We need some laughter in The Graveyard. A bit morbid, no doubt, but still. Here is the place where you can post anything funny that you find regarding the Death Eaters or Voldemort, whether it's a funny quiz, a countdown list, or whatever. Just make sure if it's not yours you give proper credit. It's time we laugh. Ha on!

PS--Feel free to post your results should you take a quiz!

You are...Rebel Snape! Found most commonly in Marauder-era fics, you also crop up occasionally in canon-era stories, usually when you're shocking the hell out of Harry with your utter coolness. With your leather clothing, tight body, laid-back personality, and skill on the Quidditch pitch, it's no wonder that everyone from Lucius Malfoy to Voldemort himself wants to shag you. However, when you flip your ponytail and take off on your antique motorcycle, readers might wonder just what happened to Sirius Black...

Take this quiz!

Devil Incarnate Lucius

He has the face of an angel, or would if he werent constantly sneering. And if his eyes didnt radiate hatred at any given moment. He didnt join the Dark Lord just for the power trip, you know. He joined because of a blackened heart. Now, if Harry can just get Voldie out of the way, Lucius would be more than ready to take the crown of evil megalomaniac.

Take this quiz!

*This list is not my creation. I got it off of Quizilla but unfortunately, I don't have the link for it.

1. Sit next to him.

2. Scoot closer to him.

3. Tell him blonde jokes.

4. Make him watch The Music Man.

5. Make him write a paper on his predictions of what will happen in the relationship of Professor Harold Hill and Marion Paroo.

6. When hes sleeping, braid his hair into a hippie style.

7. Drug him and get him a fro/a bob/a crew cut/a Mohawk or (my personal favorite) a perm.

8. Replace his Snakey Cane with a walker.

9. Compare the Malfoy Manor with a Barbie Dream Home.

10. Compare him to Ken.

11. Compare him to Barbie.

12. Poke him.

13. Poke him some morewith his own cane.

14. Ask him what kind of statement he's making with the black.

15. Ask him if he's a goth.

16. Ask him if he's an emo.

17. Take him to a LOTR convention and tell people he's Legolas.

18. Ask him what he does with his cane.

19. Cower in fear at what he does with his cane.

20. Tell him to watch HAIR.

21. Ask him why he keeps getting eluded by teenagers.

22. Tell him to get a catch phrase.

23. Pack him a lunch for his DE meetings and tell him to share his Twinkie with Rudolphus.

24. When he looks disgusted, threaten him with hair dye.

25. PINK hair dye.

26. Sing Good Morning Starshine at the top of your lungs during his important dinner parties.

27. Replace his hair gel with Hair-B-Gone.

28. Wear your MUGGLE t-shirt and prance around with him during his rounds.

29. When washing his clothing, accidentally spill bleach on his robes.

30. When he wears his new white clothes, tell him its after Labor Day and he should know the rules of fashion.

31. Steal his socks.

32. When he asks about his socks, tell him it was the laundry fairy.

33. Put his underwear in the freezer.

34. Insist that he has a secret admirer when he finds your melted chocolate hearts in his seat cushions.

35. Try to read him Rapunzel and try to spot things that connect to his life.

36. Point these factors out to him.

37. Nickname him Lucy.

38. When you go somewhere and return to the Barbie Dream Ho--, I mean Malfoy Manor, yell LUCY, IM HOOOOME!

39. Get him a pet guppy (yes a guppy, with a G).

40. Tell him its for a lesson in responsibility.

41. Replace all of his expensive alcoholic beverages with Diet Coke.

42. Make a secret base under the Malfoy Manor for all the Death Eater meetings and call it the Snakey Cave (base it on the Bat Cave).

