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Finished EEFD's Finished Evil Elite Fan Fiction Dares are housed in their own vault. Dare ye enter?

 
 
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Old 01-06-2004, 11:00 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Default evlpez -EEFFD Harry Potter and the Bizarre 6th Year Goings-On - Sa9+
Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Harry Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts was turning out to be the strangest he'd ever had. He always knew that by Spring of every year he'd unravel a mystery with his closest friends, finally come face to face with Lord Voldemort and (hopefully) narrowly escape certain death. He'd faced a great number of obstacles and challenges in his life as a wizard, but none of them prepared him for this year.

Dumbledore had finally explained his estranged behavior toward Harry and was now going to great lengths to keep Harry informed of the activities of the Order Of The Phoenix. This was good. Unfortunately, the Order hadn't been able to learn much since the battle at the Department Of Mysteries. Voldemort had gone back underground to plan and scheme, leaving Harry and the Order wondering what he was up to. Consequently, daily face-to-face chats with the Headmaster generally amounted to the following:

"Any news, Professor?"
"No. Nothing yet, Harry. Sorry."
"It's okay."
Pause.
"So, any news on your end? How's Occlumency coming?"
"No. It's fine, Professor. Thanks for asking."
"Well, see you tomorrow then."

Even Harry's classmates seemed to be affected by the anxiety of not knowing what darkness lay ahead for the wizarding world. People were behaving in manners so unlike them that the best word Harry could use to describe it was "bizarre". He first took notice of his classmates' odd behavior while in Transfiguration class one bright day early in October.

Professor McGonnagal stood at the head of the class waiting for her sixth year students to take their seats. She eyed a few dawdlers sternly and began the lesson by quoting from their textbook.

"Chapter two, the transfiguration of animals to other animals. This chapter deals with the complexities of transfiguring mammals into other animals. This skill is particularly useful … when ?" Her eyes automatically fell to Hermione, who Harry was certain would have the answer if she hadn't been busy at that moment trying quietly and delicately to remove her books from her overstuffed book bag.

Harry was only mildly surprised that Hermione wasn't prepared. What surprised him more was seeing Lavender Brown in front of him suddenly thrust her hand high in the air. She teetered on the edge of her seat, wiggling her fingers to get the Professor's attention. Parvati sat silently beside Lavendar, obviously surprised at her best friend.

"Miss Brown?" McGonnagal acknowledged, her eyebrows raised.

Lavender stood and began reciting perfectly from memory, "This skill is particularly useful when preparing for potions or spells which require use of an animal or part of an animal that is rare or unavailable to you. It is also useful in the home when cooking for family or larger groups and realizing you haven't been to the market recently. The use of this spell for home economic purposes was first discovered in the early 1600's by a witch who went by the name of 'Old Mother Hubbard'. Ms. Hubbard found that she could feed her pets without spending too much money by transfiguring the bones of her own meals into full cow, chicken, pig or other carcasses." Lavender sat down, quite satisfied with herself and oblivious to the gaping stares of her fellow Gryffindors.



More to come as it's written...
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Old 01-07-2004, 01:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey! Ur dare is up! Hehe, Lavendar knew the answer...that's sad. I can hardly wait for u to finish this dare. It's awsome!(and, I might add, apropriate!) Great! Keep it coming!!!
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Old 01-07-2004, 03:49 AM   #3 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Thanks so much for the kind (and evil, I might add) words, B2M.

Any readers out there who find errors in my fics PLEASE let me know. I do spellcheck when I think of it, but it's always good to have feedback.
Thanks!

On with the show...


The rest of the lesson carried on in much the same way. Lavender made a point of raising her hand often and volunteering to demonstrate her newfound aptitude for Transfiguration in front of the class. Not sure how else to react to this, Professor McGonnagal awarded Gryffindor about 100 points for all of Lavender's participation.
Harry and Ron spent much of the class wondering and worrying about Hermione, who seemed to be forever fiddling about with her book bag when she wasn't clutching it to her chest protectively. Ron and Harry spoke little, but exchanged worried looks and missed most of the lesson due to their inattention.

When class was dismissed, Harry turned to Hermione.

"Hermione, what's wrong with you? You're always first in our class to raise your hand. Today you didn't answer one question and frankly, Ron and I are a bit concerned."
Hermione's face flushed as she looked around her furtively. "I can't explain, Harry. I have to go." She stood up and raced after the Gryffindor girls. "Parvati, wait up!"

