George just doesn't seem right...

But otherwise, it was excellently written and very entertaining! I'm curious about her apparating issue...can't wait to see what the deal is there!
Shan
XoXo

Alright, first of all, thanks for reading. Yeah, her apparating issue is not to be overlooked...in fact, it is the beginning to the entire plot. Well, not really, but it is a part of it.


Okay then.

I vs. Me (Battle 1)

I = subject pronoun.
Me = object pronoun.

You know how kids will inevitably say something like, "Me and Bob want to go shopping," and how their parents will correct them, "Bob and I," ?

Well, kids get SO used to hearing that they use that even when it's NOT supposed to be used, as in this case.

The simplest way to think of it is to take the other person out of the sentence.

"Mom called Fred and I home" or "Mom called Fred and me home" ?

Don't know?

Well, try this:

"Mom called I home" or "Mom called me home" ?

Yes, I think you all know it is the second case. Therefore, Camila was correct! Hallelujah!

The grammar version: In this case, Fred and George are being used as objects since Mom is the subject performing the action (calling). All good, then?

Pooja (since I'm Desi, I'll do it the Desi way): Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, I thought I would keep the first few innocent. I'm a big fan of slow romantic developement, since I am STRONGLY against love at first sight.

Taylor: Oh yeah, I forgot to put that in. Thanks for reminding me! Well, I'll be sure to incorporate it into the coming few posts. Would you mind waiting until then? And thank you for reading and reviewing!

No problem! Can't wait to read more!!! PAMS!!!

this is great! very great! i luv it! NEW READER! yay! I love your grammar lessons as well! haha! you are a wonderful writer and i cannot wait to see what happens next!
-Libby-

Since we are being very gramitical I thought that I would add that is incorrect.
It is a conjunction for "would not it"; that does not make any sence. Yes, yes, I know; it's ok. [Sorry, but good use of siggies you have to admit ]

I am very glad that you are not a fan at love at first sight, usally stories that are like that tend to be--no, that isn't it--they take longer to progress and so therfore more inturging (sp?). ANyways, pams!
Jessica [who's more Desi name is Divya]

Yes, I agree, but in hindsight, it actually turns out to be "would it not?" There's just no conjunctions to make it that way, hence the use of "wouldn't it?" LOL

Can I just say here that I heart you guys? You're so awesome. Not only do you tolerate my grammar madness, but have a grammar madness of your own. Yippee!

Taylor: Here's more for you (and...well, yes, I guess everyone else can share in it too...).

Shan: Amazing how sleep deprivation can do that to us, isn't it? Well, no worries! Oh and thanks for answering Divya/Jessica.

Libby: Yay, another reader! And you like my grammar lessons! This is amazing. All right then, welcome aboard.

Divya/Jessica: Your point is valid, but hopefully Shan's answer was enough for you. Thanks for pointing it out though. I love you!

Random Fact #4: I swear, one of these days, I'm going to have a non-grammar fact. But for now:

You might have noticed me using the term "Alright." And you might have seen other people using it too. So I just went and looked it up. Apparently, it is not grammatically accepted. I learned something new through all this, yay! The grammatically acceptable way of saying that is "All right" which most of you use anyway (and not anyways...RF1 much?)

Quote:

All right is a term that is sometimes incorrectly written as alright. Even though alright has appeared in works of well-known authors such as James Joyce and Langston Hughes, it has never been accepted as grammatically correct. When writers use it on purpose, they are probably trying to convey an informal attitude such as in the Who's song "The Kids are Alright."

-ASU

Okay, now for the post:



Soon enough, the pair was on their way down Diagon Alley. The colorful building of Wheezley’s Wizard Wheezes stood tall behind them, a small sign in the front indicating “Out for lunch. Be back at 2:00.” This sign was drowned out by the extravagant display the shop had: things were popping, twirling, whizzing, and zooming all across the left-had side window. The right was covered with a promotional poster, just as bright as colorful.

Across the road, the Wizard Lingerie shop was in ramshackle. However, since the construction workers were using magic, there was no dust flying or incredibly loud noises - the only indication that it was being torn down was the image.

Although Camila had visited Diagon Alley before, the visits had been rushed and full of tension. Now that she had more time, she felt free to look around. Camila took in all the shops, blooming with color. The shops selling books, vendors selling amulets, and display projecting magical telescopes, broomsticks, and other instruments with various knobs and dials. Creatures of all kinds looking down at her through penetrating eyes, wands resided in every hand, and a slightly fetid smell was emanating from the apothecary.

Moving down the alley, Camila saw a large white stone building looming ahead. Its large and decorative Corinthian columns flanked the huge door, with golden lettering proclaiming it to be Gringotts’ Bank. She had heard of this, of course, but had never actually had the distinct pleasure of visiting it.

George had been sneaking peeks at his new employee throughout their walk. He had been enchanted by how amazed she was at everything he took for granted. It was refreshing, to watch Diagon Alley through her eyes. It made his everyday things seem novel. Looking towards her openly now, he said, “I’ll be back in five minutes. Just need to clear a couple formalities and deliver this week’s money into our vault.”

She nodded. When he was going up the steps though, he heard footsteps behind him and saw her running up. Slightly out of breath, she asked, “You don’t mind me coming along, do you? I’ve never been inside Gringotts’; I kinda want to see it.”

“Not at all, darling, not at all,” George grinned, slinging an arm around her shoulder in a joking manner. Startled, she looked up at him. Seeing his relaxed form, she too relaxed slightly and allowed his arm to remain there.

