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Old 12-10-2009, 04:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Janet Lynn Gordon
Fifth Year
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Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions


Of Heads or Tails - Sa13+
Prologue

The era was the early 1890’s, in rural England deep in the marshlands where civilization was lawless. It was a difficult period for common folk, and a worse time for the uncommon. Life was tough to say the least. This story centers on the uncommon. In particular, about the life of a young boy who looks about nine years old, and identifies himself as, Jimmy Pryor. A nice enough name, but things are not always, what they seem.

Once again, Jimmy was alone and on the run from his current master. It was not the first time he had found himself in this position. Some of his masters had loved, even adored, and cared for Jimmy as one of their own. Others had been cruel and demanded too much of him. He always ended up having to pry or jimmy himself out of sticky situations. Being loved or mistreated made no difference. His secret magic was his disadvantage. Discovering his magic made him a tool for thievery. His size and magic enabled him to get into very small spaces, and when he was not being used, he was kept locked up in a small cage. He was not proud of his existence, a common cat burglar. Why was he born to be a multifaceted being? Truly, Jimmy’s magic was rare and powerful, and he could escape even if it killed him, but just how many times could he die and come back to life?


DISCLAIMER:
Harry Potter and all things related belong to the author, JK Rowling. Anything that is said that sounds like it came from her characters probably did. It is not my intention to use anything from her works for any gain or profit to me.
Snitch Seeker is the name of this site, and my parody, Seeker of the Snitch, is not meant to infringe on, or claim any credit for the magnificence of it.

CREDITS:
OtteryStCatchpole is a name belonging to JK Rowling, but is also a popular author of this site, a character in most of his FF’s, and I am blessed to count him as a friend.
Teddy: Used by permission from OtterySt.Catchpole
Love Is The Music My Heart Dances To or Loves Whimsical Melancholy - by Ottery St. Catchpole If you haven’t read it, check it out, it’s epic.
For Every Season, Turn, Turn, Turn; Written by Pete Seeger (sort of) and performed by The Byrds. (Ecclesiastes Chapter 3)
Acknowledgments: Thanks to: KellyBear, Lissydove, Maria, Obi-Wan K’Lari (K’Lari), OtterySt.Catchpole, and Steven for allowing me to use them in my story, however small or large their parts. Thank you ever so much.

CHAPTER GUIDE

Prologue, and Chapter 1 Jimmy Gets A New Master
Chapter 2 A Witch In The Family
Chapter 3 Hatred, Strife, Deceit and Love
A gift to all my readers A Diary Selection
Chapter 4 Not The Wonder Years
Chapter 5 It's Not A Roller Coaster Ride, It's Life
Chapter 6 Hate Takes A Back Seat, Love Abounds
Chapter 7 The Calm Before The Storm
Chapter 8 The Storm
Chapter 9 The Wedding of James and Lily, Not to be Forgotten
Chapter 10 Butterfly Flutters
Chapter 11 Tom Learns A Secret, and a Family Heirloom
Chapter 12 Narrow Escapes and Narrow Rescues
Chapter 13 And What of Neville?
Chapter 14 Joy In A Time of Overwhelming Fear
Chapter 15 Jim's Last Request
Chapter 16 Death Comes To Godrik's Hollow
Chapter 17 Peter Shows His Strength
Chapter 18 A Time For Wandering, and Wandering Rewarded
Chapter 19 The Brilliance of Crookshanks
Chapter 20 Harry Tries To Find Answers
Chapter 21 Harry's Questions Answered After All
Chapter 22 Promise Not To Do What?
Chapter 23 Harry Meets The Dementors
Chapter 24 Harry Understands His Real Life Nightmare
Chapter 25 Slumber Party
Chapter 26 Crookshanks on the Prowl
Chapter 27 Twelve Years Dieing, One Night to Start Living
Chapter 28 Crookshanks Set Free?
Chapter 29 Crookshanks On the Go
Chapter 30 Sirius and a Fully Transformed Crookshanks
Chapter 31 What's Love Got To Do With It?
Chapter 32 Strawberry Fields Forever
Chapter 33 Judgement Falls on the Innocent
Chapter 34 On Pins and Needles
Chapter 35 The Mirror of Erised
Chapter 36 Sometimes the War Is Won, But the Battle is Lost
Chapter 37 Sirius Shows His Rage
Chapter 38 Hope to be Forgotten
Chapter 39 The Explanation
Chapter 40 The Reunion
Chapter 41 Harry's Secret
Chapter 42 Fatherhood Becomes Crookshanks
Chapter 43 Dumbledore Puts a Hard Freeze on Harry's Plans
Chapter 44 Crookshanks Tells His Past
Chapter 45 The Tesseract Saves the World
THE EXPLANATION
Epilogue Of heads or Tails Twenty Three Years Later


CHAPTER ONE

Jimmy Gets a New Master

Times are changing and Jimmy now lives with a wonderful little family. The Evans’ family consists of a father; Harry, mother; Grace, eldest daughter; Petunia, and youngest child; Lily, the last mentioned being his favorite. Lily found Jimmy emaciated and dehydrated. He was knocking on deaths door when Lily found him. She picked him up ever so gently.

“I’ll take you home and make you all better,” she promised. Help me Tuney; he’s as big as I am!”

Petunia being the much older sister by a year and two months, and much more intelligent, for she was going to kindergarten, and Lily wasn’t, scolded her for picking up such a “messy, ugly flee festered thing.”

“I certainly will not help you!” You are going to catch a germ and die! Throw it over there in those bushes, run home, and take yourself a bath in scalding water and lye soap right now! She demanded. “Why do you do these stupid things? You’re such a child!” she continued on a roll. “Daddy will skin you alive and I’m not going to get in trouble either!”

“Tuney, stop it Tuney! Look, the poor dear is nearly dead. He needs me to fix him. I can fix him, and make him all better, and I will keep him for the rest of my life.” She said in a soft sweet voice. “And Daddy won’t skin me cause he don’t do that anyway, and you know it!” she added in an abrasive tone. “And you will get in trouble ‘cause I’ll tell Daddy you wouldn’t help me.”

Petunia thought better of her decision made too hastily, and told her she would help, but she would not touch the horrid thing!

”Here,” she said. “I’ll hold the bottom of your dress, and you can put it in here. This way he can be carried in the sling your dress makes.”

“Oh thank you Tuney! What a wonderful plan. You are so clever!” At this Petunia smiled, she new she was terribly clever.

Therefore, Jimmy came to be one of the Evans’ family. For as Lily had said she did take care of him and nourish him back to health. Of course, sense he was so near death, Mom helped for a while until Lily could do everything herself. She also announced that his name was Tom, which was fine with Jimmy. He know longer felt he needed to be a jimmy, no longer needing to pry himself out of cages too small for him, for he slept free of cages on the bed with Lily. He hoped she would be able to spend the rest of her life as his master, even though he would way out live her in all probability, for he was after all a werecat. Moreover, he was going to try his best not to let them find out what he was, because always before when his masters found out, they were either terrified or thought he was evil, and turned him out on his own.

Last edited by demented_death_eater; 07-09-2011 at 02:50 AM. Reason: Adding Chapter Guide
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Old 12-13-2009, 08:13 AM   #2 (permalink)

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I LOVE IT!

Go Connie! Go Connie!

Jimmy's head! I thought he was human until you said werecat He's so sweet! I feel so bad for him! I'm loving your writing style

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Old 12-13-2009, 06:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks K"lari for posting. You are my very first reader for my very first FF. I hope you stick with it and I hope you enjoy it. I'm glad you like my writing style.

I don't know how often I should post, so I'll post a new chapter now. I hope it's enjoyable to anyone reading it. I welcome comments good or bad.


CHAPTER TWO

A Witch in the Family

Tom found out very early on that Lily was a witch. He tried to keep the family in the dark about this matter, until it was safe for them to find out. He was afraid they might think she was possessed and call in an exorcist. They were proper people of course, and it would not do for them to have a possessed child.

Whenever Lily had a little tantrum, he would run to Petunia, and when Lily’s magic unleashed, he would meow, hiss, spit, and make his hair stand on end as if petunia had stepped on his tail. Then he would appear wherever the object of magic was and knock it to the floor. A slight magic of his own temporarily confused them and it all seemed as though Tom had bolted in pain from Petunia stepping on him, and knocked something over.


This ruse worked fine until Lily and Petunia went to the park to play Knights and Princesses. The jungle gym made a magnificent castle, and the boys playing rugby were the knights fighting wars to win favor for the beautiful princesses. If it happened, there were not any knights on the field of honor then they were flying high in the clouds doing air battles to save them. It was truly wondrous the spectacular maneuvers they made putting their lives in peril in every barrel roll, or loop de loop they made. Today though, there were not any boys on the field or a single cloud in the sky.

“We can swing and swing up to the sky,” said Lily “I bet I can get higher than you Tuney, come on.” she coached her laughing.

“Okay, you can try, but I swing all the time at the school playground, so don’t cry when I beat you.” Petunia teased. They were laughing and trying so hard to outdo each other.

“Jump off and fly, Tuney!”

Petunia screamed. “Lily! Lily! No! You will get killed you are too high!” Nevertheless, completely disregarding Petunia’s warnings, and pleads, she jumped. Petunia took in a great gasp for Lily was not falling to the ground; instead, she was floating down to the ground. Petunia got her swing slowed enough to jump out easily. She grabbed Lily and hugged her tightly.

“I thought you was going to be dead, Lily.” She cried. She was on her knees, sitting on her heels, sobbing and hiccupping, and petting Lily’s head.

“I don’t like it when you do these things Lily. It scares me so! Momma said you weren’t to do things that scare me.” She went on lamenting as though Lily had died.

