NOTE: The part about the Polymorphus spell is ripped off from another fic. If anybody knows who wrote it please PM me.

Spring break had started and most students had left the castle, but a few remained. Harry, Hermione and Ron entered the Great Hall while engaging in their favorite pastime, complaining about Draco. Hermione was carrying the bulk of it. "And he thinks he something special because his family is so pure blooded."

About this time Draco entered the Great Hall carrying a live chicken under his arm. The bird seemed highly agitated. "There, there Chickey. There's nothing to be excited about."

All three Gryffindors said, "What the flying..." but there seemed to be no more words. Not believing what they saw they crossed over to the Slytherin table.

Draco was still holding and stroking the bird while cooing in what he must have thought a calming tone. "There, there Chickey. Here, have some bread." Although raised at Malfoy Manner, a very secluded country estate, he's been shielded from such base matters as live chickens. So it should come as no surprise that the bird was not calmed by his attentions.

Harry and Hermione, raised in the city, were in no better position to know what to do for the excited bird, but Ron had learned from an early age the ways of barn yard animals. "Malfoy, you great git, chickens don't like wheat products. They'll only eat it if there's absolutely nothing else. They like maze, what the yanks call corn. And they DON'T like whacking great crowds of people. That bird is about to..."

But "about to" became "now" as Chickey escaped Draco's grasp and took off down the table, scattering food and drink as she ran. “STOP HER! STOP HER BUT DON’T HURT HER! OH BE CAREFUL!”

Mark Flint caught the chicken and was holding tight. “EASY!” Draco shouted, further upsetting the bird. “BE GENTLE WITH HER! SHE’S, err, Delicate.” He retrieved her from Flint and was stroking her.

Hermione with hands on hips demanded, “What do you mean, delicate? What’s wrong with her?”

With the bird in hand he regained his usual sneer. “Even a mudblood like you should understand a gentleman speaks delicately about certain things, certain private things.”

Harry began to catch on. “You mean she’s, err, pregnant?”

Ron looked even more disgusted at his friend. “Be not a bigger fool than the gods have made you, Harry. Birds don’t get pregnant. They lay eggs.”

“Well, well. There’s some advantage to being raised with the cows and pigs, Weasel. But the principal’s the same. She still needs to be kept from excitement. I’ll just be taking her back up to my room.”

As he left Hermione fumed. “You MEN!. What do you know about what a woman goes through?”

“Hey, don’t get on MY case. I know more about chickens than all three of you put together. By Alester Crowley’s sideburns, I’ve RAISED chickens.”

Her look said she was reluctantly gaining respect for her red headed dunce of a friend. “Well, we still should do something about Draco.”

“Do something? Do what? You want to sneak into the Slytherin dorm and knick his chicken?”

“Don’t be dense, Ron. If she really is gravid, we certainly don’t want to upset her more than Malfoy already has.” Her eyes took on a wicked glint. “Remember the Polymorphus spell Snape and McGonagall taught us last term?”

“What? You mean when they cast the spell on themselves and moved into each other’s body? That was a hoot. When she reached up to twist her hair like she always does when she‘s concentrating and felt the grease I nearly died.”

“That’s the one. And then we practiced swapping sparrows with hamsters. Well surly we should be able to swap a chicken with a slimy git. Then in a few days the spell will wear off and he’ll be back to normal, or as close to normal as he’s ever been.”

“Bloody brilliant, Hermione. Do we do it tonight?”

“We’d better. If the poor bird laid her egg and we missed it we’ll have missed a prime opportunity to teach Draco an important lesson.”

Harry had been fidgeting all the time they’d been talking about it. “Guys, I don’t think this is such a good idea. I mean, what if something went wrong?”

“Don’t be foolish, Harry. What could go wrong?” She and Ron left to plan. Harry remembered the answer an ancient wise man once gave to that very question. “The mind boggles.”

*******

Ron and Hermione left Gryffindor common room just before midnight. It was getting on to two in the morning when they returned. Harry had been sitting up waiting for them. “Well, how did it go? Did you manage to put Draco into the chicken's body?”

Ron and Hermione looked at each other as if it were a most embarrassing situation. When they looked back at Harry she said in her usually lovely feminine voice, “Sure mate, it worked fine.”

“Well fine. Hey, since when do you call me ‘mate,’ Hermione?”

Ron burst out. “It wasn’t my fault. I was following the spell perfectly when Ron dropped his wand.”

Hermione retorted, “Only because Hermione knocked it out of my hand with hers when she gave that start at the sight of Draco starkers. Honestly, Hermione, it’s like you never studied human anatomy.”

Harry’s head was swimming. “Wait, wait! What’s going on here? Why are you two referring to yourselves in the third person?”

Ron, or at least the body Ron had worn since meeting Harry looked near tears. “We did the spell too good it seems. Not only did Draco and Chickey swap bodies but Ron and I did as well.”

