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| | Finished Poetry Finished poetry threads come here to rest and be remembered. | 
01-11-2004, 04:17 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Ashwinder
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,594
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THis is a thread for my poetry! I've been told that it's good enough to be published but I need other opinions!
Please tell me why
Please tell me why can’t I, breathe when your near me,
when you’re close to me.
I know you know I’m lost in loving you deeply, loving you secretly.
But I crash in my mind, whenever you are near
Getting deaf, dumb, and blind
Just drowning in despair
I’m lost in your flame
It’s burning like the sun
And I Call your name
The moment you are gone.
Tomorrow, I’ll say it all tomorrow
Or the day after tomorrow
I’m sure I’ll tell you then…
That ‘I Love You’
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01-11-2004, 04:56 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Troll
Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: garden state
Posts: 4,894
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These are great! 
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every me & every you
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01-12-2004, 07:24 PM
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#3 (permalink)
|  DRFC Activity Officer
Protector of Dan’s Brains Crup
Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Everywhere and no-where
Posts: 2,398
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Really good... I must say...
__________________ I  Dan
Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! | |
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01-15-2004, 09:23 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | House Elf
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Saffron City
Posts: 69,456
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Jude Centennary
Fourth Year
Ministry RPG Name:
Olliver {Ollie} Stratton
|  Brain Twin | MASTAH ASHURRII | Reisdent PokeNerd | Digifangirl
Oh, not depressig. I like it. It's a reality one there :flowersmile: | |
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01-18-2004, 04:12 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Plimpy
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,045
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awww that veryyyy good!! there are sooo many good poems!!! you are talented too!!
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02-01-2004, 03:37 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Guest |
It's really good. I like it.
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02-06-2004, 10:52 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Jobberknoll
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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hmmmm im liking it. its not very depressing, but the descriptions give it the sense that it could if you kept it going, getting deeper into the subject if you know what i mean. Otherwise, i love it!
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What shall I call thee when thou art a man?
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10-30-2004, 02:54 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Chizpurfle
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 715
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I love it!!! Thats how I feel sometimes, but dont think Im some depressed loser lol
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11-16-2004, 11:02 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Ghoul
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: ♥Listening to oldies music and writing the next chapter for my ff on
Posts: 578
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Cassie Evans
Fifth |
It's great! :flowersmile:
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12-23-2004, 06:23 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Clabbert
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,439
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Alex Cartwright
Graduated |
I like it! Very moving. I felt what you described. That is what makes a good poem, not to mention the poet!
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You're like, 12.-Booth
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01-22-2005, 01:46 AM
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#11 (permalink)
| | Ramora
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Manila, Philippines
Posts: 369
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It's ok. put some more rhyming and that would be fabulous... I know it's hard to make poems with rhyme, but your brain will challenge... I like it though...
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01-25-2005, 07:46 AM
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#12 (permalink)
| | Horklump
Join Date: May 2003 Location: In a little dark hole south of the rising sun
Posts: 55
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Saphire Mahoney Low
None |
I am going to be blunt cause well that's the way I work. Your writing is very amirable it I think can be published. Though you will need to look over your grammar. always look over your grammar believe me it helps. Also if you decide to publish make sure you submit to a legit poetry contest or company. As a fellow poet please remember that the greatest satisfaction comes from knowing how much the poems (the work you put your heart and soul into) are good enough for you and not anybody else.
-Rally
P.S. oh if um you wanted to read my poetry it Rally's poetry
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