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Old 11-18-2005, 04:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 101 Fangirls - Sa13+

Rating: Sa13+
Settings: Those of the Harry Potter RP in Snitchseeker, previous term to current.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter's Wizarding World is JK Rowling's. Each character is their owner's in the Snitchseeker post-HP Roleplay.

One-Shot. Thanks to Backslash for proof-reading this.


Other stories:
- The Kindergarden One
- Christmas One ("Holly Night")
- The Lemon Pie One
- The Day Dreaming One

Other project = Yesterday Video ::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IspNlxZdeo0
~*~


A Jaren Kymers Fan Club Production Presents:
101 Fangirls: "A Night to Forget."


This had not been a day for Jaren Kymers.

It had started weird enough with Selena locking him up in a room with her, forcing him to go through an evaluation of every different dress she modeled for him, and the way the low-cut of the dress neckline seemed to grow each time lower was particularly disturbing. After somewhat managing to get out through some powerful locking charm and Selena's catwalk without hexing the girl painfully, he found a small pacific period of 30 minutes before he was dragged to yet another room where Luna Morrison, for other good 30 minutes, did nothing but bat her eyelashes and wave her blond hair.

Still, he would have shrugged it off... if he hadn't had to endure if from girl after girl, from people he barely knew or had spoken to. He grew wise about the locking charms on the long term, some times managing to run before it all started. There were girls that looked too young to be attending Hogwarts, and one Jaren had to keep himself from suspecting it wasn't a professor under youthening potion (for the sake of privacy, we shall not tell which professor it looked like). Amy gained some courage, quite noteworthy - she was the one to offer to make it all better: said offer extended to resolving all of Jaren's problems with a kiss. More than one had committed the mistake of making physical contact. The time with Dru was maybe the scariest, seeing she had taken extra measures with the use of binding magic. A slight electric charge stopped Jaren from using further violence.

Right now he was in the same room but getting rid of the fourth girl in a record of 40 seconds. He had grown wise to realize saying 'no' was faster and more effective with most girls, instead of running to the next trap. Having a wand did help. He had no reservations on hexing those who he perceived as a threat. Which was, most of them.

The door opened and Jaren waited for the next person to walk in, resolved into finishing this and let it be over with it. But he was not humored to find the person before him. OK. It wasn't as if he was looking at Zekke walk in wearing woman red lingerie, or Virohsa with a 'how does this dress make me look' expression. But, despite his apathetic demeanor, he had problems keeping himself from groaning out loud.

"What, not who you expected to see?" asked Nadia, wand at hand and the other hand pushing the door closed.

"You are in this too," Jaren asked, or more like he stated it managing to keep the tone void of emotion.

Nadia stared back. After some seconds, her eyes slowly grew bigger.

"They were supposed to Oblivate you every time!" she blabbed.

He didn't know why he would be surprised. The way they seemed to coordinate on their traps and turns would indeed make him consider they were being organized and lead by someone. Guess he would still be in denial it had to be -her- from all people. One would think the years of knowing each other would create some kind of mutual agreement not to aggrieve one another.

He eyed the notepad Nadia was carrying.

... oh yes, she planned it all.

"And I suppose you taught them the Oblivating spell?" Jaren asked, not humored one bit.

Maybe following his eyes or for some other reason, Nadia spoke again and her arms moved to hide the pad behind her back, "Yeah, well, you know." She shrugged. "They asked for my help, since we know." A small cough. "You know, I thought it would be a good idea to give them a chance by turns and try... and they would have to back off you once and for all if you said 'no'! Everybody wins, no?"

Following Nadia's peculiar logic had never been one of his strengths.

"I had to assign turns, it would've been chaos otherwise." So she was there only as organizer, Jaren concluded. He eyed the notepad as she hid it behind her back again, then looked back at her.

"So can I go now?" he asked.

Nadia stared back, taking some time to register what was that he had said.

"Yeah, uh, sure..."

Well, that was all he needed. Jaren started walking away towards the door.

"Wait."

Jaren stopped and turned. He was so seeing it coming...

"What if," Nadia started, "if -I- was one of the participants -" (Jaren raised an eyebrow) "once done, I would erase all of your memory, including the happenings with the previous 'participants', then you would never be harassed again and you wouldn't remember any of it so it'd be like nothing happened."

"...You would do that?"

"Yeah," Nadia said. "I can keep trying until erasing every bit of it!" She offered brightly.

"... I don't want to lose my memory," Jaren stated simply.

Nadia's face fell. "Oh."

There was a small period of silence. Finally, Jaren sighed. "Go on."