Ron shook his head. "I don't know, Harry. Everyone's acting mental this week! Just yesterday I saw Professor Flitwick come out of his office wearing this awful hat! It had a dragon's head on it with purple smoke coming out of its mouth. It was very realistic, except for the purple smoke I guess, but realistic enough to scare small children and dogs, I'd bet. He kept muttering something about gnomes stealing his underpants."

Harry spent the evening reflecting on what he'd heard and seen that day. His dreams were haunted by images of Snape and Dumbledore putting on a Christmas concert. Snape sang "Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer" wearing leather from head to toe, pink, glittery antlers on his head and a red nose that blinked on and off intermittently. Dumbledore joined him, dressed as Santa Clause coming to say, "Rudolph, with your nose so bright - won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Harry awoke in a cold sweat, nauseous and short of breath. He felt violated, and knew just whom to blame. His thoughts returned to Lavender's stunning display in Transfiguration and Ron's information about Flitwick's horrible hat and his muttering about gnomes.
All this bizarre behavior had to mean something. He decided to ask Dumbledore what he knew about Flitwick and his underpants. First however, he needed to make some more observations of his classmates and find out if their behavior had anything to do with it. If it did, it could only mean one thing: Voldemort was at work in Hogwarts.

Harry and Ron made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Harry didn't have much of an appetite, and he was sure it had something to do with the double Potions first thing with the Slytherins. He went to breakfast anyway, determined to get to the bottom of all these strange goings-on.

The two boys found seats at the Gryffindor table between Dean and Seamus, who were in heated debate about shorts versus skirts. Ron joined in immediately, extolling the virtues of women jumping around in short skirts. Harry suddenly felt like the last person on Earth with his wits still about him.

"Wait a minute. What are you guys talking about?"

Dean and Seamus snickered.

"Didn't you hear, Harry?" Dean grinned, "Parvati's starting up a cheerleading squad for this year's Quidditch Cup game. Gryffindor's certain to make it to the final with you back on the team, and Parvati reckons they should go all out and have a cheerleading squad."

Seamus joined in, "…with uniforms, pom-poms and everything, Harry."

"But the Quidditch Cup is months away," Harry said, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

The boys ignored him and continued with their gleeful debate, leaving Harry to observe the other students at the table. He spotted Hermione sitting beside Parvati and was about to go over and talk to her when Colin Creevy jumped in his way.

"Harry - a word if you don't mind? Harry, rumor has it that the Gryffindor Girls are forming a Cheerleading Club and plan on streaking the pitch naked sometime during the Quidditch Cup game in the Spring. Could you tell me and my readers how that makes you feel? Do you think it will affect your performance as Seeker?" Colin waited, quill poised above a small notebook in his hand.

"Wha-?" Harry was confused now. "Colin, what are you doing? I just heard about the cheerleading thing…"

"So, you suspect someone of keeping the naked performance secret from you in an effort to sabotage the game? Interesting…" Colin scribbled furiously.

"Stop. Stop… Colin, STOP!" Harry yelled. Colin stopped writing, his eyes wide. "Why are you writing, Colin? What's going on?"



More to come...
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Old 01-07-2004, 05:49 AM   #4 (permalink)

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Yippee! My dare... come on, come on...

Can't wait to see you finish it. Love that you are really putting effort into the story. Thanks for that!
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Old 01-07-2004, 05:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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More this is good!!!
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Old 01-07-2004, 10:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by evlpez@Jan 6 2004, 09:29 PM

He kept muttering something about gnomes stealing his underpants."

Flitwick's horrible hat and his muttering about gnomes.

All this bizarre behaviour had to mean something. He decided to ask Dumbledore what he knew about Flitwick and his underpants.
Well, this new information leads to new mysteries.
What is Flitwick's strange connection to the gnomes? Perhaps he is their chief? Or perhaps he has evil plans for them? And what, exactly, does Dumbledore know about Flitwick's underthings?

From now on I'm keeping a close watch on the doings of Flitwick...i think he is more evil then one would guess by his appearance.
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Old 01-07-2004, 07:20 PM   #7 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Here is a bit more...