Tom, meanwhile, had become his human self so he could follow the girls. No one noticed the small boy climbing the jungle gym pretending to play. He knew Lily was okay, but he was not sure about the boy that had been hiding in the bushes watching the girls every time they came to the park. Anyone who hides, rather than playing, needs to be someone to ponder. He could sense agitation when Lily jumped out of the swing. Yet, he did not run over to see if she was okay. Jim searched his mind deeper, and found the reason.

“This boy is a wizard. He seems to have feelings for Lily. He knew she used magic.” This boy was not Jims’ first pick for Lily to be friends with, but he would be good for Lily to have someone like her. He would keep her from doing magic, and keep her from getting scared of Petunias’ horror stories. She would have a friend like her. Of course, Petunia will be mighty jealous.

“Here Tuney,” She said, as she gently pushed her off. Let me make you all better. She looked at some clover growing close bye and held out her hand to it. The flowers plucked themselves out of the ground and went to Lily’s outstretched hand. “Here you go Tuney,” she said kindly.

Petunia smiled and took them. “I do love flowers.” she started, still hiccupping softly then, “Lily! Mamma said you are not to do these things! “It’s not normal! Some people will come and put you in a sairium, where you’ll never get to see us again, and they lock you up in little rooms where they make you run at the walls and bounce off of them all day long, till that UN normal stuff comes out of you!”

“No they don’t.” said a voice behind them. ”Don’t tell her things like that. You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s natural for her to do the things she’s been doing.”

“Who are you?” both girls asked at once. Lily stepped behind Petunia. Petunia recovered first. She folded her arms, and tapped her toes. “Well,” she said. “We’re waiting for your answer. Who are you, and, how dare you spy on us! You better leave or I’ll scream and the police will come and throw you in the dungeon!”

“You just keep making up stories. I’m not leaving and you’re not going to scream.” He was staring into her eyes without any emotion showing in his own. Petunia trembled with fear, but stood her ground. He looked at Lily and spoke to her, and simply told her the reason she could do what she does is that she is a witch. He told her he knows it because he is a wizard.

“ My name is Severus,” he said quite pleased with himself for being able to talk to Lily without scaring her. She was actually interested in him.

“Would you like me to push you on the swing Lily?” he said almost sweetly. He did have a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help it. He was going to have a friend, and he knew she didn’t hate him.

“No, she doesn’t want you to push her in the swing.” Petunia cut in mocking him. “You look weird and you smell bad, and your hair’s disgusting!”

“And do you think I care anything about what you think? He said with his head back and staring down his nose at her, in a very scary calm voice.

The quietness of it sent threats exploding clear down to her heart. Petunia swallowed hard.
“I’m not afraid of you!” She said quite a bit louder than she meant to. She really was, but she could not let Lily see that. She enjoyed being Lily’s hero, and she was not going to give up being her hero because she was afraid of this freak. “Just leave us alone, I’m not afraid of you!” she screamed!

He was taking a step towards her and said, “You should be.” in a very even tone.

Jim was afraid Petunia’s screaming was going to attract attention. He made use of a little of his magic. Petunia gasped and froze to the spot she was standing. A small branch broke, from the tree she was near, and brushed just the heel of her foot.

“Don’t you hurt her!” Lily jumped forward and slapped Severus in the face. I did want to be friends with you, but not if you’re going to hurt my sister!" she said vehemently. “Come on Tuney, let’s go home.”

Severus tried calling after her. “Lily, it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it! I would not do that. Lily, please stop!”

Severus turned and left with a red face and extremely confused. He could not believe he had lost control of his magic, and worse yet, his emotions. He knew he was not allowed to do magic. He didn’t want to be in trouble at school before he even had a chance to start. He was desperate to leave home. He calmed himself down, as he walked. He was all right; there is no way of proving he was the one that did magic. This is a mixed community, and he didn’t even have a wand. Yes, he would be ok. Nevertheless, he determined to himself that he would need to work on his emotions. Well, it’s ok to have emotions, just don’t ever show them, and always be in control of your powers. When people see your emotions, you let them in your head. That was the way you enable people to hurt you. He had made a vow to himself that he would learn how to keep people out of his head.

During the next few days Lily, Severus, and Petunia became the best of friends. Lily could not stay mad at him after he had apologized so sweetly to Petunia, and she accepted. They had jumped to conclusions when they blamed him for the branch falling on her. He had showed them the rotten where it broke. It was just a coincident that it broke when it did. Little did they know that he had come back late in the night and put a rotting potion on the branch end where it was broke, then climbed the tree and put some where the branch broke.

The three of them were inseparable, but to eat and sleep. Severus loved being with Lily so much that he didn’t mind the deception he was using so he could be with her. He had to pretend that he enjoyed playing with Petunia, when the very idea revolted him. At least this way he could be with Lily; and Petunia not get angry and make trouble for him. It seems that Severus was a bit too charming, for it was not long before Petunia started laughing at anything he said, claiming he was the funniest person in the world. She took to wearing her prettiest dresses to play in, and she would hang on his arm, telling him he was the best Knight in Armor that they ever had.

Days turned into years and the time was just before Lily turned eleven. One day after the evening meal, there came a knock on the Evans’ door. It was the Headmaster of Hogwarts. It would not do to send a letter to say they had a witch in the family. They were dealing with Muggles. They needed to practice the utmost delicacy. It used to be a letter would arrive by owl post informing the parents that their child(ren) would be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where to get their supplies, their ticket for the train, and when to begin the term. However, this terrorized them. Some thought it was someone plotting to kidnap their child(ren), while others thought it was a practical joke. Therefore, admittance was down for a while. People did not believe in witchcraft or they did not believe there was any in the family, until they received notices of hearings and such for use of underage magic. It was for this reason when Professor Dumbledore became Headmaster that he or a trusted associate would visit the Muggles.

Therefore, it was for this reason that he was sitting on the sofa in the Evans’ home having a very nice visit. They were very gracious hosts even to a guest that showed up uninvited. Professor Dumbledore told them all about the school and the academics and other lessons Lilly would have.
Harry and Grace were so excited, but they were still a bit reserved with the whole idea. They were proper people after all, and witches were bad, even to say evil.

“Come now, Harry, Grace“ Nodding to each as he acknowledged them. ”I assure you that just as there are good and bad people, if you would, in every section of the world, the same holds true for us. We are the same as any other human being. We are just, say, born magically enhanced.”

Professor Dumbledore had been very patient and positive with Harry and Grace to put them completely at rest so they could send Lily off to school, without worry.

Although they were excited, Petunia was not. In fact, she was so jealous she could not even afford a little happiness for her little sister. She grew hateful and distant. No more was there any picnics for the three inseparable friends, long walks and talks when there wasn’t anything else to do, just something to do to be together. Petunia refused to come in Lily’s room and talk and giggle girlishly about; Severus, and how she loved him so. She dwelt in the bitterness until a savage hatred started forming a cold hard stonewall around her heart. She of course felt justified and wallowed in her self-pity.

It had been just a few days after the Headmaster left, that Petunia wrote a letter to Professor Dumbledore asking could he please let her enroll at Hogwarts to learn magic. She had received a reply right away, explaining kindly that, ”people are not taught magic, that you must be born with it. We teach how to control what is already there and develop it to useful and practical actions to serve all humanity.”

Tom had seen Petunia single this letter out and take it to her room. She hid the letter under the doily on her chest of drawers. Then she flung herself on her bed and wept until she fell asleep. She was just waking when she heard soft voices outside her door. It was Lily saying she would get Petunia and they could all go to the movies one last time. Petunia started to run to the door when she heard Severus stop her.

“Why do we always have to have her along? I want to have time with you, without her foolish crush coming between us.” Lily was irate with him.

“Shut up! She’ll hear you, and I will not have you hurting her like that. Now you’ve ruined everything!” she accused him in a hard whisper. “You best forget about the movies or anything else, and shut the door on your way out.”

Petunia thought her world was going to collapse on her, and frankly, she wished it would, and end her misery. This was when the hardness in her heart started forming. She had nothing in common with this magical life, and she was loosing her sister to it. There would be no reason for Lily to need a hero and the boy she was hopelessly in love with, cared nothing for her, but thought of her as a foolish girl who was always in the way. He used her all these years just so he could be with Lily. Life was not fair.

Of course, Lily had no idea what was going on. She was desperately lonely for Petunia, but Petunia would have nothing to do with her. She called her freak all the time, and said she couldn’t wait until school started so she wouldn’t have to have her around. Lily was devastated and cried her heart out alone in her room. She propped herself up with several pillows in a half lying down position staring ahead at nothing but the inner thoughts that tormented her heart and caused this horrific pain.

Tom crawled up to her neck and cuddled there purring in a relaxing rhythm. She instinctively stroked his fur and spoke to him softly the whole time rivers of tears rolled down her soft pale face. A song came to mind and she started singing it. “For every season, turn, turn, turn…” by the time she completed the song she had stopped crying.

“Many people think that song is depressing. Some people think it’s a song pleading for world peace, but actually, it is written nearly in its entirety from the Bible, The Book of Ecclesiastes 3; 1-8. What it means is that God has a plan for everything under the sun. Often time’s man messes things up and we have to have faith that He will fix them. It is a song of hope for me. Oh Tom,” she whispered, “I do hope He fixes things before my heart is broke apart. I am only eleven years old; surely, my happiest years are not already behind me. Why is Tuney all hateful, and spiteful? Why doesn’t she want to be my sister anymore? Surely, she knows she has always been my hero. Tom, you’re such a good friend. If you could talk, you would help me. I know you would. You are my hero now, please don’t ever leave me.”