Now, don't take Jaren wrongly. He could very well see through this, and it was not that he was suddenly generous. Nadia was using him to practice her flirting skills. It was quite obvious to him. Since Jaren did give... figuratively speaking... the other girls a 'turn'...The reason behind agreeing to Nadia-making-a-move-on-him was only and solely that; he had no real issue in having her had her 'turn'. Whatever. He was still not losing his memory.

Nadia looked up, blinked and nodded, looking brighter nonetheless. But then she seemed to look down, debate for mere seconds before she stepped back. She seemed to mouth to herself something in silence and she pointed her wand directly between Jaren's eyes. It was Jaren's time to blink.

"Aren't you going to try something before Obliviating me?" he asked. (Not that you WILL obliviate me!)

"Huh?" Nadia retorted.

A small pause. "Nevermind," he said just as Nadia at the same time asked, "You wouldn't mind?"

Another pause, shorter.

Jaren asked, "Are you interested?"

Nadia asked, "Are YOU interested?"

"..."

"What about we make as if this conversation never happened?" she offered. Jaren had no problems to agree to it and nodded. "But... just for the record... you wouldn't mind, mind me, you know..."

Oh, he just knew he should have agreed to this. It was coming back to bite him on the butt. Calmly as ever, he said, "No."

Nadia's eyes lit. "You don't-- really? Because I really I was-- was hoping... wa-as wishing, I...mmm interested. I'd lo--ike you -" she trailed off, then frowned, "Ah! That wasn't how it was supposed to go - Obliviate!"

In the very second the spell was leaving Nadia's lips and the tip of her wand lit with a white light, Jaren's thought were 'and THAT's why you should never trust anyone'. A kind of explosion followed, minor but nonetheless unexpected, plus a puff of smoke before Jaren could get the chance to perform a counter-curse. He fell backwards falling unceremoniously on his butt. The curtain of smoke blocked his sight while on the other side he could hear Nadia pace and mutter "different approach, different approach," at the background.

Then all of the sudden something had dropped, or fallen, besides him and he could have felt alerted by this, worried if possible, if it weren't for the tone on -her- voice.

"So Jaren~"

There had been purring there. Jaren backtracked. For a moment, he thought he was dealing with Selena. (If she could get back from the underworld looking for revenge, or, just came from the closet he had locked her into.) He shook that idea from his mind and focused on Nadia's strange behavior, trying to discern if it was possible the girl had self-fed herself lust potion, as she moved closer, leaning lower on him each time and reaching to pull on his tie.

"You know, I'd really like, some time, to go out... in a date." She dropped the grave-were-to-be-sexy voice at the end (ruined the whole mood of the scene, with that amplification). "You know, just you and me, a romantic scenery, cuddling by a fire and other such activities, maybe jump directly to the goodnight kiss. I can do with several short dates alright."

And yet that wasn't too inviting.

"What can I do or say to convince you? If there's anything I can do to spark your interest, dare tell. So what do you say, mmh? Won't you take me, please -" and here she put puppy eyes, contrasting with the 'smirk-y', "Saying 'no' is not an option --"

Saxophone music playing at the background stopped and with a sudden serious tone, Nadia (now miraculously out from her lust-induced state) said, "Nevermind, I'm making a fool of myself - Obliviate!" Another puff of white smoke, this time Jaren used it to stand up (no way he would stay laying down with THAT ideas in that woman's head) and Nadia also picked herself up, nonchalantly. She was muttering to herself now, in some type of monologue, pondering out loud:

"Would you date-- I'm not one to wait-- I like you" (That might actually be--) "I’m a girl, I’m loveable, and I’ve got good teeth -" He thought she heard her recite under her breath something about an application to his hitlist and got the impression she was enumerating pick-up lines. He would draw the line if she dared ask what was his sign.

She went to self-muttering her options in low volume, and Jaren preferred not knowing anyways. Admittedly, she had many options to choose from. There was the fateful "with you I feel this connection", the likewise corny "since I met you it was love at first sight!", the humble "do you like me?" or a more Dru-like approach, "kiss me, sexy~". There were those who explained the reasons why they would make a perfect couple ("we are both popular", "I'm the best in DADA too!", "I love you just as you are", etc). Nadia probably had a whole essay of it.

Well, whatever it was he would take it and take care of it like with every other. He would.

"I guess I cannot make any physical contact," she suddenly said, sounding pensive, "I mean, I would but it would require some handling," (...handling?) "- probably a Immobulus charm but then I'd not leave any room for reaction -" (React--?!) "- the same with Petrificus Totalus, so then it had to be Incarcerous and a sticking charm..." (...) "But I should probably do like Pucca and make my move after I beat him up until he can't move, and THEN make a move."