Haha, lingerie shop...loving it!!! Awesome post there, and now I saw PAMS!

By the way, I love your little grammar lessons, teaches me a lot of things I had no idea about grammar!

That was awesome! PAMS! i think i'm sididng with Graham King. I love how you described Diagon Alley! It was so beautiful!

Graham King does have a very logical point. If it's been in use for so long, and we've done the same to those other words, why not this one?

Wonderful post! I love how everything about Diagon Alley is so new and exciting for Camila. Almost like the first time Harry was there...
I'm curious as to why she hasn't been there before, and certainly why she's never been in Gringotts. What did she do for money beforehand?

Hope you can post more soon! I'm loving this story!
Shan
XoXo

Taylor: Haha, I'm glad the lessons are actually informational. Yeah, the lingerie thing seems to be popular I just kinda threw it in there. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!

Pooja: I'm really glad I'm not just wasting my time typing up these random grammar things- that people are actually reading them! Thanks for reviewing!

Libby: Honestly, you liked the description? I could have gone on and on, but I know as a reader I don't like too much description, which I why I cut it kind of short (at least, according to me it was short). Yeah, Graham Bell does have a point, doesn't he?

Shan: Yeah, he does have a point. But then if you start thinkign about things from that perspective (if for this, why not for that) then a lot of things will get VERY messed up. As for the Gringotts thing, well, you don't know this yet, but Camila just moved to Britain. I guess I should have mentioned something about her accent being different; it didn't strike me beforehand. Anyway, thanks for being such a loyal reviewer.

Random Fact #5: Just to get off the topic of grammar...hmm...did you know that the Indian movie industry churns out the most movies every year? They make far more than any other country.

(All right, that's me being patriotic.)

And here's the post:

Inside Gringotts, nobody spared them a glance as the pair walked through the everyday hustle. Camila’s eyes were once again very busy, soaking in all the activity around her.

George led her towards an empty counter. Behind it stood a formidable looking goblin, with rather long strange nose. He was glowering at them.
George instinctively stepped slightly in front of Camila, as if to shield her. She, however, stepped out from behind him and stood right by his side. When he glanced sideways at her, Camila saw the corners of his mouth tugging upwards.

“Here is the key,” George stated to the rather ugly creature in front of them, reaching into his back pocket. Camila’s eyes followed his hand. ‘Bad Camila!’ She reprimanded herself before forcing her eyes up.

He came out empty-handed. “…or not.” He reached into his other pocket, but all he came out with was a rubber chicken wing. “Oh, right. Mum put it on the chain because she thought I’d forget where I put it.”

Camila tried to stifle a giggle at the irony of the situation, but in vain. It erupted like an odd little peep from her mouth.

“How dare you laugh at me!” George exclaimed, stifling his own onslaught of laughter. “Woe is upon me, the D-day is here…. employees have foregone all respect for their bosses…”

“Ahem,” the goblin in front of them interrupted.

“Wait a bloody second, will you?” George snapped, inexplicably annoyed. He pulled the small silver chain from over his neck. It was a delicate chain, but countering its feminine qualities was the dull color and the slightly rusty key which hung from it. Overall, it was definitely not something women would choose to wear.

He gave George another nasty glare, but pushed the ringer on his counter. Soon, a new goblin approached them and led them down into the darker and danker place. A musty smell surrounded the area – a mixture of old coins, glue, and yellowing newspapers.

Instinctively, Camila stepped closer to George. Her hatred towards dimly lit places was rather recent, but also rather strong. He noticed, but did not say anything to further her awkwardness. Instead, he simply brought his hand up to rest comfortingly on her back before dropping it again. That simple gesture was enough to slightly calm her.

Soon enough, they were seated in a small cart that delved even deeper into the underground tunnels. Initially, Camila was quite scared at the speed of the cart, and at its seemingly lack of control. However, when George started singing “Hex Me Before You Say No” by the Seductive Sonatas (not to mention in an incredibly off-tune voice), Camila had to laugh. Her fright quickly wore off.

“We’re almost there,” the goblin yelled over the racket the cart was making. Just as he said that, there was a sharp turn and Camila rocketed into George.

Catching her, he put an arm around her waist and held it there for a few seconds before letting go. Camila felt a wave of comfort and security sweep over her as she rested against his chest, but knew that she shouldn’t be doing this.

Giving him an apologetic look, she gently pushed herself away from him and into an upright position. George gave her a grin, indicating it was no problem, but something she couldn’t identify was missing from this smile.

I absolutely loved the post! Heck, I love all your posts!
I love the steady flow of information we find out about Camila in every post...it's very mystifying and intriguing...
*applaudes* Well done! Can't wait for the next post!

oooh, I love it, and I completely missed the grammar discussion. . I like grammar, too! My mom's an English teacher, and it kind of rubs off. On a different subject, I love your last few posts! I can't wait until the apparating part, or just the next post, whichever comes sooner. PAMS!
<3~Josey

Good for you being patr--patrio--*scrolls up and checks spelling* patriotic!

That was agreat post. I like the way George just had to make sure that she did fall off. pams
Jessica

Hello there!

I'm a new reader, and I just wanted to tell you how AMAZING this fic is! It's nice to have a fic with great character development AND good grammar!

Pams!

.:Adrienne:.

New reader i love this story its so full of suspension PAMS