This tore him up. She said it not realizing that he can indeed talk. Whether to tell her, or not to tell her, tore him apart. It was his experience that whenever humans found he could talk then things turned very ugly for him. On the other hand, Lily was desperate for his help, and she trusted him to be a hero. Wouldn’t a real hero sacrifice everything to help? Would it help if she knew he could talk? What a conundrum! He wrestled with his thoughts as Lily was humming her Seasons song. He came to a decision; he knew what he could do without talking to her. He only had to wait until the right moment came.

Last edited by Connie; 11-20-2010 at 06:14 PM.
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
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aw...that is so sweet and really nice...this is quite a different story line...liked it alot waiting for more...
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Old 12-14-2009, 03:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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harita, thank you for reading and commenting. I'm so glad you like my story. Yes, it is a different story line. I thought it would be fun focusing on the uncommon. I hope you stay with me here, and keep posting.

I envite anyone reading to post as I would love to know what you all think. I don't know if my posts are too long, uncomfortable to read... let me know.

Anyway, here's the next chapter:

CHAPTER THREE

Hatred, Strife, Deceit and Love

Severus waited everyday at the park for Lily to show up. He knew she would, and he was confident he could get her to forgive him for saying what he had said about Petunia. He was not sorry of course; he just needed to make Lily think he was.

Today was Severus’s lucky day, because he had only been to the park ten minutes when he seen Lily coming. He hurried over to the swings and made himself ready for the deception. She was going to come into view of him any moment. He looked around, “Only that little kid that’s always here, no one else in site.” He bent over and pulled out a concealed jar, opened it, and went to work on his face with its contents. In just seconds, he put the jar away and cleaned his hands. A quick glance towards the direction she would be coming from, and then a sly smile, here she comes.

“Well well, if it isn’t, SEVERUS! “She gasped. He had looked up then quickly turned his face away from her. “Sev, what’s happened to your face? Look at me.” she said worriedly. She touched his shoulder, and he pulled away from her touch.

“Why?” he asked in a dejected voice, still hanging his head.

“Because I care Sev. Are we best friends or what? Is it your papa again?” she asked intently. “Did he hurt you Sev? Please talk to me.”

“She is being so sweet and he’s only acting. How can that boy stand himself?” Jim was sick with disgust and contempt over Severus’s deceit.

“It doesn’t matter what’s happened at home. Nothing hurts as bad as you and Petunia being mad at me. Yeah, Papa beat me,” he said lifting his face and looking at her, he continued (inwardly satisfied with her gasp and look of repulsion on her face.) I do not care though, I will be away from that vile man and momma soon enough. It’s how lonely I am without you and Petunia that makes life unbearable.” He looked down again and was silent. “Lily, I didn’t mean to be mean to Petunia, it’s just,” he paused “well, that day Papa had beaten me brutally. My back was laid open raw, and he wouldn’t let momma heal it. You know how Petunia is always hanging all over me. Well, I just couldn’t stand the thought of,“

He stopped short because she threw her arms around him and cried. “Severus, please forgive me. I am so sorry. Let’s go to my house and tell Tuney what happened. It’ll make everything alright.”

“Lily, can’t we stay here and talk, just you and me? Tomorrow these bruises will be gone. Momma snuck me some medicine awhile back for bruises. I just had to leave in a hurry before I could put any on. Petunia shouldn’t see me this way; she is a bit squeamish about this sort of thing isn’t she? Besides, I do not want your folks to see me this way. I don’t want to take a chance on them telling the authorities, because my folks can avoid detection.”

His plan worked like a charm. Lily fell for it and they stayed talking until she had to go home.

The next day Grace sent the girls on an errand to get a basket of eggs and two quarts of milk from the corner Grocer. When they had left the house, Tom went in Petunia’s room and changed into Jim, got the secret letter and took it into Lily’s room and put it on the bed pillow. He would put it in Petunia’s mind that she put it there so Lily and she could make up. Then Lily would understand why she had been so hateful to her. They would make up and be just as if nothing had come between them. Changing back to Tom quickly he went out and stretched out on the sunny spot on the living room carpet and fell asleep.

The girls returned home and Grace looked at them both. “Whatever is going on between you? I was hoping that you girls would make up and be loving sisters again. Now, do what you need to do to make this happen, or your daddy and I will have to step in.”

Petunia turned away, went in the family room, and started playing the piano. Lily smiled and assured her mom they would fix everything today.

Severus came just then and the two of them went to the family room, waited for Petunia’s song to end, and then asked her to come in Lily’s room. Severus and Lily went on back. “No!” Tom screamed in his mind. “This is not the way it’s s’pose to happen. You’re going to ruin everything.” He got up and ran back to Lily’s room. They were already reading the letter.

Petunia walked in and saw them reading the letter. Tom quickly put the memory of her wanting to show the letter to her to make up. She looked a little confused for a second then came out of it.

“What is he doing here, and why have you let him read my letter?” she asked scathingly.

Lily and Severus stood there with their mouths hanging slightly ajar. Severus recovered immediately turning his face at her. There was no surprised look, no look of guilt, and no look of concern; actually, the only look on his face was a slight smirk. Quite satisfied was he that his plan worked. He knew no amount of pleading from Lily would sway Petunia’s ire. He did however just at that moment regret fabricating the hoax on Lily. He didn’t want Lily to be friends only because she felt sorry for him.

Lily on the other hand reached out to Petunia in love and compassion. “Tuney, why didn’t you tell me you wanted to go with me? I’ll write to the Headmaster, and,” pausing glancing at Severus noting the shame on his face added, ”Severus too, we’ll both write to the Headmaster and ask him if it wouldn’t be okay if you came to school with us.”

Petunia grabbed the letter and screamed back that she would not go to that freak school if they told her she had to. She turned her back on them, told them to both leave her alone and never talk to her again, that she would have nothing to do with freaks, and she especially would not have a freak for a sister. She then stormed out of the room.

Tom felt horrible! He never had a plan fail so miserably. He had not counted on Severus seeing the letter. The plan was for Lily to see the letter, and know that Petunia was hurt and felt left out for not having magic. She would be able to convince Petunia that she was her best friend and hero. As a sister, she loved her dearly, more than any piece of magic. However, this was all for not, and Petunia made her demands quite clear. Lily asked Severus to leave and she would see him tomorrow at King’s Cross.

Petunia hurt Lily so badly; Tom could hardly bear up under her pain. He jumped up and nuzzled her with his face. “Tom, Tom, what would I do if I didn’t have you? She has reached inside me and ripped out my heart. I still have you though. I will miss you so much. Please watch Petunia for me, show her love as you do me. I wish there was a way I could get through to her.”

Tom jumped down and ran out of the room with a bewildered Lily watching after him. “Was I expecting to much?” she chuckled at the strange timing of Tom leaving to do whatever it is a cat does when they get a notion to just up and leave. Then Tom returned and jumped back up on her lap with a beautiful Peace Rose in his mouth, and gave it to her. Petunia had cut and brought some in from the garden earlier, as they are her favorite.

“Tom, you do understand me?” she laughed. “I know what to do now. Thank you Tom, now I have hope.” She went to Petunia’s room and knocked softly, “Tuney?”

“What do you want? Come in if you must, but only if that wretched boy is gone!”

Lily and Tom went in and seen that she was very involved in her magazine keeping her up to date with all the glamour of movie stars and their lifestyles (even though it was upside down). Lily moved close to her and put her hand on her shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you terribly Tuney, and I’ve thought of a present for you.” Petunia looked up and seen the rose in her hand. Lily seen that she had been crying.

“That’s kind of you, seeing how that’s already mine.” she said glaring at her. Lily looked at the rose and laughed. “No, this just made me think of your present. I won’t know how to do it for a while, but just as soon as I do learn how, I am going to make you a magic Peace Rose bush. It will live forever,” she interrupted herself, seeing the skeptical look given her. “I’ll figure out how. The point being, every time I think of you it will have a new bloom on it. Then you’ll always no that I do love you and I’ll think of you always.”

Petunia had a glimmer of happiness and was about to say something, when she narrowed her eyes and said hatefully, “I’ll chuck it in the trash bin when you leave, so don’t bother yourself on my account.”

“No you won’t Tuney; it’s your favorite thing. I know you won’t throw it away. You can’t help it, you’ll love it, and you’ll love me.” Lily leaned to her and kissed her on the cheek, and put the rose in her hand.

Before Petunia could say anything, someone spoke from the doorway. It was mom. She had been walking back to get Lily’s laundry from her room to do up for school the next day, when she seen Lily give Petunia the rose and kiss her.

“I’m so glad you girls have made up, I couldn’t bear to think of you two separated with harsh feelings for one another.”

The next morning Harry, Grace, Petunia, and Tom on a leash, took Lily to King’s Cross and entered platform nine and three quarters. Lily was so excited, but tried to contain her enthusiasm for Petunia’s sake. She glanced at her, received a hateful look, and mouthed the word, “freak” back at her. Every time their eyes met, it was the same. “Freak” Lily couldn’t help it; tears welled up and overflowed down her cheeks.

“Aw Honey,” Harry said, “Don’t cry, I know this is going to be hard, but you are in for the time of your life. We will miss you very much, but you’ll be coming home for the holidays. You’ll be okay. Look who’s here!” he said cheerfully.

“Severus, you all ready for school son?”

“Yes sir, I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.” He said truthfully.

“I know you’ll keep an eye on Lily for us. It’s so much easier on us letting go of her knowing she’ll have you there with her.” Harry hugged his shoulder and patted him on the back.

Grace embraced and kissed him, then said, “Honey, we’ll miss Lily, but we’ll miss you too. Have a good term, and make sure you come see us when you come home for the holidays.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Sir,” acknowledging them both.

Lily hugged and kissed her parents. She hugged and kissed Petunia, who had to pretend to let her. Then she held Tom to her tightly and kissed his head. “I’ll miss you so, please take care of Tuney.” She handed Tom to Harry, and begged he please take care of him for her. She looked at Petunia one last time to say goodbye again and Petunia mouthed “freak” to her again.