43. Call Lucy a suck up.

44. Ask him why he doesnt have a real snake.

45. Tell him yellow is the new black.

46. Give him gold stars when he's good.

47. When he's good for an entire week, give him a gold badge saying IM REACHING FOR THE STARS!

48. Insist his Malfoy Research Booklet is a diary.

49. Read his diary and make punctuation, spelling and grammatical corrections.

50. Add notes to the sides with your comments.

51. Make them sound corny.

52. Give him a theme song.

53. When he comes into a room, play the theme song.

54. Refer to him as a Girly Man in an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent.

55. Put gum in his hair.

56. When he looks sad, play the violin mournfully.

57. When he looks happy, do the Mexican Hat Dance around him.

58. At Christmas time, decorate his house with bald, skinny, snake-like Santas and when he asks, tell him to have a Very Voldy Christmas!

59. Glue a galleon to the floor and watch him struggle to get it off.

60. Tell him if he grew out his hair and got a perm he could be Robert Plant.

61. Embroider lace and sequins onto his Death Eater robes.

62. Show him your Happy Puppets and tell him it'll help his anxieties.

63. Replace all of his bondage equipment with your McDonalds Happy Meal toys collection.

64. Write him poetry.

65. Bad poetry.

66. Announce, loudly and in public, that you saw him in the Peter Pan movie.

67. Bake him Get-Happy-Brownies when his plans are foiled.

68. Make him eat your Chocolate Surprise.

69. After he eats it, scoot closer to him and tell him chocolate is an aphrodisiac.

70. Get him a kitten and tell him petting animals relieves the soul of tension and the build up of nerves.

71. Tape Kick Me on the back of his Death Eater robes.

72. Pierce his ears and tell him to Get his bling on.

73. Ask him if he remembers the 60s.

74. Misspell his name as Luscious and insist it was an accident.

75. Label all drawer, cabinets, shelves and rooms with Post-Its.

76. Cover his room in Gryffindor colors.

77. As an excuse, insist that he is an autumn, not a winter.

78. Play Platinum Blonde Life when hes feeling exceptionally super model-ish.

79. Tell him his diet isnt working.

80. Tell him he has split ends.

81. Tell him he'd look wonderful in Gucci.

82. Boxers or Briefs?

83. Tell him, for every bad word that he says, he owes you a knut.

84. Turn his closet into a Voldemort shrine.

85. Make him balloon animals and load them all into his room.

86.Make him Jell-O.

87. When he refuses to eat it, look hurt and tell him But everybody has room for Jell-O!

88. Get him a stress ball.

89. Name it Sherman.

90. Enroll him in pilates.

91. Get him a subscription to Cosmo Girl.

92. Get him a heart-shaped locket with an L on it.

93. Give away his Snakey Cane to evil unicorns with gummy bears and a mind for Boggle.

94. Make him a member of SPEW.

95. Ask him what his astrological sign is then read him his compatibility charts every day.

96. Go Professor Trelawney on his butt.

97. Fix his hair into flower barrettes while hes stunned and spray paint all the mirrors black.

98. Shower him with Lysol after he comes back from a DE meeting.

99. After he laughs maniacally, offer him a Tic-Tac.

100. Pluck his eyebrows all off and dye his hair brown.

101. Tell him he's the Mona Lisa.

102. Exchange his cane for an umbrella (tell him its more practical).

103. When he's hung over sing (very loudly) Oklahoma.

104. If youre not dead yet, be alive.

Hey, you're not OOC at all! You are... Canon Snape! You have the dubious honor of being the ugly, sarcastic, greasy git so many of us know and love. Regardless of whether you're in a het, slash, or gen fic, you are the detention-giving ******* who would never even dream of cuddling a fluffy bunny rabbit or wearing purple leather. Even if you do something that seems OOC, your writer is good enough to explain it so that it seems believable. Unfortunately, it's fairly rare to find you in fanfiction, but for those authors who write you... Ten points to Slytherin!

Nice......



Bizarre Lucius

Okay, what is wrong with you? What did you do to Lucius?! What? You only exposed him for what he truly is? Erm. Lucius, keep it on the downlow, okay? The world just isnt ready for the truth!

That's better

Oh wow, both Snape and Malfoy where the same as Sissa's. Great minds think alike.