There was a small pause, where Jaren refused to consider... what Nadia was exactly telling. She had a look in her eyes like she was choosing which option would be the most (Merlin forbids) 'satisfying'. He was not kidding when he said he had had quite enough with Dru bound gagging. He could have said that out loud but thought better of it. Instead, the only intelligible blabbing he could come up with was, "If that's your plan you shouldn't say it out loud."

Which was true, but a stupid out-of-context thing to say nonetheless in the present circumstances.

Nadia turned around to smile side-ways. "Don't worry, my best plans are being kept silent."

If there is anything like a 'Mental Gulp.'

"Arg," she turned around sharply, "Oblivia--"

This time, Jaren gripped her wrist, pulling her wand away from him. What, think he wouldn't learn on the third time? Sharply and as one who was losing all patience, Jaren spelled in a lower-than-usual voice, "It's. Not. Working."

What did he have to do to shake this woman into her senses without the use of violence?

"Oh." Nadia was staring back with a stunned face. (About time too.) Only then Jaren deemed safe releasing her wrist. There was a rather long pause. Jaren didn't let it last longer than it should.

"I will be going now," he announced. Which he should have done from the beginning. Giving this supposed 'chance' was a bad idea and Merlin knows what he had been thinking.

"You made me do all of that and you KNEW it wasn't working?!" Nadia said suddenly and bewildered, getting the desired effect to make Jaren stop. How not to? The outburst had been so sudden if it hadn't been Jaren...

To another human, a small jump would have been in order.

"It didn't work for the others and you taught them, what do you think?" Jaren retorted, not hiding the sarcasm.

"Some of us did get it, I tested it!" Nadia was soon to defend herself, promptly forgetting what she was defending herself for. "A couple backed away. Cass just said "I'm not like the other fangirls". Arkee lost herself in the way, sent an owl at the last minute - no, it wasn't an owl, it was a howler saying 'I'm not here right now but you can leave me a message after the beep.' I think she was in the forest. Something about having enough fuel on her broom to go but not to get back. And this Gryffindor girl. No, nevermind. She said she wanted to give a hand. It turns it was meant literally a hand up your--

"Anyways..."

...

"Alex might have been interested. I wouldn't know, I never got a straight answer; each time I asked she would beat her head against the nearest wall. And I asked this Ravenclaw, Peony, who kept staring at you. I thought she might have those fangirl panic attacks. But when I asked, she just ran away. Speaking of Ravenclaw, hope Raven hasn't been much of a problem?" She grimaced. "I don't know why her sudden interest, I was pretty sure she had a boyfriend."

And he really wasn't interested anyways.

"Ganymede," said Nadia all of the sudden, "was about to participate. But I guess she backed away because she was not confident in her Obliviating Charms," she admitted with a chuckle, her eyes lowering to her hands. "Lucky her."

Nadia looked up at Jaren, who just stared back. Was she asking if he would have been interested?

"It's a bad idea," he said. "As members of the order, to put in between such matters. It would create unneeded tension in the group."

"Well, more reason to bring the cat out of the bag, less thing needed are hormones," confessed Nadia truthfully. Jaren's frown was fast turning into glaring, a small fire in his eyes.

"So this is what this is all about? Hormones?" he demanded, his voice raising slightly.

"Well, you saw those girls - some of them didn't even know you! But, whatever, you had to choose somebody, no? Like I could cross people out." But that wasn't the point.

"Answer my question," he asked, dangerously.

"Why! I mean, yes! Why not? It's hormones, yes, plain human hormones, is there a problem with that, Mr Matchine?" Nadia answered bitingly. "It's not my fault everybody wants to have your babies!"

"If it's hormones there's an easy way to get rid of them." He said this and he stepped forwards, and he was irritated, fuming to say the least, now driven not sure by what or knowing exactly what he did or how but he pulled her to him and--


[CENSORED BY JAREN KYMERS FOR EXCESSIVE DISPLAY OF PDA]

9 months later...

*cough*

NIC: Get a magazine, people.


Not much afterward, Jaren came out from the room. Not looking angry any more. Then again, not looking flustered or pensive or anything. He just walked out and disappeared through the corridors, and didn't return to the Common Room until past curfew much after his due patrolling that night, but that's another story.

Inside the room, Nadia was still there, her back at the door and she slowly turned around at the retreating figure, looking like a hurricane had windswept her.
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Last edited by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho!; 05-19-2009 at 07:00 PM. Reason: some spelling mistakes, people...
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Old 11-19-2005, 02:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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*pets poor Backslash* Don't you wish I hadn't gotten here first?