Last edited by Connie; 11-21-2010 at 07:11 AM.
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Old 12-14-2009, 04:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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good one...keep writing...
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:35 AM   #7 (permalink)

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Lily and Tom went in and seen that she was very involved in her magazine keeping her up to date with all the glamour of movie stars and their lifestyles (even though it was upside down).
Awesome posts!!!! I love how you make Petunia's hatred of her sister more believable and how you make Snape so fundamentally evil Gives me a new outlook on the charies

PAMS!
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Old 12-16-2009, 12:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Gah, that was a difficult story to get through I mean, hi Conners

Obviously I'm kidding Conners, but at the same time I'm not. I'm not talking about your writing but rather your presentation. I think you need to double space more, and use bigger font love, as you have it, it makes the story very difficult to read on my computer. Then again it could be the new browser. Still, so far I'm loving Google chrome and firefox can kiss my

I only read up to chapter two because, well you posted a lot in each post then you posted a lot period.

The story you picked is brilliant, I love the whole Lily/Severus/Petunia thing going on in DH. It was very tragic and I think it bears a lot of inspection from fanficcers. Good choice.

I love Jimmy, Tom whatever. A werecat is soooooooooooooooo cool, I'm stealing the idea, but for one of my book stories and not say a fanfic. Yup, yup. Inspired idea indeed Conners, especially when he's spying on Lily, Petunia and Severus and their first meeting.

The prologue kind of read like a description more than a story, sorry Conners. I think it would have been fun to read about Jimmy's life back then, but I have to give you tons of pointers. The way you wrote the whole beginning chapter I really thought of Jimmy as a little boy, it came as a shock when you said he was a cat. LOL Especially with Lily trying to pick him up.

Did I mention Tuney is the single greatest nickname I have EVER read? LOL Cuz it is.

Anyways, your story has impressed me a lot, but please if you can double space ... I don't think your readers would mind if you had to double post parts of your story, I know sometimes they don't fit in a whole post. I know it's okay, cuz I've done it so many times ... so it's not like you're spamming you're adding to your story. So ... work on that. But as far as the story and the writing ... I feel for Petunia not being allowed into Hogwarts.

Good story, I will be reading it, when I can ... post less often, yes I know your regular readers will stone me for saying that ... but I really don't want to fall too far behind LOL and it's the holidays. But whatever, this is your story Conners and as long as you're enjoying it, therein lies the true glory of writing.

always your pal, and now devoted reader,



P.S.~ I'm in the story? WTF????!!!!!!!!!!!11111111 I need script approval! Or not
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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harita, thanks for your help and
for reading. I'm glad you like my story.

K'Lari, thank you too. I always wondered why Petunia was so hateful to her
sister and nephew. When did the hate develope? Wasn't they a loving
family? How could the parents allow this to be? We don't know. So I gave
them a background that would answer my questions and make me happy
about it.

~Otts, hello, and sorry about the presentation. Your right of course, and I
promise I'll work on fixing it. I wish it would paste the way I type it. It
wouldn't be hard to read at all then. Welcome, and I'm glad you like my story
idea. Originally it was going to be a one-shot, but I fell in love with writing it
and couldn't stop. The prologue is only a brief description to give the reader
an idea of the times and conditions he was born in; to be a foundation for
story arcs later on in the story. The time period he was born in was very
dangerous for werecats and this required him to change back and forth from
cat and human form, depending on what was safest for him at the moment.
We get more into this in later chapters. He gives his name as Jimmy Pryor
and he doesn't get the name, Tom, till Lily finds him, and nurishes him back
to health. The story really begins with Lily finding him. Hope this clarifies
things to make understanding it better. Yes, Tunie is ever so cute of a
nickname. Petunia is pitiful and she gets nearly a whole chapter to herself
coming up real shortly.
Quote:
Anyways, your story has impressed me a lot
Thank you so much, but I don't aim to impress, I just want to write a story
everyone would enjoy reading.

Thank you all for reading. I hope you can stick with me for the duration. I
welcome any comments good or bad. It really does help me. And I need a lot
of that.

Thank you to each of you, harita, K'Lari, and ~Otts for reading and
saying the kind things you say in your posts. This means so much to me.

Thank you.

I'll post the next chapter, "Not The Wonder Years" Monday if that works out

for all. Catch ya later.

Last edited by Connie; 11-21-2010 at 07:16 AM.
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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aw...you are welcome Connie...and yeah do post whenever you are free dont tax yourself too much we are always there for you and now that my holidays have begun i am free....
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Old 12-18-2009, 03:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm here! I have not forgotten.

I've just been a terrible, terrible reader. I'll catch up though!

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Old 12-19-2009, 09:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hey Conners,

I'm back and I have to say, Voldemort in a Christmas hat is deviously deplorable Merry X-mas Conners, I don't know if you celebrate but I'm all in the spirit. It's the most wonderful time of the year ... I wish I could be spending it with all my family and not just parts of it *sighs* but in my heart we're always together ...

That said, onto your story. *fires the cannons* thank you for working on your presentation. I didn't mean you had to make it all giantsized (which helps so much, thank you) or all colorful, which I've always loved, but thank you for listening. I spend a lot of time reading, at the computer, and etc. You know I'm going to go blind so I need large friendly type. So, thank you.

I'm all caught up on your fic now. I'm very proud of me, I very rarely do this and when I do I rarely stay caught up. Still, if your story is good, and you actually post to it, and intend to finish it, you've got a faithful reader right here. Consequently, your story is very good. But I'm sure I already told you that. I love the setting, and about this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Beloved Author
The prologue is only a brief description to give the reader an idea of the times and conditions he was born in; to be a foundation for story arcs later on in the story. The time period he was born in was very dangerous for werecats and this required him to change back and forth from cat and human form, depending on what was safest for him at the moment.
I know it was a description, *ahem* but if you'll pardon the criticism it's an encyclopedic description of a story, more than a story description of events, if you see what I mean. I don't know. My gripe was about that. I think you could have written it differently, but here again, it is the author's prerogative, you chose to go with that and it's cool, myself I would have written it out as a scene or flashback. It reads like it should segue into a short scene but ... alas, we never get the scene. *shrugs* Just MHO. Moving on ...

Did I ever tell you that Speed Racer is like one of my favorite movies of all time? It is. It got lambasted by the critics and it didn't make half as much money as it should, and it likely will not ever have a sequel but I think it's cinematically brilliant, pun totally intended, and the critics can line up to kiss my candy coated ... oh look the Mach 5 moving on ... it works, it's a good film, not brilliant but magnificent, a marvel of colors and action and adventure, and it stays true to the characters IMHO. So, do I care what the critics think? My advice, if it works for you, ignore all the criticism ... moving on ...

Ottery's Criticism in the form of fanfiction Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!


I love this place, this Snitchseeker.com, it's my home from it's dark rank back alleys, to it's bright sunny downtown district where the rich bask in the glow of their opulence to the constant chagrin of the common folks. Yeah, I know all about the corruption and the backdealing ... there isn't a clean cop in the precint ... *Teddy slaps Ottery* sorry I was having flashbacks to The Spirit another bad movie I kind of liked ... but not enough to defend it,

I don't particularly care for Severus being ... uhm, conniving, but in retrospect I think it would be an aspect of his character, I guess maybe I think you're trying to present him as the villain or someone solely out for his own gain, what with the whole jar and makeup trick. I don't know, we know that Severus lived in an abusive environment so ... I didn't care for it seeming like he was faking it just to be with Lily. I guess my Snape is different. Don't get me wrong he still grows up to be a jerk but ... *Otty's heart breaks* he's got an excuse.

Lily you write perfectly, and Tunie too, did I mention I love that nickname? Like with a passion, Tunie, I want some tunie sandwiches please ... hold the pickles and the boiled eggs though

Tom/Jimmy is my favorite character, and not simply because he's a werecat though that helps. I think he's cute and it's fun to see him try to be helpful, though how, when Lily is in Hogwarts and Petunia is going somewhere else altogether will be interesting to see ...

I think you're writing, have written a very interesting story, I'm intrigued to know where you're going and to see who exactly is the main character/hero of the story, whether it be Tom or Lily or Tunie. Just the same they're all appealing and I have a soft spot for Tunie with her broken heart ...

Pams when you cans Connie. I'll be reading when I can ... *fires the cannons* fun stuff this. And if I don't come back before the end, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays if you don't Christmas ...
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Old 12-20-2009, 07:30 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hello, to all who is following my story. This isn’t written in my story, but,
~OtterySt.Catchpole, put me to wonder if I wasn’t to vague when I said, ”He did however just at that moment regret fabricating the hoax on Lily." Yes, I’ve decided that is pretty vague. I have all along wanted Lily and Severus’s relationship to be pure, without deceit. Severus is a bad person, probably because of his upbringing,
However, you can’t blame that entirely. For instance, Harry was brought up (starting with the time he was only with the Dursley’s) without love, and he is a good person.

I wanted Severus to have a good quality about him that would enable him to change his life around if he chose to. What I’ve done to rectify the problem, is to write a little page from Lily’s diary. Again, this isn’t written in the main story, but I wrote this today for a gift to my readers from me. Merry Christmas, to all, with my love.


Dear Diary,

I was wondering what I could get Severus for Christmas. He is such a loyal friend to me. I realized just how loyal, after he repented his deception of all these years pretending to be Petunias friend only to assure my friendship. I was so angry at first, but I had to realize his home life. He hadn’t been taught morals and principles as I was, and he was very lonely. Besides doesn’t it show he has his own set of morals by coming forward with his apology?