"It's for the Gryffindor house newsletter, Harry. I started it last week. It's called "Gryffindor Gab". It's still really small… we only have one writer, and we really only have one column right now but It's really popular already after only one issue! I know it's only a matter of time before it grows into a really great newspaper!" Colin took a breath, smiling excitedly.

"What's the column, Colin?" Harry had a sneaking suspicion he knew the answer.

"It's er… well… Gossip." Colin winced.

Harry put his arm around Colin in a big-brotherly way. "Let me let you in on a little secret, Colin. Everyone loves gossip. I know that. You know that. Do you remember Rita Skeeter?"

"The Daily Prophet reporter who disappeared and then resurfaced only to write the great interview about you in the Quibbler?" Colin answered, his face eager like that of a little puppy happy to please his master.

"That's right Colin. Do have any recollection at all of her work before she disappeared? Do you know why she disappeared?"

Colin shook his head, still smiling.

"She went too far, Colin. She wasn't after truth, she was after gossip. She hurt people - including me. Gossip hurts people. If you really want to have a good newsletter and the respect of your peers and public, write the truth. You don't want to disappear, Colin."

Colin's face fell. He looked at the floor and Harry watched as the wheels started turning in Colin's head and he looked up brightly and nodded. Colin ripped the page out of his notebook and scurried away in search of a new story. Harry sighed and looked back to where Hermione was sitting to find she and Parvati had gone, and the rest of his fellow students were getting up from the table to go to classes.

Harry looked toward the staff table as students filed past him, searching for a sign of Professor Flitwick or Dumbledore. The headmaster was strangely absent, but Flitwick was there, sitting at the table holding a piece of parchment in his hand and reading. Flitwick's face went as white as the parchment and he dropped it onto his plate, quickly got up from the emptying table and left through the side door at the head of the Great Hall. Harry saw an opening. He raced through the crowd to the staff table. Making sure no one was watching, he stole the piece of parchment from atop Flitwick's plate and stuffed it into his book bag before following the crowd out the door.

Harry was late for Potions class. He would have been angry and a bit fearful of the repercussions if he wasn't preoccupied with the note in his bag. As he tried to sneak into the dungeon classroom and up to the empty chair beside Ron, Snape turned from his stance at the blackboard.

"Potter . I thought that demanding your free time to attend this room weekly for remedial Potions would put a stop to your dilly-dallying and arrogant tardiness," Snape seethed. "I was wrong. You will add detention every day this week to your schedule. 10 Points from Gryffindor."
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Old 01-07-2004, 08:10 PM   #8 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Snape followed his usual behavior of pointing out Harry's mistakes in front of everyone, deducting points from Gryffindor and giving useless points to Malfoy and the rest of the Slytherins. Harry made a mental note that Malfoy and the Slytherins had strangely failed to make any effort to humiliate him further. Hermione again kept her zealous hand-raising to herself. Whenever Harry glanced at her, she sat ignoring Neville - her potions partner - lazily and dreamily stirring the contents of her cauldron or passing little notes to Parvati at the next table. Lavender earned several scowls of displeasure from Snape at her strange and sudden passion and aptitude for potion making. Repeating her performance of the previous day, Lavender continued raising her hand quickly to answer questions. Snape ignored her as he'd ignored Hermione all these years, but Harry detected an unmistakable air of suspicion and interest from Snape. Harry forgot all about the mysterious parchment in his bag, spending his energy instead on getting through the morning without costing Gryffindor every last house point they'd earned so far.

Harry tried desperately to focus on his potion, which miraculously looked just as it was supposed to. Ron leaned over and whispered to him.

"Lavender's at it again. It's scary, Harry… it's like she and Hermione have traded places." Ron's gaze drifted off into space as Harry imagined his friend daydreaming of the newly possible chances of his scoring with their best friend. Harry shook his head and turned his attention back to his cauldron. He was paying very close attention to its contents when he was distracted suddenly by a quiet humming coming from his partner. Ron, oblivious to the world around him had closed his eyes dreamily and begun singing under his breath.