Republicans for Voldemort

So you want to be a Death Eater...


Greetings, new follower:
If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort


So You Want To Be A Death Eater?



Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:
World peace *
To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes
* This statement is a lie.


List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:


(Equipment marked * must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual) *
Long Black Robes (Smart) *
Short Black Robes (for summer wear) *
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent) *
Black mask (informal)
Black mask (sequined)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted) *
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional) *
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin
Dueling sword *
Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc. *
Saw
Assorted chains
Handcuffs
Pointy stick


Recommended Reading:
Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict
The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black
What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy
Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew
Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.


Death Eater Rules:
No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
No Death Eater shall play the harmonica.
All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.
No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.
A Death Eater must be pureblooded.
No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.
No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.
All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)
All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.
All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.
Frequently Asked Questions:



What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:
Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom.
Gradual impalement on your own wand.
Death by Mandrake (according to season).
The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.)
Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties.
Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).



What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?
Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible. (See above)



What is the salary like?
You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.



Does the Dark Mark hurt?
Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?



Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?
No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.


But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)



Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?
You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.



Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?
Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.



What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?
This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.



The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:
Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.
However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:
Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.


Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.


If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)


Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).


Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.


If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.


Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.


Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.


Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.


Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.


Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.


Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.


Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).


Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.


Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc

That is priceless! I've been laughing myself silly since I got here. Where do you guys find all these stuff?

Oh my god, could I get a seat on that plane? Bom, I've seen that DE pamphlet thing before. Where did you get it?

Nabs, I got all my stuff from Quizilla. I have Lucius Malfoy's DE application somewhere. I'll have to dig it up.

Death Eater Application Form



Death Eating is a strenuous but rewarding career, with meals and uniform supplied, as well as frequent murder/pillage opportunities. Pay and pension schemes are also well above national average. If you believe that this is the job for you, please fill in this form and return it IN PERSON to Lord Voldemort or one of his associates.



You will have 45 minutes to complete this form. Please answer in BLUE or BLACK ink, forms written in blood, crayon, charcoal, chocolate etc will be rejected outright. Candidates who cheat will be considered for high positions within Lord Voldemort's organisation. Candidates caught cheating will be flayed alive as a lesson to other bungling fools.



Personal questions




Name (this means your real name, not some alias you made up because you think it makes you sound frightening): Lucius Xerxes Malfoy




Age: Old enough to know better than to answer that question.




Lineage/ descent: Entirely pure blood, (family tree enclosed). The rumours about Uncle Vladamir are completely untrue, there are no mudbloods, muggles or seals in our family tree.




Are you rich? Yes, but I don't stand loans, so don't get any ideas.



Personality disorder of choice: paranoia. If you think that everybody is out to get you then they probably are. It helps to be prepared.



Reasons for joining Death Eaters: Lust for power, fervent wish to destroy muggles and mudbloods worldwide, the free tattoo.





Skills/Previous Employment:




Favourite curse (candidate should give reasons for their choice): Crucio. Driving people mad with pain is much more fun that killing them via Avada Kedavra. Their agonised spasms are a reliable pick-me-up after a hard day.




Have you killed your parents? (if not, explain why) No. There is a clause in their will that states that unless they die a natural death I will inherit nothing. I am currently developing an untraceable poison to remedy this state of affairs.




Skills/qualifications (candidates should not that insanity no longer counts as a qualification): Hogwarts diploma. Doctorate in advanced maiming from St Ralph's college, Oxford. Certificate in general ruthlessness grade 7, distinction. I speak 5 languages and possess family estates in France, Italy, Estonia, Canada and Belgium. I have also recently been voted "evil sadist of the year" by Witch Weekly magazine, and have a good singing voice.




How many people have you killed to date? Do you mean killed directly, or do people that you've just paid to have murdered count? And what about people I killed by accident whilst testing new curses? Probably around forty.



Previous employment: I have a large unearned income and have no need for work. When I'm not too busy counting my money into little piles, I spend most of my time thinking of ways to trick the income tax people.