He is so very poor and I’m afraid if I get him something he’ll naturally, feel obligated to buy me something. I know this will cause much trouble for him at home, so I can’t get him anything. Then, now that I think of it, I don’t have to buy him something. I’ll make him a present. If he feels, he has to give something in return then he can make something for me.

I got the black heavy satin dress that I had to wear to Uncle Ben’s funeral two winters ago that was way too small for me now. Then I cut seven strips and sewed the edges inward. After that was finished, I pressed them in between some fabric to keep the satin from getting shiny. I wrapped these seven strips in some parchment, and tied it with one of my hair ribbons.

I ran to the playground where we always meet, and sat on the swings until he finally came. I was so excited when he came bearing a gift for me, wrapped with parchment.

He smiled that little smile he has that’s only for me, and handed me his gift. I gave him mine, and we opened them at the same
time. He was very happy when he saw what I gave him, even though he didn’t have a clue what the strips was. He savored the feel of the satin for a moment then asked what they were. I told him I made him a cravat one for each day of the week. Still he looked at me not knowing what I was talking about, but smiled and thanked me graciously for them.

I took one of them from him and tied it around his neck in the customary way then tucked the ends under his vest. I told him that he would be a proper gentleman when he wore them under his robes at school.

He was really happy with my gift and made sure he knew how to tie them properly, before I could get back to my gift from him. It turns out that he made me a broche. A, Lily, to be more precise. He rather squirmed when I told him it was beautiful. It’s made from pewter and he said with a smile that his momma was now missing a serving spoon from her kitchen. I kissed his cheek, said Merry Christmas to him, and then thanked him for my gift.

He kissed my lips and said, “Merry Christmas, Darling.” I’m sure I blushed, but still, I told him I wasn’t his darling.

He just smiled and said he wanted to be able to call someone that once in his lifetime.

The rest of the day was spent visiting, and enjoying each other’s company.

Now, Dear Diary, I must close this entry so, Tom, who is sitting here reading each word I write, and I can get to bed.

Last edited by Connie; 11-21-2010 at 07:31 AM.
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Old 12-20-2009, 07:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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aw...sho shweet...connie....really nice christmas gift for us... thanks and merry christmas in advance
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:50 AM   #15 (permalink)
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~OtterySt.Catchpole, put me to wonder if I wasn’t to vague
What? Who? When? Where? Who's underwear? I did no such thing. *pouts* but if it got you to write that lovely little diary entry, then all I can think is it was a good thing. I think it was lovely, Conners, and added a whole other dimension to Severus. He really isn't such ... okay so he is, a mean evil jerk to Harry but in the end it was all for him.

Severus' only sin was playing his role too well. *sighs*

Lovely post ... PAMS *runs off crying while Teddy picks on him*
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:54 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Here's my next chapter, I'd like to take a short bit to say, harita, thanks for being here all the time, you're so sweet. Welcome Lissydove, and hope you enjoy our company here cause it's going to be a long story. ~Otts, thanks for encouraging me and giving me tips, I appreciate all your comments. Please everyone bear with me, we had a problem with the power going out in the house. I called my wonderful Steve, (Hubby)and he came home from work. He got the power back on after he checked what the problem is. It turns out that our heating unit outside bit the dust, and nearly burnt down the house. He's got electric to the unit off, and we now have power, but it is very cold. It's 43 degrees outside, and cold in here too. So, i'm just going to post this, then jump in bed and get warm.

CHAPTER FOUR

Not the Wonder Years

So it was then, that Lily full of sorrow, wet eyes, and cheeks stained with tears went off to Hogwarts with Severus. Tom did try to be friends with Petunia, but it didn’t work out. She always shooed him away from her.

Each time Lily came home, she would give Petunia little odds and ends that she had done magic on and snuck them home to give her. Petunia would look her straight in the eyes and throw them in the trash. “Freak” she would say and turn away from her.

Severus came around often. Tom could feel a different conduct about the brooding young man. No longer could Severus's thoughts be seen. The ominous feeling Tom felt was a great worry, and he feared further involvement with Severus would be harmful for Lily, even though Tom could still tell Severus cared deeply for her. This one emotion was something that could not be hidden, yet.

As Lily went through her years at school, Petunia and Tom suffered through their years at home. He still tried to be friends with her, but she often times treated him cruelly for his efforts. Sometimes she would kick him around muttering things like, “She even loves you more than me! And “How old are you anyway, stupid cat? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?”

In the summer of Lily’s sixth year when she was home for the summer holiday, Petunia and Lily lost, their beloved parents to a ten car pile up. A crash that killed forty-eight people was due to an eerie fog that settled in the area. Things like this were becoming commonplace. Multiple car crashes, train derailments, strange windstorms cropping up on very calm days. Tom could feel an evil force and he worried for Lily and yes, even Petunia.

It seemed things had been bad at school for Lily also, and now she could only talk to Tom. She spent endless hours in her room telling Tom how Severus broke her heart. She missed his friendship of old. She trembled as she spoke of how sly and evil he had become. She held him to her tightly while stroking his fur, and scratching behind his ears. He nuzzled his face in her hand. He did so much love his master.

Although werecats are very capable of love and adoration for their masters, or any trusted human, Tom's relationship with Lily, as well as all werecats and humans, could never be romantic. A pure, innocent and platonic love enabled Tom to be the most loyal confidant and fiercest protector for Lily. This is what he loved and lived for.

Tom enjoyed these times when she confided all her secrets to him. “Tom,” she was saying, in a near whisper. “He called me “Mudblood.”

At this, he jumped down onto the floor. His hair bristled, he hissed and spat, growling he extended huge claws that would cut threw flesh easily and sliced the air with powerful strokes. His blood was boiling. If only she had told him of this when Severus was in his site. He would have taken care of him easily, before Severus even had a chance to think of defending himself.

“Oh no Tom,” she countered, and picked him up and settled him to her. “No harm done from that. It’s only a word, not a nice one, but that’s not what bothers me. It’s the fact that he didn’t mind using it on me. Then, if you please, he was all sorry, and wanted me to make up, and be best friends again. Yeah right, as if there’s any chance of that happening. Seriously! Is he mental or what? Did he expect me to just laugh it off and say,” Oh Sev, you are such a card you are. I just never know what I’m being dealt with you.” Then giggle as if I don’t have a brain cell in my head, a hug and kiss to make everything all better? Huh! Dream on Sev, cause that’s the only place that’ll happen.

Honestly! Can you believe the nerve of him?” She contained her rage, and then started back in again in a much-refrained way. “But you know what Tom? He has become so opaque. I can’t read him anymore. Scary isn’t it? I wonder what will become of him. I really do miss the friendship we had growing up, before he turned all mean and evil. I am best off without him now. Sad.”

“But, you want to no something else, different I mean?” A fresh sweetness swept across her face. It was like, when the sun comes up on a chilly morning and its smile touches everything covered in frost and kisses the earth until it melts the frost away leaving a fresh clean warm glow. Tom settled in her lap again and she started telling him about her great friends at Hogwarts. She had grown quite fond of James Potter.

“As a matter of fact,” her face brightened with a smile that radiated over the whole room. “I’m sure I love him!”

She had all kinds of sweet things to say about him. Tom thought this was funny as always before when she was home on holiday she referred to him as a toe rag. He infuriated her with his antics, at being so cocky, his cleverness, his strutting about the place, and showing off his ability at Quidditch. He was brilliant, she gave him that, he was just so stuck on himself. Now its James is so this, and James is so that. She couldn’t say enough sweet things about the great and handsome boy.

“Some of my other friends are Sirius Black, James’s best friend, he’s a real handful, Remus Lupin, is not well. He’s a werewolf,” she whispered, “he’s perfectly safe though. Professor Dumbledore has it fixed that at the time of his affliction he is safely away from any human. It really takes a toll on him though. He is a beautiful person and he is a Prefect. He can’t do anything to make James and Sirius behave though.

Peter is a little guy who hangs around trying to make people think he’s big and important. Poor little guy, he’s always needing help with his studies, and protection from other students who poke fun at him.

Ottery, and Teddy, are two wild and crazy guys whose pranks rival with the likes of James and Sirius. Kelly is Ottery’s girlfriend. They are a sweet couple, but when Ottery is away from Kelly, he is such a pill. You cannot help but love him though.

Lissy is Sirius’s girlfriend, and my best friend. She is the one who is able to get me through tough times at school. I am sure you would love her.

Frank Longbottom and Alice are already married. They got out of school last term.

Teddy and K’Lari are couples also.

Steven and Maria are planning to get married sometime after they complete school. We all have such a good time.” Tom got up and turned around so Lily could scratch the other ear awhile.

She continued with tales from school. “One night Sirius went too far with one of his gags. It would have been disastrous if it had gone off the way Sirius planned.

Ottery found out what he had done. It was to be a prank on Sev. He was always sneaking around trying to find out where Remus went to each month when he was “sick”. Ottery wanted in on the prank too. He just thought the tunnel ended in some sort of secret infirmary or something where Severus would end up getting in big trouble.

Assuming that James was one of the masterminds who planned it, he asked him what he could do. None of us, except for James, Sirius, and Peter knew at this time that Remus was a werewolf.

James was infuriated and said he had to stop Severus before he was murdered.

He took a beating from the Whomping Willow before he was finally able to magic a branch to push the secret stump granting access to the tunnel where Severus was.

Battered and bruised, James tried running, but mostly stumbled due to his injuries, yelling for Severus to stop. He was afraid he was not going to get to him in time, so he sent a spell up the tunnel as a last resort.

When he reached Severus, he cracked up laughing. Severus did not know he was just running in place. When he heard James laughing, he stopped and turned to see an exuberant James.

He was leaning on the wall, whether to hold himself up because of his condition, or because he was laughing so hard, he could not stand up alone. Nonetheless, Severus was livid, and aimed his wand at James.