"Twinkle, twinkle little star… how I wonder what you are…"

Harry elbowed Ron hard in the ribs and brought him back to the present. This is crazy , Harry thought. I have to find out why everyone's gone off their rockers, and fast! He resolved to corner Hermione after class and suddenly remembered the note in his bag.
Carefully and quietly, he slipped his hand under the table and reached into his bag, pulling out the parchment and secreting it between the pages of his open Potions textbook in front of him. When he was certain that no one was looking, he stole a glance at the note.
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Old 01-07-2004, 10:10 PM   #9 (permalink)

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Flitwick? King of the underpant gnomes? Eww... and that greasy little monkey wanted to MARRY me! I demand, no... I BEG for retribution. Can't wait to hear about his big secret.
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Old 01-07-2004, 10:17 PM   #10 (permalink)

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Quote:
Originally posted by Cassirin@Jan 7 2004, 02:50 PM
Flitwick?* King of the underpant gnomes?* Eww... and that greasy little monkey wanted to MARRY me!* I demand, no... I BEG for retribution.* Can't wait to hear about his big secret.
You won't be disappointed, Cassirin.

At the top of the glitter-sprinkled page was a crest embossed in gold depicting a giant cupcake, ringed in tiny detailed pictures of chickens. He knew immediately that this must be the seal of Her Royal Highness, the Queen of Cupcaketopia. It was the hastily scribbled arrow and handwriting in purple ink which read " <-- Seal of Her Royal Highness, the Queen of Cupcaketopia" that gave it away.

"Dear Flitwick (you vomitus, stinking old prune!)," It began. Harry knew this wasn't a kind letter, and looked around him quickly before continuing.

Dear Flitwick (you vomitus, stinking old prune!),

I will never forgive you, you selfish, selfish, little man. You have incurred a wrath unlike any you've ever imagined. You will wish you'd never been born, you filthy, lecherous toad. Yeah, you know it. I sent the gnomes, you tired little pipsqueak, and you may want to watch the skies for flying monkeys too, you malodorous bag of doxie dung.

As ever,
C.

P.S. I hope you like tuna.


A strange smell was beginning to reach Harry's nostrils as he bent in close to see a small chicken feather stuck to the bottom of the page. Hmm, he thought. Smells like… like tar .

He quickly stuffed the note back under the desk and into his book bag and looked up again to find that his potion was boiling over and turning a most unattractive shade of orange. Oh no! Harry jumped up to grab a rag to clean up the mess forming on his textbook.

Ron leaned over and peered into Harry's cauldron. "Lucky you, mate. Even Snape can't deny you've made a perfect Acne-Clearing Potion." Ron grinned and slapped Harry on the back.

"You're right, " Harry admitted as he sunk back into his chair, "but we're supposed to be making Acne-Causing Potion."

Lunch in the Great Hall proved to be more illuminating than anything that had happened that day. Harry didn't care if he was sitting amongst a chatty and giggly group of Gryffindor girls at the table. A particularly cute First Year giggled uncontrollably across from him, talking to her neighbor in an annoyingly high-pitched voice. It didn't matter, he'd managed to find a seat beside Hermione and immediately started interrogating her.

"Harry, do you really think I'd be behaving this way for no reason?" Hermione admonished, rolling her eyes.

"You have to admit, everyone's acting really strange! Lavender's answering all the questions in class and you're parading around with the airheads like you're one of them! You haven't spoken to me or Ron all week and I heard Parvati's started a cheerleading squad. It's like some conspiracy going on. Don't tell me you're involved…"

Hermione interrupted him. "Of course I'm involved, Harry. I tried out for the squad yesterday after Transfiguration. In fact, I'm in charge of writing the cheers and Parvati's choreographing them."

Harry was stunned. What could this mean? "Why on Earth would you want to do that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson." Hermione replied. The cute-but-annoying girl across from Harry turned to face him.

"Your name is Watson?" She turned to her friend. "His name is Watson? I thought he was Harry Baker or something…"

Harry ignored her, waiting for Hermione to elaborate.

Under her breath she explained, "Trust me on this, Harry. I figured out before you did that things weren't right. I have a theory I'm investigating and if you don't leave me alone, you'll blow my cover. I'll owl you this evening with what I've found out so far, but it's big, Harry. It's a huge conspiracy and I'm going to reveal the whole thing for everyone by the weekend. You won't believe it."

Harry felt better after lunch. Hermione had long ago established herself as the one with the brains and common sense. He should have had faith that she would solve the mystery before he caught wind of it. He quickly ate some lunch and headed to the tower for Divination class.
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Old 01-07-2004, 10:27 PM   #11 (permalink)

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I know I just wrote, but I MUST reply.