...I wouldn't have minded Zekke in red lingerie...

Anyhow --

The beginning is a bit choppy (as I've told you) but the interaction between Jaren and Nadia is hilarious! It's really great. I love the end where Nadia persists in Obliviating, you should have this made into a cartoon.

Quote:
(Like, she had come back from the underworld looking for revenge, or, just came from the closet he had locked her into.)
Lovely line! Lovely! (mind you, the Selena-pose scared me as much as Jaren, I think)

Quote:
"Would you date-- I'm not one to wait-- I like you" (That might actually be--) "Iím a girl, Iím loveable, and Iíve got good teeth -" He thought she heard her recite under her breath something about asking for an application to his fanclub and got the impression she was enumerating pick-up lines. He would draw the line if she dared ask what was his sign.
Good teeth are always an asset. I love Jaren's thoughts there.

Quote:
"Some of us did get it, I tested it!" Nadia was soon to defend herself, promptly forgetting what she was defending herself for. "Well, a couple backed away. Cass just said "I'm not like the other fangirls". Arkee lost herself in the way, sent an owl at the last minute, I think she was in the forest. Something about having enough fuel on her broom to go but not to get back, and it wasn't an owl, it was a howler saying 'I'm not here right now but you can leave me a message after the beep.' And this Gryffindor girl. No, nevermind. She said something about wanting to give a hand. It turns it was meant literally and it was a hand up your-- Anyways. Alex might have been interested. I wouldn't know, I never got a straight answer; each time I asked she would beat her head against the nearest wall. I asked this Ravenclaw, Peony, who kept staring at you and I thought she might have those fangirl panic attacks. But when I asked, she just ran away. Speaking of Ravenclaw, hope Raven hasn't been much of a problem?" She grimaced. "I don't know why her sudden interest, I was pretty sure she had a boyfriend."
Excuse prolonged use of italics, but I adore this passage. Arkee is brilliant! though I think you got Peony's reaction a little light (must be blind not to notice the look of terror on her face when she looks at Jaren...pfft, will have to get better descriptions...) Anyway, as to Raven's boyfriend or not, I'm sure that he doesn't have such a well-shaped as--canvas as Jaren does.

Quote:
"It's not my fault everybody wants to have your babies!"
Beautiful line.

Quote:
[CENSORED BY JAREN KYMERS FOR EXCESSIVE DISPLAY OF PDA]
Party pooper... *tries to hide the grin on her face* My jaws hurt from smiling too much, seriously.

Quote:
Inside the room, Nadia was still there, her back at the door and she slowly turned around at the retreating figure, looking like a hurricane had windswept her.
Ni~ice description of the way Jaren handled her.

*claps and scuttles off to do fanart*

ENCORE!
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Old 11-19-2005, 02:24 AM   #3 (permalink)

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Poor Jaren! Love it! I agree ENCORE!
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Old 11-19-2005, 03:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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My two favorite quotes of the whole story:
Quote:
"Iím a girl, Iím loveable, and Iíve got good teeth -"
"It's not my fault everybody wants to have your babies!"
Pity this is only a one-shot, Nadia. I want to see more action! lol

Good job with the story! You seriously should write some more stuff.

And I sympathize with Jaren. The man is a hormone magnet.
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Old 11-19-2005, 04:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Well it isn't MY fault everyone wants Jaren's babies either.

...


...


Fine. Blame me for creating an uber-sexy character without even trying.
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Old 11-19-2005, 05:06 AM   #6 (permalink)

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No Touchy! ♥ demented_teacher

*giggle-snort*

Poor Jaren - can the guy have at least 45 minutes of privacy? Geesh!
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Old 11-19-2005, 05:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hahahahaha totally great! I died laughing like 86 times...at least tee hee. I still insist that Cass isn't a fangirl hehehe. *pets JayJay*
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Old 11-19-2005, 05:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Dear Merlin.. I backed out! GOOD! It would be a bit strange since we all know who I ship.

*cringes at thought*

Although.. Zekke in red lengerie would be a funny idea.. can he wear some red pumps, matching purse.. maybe earings and a large hat with it and a keep repeating the words from a certain RightSaidFred song?
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Old 11-19-2005, 05:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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This is sheer hilarious.I adore this.Keep it up Nadia.

Poor Jaren - You sould go and take a trip to some fare place...like to Asia or something.
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Old 11-19-2005, 04:24 PM   #10 (permalink)
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A-IC:

...