He was about to perform the Cruciatus Curse. James was quicker and flicked his wand and Severus’s wand flew to James’s other hand. He told Severus he would be able to get it back from the Headmaster.

I thought that was brilliant of him. Anyway, James told Sev that he was an idiot to do what Sirius told him to do, knowing very well that he hates him so much.

Then he told him that if he had gone to the end of the tunnel he would have reached the Shrieking Shack where a werewolf would have attacked and killed him. In addition, he would be turning it loose, only to emerge on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Professor Dumbledore was not happy with the boys, any of them, although, he secretly was very impressed with James. Severus did not need to know that which didn’t concern him. Sirius needed to think before he acted, and James should have told him instead of handling things himself.

Each of their decisions could likely have turned a werewolf loose on the grounds, and Remus, an innocent victim, being evicted from school, and probably institutionalized.

There could have been students bitten, killed, or traumatized for life from fright. He, himself would have had to step down from being Headmaster of Hogwarts, and loose his place as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot.

Remus would never be able to live with himself for what could have happened. He told Sirius to think about if Remus had killed Severus, and search his soul to see if his conscience would allow him to live a happy life knowing how it would have affected Remus.

As a punishment, Professor Dumbledore took all the house points from Gryffindor and Slytherin and told Sirius and Severus they would have to earn all the points back by doing good deeds for the opposing House, as well as their own.

For example; if Professor Slughorn offered Sirius five points, to clean the cauldron in his class, then five points would also be awarded to Slytherin House, if the offer was declined then the opposing House would still get the points, but Gryffindor would loose five, until the points originally taken away were made up.

This would not affect the point system for the rest of the student body. Needles to say, Filch is getting a large amount of help with his work.

“I can’t help feeling badly for Sirius. His family is so evil. He has run away from home. He hangs out at James house now. They treat him as one of their own. Just like Daddy and Momma treated Severus.

The Black family is all thinking that wizards, purebloods, are the only race worthy of life. His younger brother even joined the Death Eaters. Severus joined this year. Tom, how could he turn so evil?” It was obvious she was broken hearted.

She told him that James has a way to get around undetected and that he followed Professor Slughorn one time to a secret meeting in Professor Dumbledore’s office. He sat clear through the meeting and learned a great deal about an evil dark wizard calling himself Lord Voldemort. They were all assigned different things to do in the group called, The Order of the Phoenix.

James got special permission to give practical tutoring for, “Defense Against the Dark Arts” from Professor Dumbledore in a classroom that was not being used. James was the obvious leader because his magic excelled even that of some of the Professors. No one knows why, but it just comes natural to him. Sirius is almost as good, but he doesn’t use his mind as James does.

They still jinx Severus anytime they get a chance to. At first, it made me angry, why not just ignore him I wondered, but then I saw Severus try to do awful things to them, James especially.

He is very dangerous and he does terrible things when nobody is watching. We all make a point to watch him carefully.

One time Ottery brought James some sort of poisonous snake. He told James he’d just seen Severus put it in his broom closet. It would have bitten James when they went to play Quidditch against Slytherin that day. Ottery caused a roll of toilet paper to attach to the bottom of Severus’s shoe. Who knows how long he walked around with kids laughing at him, dragging a great stream of toilet paper around everywhere he went.”

Last edited by Connie; 12-25-2009 at 03:21 AM. Reason: To correct word useage and make a more enjoyable read.
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Old 12-21-2009, 08:08 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Sorry guys, I didn't think it put up the whole chapter, but it did. I hope you all enjoy it. Chapter Five is, "It's Not A Roller Coaster Ride, It's Life" Would you like me to post it, like Thursday, or wait till next Monday? I'd love to read your comments good or bad. I'm sorry, just let me know what you all think. I'm cold and sleepy. My love to all, and good-night.
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Old 12-21-2009, 08:09 AM   #18 (permalink)
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nice post Connie and that is really sweet of you to thank me everytime...aw...post whenevr you like Connie but do give in time for people to read in and comment...
good night,sleep tight,sweet dreams...bye...
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Old 12-21-2009, 10:43 AM   #19 (permalink)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post

K'Lari, thank you too. I always wondered why Petunia was so hateful to her sister and nephew. When did the hate develope? Wasn't they a loving family? How could the parents allow this to be? We don't know. So I gave
them a background that would answer my questions and make me happy
about it.
I agree with your version It makes sense to me now why she's so disgusted by magic. It could even explain why she spies on people is so noisy too Trying to see if anyone else has some 'dirty, little secrets' she can use in case someone finds out about her connection to magic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post
I kissed his cheek, said Merry Christmas to him, and thanked him for my gift. He kissed my lips and said, “Merry Christmas, Darling.” I’m sure I blushed, but still, I told him I wasn’t his darling.
awwwwwww! too cute <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post
It turns out that our heating unit outside bit the dust, and nearly burnt down the house.
*grabs you* Glad you're fine, luff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post
. He could no longer see his thoughts.
Could he have discovered Occlumency already?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post

Tom enjoyed these times when she confided all her secrets to him. “Tom,” she was saying, in a near whisper. “He called me “Mudblood.”
GASP! Aw, he's just jealous of James since he's becoming close to Lily.


Text Cut: teehee


Ottery, and Teddy, are two wild and crazy guys whose pranks rival with the likes of James and Sirius. Kelly is Ottery’s girlfriend. They are a sweet couple, but when Ottery is away from Kelly, he is such a pill. You cannot help but love him though.

Lissy is Sirius’s girlfriend, and my best friend. She is the one who is able to get me through tough times at school. I am sure you would love her.

Frank Longbottom and Alice are already married. They got out of school last term.

Teddy and K’Lari are couples also.

Steven and Maria are planning to get married sometime after they complete school. We all have such a good time.” Tom got up and turned around so Lily could scratch the other ear awhile.


Huzzah! Ahem... Sounds like I've got my hands full


Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post

As a punishment, Professor Dumbledore took all the house points from Gryffindor and Slytherin and told Sirius and Severus they would have to earn all the points back by doing good deeds for the opposing House, as well as their own.
Oh, that's super smart!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post

Severus joined this year.
Already? Bad, Sev!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie View Post

Ottery caused a roll of toilet paper to attach to the bottom of Severus’s shoe. Who knows how long he walked around with kids laughing at him, dragging a great stream of toilet paper around everywhere he went.”


I'm loving this post Con-Con! :sworddance: It's awesome! Post, like, tomorrow! Today, even! Even if it's just for me

So, I don't think I've said this yet? Happy Holidays luff!
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:49 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Where to begin? Oh yeah *cough*IknowI'msad

Hmm ...

Sorry about the heater Conners, I know all about freezing to death. It's not fun. I hope you're getting warmer ... *pets*

Onto the critiquing ...


Quote:
Originally Posted by Conners
He could no longer see his thoughts. This was a great worry to him, and he feared further involvement with Severus would be harmful for her, even though he could still tell Severus cared deeply for her. This he could not hide, yet.
No, Conners, don't do this. Who's he? And who can't see his thoughts? Who is worried and fears further involvement with Severus would be harmful, and while we're at it, with her whom?

Our teacher taught us in one of my myriad writing classes this is a little confusing to readers. Too many he's she's and they's confuse readers. You have to be reader friendly Conners or that's how you lose your audience. Hence, how I would have written it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Writing The Otty way!
Severus came around often. Tom could feel a different conduct about Snape. He could no longer see Severus' thoughts. This was a great worry to Tom, and he feared further involvement with Severus would be harmful for Lily, even though Tom could still tell Severus cared deeply for her. This the greasy haired boy could not hide, yet.
You gotta change it up a little. Hence the reason Ottery is always, him, the dark haired boy, Teddy's pal, etc. You know? All of them are pronouns for Ottery but not the dull and too oft repeated He, him, that guy.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Conners
This is a good place to explain something about werecats. They are very capable of love and adoration for their masters, or any human they trust. However, that is as far as it goes. [...] You will learn much more about werecats in later chapters.
Okay, the way it starts, "This is a good place to explain something about werecats," reads like a narrator telling us a story in a pub. A narrator we're intimately familiar with which doesn't go with the tone of the whole piece. Maybe if you had started it with ...

"Dear readers, Lily ran off to Hogwarts with a broken heart ... lalahlah la." Then had something in the middle that was more conversational were the narrator is telling you a story like you would to a friend, "and so, Lily having gone home, well ... was very happy to see Tom. You know, how when you've missed your favorite Teddy bear and suddenly there he is, yeah, like that ... and blah blah blah" A more conversational tone for the whole piece would make that line less jarring.

Also, the you will learn about werecats later bit ... uhm, that's not really necessary and again that paragraph read like an encyclopedia entry and not like you're telling the story.

Show, don't tell Conners. Oldest rule of fiction.

I would have tried something like:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Writing The Ottery Way!
Werecats, by nature, are very capable of love and adoration for their masters, or any human they trust. However, that is as far as it goes. And through the years Tom's fondness for Lily had grown. Though his love, like those of his kind, could never be romantic, not with a human, his loyalty to her was unwavering.
I'm not showing off here, I'm just trying to show you that there's more *ahem* romantic ways to say they'd only ever be platonic friends. Moving on ...

Those were my biggest quibbles. I give the advice with my sincerest love and affection. My way of writing it is MY WAY. You write YOUR WAY Conners. It's all about finding your own voice, but in those two instances what I'm trying to say is:

Watch your style and be consistent with it, in a piece. And, Show don't tell.

If you want me to shut up with my critiques, or if you'd prefer the 'only what I'm doing right' kinds, lemme know. You're a pal Conners, I don't want to offend.