First... I have a seal! I must set about having someone make me an avatar version... that tickled me so much.

Second:
Quote:
Dear Flitwick (you vomitus, stinking old prune!),

I will never forgive you, you selfish, selfish, little man. You have incurred a wrath unlike any you've ever imagined. You will wish you'd never been born, you filthy, lecherous toad. Yeah, you know it. I sent the gnomes, you tired little pipsqueak, and you may want to watch the skies for flying monkeys too, you malodorous bag of doxie dung.

As ever,
C.

P.S. I hope you like tuna.
This is BRILLIANT... because it sounds a lot like me. And I used the word malodorous, which makes me want to just KISS you.

And now I must run away because the SlashMonster misunderstood and is chasing me right out the door. But I'll be back to check on the mayhem!
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Old 01-07-2004, 10:54 PM   #12 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Glad you liked it, Cassirin. The conclusion to this story will be forthcoming. It may not be up until tomorrow as my daughter is ticked off that I've been writing instead of playing with her.
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Old 01-08-2004, 12:18 AM   #13 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

I can't believe this, but it's finished. Here you go... the final installment of this story:

Harry and Ron reached the top of Trelawny's ladder and made their way to their usual table at the back of the dim, fragrant room. Ron nudged him and nodded at their table. Harry looked to see Lavender already sitting there, her face buried in her History Of Magic textbook. Parvati joined her with a puzzled look, then brought out a small notebook where she began making notes and diagrams. Suddenly afraid, the boys looked around for a table as far away from Trelawny as possible. They were too late. All the good spots had quickly filled up with their classmates and they were forced to sit at the very front of the class where Lavender and Parvati usually sat. They hung their heads in misery and sat down.

"Miss Brown, Miss Patil…" Trelawny squeaked. Trelawny had never fully recovered from her ordeal the previous year; having been sacked by Dolores Umbridge had tipped her over the edge. Harry heard news from Hagrid over the summer that their divination teacher, though reinstated by Dumbledore, had been frequenting the pubs in Hogsmeade and developed quite a serious drinking problem.

"Girls, wouldn't you like to come and sit by me where you can participate better?" Trelawny wrung a lacy hanky in her hand feverishly, her entire body shaking slightly. Her long hair was falling out of its dressings and hanging in wisps around her face.

When her two star pupils ignored her in favor of their own pursuits, she fell into her chair with a plop where she remained for the rest of the class, silently pulling out a small flask from which she sipped while she daydreamed. Harry and Ron took little notice of her drinking, as they'd both dozed off at their table - as did most of the class.

At the end of the period, the Professor snapped out of her daze and announced that class was dismissed. Harry was the last to waken and was astonished to find his professor sitting in Ron's chair beside him. Her body went rigid and her eyes rolled back into her head behind her large glasses.

Oh great. She's doing it again, and again I'm the only one around to see it.

She grabbed Harry's arm and in a deep, other-worldly voice exclaimed, "She comes! Run and hide, for the Queen Chicken-mum has come. No one is safe. She confuses them and turns her wrath to the smallest among us. Great, screaming, flying beasts precede her…" then she passed out in her chair. Harry fled.

He caught Hermione on the grand staircase on his way to Herbology.

"Hermione. You have to tell me right now what you know. I think that Professor Flitwick is in danger and I think I know why everyone's acting weird!"

"What are you talking about, Harry? You'll be late for Quidditch if you don't hurry up and get dressed!"

"Quidditch?! It's October, Hermione, quidditch hasn't even started!" Harry was desperate. He had been fooled. Hermione doesn't know anything! She's been 'confused' like everyone else!

Hermione pointed up the stairs, "Then why is everyone on their way to the pitch? Honestly Harry, you can't expect me to remind you of everything all the time. Now I have to go get my cheerleading gear on." Harry looked up to see his fellow Gryffindor players all geared up and heading toward him. Ron held out Harry's uniform and broom and rushed off. He turned back to Hermione and grabbed her arm.

"Hermione, you're not a cheerleader! You're an academic! You don't even like quidditch!"

"Not so, Harry," Hermione began to look uncertain. "I even wrote a theme song for Ron that puts "Weasley is our King" to shame."