Harry’s head was spinning. “What are you going to do?”

“There’s nothing we can do. We just have to wait for the spell to wear off. Well let’s turn in and get some rest. I think we’ll have plenty to occupy our time tomorrow. Ron where are you going?”

The beautiful girl with the bushy brown hair was headed for the stairs to the boys' dorm. She turned back to say petulantly, “You just said we should turn in. I’m going up to my bed.”

“Oh NO! Not in my body you’re not. I’ll not trust my delicate young flesh to your room mates. You march right up those other steps and get into MY bed.”

“WHAT? Spend the night in a GIRL’S dorm?” he said out raged. Then the sweet angel lips that were at home spouting the most esoteric formula faded into a lustful grin.

“And you can forget THAT also, Ron. You don’t know how to use that body well enough to do that. And I DON’T want you earning me a reputation as a lesbian.”

Ron made a “yea, yea sure” gesture and went up the steps to the girls’ dorm, or at least the first few. The gong sounded and the steps turned into a ramp dumping him back to the common room floor, Hermione’s skirt flapping about her legs.

Ginny came swooping down the slide. "Weeee!" Landing in a heap at the bottom she laughed, "Which of you naughty boys tried to get up the stairs?"

Hermione gulped, "Er me. I was, err..."

Ginny gave a delighted gasp. "Ron, why try to sneak up to the girls' dorm when the girl you've always loved is.. uh oh." She slapped her hand over her mouth. Hermione, while wondering in her mind what the girl was going on about had the presence of mind to mush mouth a few syllables to stay in character. "Ur, I'd better be getting back to bed." The stairs had tilted back and she scampered up.

After she was gone Ron marveled, "What happen? Why couldn't I get up the stairs? I mean, I have your body; boobs, waist, hips and..."

"That's quite enough, Ron. We don't need an inventory. I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner. If this were a science fiction story the electronic scanners would be watching my body and of course you'd have made it. But this is fantasy and the magic spells spotted the boy's soul inside."

"Well what are we going to do?"

"Well if that's the case then I'll have no trouble getting up the stairs after Ginny's asleep."

"And I'll go up to the boys' dorm."

"NO! I said your not taking my body up there. Besides I'm not spending the night up there like this. I'll just be getting a change of clothing for you. Harry, you get some of Ron's. We'll both stay down here tonight and change and tidy up in the showers down stairs BEFORE everybody gets down.

*******

In the morning the trio were in their usual place at the table. Hermione had warned Ron most carefully not to spoil her reputation for good table manners but drew snickers from the boys for her over daintiness.

Harry whispered to the freckled, red-headed boy, "So, you two are still.."

"Yes, Harry. We're still in each other's bodies. And let me just say it's the most embarrassing experience of my life. When I went to the loo this morning it took me forever to figure out how to, err, manage it. I mean, I had no idea what to do with my, I mean Ron's..."

The shapely brunet interrupted, "We get the picture, Hermione. It was no picnic for me either. How do you manage with out a, err..."

But their problems were soon forgotten in the commotion from the Slytherin table. "BUCK! BUCK BUCK BUCK!!" The platinum blond boy was flapping his arms about with his fists in his underarms while the chicken, while not trying to run away, was running about on the table squawking.

"MR. MALFOY!" Snape bellowed. "Cease that display immediately or you will be on detention for the rest of your life." The son of his old friend continued his barnyard dance. "Will SOMEBODY get that filthy bird off of the table?" If anything, the noise made the bird more frantic. "Very well, I'll deal with it myself."

He drew his wand and from his face it was plain he planed on a permanent solution. Hermione rushed up, nearly grabbing his arm. "No Professor. Don't hurt him, I mean her."

Snape's glare made the blood in Ron's veins run cold. "Mr. Weasley, have you lost what little mind you have? How dare you try to tell me what to do?"

When Ron arrived Snape rolled his eyes heaven ward. "And you also, Miss Granger? Does the code of the courageous Gryffindors include coddling frantic fowl? Very well then, I'm making you two, no I'll include Mr. Potter in on this, responsible for this creature. Any thing the least unsatisfactory and I will demerit you so severely your house point ledger will look like the national debt."

Harry and Ron hustled Malfoy's body out of the Great Hall while Hermione grabbed the chicken. As an after thought she grabbed a loaf of bread. In the lobby Harry demanded, "NOW what are going to do?"

"Well we need to keep them together so their souls can return when the spell expires. If they can't find their way back to their own bodies they'll wander for eternity."

Tugging at the brown tress hanging in his field of vision Ron whined, "Well for Malfoy I don't mind, but I'd hate to do that to the chicken. We better take them up to the common room."

*******

Up in the common room Chickey continued clucking until Hermione gave her the loaf of bread. She plainly didn't care for it but was hungry enough to eat most anything. Ignoring the hands at her command she bit at it as it lay on the floor. Draco jumped onto a writing desk and tried to open it with the wings. When Harry got the drawer open Malfoy pulled a piece of parchment out with the beak and started scratching at it with the talons.