A-OOC: Nadia ... [sighs] Bet you the fangirls would be less interested if Backslash went through with his plan. [nudges Backie]
 
Old 11-19-2005, 05:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
A-OOC: Nadia ... [sighs] Bet you the fangirls would be less interested if Backslash went through with his plan. [nudges Backie]
(stumbles out smoking in several places)

Jaren says no.

(collapses in a heap)
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Old 11-19-2005, 06:23 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Brilliant. I loved it! It was hilarious! Well written and I'm surprised Backy-ness didn't cut a lot of it.

ENCORE!

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Old 11-19-2005, 06:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hahaha. Brilliant stuff Nadia.

Just one question...who's that angry Gryffindor person not mentioned who meant to give a hand literally? *claps* I wanna stalk her!


Not that I am going to use Ama-IC anymore but yeah.
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Old 11-19-2005, 08:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Silly girl, why do you think I was looking for you the other day? Was looking your (late) permission. It was Amaris Chaos IC, of course

In a way this served it's purpose, noticing all the 'poor Jaren' comments Can't say I wasn't tempted to include Zekke in this, but I'd need to add a fanboy section, maybe include Keilun-- *cough* I fear rating. (I might have been able to get away with "I'm too sexy", though) Ah, I would not let him cut anything unless non-canon-ness, per see.


Thanks everyone, you are too sweet ^.^ This fic can't be continued, only added more alternative-universe scenarios... which, maybe, can be done?


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Last edited by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho!; 11-19-2005 at 08:45 PM. Reason: ^.^
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Old 11-20-2005, 12:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
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*doesn't want to spam but...* Oh who am I kidding...?

Quote:
Fine. Blame me for creating an uber-sexy character without even trying.
Your ego sometimes...

Quote:
Can't say I wasn't tempted to include Zekke in this, but I'd need to add a fanboy section, maybe include Keilun-- *cough*
O_O *raises hand* I, for one, would really like to see it.

Alternate dimensions would be good...
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Old 11-20-2005, 12:16 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Your ego sometimes...
It's better to laugh than to groan and hit your head on the wall, repeatedly.

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Can't say I wasn't tempted to include Zekke in this, but I'd need to add a fanboy section, maybe include Keilun-- *cough*
Both of them are too nice and sensible for this fic.

Quote:
Ah, I would not let him cut anything unless non-canon-ness, per see.
Not like I was trying. (sighs)
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Old 11-20-2005, 06:11 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I don't want to spam myself but; to quote you, "Zekke is not an angel, only the embodiement of an angel."
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:59 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Me:

Zekke:

Ohhhh man. I'll have to post something more coherent after I get my thoughts together...
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Old 11-22-2005, 10:35 AM   #19 (permalink)
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*Collects Shwmaes*
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What the...????

*Laughs so hard she crys*

Quote:
The time with Dru was maybe the scariest, seeing she had taken extra meassures with the use of binding magic.
Dru...? Binding magic...? what gave you that idea?

Quote:
or a more Dru-like approach, "kiss me, sexy~".
I don't remember Dru ever saying that...

Quote:
He was not kidding when he said he had had quite enough with Dru bound gagging, and now her?
*gigglesnort* How many times do you need to mention this woman???

Quote:
"It didn't work for the others and you taught them, what do you think?" Jaren retorted, not hiding the sarcasm.
I think Dru is quite good at charms.... hehehehehehe


<- present for Backy (teeheehee) *runs away*
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Old 11-22-2005, 11:47 AM   #20 (permalink)
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You do know that there will be icons as a result of this fic, right?



[runs away before Kymers can give his death glare]
 
Old 11-26-2005, 03:55 AM   #21 (permalink)
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lmao, soo Luna first year... poor Jaren
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Old 11-27-2005, 02:53 AM   #22 (permalink)

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Resident Hippie

hehehhehehehehe had to make an avvie! Yes i got dear Nadia' permission to use this pic.
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Old 12-03-2005, 04:28 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Know this is not the place for pictures, but the "cover" for this fanfic is up!
Follow the link for more details, sequel coming.

Thanks the people who came up with avatars^^ It's such a cute gesture *pinches Alex and Rachel's cheek* Posting the so said sequel sometime between the next 30 minutes and the 24 hours following
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Old 12-03-2005, 04:50 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Nabs!Ama | | The Happy Hufflepuff

LOL this is hilarious!
and i love the avvies made as a result of this.
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Old 12-06-2005, 06:22 PM   #25 (permalink)
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♥Dunkin | Pixie's Precious Pea | kpop goddess | sneaky sounder | forever slytherin♥

....

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OMG, almost fell off my chair. must must must write more like this, Nadia.

Poor Jaren...

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