"A theme song? You couldn't write a theme song if your brain depended on it, Hermione. Wait a minute… for RON? What about me? Did you write a theme song for me?" He took her by the shoulders and shook her. "Write MY theme song, Hermione! I'm the seeker! I demand you write a theme song for me!"

Hermione began to cower. Her face screwed up in terror and she slipped from his grasp to run off into the crowd of cheering and hollering students headed outside into the stormy afternoon.

Harry looked around him, barely cognizant of the faint haze of purple smoke hanging in the air. He shook his head. What is happening? Why am I standing here? I have to get dressed! He picked up his dropped broom and uniform and ran out, headed for the locker room.

As the Gryffindor quidditch team took to the air from the locker room gate, Harry was cursing the poor weather and whoever scheduled a game in this storm. It was raining hard and lightning flashed in the near distance, the thunder crack loud enough that he could feel it in the handle of his Firebolt.

Harry was directly above the Gryffindor Cheerleading squad, led by Hermione and Parvati. They all wore identical gold hotpants and red halter tops beneath open, flowing red capes bearing a large Gryffindor Crest on the back. Hermione was struggling, trying to remember the calls as she shouted out for the girls to answer her.

"Gryffindor will not be bought off!" The girls shouted in unison.

"Slytherin rox my sox off!" Hermione shouted, flustered. The squad went silent and all stared at her, horrified. Even Harry stopped short and glared at her, as Parvati turned to Hermione and ordered her off the pitch for ruining their cheer.

Madam Hooch hurled the quaffle into the air and blew her whistle. Harry circled the pitch mechanically looking for the snitch. He realized that he didn't even know what team they were playing against. He looked around to see uniforms of both Ravenclaw and Slytherin flying around him. The goal behind him was minded by the Hufflepuff keeper. He took a deep breath and suddenly realized that it was all terribly wrong! He was about to fly down to Madam Hooch to have the game stopped and warn her about Flitwick's note, Trelawny's prediction and the absurdity of this whole week when he was distracted by an unusual flock of birds in the distance. Harry waited, entranced by the formation as they neared. As they got closer, horror struck him. Flying Monkeys!

He searched the stands for Flitwick but couldn't find the wee professor. When he finally spotted him, it was too late. The air was thick with flying bodies, the great winged monkeys with spotted gray fur and wearing little purple hats and vests emblazoned with the gold crest of Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Cupcaketopia. Harry aimed his broom straight at the ground and flew down to dismount.

In the middle of the pitch, there was suddenly a crack of lightning that hit the ground. When Harry's eyes adjusted from the flash there stood the Queen herself, dressed in elaborate purple velvet and ermine. She wielded a staff topped with gold and jewels, which she now aimed at Flitwick. The monkeys in the air above them seemed to answer a silent order and a pair of them flew directly into the stands where the professor cowered behind his fleeing co-workers. They picked him up by his arms and flew him across the pitch, his little legs squirming and kicking at their ribs.

The flying monkeys held the tiny professor aloft several feet in front of the vengeful Queen and Harry could see she was talking. He wished at that moment that she had used a 'sonorus' spell so he could hear, as he found himself unable to move. The Queen reached inside her cloak, pulled out something and threw to the ground in front of her. Whatever it was inflated very quickly to resemble a giant cauldron, bubbling with warm tar. The stench was powerful, and Harry tried to run to Flitwick's aid. He remained frozen to the spot however, and he could only cry out as the monkeys dropped Flitwick into the bubbling goo. Flitwick climbed out of the pot only to have a pillowcase-full of chicken feathers dumped on him.

A flock of monkeys landed in a circle around Flitwick then, and started lobbing little purple pumpkins at the humiliated man. The ground was slick with rain and the professor fell, slipping and rolling around in a pile of something. The monkeys continued throwing pumpkins and Harry took another deep breath. He smelled tuna.

The Queen looked satisfied. She herself threw one last purple pumpkin at the tar, feather and tuna covered blob that was Professor Flitwick. She looked around to admire the chaos she'd created and locked eyes with Harry, who was both attracted to and terrified by this powerful young woman. She smiled, winked and blew Harry a quick kiss before mounting one of her minions and leading them all up into the sky and out of sight.