Are you a spy? No. Are you an idiot?




General questions:




How would you deal with an auror if you were without your wand? Easy. I would set my specially trained Hippogriff on them. Otherwise I would distract them with the old "look behind you" ruse, and then hit them on the head with a brick.




How would you kill someone under a fidelius charm? Discover the secret keeper, torture them until they disclose the hiding place.




Which is better, poison or a deadly curse? (Give reasons for your answer) Though both have their merits, I would have to choose a deadly curse, as it is more useful during sudden auror attacks, besides of which it is easier to kill someone with on a sudden whim using a curse, whilst poison requires deliberation.




How would your prove your loyalty to Lord Voldemort? With a massacre of muggles that would live in infamy for the rest of time. Also by printing "I love Voldemort" tee shirts.




"Modern torture techniques are more efficient than those of the past": discuss this statement with reference to torture for interrogation, extortion and for fun: Whilst some time-honoured torture techniques, such as crucio, the impalement curse and the decapito hex, should be staples of every efficient torturer's repertoire, modern torture techniques are indeed more efficient, as a greater knowledge of magic and of biology have allowed us to develop more painful methods of torture, such as the migraine curse for mild interrogation or extortion, or the chainsaw hex for more amusing torture (this spell alone is responsible for a 33% increase in amusing writhing of curse victims since its invention in 1944).




Examiner's comments (Candidates should leave this section blank unless they want to be found floating face down in the bath at a later date): Candidate showed great aptitude in all areas of the practical, decapitating twelve of the muggles due for extermination with one curse. His answers on the theory also show suitability for the position of a death eater, although his love of torture could blind him to the more practical duties of the job, such as murder, taking over the world, darning etc.




Lord Voldemort's decision: Accepted! Welcome to the team Mr Malfoy.

Riddikulus - Lucius Malfoy's Death Eater Application Form (Story Text)

I found this, hope everyone enjoys! BTW, I love Snape's on a Plane, that's a classic!

Song Parodies -> Death Eater
"Maneater" Based on the performance by Nelly Furtado
"Death Eater" Parody by Numbuh A
First proper public parody submission. A parody about Severus Snape being a villain.
Paperback, paperback...
(grim moanings echo all round)

Everybody look at him, him
Always looking pallid and grim, grim
Book six revealed his true alignment
He's protecting Draco on consignment
Everybody's wands flashed and zapped around
Tried to stop the enemy on Hogwarts ground
He got the better of the old bean, bean
Now Hogwarts be looking for a new dean

Death Eater
Makes your skin crawl
Dumbledore fall
On the orders of Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
He's a half-blood
Treated like crud
And he's allied with Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Teachin' Potions
Lacks emotions
And he's working for Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Ron and Harry
Hermione
Wish they never met him at all

And when he walks into the classroom
Minus points be flying all around soon
When he asks a question, boy, he means it
With no regards to whether Harry's seen it
Everybody's bad the moment they get in
Better Hufflepuff opposed to Slytherin
You didn't see that Severus would change sides?
I wonder what took him so long just to decide

Death Eater
When the Mark burns
Dumbledore's turn
Kick the bucket for Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Hung with Bella
And Narcissa
Who were working for Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Led to killing
Of Emmeline
By the orders of Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Arthur, Molly
Twins and Ginny
Wish they never met him at all

Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Yeaaaaaah...
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
Oh, aaaaaaaah!
...ARGH!

Death Eater
Unforgiven
Curse he's usin'
On the orders of Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Made his own spells
Curses as well
And he's working for Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
James and Sirius
Also Remus
Teased the ally of Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
All the teachers
From this feature
Wish they never met him at all

Never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!
They wish they never ever met him at all!

Death Eater
Making things worse
Cast the death curse
On the order of Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Spell made boy bleed
Blockin' mind reads
And he's allied with Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Played by Rickman
He's a sick man
And he's working for Voldemort
He's a Death Eater
Didn't know that
Now he's turned bad
Wish we never met him at all...