Enough with the gripping. I loved the whole post and here's the why:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie
So it was then, that Lily full of sorrow, wet eyes, and cheeks stained with tears went off to Hogwarts with Severus.
That was a bittersweetly well described sentence. I loved it. Nice way to start the whole post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie Again
As Lily went through her years at school, Petunia and Tom suffered through their years at home. He still tried to be friends with her, but she often times treated him cruelly for his efforts. Sometimes she would kick him around muttering things like, “She even loves you more than me! And “How old are you anyway, stupid cat? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?”
That was a nice way to pass along the time, and I have to admit the last line was seriously funny. Tunie is so evil ... I'm glad it also acknowledges a bit of realism. I mean, cats can live a long time but ... c'mon ... he's a stray and it's been years, so ... nice work, Conners.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Connie
It seemed things had been bad at school for Lily also, and now she could only talk to Tom. She spent endless hours in her room telling Tom how Severus broke her heart. She missed his friendship of old. She trembled as she spoke of how sly and evil he had become. She held him to her tightly while stroking his fur, and scratching behind his ears. He nuzzled his face in her hand. He did so much love his master.
That paragraph there is all show. The way you describe how she felt to Tom, and what she's doing to Tom as she tells him. Lily is searching for comfort in her friend having lost her other friend. I think that is a good way to show how she loves him. I want a cat now ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cute Connie
Tom thought this was funny as always before when she was home on holiday she referred to him as a toe rag. He infuriated her with his antics, at being so cocky, his cleverness, his strutting about the place, and showing off his ability at Quidditch. He was brilliant, she gave him that, he was just so stuck on himself. Now its James is so this, and James is so that. She couldn’t say enough sweet things about the great and handsome boy.
See? More show, and very funny and cute. It's good to see inside Tom's thoughts. You could also use that as a way to tell us what he's thinking even if he can't actually talk to Lily because of his secret, you know? Just a thought. Which begs the question, why doesn't Lily know his secret? That Tom's a smart one isn't he?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WTF? Connie
They are a sweet couple, but when Ottery is away from Kelly, he is such a pill.
No comment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Still Connie
One time Ottery brought James some sort of poisonous snake.

He told James he’d just seen Severus put it in his broom closet. It would have bitten James when they went to play Quidditch against Slytherin that day. Ottery caused a roll of toilet paper to attach to the bottom of Severus’s shoe. Who knows how long he walked around with kids laughing at him, dragging a great stream of toilet paper around everywhere he went.”
Technically that last sentence should have been a part of this paragraph.

I mean, that last sentence made me think I was trying to poison James But I have to admit, having happened I would have done more than just attach a roll of toilet paper to Severus' feet in revenge ... I'm just sayin'. No one messes with my friends ... *takes out Godric's sword*

I love my pals, Conners, like you. I loved your post. I hope you're not freezing, and I think it's lovely that you want to give your readers time to reply and read your posts. You're sweet and considerate and a very talented writer Conners. I'm glad you're my pal and I promise. No poisonous snakes from me ... I can't vouch for Teddy though.

Oh and ... Hoho ho Merry X-mas if I'm not here Connie.

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Old 12-22-2009, 11:13 PM   #21 (permalink)
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OMG, Connie!
I've been meaning to come in here and read your story for the last week.Stupid other stuff getting in the way.Although nothing as severe as what you had!


I'm loving the story.So nice to see something about James/Lily/Severus, before and during Hogwarts.Especially with the little twist of Tom. And that diary entry was just so sweet!
I agree with Ottery's first post about spacing and stuff, it was much better in the latest chapter.My eyesight goes bad with small, bunched up text...so thank you for changing it.

Keep up the good work! I shall be reading.
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Old 12-25-2009, 04:26 PM   #22 (permalink)
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[/COLOR][/FONT]harita-thanks for always posting. I enjoy reading all the posts, but, not that many people post, so I'll go ahead and post this chapter.

K'Lari- I appreciate the hug. "The Night The Lights Went Out In " no, not Georgia, my house, was daunting. I wondered how much a new unit would cost. This one was only 4 years old. And also, how cold and for how long would we be. Steve, and my oldest son was able to repair this one the nexxt day, and now we are nice and warm.
Quote:
Could he have discovered Occlumency already?!
I think his mom wasn't a trusting person and taught her son Occlumency to protect him from people finding out what he is, and to shield him from his father.
Quote:
Huzzah! Ahem... Sounds like I've got my hands full
Teddy and you have a big role in chapters 12 "Narrow Escapes And Narrow Rescues" & 13 "And What Of Neville?"
~Otts-No, freezing isn't fun at all. Thanks for your sympathy, we are as I said earlier fine now. Did you notice my editing?
Quote:
Severus came around often. Tom could feel a different conduct about the brooding young man. No longer could Severus's thoughts be seen. The ominous feeling Tom felt was a great worry, and he feared further involvement with Severus would be harmful for Lily, even though Tom could still tell Severus cared deeply for her. This one emotion was something that could not be hidden, yet.
and,
Quote:
Although werecats are very capable of love and adoration for their masters, or any trusted human, Tom's relationship with Lily, as well as all werecats and humans, could never be romantic. A pure, innocent and platonic love enabled Tom to be the most loyal confidant and fiercest protector for Lily. This is what he loved and lived for.
and I also fixed the line about Ottery taking the snake to James. That was an oversight on my part. Originally it was, but when I was trying to make the story easier to read, I was so cold and sleepy, I just started separating every few sentences. I should have waited till later to post. But, I had said I'd post that day, and I didn't know how tied up I'd be with the electric being off to fix the heating unit. So, Professor Of Fanfictionology, do I get passing marks? I don't see you as showing off Otts, I think you are being thoughtful in helping a pal, and I thank you for your time you take for me.
Quote:
Which begs the question, why doesn't Lily know his secret? That Tom's a smart one isn't he?
Tom is just taking no chances, because always before when his secret was discovered, bad things came about for him. He knows Lily would never harm him or cause harm to come to him, but Petunia would, and think better of herself for it. And he didn't want Lily to have to keep secrets from her parents and Petunia.
Quote:
They are a sweet couple, but when Ottery is away from Kelly, he is such a pill.
No comment.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I wanted to respect the character you have established as mischevious, but, I wanted to also give him a quality of honor in reguard to Kelly. Your character that I know of, has never been with Kelly, and I wanted to show a dedication he has for her too. When he and Teddy are running around they are both a handful. I know everyone loves your Ottery character, as well as they love you, and I didn't want to take anything away from that.
Quote:
But I have to admit, having happened I would have done more than just attach a roll of toilet paper to Severus' feet in revenge ... I'm just sayin'. No one messes with my friends ... *takes out Godric's sword*
I almost wrote it that way, but I didn't want to make the story line a thing of revenge in that people could have been hurt or trying to help Severus defend himself against attackers. Severus had obviously been caught trying to do something evil, and out of consideration of Lily, they got their revenge by humiliating Snape and getting people to laugh at him. I’m thrilled you love my story!
MER!!!!!!!!!!!!- Welcome to my story. Your concern is appreciated. We're fine. Steve found out what the problem was and only the box attached to the house burnt. Thankfully we didn't loose our house, and nobody was hurt. just cold. I'm so glad you like my story, and hope you stick with us, and hopefully I'll get better at my storytelling.
Next chapter - "Hate Takes A Backseat, Love Abounds" A Petunia Tom chapter for the most part. Hope everyone enjoys this one, and Merry Christmas!


CHAPTER FIVE

It's Not a Roller Coaster Ride, It’s Life

Time was nearing the end of the summer holiday. Lily was in such good spirits for not having anyone human to talk to all summer, but confiding in Tom was good enough. He was such a comfort to her.

It bothered her that Severus did not drop by to offer any condolences when her parents died, or go to the funeral. What hurt her so badly was when she went to his house and asked to have him meet her at the park later in the afternoon; he just looked at her in an apathetic way.

She could not tell if he was going to or not, so she told him that her daddy had left him something in his will. He simply sneered at her and said he did not want anything from a, (he stopped short in saying the word he was going to use) him, he continued.

“My skin crawled every time they touched me. Whenever I ate there, I had to will myself not to get sick, and I never did like anything about Tuney,” he mocked her little girl voice. When she told him that it was her daddy’s wrist watch, a very personal gift a father leaves his son, Severus answered, “Lily, there’s not a single thing in this world that I have to be thankful for, except that I didn’t have to have your daddy for a father. My papa is a worthless piece of scum, but I would take him over your dad anytime. At least he’s a pureblood.” Severus then slammed the door in her face.

This was the straw that broke the camels back. She was weeping uncontrollably into Tom’s soft fur as she told him of Severus’s animosity towards her family.

“Anyway, Tom, I’m ok.” She was still hiccupping quietly. It’s just a stormy season my life is going through. I miss Daddy and Momma so terribly much!

I miss Severus being the good friend he was to me. Growing up was hard in a home of hate and evil racism. I feel sorry for him, and wish he could have a better life. I know that he cared for me. If he were truthful to himself, he would realize he still does. It doesn’t matter; it’s an implacable situation, as long as he has the sickness that drives Death Eaters.” She started singing her “Seasons… “song, petting Tom and settling herself down.

“Tom, I’m going to miss you so much. You’re my bestest, best friend, she said in a subdued tone.” and kissed him on his nose. He nibbled her chin affectionately. He did not dare lick her because his tongue would tear the skin off her face.

“I’ll save that for Severus if I ever get a chance to get close enough to pounce on him. Then, why stop there? I’ll tear open his chest with my claws, break open his breast plate with my powerful jaws, and then I’ll sink my teeth into his miserable filthy heart and,”

“Tom, Tom!” laughing and pulling him away from her. “You’re getting a little carried away here.” She wiped her face, still laughing. “You’re drooling on me.” She kissed him again and said she still loved him though.