Hermione harrumphed, "Well I'm not wasting my time trying to read your hen scratching."

She set an open bottle of ink next to the parchment and watched as the chicken's beak dipped in and wrote, "What have you done to me, Potter? I'll tell my father. You'll be expelled. I'll have you..." Here he ran out of parchment.

"Settle down, Malfoy. I had nothing to do with it. It was..." He stopped when it occurred to him that Hermione and Ron could ill afford to have Lucsius Malfoy after them. "Well any way, the point is there's nothing to gain by panicking. Just be calm and the spell will wear off."

The bird face got a strange look like something was happening that she had no experience with. All of a sudden Malfoy yelled, "BUCK, BUCK, BE-GOWK!" and an egg dropped to the floor.

While the bird dropped exhausted to the floor Hermione picked up the egg and examined it. In her hands it started to hatch. The chick was a fair copy of the mother and she stroked it with Ron's great hands, rough and callused from holding on to the broom while playing quidditch.

Ron nearly shouted. "What's going on? It takes weeks for an egg to hatch."

"I guess the spell disturbed the normal growth rate. Aren't you a pretty thing? Yes you are."

"Well if you're so found of it you can stay here and take care of it, along with Malfoy and Chickey. Come along Hermione, I mean Ron." While Hermione continued to coo to the chick, Chickey nipped at the loaf and Malfoy lay there trying to get some strength back as Harry and Ron left for Hogsmead.

*******

Ron drew attention drooling out side the window of the second hand broom shop. Harry said, "I'll get us some food, err, Hermione." In not many minutes Harry was back with burgers and fries. "Here you go Ro... I mean Hermione. I got this from Sonic."

Just as Ron was about to stuff a handful of fries into Hermione's mouth he stopped. "What? You got food from a cartoon hedgehog?"

"No, dummy." It felt strange to look at Hermione's face and say dummy. "It's a new fly-in diner. You pull your broom up to the curb and a waitress comes out and takes your order. It's one of the chains from The States." Harry muttered under his breath. "Blasted yanks are everywhere."

On the way back to the castle they found the path blocked by a watermelon as big as a cottage. "Harry, will you look at that? Hagrid must be experimenting again. How are we going to get past it?"

Harry was about out of patience. "Kick that stupid watermelon! We can't wait all day."

Ron drew back Hermione's dainty little foot and kicked as hard as he could manage with the odd scholar's body he was wearing. The rind broke and enough water poured out to wash them back to town. Harry shook his head and said, "You know, maybe that wasn't such a hot idea after all."

While they dried out in the sun they stopped at the gazebo in the park to hear a new wizard-punk band. The vocalist introduced the members to the audience. "Hello, everybody. I'm Zmurgy. We have Cassirin on bass, Lotus on rhythms, Jennifer_w on drums and LunaNotLoony4 just standing around being weird."

*******

Coming back to the castle they found Hermione with Malfoy, Chickey and a chicken about a month old. Harry asked, "Where did you get that bird?"

"I won't be able to spare time from studying to take care of Chickey Jr. so I used the time turner to speed up her growth. By the time break's over she won't need me so much." Nearby Malfoy's body tried to catch worms by mouth while Chickey's body pecked at parched corn from a tin plate. It bid fair to be an interesting break.

aftonhouse74038's dare:

*Draco must walk into the great hall holding a live chicken named Chickey. he must be pettig her. and when he sits down, he must feed her bread.
*someone must say 'Kick that stupid watermelon!'
*Draco must act like a bird at least half of the FF.
*Harry must give Ron food from Sonic. Ron must act like he has no clue what Sonic is.
*Hermione must take care of a bby checken for a week, without letting anything happen to it.
*5 EEFDers must apear... who they are is your choice.

Due Date: July 13, 2005

Although i think this would have been better placed in the EEFFD section of the Fan fics, an interesting story nonetheless.

Normaly yes, but I thought I was getting a bit, err, risk-ay. Thanks for commenting.

Whoaaaaa Nice

oh, what a lovely story! I loved how much you played with all the characters, playing up each one's trait characteristic only of themselves up to the hilt til it was hilarious. Tell me if you make anymore like these!

lol awesome.

new reader. Fantastic, Please post soon.

Cheez, I didn't think it would go over this well. Thanks guys.

post soon

hello? WHERE R U???

Sorry lil' buddy. I'm really stuck on my version of HBP. Have you checked out my other stuff in Finsihed Fic? My major stuff is at my web page http://www.geocities.com/mickey_shultz.

Thanks for your interest.

kk. no prob

Wiered But Interesing

"read You'r Feelings Are So Far Away"

will you post soon?

i love this story, pleze continue. It has been 19 days since your last post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi, it's been 26 days, this post might become onactive, so PAMS!!!