Am I Right - Song Parodies, Death Eater

Hey guys, I got Rebel Snape, too!

17 Ways to Distract Voldemort while Harry Searches for Horcruxes

1. Choreograph an artistic dance interpretation of his life and struggle for power and then force him to watch it.

2. Conduct a séance and pretend to channel the spirit of his mother.

3. Tell him he's been a "naughty boy."

4. Pretend to be the Sorting Hat and apologize - apparently you were wrong, and he was meant to be in Hufflepuff.

5. Call him Ickle-Voldykins...and then run. Fast.

6. Ask him to guess which hand the last Horcrux is in.

7. ...admonish him for cheating if he uses Legilimency.

8. Tell him you know where Harry is hiding, and Apparate before providing further details.

9. Dress up as Dumbledore and say you faked your own death.

10. Start an argument about Harry Potter shipping.

11. Tell him he's adopted and that he's really Hagrid's other half-brother.

12. Tell him Harry is his son and ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with Book 7 now, since it's become "soooo Star Wars."

13. Tell him one of his Death Eaters is actually a member of the Order using Polyjuice Potion - but refuse to tell him who it is.

14. If he gets rid of some Death Eaters in the process of figuring this out, then all the better for Harry!

15. Tell him that one of his enemies is plotting against him in the Forbidden Forest.

16. Tell him all about your enemy/rival and how he's nothing compared to them. Perhaps he'll go after them rather than Harry.

17. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.

^omg number 4, 11, and 12 kept me laughnig for like, everr! that was hilrious!

*falls over laughing*.....

Pure Gold guys!!!!!!!

BTW, also took the SNAPE test-- Another Rebel Snape here...

Twelve Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort

1. Put glitter and sequins on the Death Eater masks
2. Throw cookies and confetti at him!
3. Call him Voldie-Poo in front of Harry, his friends or any Order member
4. Kill Harry, and tell him Wormtail did it.
5. Organise a tea-party with the Death Eaters
6. Tell him that Wormtail has a crush on him.
7. Buy him an "Enchanted Ponyland" colouring book for his birthday
8. Make him dress up as an elf, and help Dumbledore be Santa at shopping centres around Xmas
9. Buy him a Valentine's Card, and make sure Bellatrix says she did it.
10. Call him "The Man Who Let The Boy Live"
11. Sing "Avada Kedavra" over and over again *
12. Charm any of the Death Eaters, making them sing "Avada Kedavra" over and over again *

* For the Avada Kedavra lyrics, see next post

PM me if you'd like an avatar of some of these Ways to Annoy Voldemort

Disclaimer - Some of these are courtesey of various Harry Potter fansites. Others, however, are my pure creation

Song - Avada Kedavra

Avada Kedavra,
What a horrible phrase,
Avada Kedavra,
You'll see a big green blaze,
Before you realise,
That it's the end of your days,
It's Voldie's moral free,
Malignity,
Avada Kedavra

Dumbledore - Yeah, take Harry for instance *clears throat* When he was a young wizard..

Harry - *opera style* When I was a young wizaaaard!

Dumbledore - Very nice...

Harry - Thanks!

Dumbledore - His parents were nice, young Lily and James,
A nice witch and wizard with a well known name

Harry - Then Voldemort came...through our door he buuuuurst!
And he killed them, with this one abominable cuuuuuuuurse!
And OH! the shame!

(oh, the shame)

Harry - I was really in pain!

(Were you in pain?)

Harry - Then I went to Hogwarts!

(Where did you go?)

Harry - It's located in -

*Dumbledore covers Harry's mouth*

Dumbledore - Harry! Not in front of the Muggles!

Harry - Oops...sorry.

Everyone *including Death Eaters and Voldemort, who are wearing can-can skirts and doing the dance of the same name*

Avada Kedavra
What a horrible phrase
Avada Kedavra
You'll see a big green blaze
Before you realise
That it's the end of your days..