Lily said she needed to say good-bye to Petunia. “She still hates me even though we’re both alone.” A lone tear rolled down her cheek. “At least I have my friends at school.

Tom, please take care of her, sense Momma and Daddy are gone she really is alone and I worry about her so. I love her and, Oh! Guess what Tom? I nearly forgot to tell you.

I worked it all out, you know, how to make her rose’s bloom forever. I will have one just like it. I’ll put a Protean Charm on them, and then each time I tend to mine, a rose bud will appear on hers.

I will enchant the soil and richen it with special potions, and a drop of my blood to make it live forever, as long as it stays in the same pot of dirt, and she takes normal care of it. Even though she hates me, she will still tend lovingly to her roses, because she loves them so.

I will do it this year when I start my last term. Can you believe it has been six years? It seems like only yesterday that I found out -- never mind.” she said as bad memories started eroding away the sweet spirit she was in at the moment.

“When I graduate from school this year, I’ll bring the Rose bush in its special pot of soil home and give it to her.

Then I will get you to come live with me and,” she paused and sighed with a yearning desire on her face, and a shy smile came upon her radiant face, “James” she said breathing his name. “I am sure he will be asking me to marry him.

He hasn’t told of his love for me, or even kissed me yet, but I know he wants to. I can feel his love, and his parents passed away at the same time mine did. We don’t want to live alone, but until he asks me then it will be you and me in an apartment some place.

I will not push myself on Petunia. Isn’t it wonderful Tom,” she said in a singsong voice, “I’m going to be married!” She danced around in a waltz with, Tom, her dancing partner held tight to her shoulder.

They waltzed out into the family room where Petunia was playing a waltz to which Lily and Tom was dancing. Petunia finished, and Lily told her she loved hearing her play. It’s like it takes all the discontent out of the world and fills it with contentment.”

“I have a surprise for you Tuney, remember when I said I’d learn how,” she stopped abruptly, and her eye’s got big, for at that moment Petunia for a brief instant lunged for Lily, and hugged her tight. Be careful of Severus, he is not the same. He is evil I can feel it. I love you. She whispered in her ear.”

Then just as quick, she shoved her away. “I’ll take care of Tom till you’re out of school. Then, you can keep him here with you. We will have no reason to keep in touch anymore.

I’m out of school and I’m going to call on that, Vernon Dursley, whose been pestering me to marry him. His family has money, so I’ll be loved and provided for.” she exclaimed with her nose in the air.

“You,” she said with a look of discussed on her face, can magic up a love potion and shack up with some lazy no account lay about then. Don’t forget! If you want Tom, I’ll wait until you are to be home from school, if you don’t show up; it’s to the slaughterhouse.

I’ll not pay for a shelter for him.” “Now,” she said as she put Tom’s harness leash on him, “we need to get you to the train, I have things to do.” Lily stood there staring at Petunia holding the door for her because she was in shock. “Oh for goodness sake, come on freak!”

Once again, Lily went to the train with tears streaming down her face, and broken hearted. Petunia started to walk away, but Tom held his ground. There were two reasons he wanted to stay just a bit longer. He wanted to see his beloved master get on her train, and if there was an opportunity to pounce on Severus, he wanted to take it.

However, Severus wasn’t at the station. James Potter was the boy leaning against the train smiling a very charming smile, with his arms folded across his chest, waiting for Lily. Just as the train blew its whistle, Tom spotted Severus and he couldn’t help but laugh within himself.

It seems his trunk broke open and all his stuff spilled onto the walkway. Each time Severus would get it all put away and shut, it would spring open and all his stuff would again fly out. James leaned out the window and yelled, “Let me help you Snively!” he waved his wand and the trunk packed itself, and flew aboard the train. Severus ran after it with a great piece cut out of the back of his robes, revealing a dingy pair of underpants.

Ottery blew, and holstered his wand with a satisfied smile. Then, he raised his hand and gracefully caught the caboose hand rail as it came by. Ottery tipped his cowboy hat to Lily, (who had her head out the window watching,) then magnificently swung up onto the platform as he mounted his mighty steed the Iron Horse.

Last edited by Connie; 11-21-2010 at 07:34 AM. Reason: A few typos
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Old 12-25-2009, 05:41 PM   #23 (permalink)
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hey that was nice...and Snape was pathetic...i really felt bad when i read this
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When she told him that it was her daddy’s wrist watch, a very personal gift a father leaves his son, Severus answered, “Lily, there’s not a single thing in this world that I have to be thankful for, except that I didn’t have to have your daddy for a father. My papa is a worthless piece of scum, but I would take him over your dad anytime. At least he’s a pureblood.” Severus then slammed the door in her face.


and did love the last
Quote:
“Let me help you Snively!” he waved his wand and the trunk packed itself, and flew aboard the train. Severus ran after it with a great piece cut out of the back of his robes, revealing a dingy pair of underpants.

Ottery blew, and holstered his wand with a satisfied smile. Then, he raised his hand and gracefully caught the caboose hand rail as it came by. Ottery tipped his cowboy hat to Lily, (who had her head out the window watching,) then magnificently swung up onto the platform as he mounted his mighty steed the Iron Horse.

pams...
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Old 12-25-2009, 06:16 PM   #24 (permalink)

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I think his mom wasn't a trusting person and taught her son Occlumency to protect him from people finding out what he is, and to shield him from his father.
Oh, i seeee! But then, did his dad really hit him?

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Teddy and you have a big role in chapters 12 "Narrow Escapes And Narrow Rescues" & 13 "And What Of Neville?"
You shouldn't have told me the chapter numbers Now I'm going to be badgering you to post even more than now

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Lily was in such good spirits for not having anyone human to talk to all summer, but confiding in Tom was good enough.
This sentence was kinda confusing It would have been easier to understand if you had left out the 'such'.

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Originally Posted by Snively
“My skin crawled every time they touched me. Whenever I ate there, I had to will myself not to get sick, and I never did like anything about Tuney,” he mocked her little girl voice. When she told him that it was her daddy’s wrist watch, a very personal gift a father leaves his son, Severus answered, “Lily, there’s not a single thing in this world that I have to be thankful for, except that I didn’t have to have your daddy for a father. My papa is a worthless piece of scum, but I would take him over your dad anytime. At least he’s a pureblood.” Severus then slammed the door in her face.
WELL NO WONDER SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, YOU Ahem

The idea Lily had for the roses is majorly smart I didn't think the Protean Charm could be used like that-well, any way other than Hermione's anyway I love it!

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Originally Posted by Tuney
a brief instant lunged for Lily, and hugged her tight. Be careful of Severus, he is not the same. He is evil I can feel it. I love you. She whispered in her ear.”
o_O What's up with her? Maybe she just doesn't hate her that much yet?

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His family has money, so I’ll be loved and provided for.” she exclaimed with her nose in the air.
I wouldn't be surprised if she really did marry for money-though I think she did have some feelings for him...she did tell him about Lily after all :/

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Originally Posted by Teehee!
It seems his trunk broke open and all his stuff spilled onto the walkway. Each time Severus would get it all put away and shut, it would spring open and all his stuff would again fly out. James leaned out the window and yelled, “Let me help you Snively!” he waved his wand and the trunk packed itself, and flew aboard the train. Severus ran after it with a great piece cut out of the back of his robes, revealing a dingy pair of underpants.
CLASSIC! Even if I feel bad for him, he deserved that!

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his mighty steed the Iron Horse.
Sounds super cool!

I love this post Connie! It's interesting how we get to see Lily's language change over time as well as Snape's attitude towards her. Okay, one more little pokethnessissue. If you read this post over again, you'll notice you misplaces some speech marks but I still love it and you as well!

PAMS! PAMS! PAMS! <-told you
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Old 12-26-2009, 11:30 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I was going to point out a few typos but truth be told Conners, this ... totally won me over

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Ottery tipped his cowboy hat to Lily, (who had her head out the window watching,) then magnificently swung up onto the platform as he mounted his mighty steed the Iron Horse.
Never have I written myself so heroically ... because I'm more of a comic character actually but ... I have to admit that was ... beautiful, priceless without a doubt ... seriously flattering and a neat Christmas present to boot. The trick was more in keeping along the lines with what Severus deserved for his evilness.

I wish you had delved more into his gradual descent into the dark arts and all, but ... I guess you want to move this novel along and not say ... have it become overburdened and cumbersome like some I could name ... Human Nature. I swear, we've been on the train to Hogwarts for years now ...

As for the sudden death of Lily's parents you seem to gloss that over and that's a major event in a person's life. I would have written it in more detail but again ... I write too much detail and not enough action. So you can ignore that critique but not this one, James' parents dying at the same time is just too coincidental ... just a thought.

Moving on ... no I hadn't read your edits, I never go back to reread stuff if I can help it, but I like that you took my advice. That's all it is, advice and it really is given with the best of intentions.

Neways, back to the story, I don't understand, I don't know if I mentioned this before but ... I don't understand why ... okay so I think I just thought it out as I was writing this question

I was going to say: I don't get why Tom doesn't just go with her to Hogwarts when I realized, because there's soooooooooooooooo many magic users and teachers there, Hagrid alone could probably tell what he was. I'm sorry ... I'm such a dork sometimes. As for the whole tongue licking equals skin ripping, does that apply to all cats? I don't know I don't own a real cat

Neways, why would Petunia be nice to Lily if she thinks so viley of her? That part I also don't get. Are you planning to reveal all of this in the end, maybe? I guess she isn't all bad, I mean she took Harry in but ... why? And the whole rose bit ... yeah, that's sad and sweet at the same time. I expect many tears from that later

Pams when you cans and it's nice you take my advice love, but you're an awesome writer on your own account as your readers can easily and readily attest.

ttyl,

Hope your X-mas was love mine was insane but kewl and giddying in the end ... more on that laterz.

loves,

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