Voldemort *still can-can dancing, steps forward* -
It's my moral free
Malignity
*opera style* AVAAAADAAAAAA KEDAAAVRAAAAAAAA!
*Elvis style* Thank you...thank you very much.....

Oh I had tears in my eyes! that was sooooooooooooooo funny! and the best thing was that I had that tune stuck in my head all day yesterday!

That was really funny.

** That "So You Want to Be A Death Eater?" piece is from Mugglenet.com. They also have really great Top 10 Lists.

Everything here had me laughing SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard that now my stomach hurts. "Snape on a plane" and "104 Ways to Make Lucius Malfoy Die a Little on the Inside." and "So you want to be a Death Eater..." were JUST SOME of the best!!!

Hehe, the Lucius's Death Eater application was hilarious!

As for the quizzes, I got Canon Snape and Bitter Troll Lucius...

Yes, Lucius is an aristocrat, powerful and all, but hes also quite the witty setdown artist. Your Lucius's every word is either a thinly veiled insult or threat, or a blatant one. He never takes a break from it. Of course, why bother? You must let the masses know how lowly they are, or they might begin to get uppity.

Script
Lucius-So voldie waz up
Voldemort-Killed another mudblood
lucius-do tell
voldemort-weeeeelll
lucius-go on *eagerly*
voldemort-well i was like avada kedavra and he was like dead *shoots lucius with avada kedavra*uhh luce stop playing*looks nervous*lucius wake up*sniff* i killed a pure blood*looks horrified*

Be Prepared(Death Eater Version)
Voldemort-
I never thought Death Eater's essential
They're crude and unspeakably plain
But mabey they've a glimmer of potential
If allied to my vision and brain.
I know that your magical powers
Are as wet as a gridilows backside
but thick as you are, pay attenstion
My words are a matter of pride.
It's clear from your vacant expresion
The light's are not all on upstairs
But we're talking Ministers and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares.
So prepare for the chance of a life time
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is flying nearer.
Bellatrix-
And where do we feature?
Voldemort-
Just listen to teacher
I knows it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
when last i'm given my dues!
And unjustice delicously squared
Be prepared!
Lucious-
Yeah!Be prepared.We'll be prepared!For what?
Voldemort-
For the death of Dumbledore and the Minister
Lucious-
Are they sick?
Voldemort-
No,fool!We are going to kill them and Potter too
Bellatrix-
Great idea who needs Dumbledore?
Lucious/Bellatrix
No Dumbledore,no Minister!La la la la la
Voldemort-
Idiots!There will be a Minister!
Lucious-
But you just said......
Voldemort-
I will be Minister!Stick with me and you'll never be in Askerban again!
Lucious/Bellatrix-
Yay allright!Long live the Minister
Long live the Minister!
Deth Eater's-
It's great that we'll soon be connected with a minister who'll be all-time adored
Voldemort-
Ofcourse,quid pro quo,your expected to take certain duties abord
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a peep without me!
Death Eaters-
So prepare for the coup of the centuary
Voldemort- Death Eaters-
Be prepared for the murkiest Oooooo,La lala
scam.
Meticulos planning We'll have power
Tenacitys panning Lots of power
Decades of denial We repeat
Is simply why I'll Endless Power
be Minister undisputed
Respected,Saluted
And seen for the
wonder I am.
Voldemort-
Yes my wand and ambition is bared
Voldemort/Death Eaters-
Be prepared!
Yes our wands and ambitions are bared
Be prepared!
By Voldemort's Horcrux

Daddy Went byebye
written by me

Voldemort:


Chorus
Daddy,I know i killed ya
But your a muggle
And the rules say
Gotta kill the smelly muggles
Oh,my
They may be harsh but its the law to be a Lord
i'm Lord Voldemort now
So ya better fear me
Before ya go too

Who cares where ya went?
You just a stanky non magic witch

Repeat Chorus

Time to
Kill
Kill
Kill

Repeat Chorus 2x

Daddy
Went
*screamed*Bye bye!