People all around him seemed to regain their senses. The Cheerleading squad ran screaming from the pitch, trying desperately to cover their bare skin and outrageous costumes. Quidditch players dismounted in front of him, shaking their heads and wondering aloud what had happened. A throng of professors raced onto the pitch to help Flitwick and Harry sat down on the wet grass.

"Well, I guess that explains a lot." He said to himself. "I don't know what Flitwick did to deserve that woman's anger, but I'll bet it wasn't good."

THE END
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Old 01-08-2004, 12:20 AM   #14 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Thanks for reading, people. This has been an Evil Elite Fanfiction Dare Production. (Ahead of the deadline, I might add.)

Cassirin's dare:
New dare:
* Someone wears an ugly hat that could frighten small children and dogs.
* Harry demands a theme song... from someone.
* Hermione says, "Elementary, my dear Watson," to which someone else responds to that person, "Your name is Watson?"
* There must be purple smoke, lightening, and glitter.... but not all at once.
* An under-appreciated professor must play an important role.
**Extra credit if you get revenge for me on Flitwick for THE WEDDING (see Lotus's dare)

Due: Jan. 10

devils_work's dare:

-- A Gryffindor has to yell during a Quidditch match "Slytherin rox my sox off!"
-- Hermione tries out for a cheerleading squad [its up to you if she makes it or not]
-- A boy starts a newspaper which only has a gossip column
-- Someone has to start singing 'Twinkle twinkle' during potions
-- Dumbledore dresses up as Santa Claus on Christmas day, and Snape as Rudolph
-- Either Parvati or Lavendar (or both) answer questions better and faster than Herm ever did in all classes except Divination.

Due Date: Jan 13th
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Old 01-08-2004, 02:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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OMG! You just made my day! That had to be the funniest evilest most...pink tightish story I have EVER read!!! Yay! I get to sing to you!!!

:music_band:

Welcome to the Evil Elite!
That was a dare that's hard to beat!
Cass's revenge on Flitwick had me fallin' off my chair!
And you set a SS record for the longest dare!

YAY EVLPEZ!!!



Once again, that dare was amazing. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it, and I can't wait for more from you!!!

Toodles! :sorcerer:
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Old 01-08-2004, 02:23 AM   #16 (permalink)

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Quote:
And you set a SS record for the longest dare!
LOL. Not hard, I'm afraid. One of the biggest problems with my writing is the wordiness.

Thanks for the kind er.. evil words and rockin' song.

I had help with Cassirin's revenge. In reply to Lotus' dare with the wedding, Cass had this to say:
Quote:
Cassirin Louise Dohickey, Queen of Cupcaketopia would like to let you in on a little secret. She has ordered a band of flying monkey to come to your house, kidnap you and your diabolical computer, tar you, feather you, let the underpants gnomes steal your underpants, and then roll you around in a pile of tuna fish straight from a purple pumpkin. Then she'll whisper in your ear: Gotcha!
Once I figured out a couple of the mission elements, the rest just fell into place.
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Old 01-08-2004, 03:34 AM   #17 (permalink)
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hehehehehehehe i can't stop giggling - that was brilliant!

now i'm speechless - that must be a first!
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Old 01-08-2004, 04:46 AM   #18 (permalink)
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The Great and Terrible Zymurgy *thunder* welcomes you. Deal.
Congratulations Evlpez!!! *does evil dance* GO EVLPEZ! I would have replied sooner, but my brother wanted me to pay by the minute for using his computer while mine has problems...
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Old 01-09-2004, 08:15 AM   #19 (permalink)

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Viva Buymoria! Love you Twin!

Thanks, Kirstie!

Nice thunder, Zym. I'm very impressed. Thanks for the welcome and the evil dance. I hope your machine gets well soon.

I've always wanted my own thunder.
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Old 01-09-2004, 10:21 PM   #20 (permalink)

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Quote:
When Harry's eyes adjusted from the flash there stood the Queen herself, dressed in elaborate purple velvet and ermine. She wielded a staff topped with gold and jewels, which she now aimed at Flitwick.
yep, sounds just like me. I love my purple velvet and ermine. And does this mean I have a band of flying monkeys, or do those monkeys belong to the whole Elite? Chickens ARE flightless... the monkeys would be good for conveying my whole menagerie around.

Quote:
She looked around to admire the chaos she'd created and locked eyes with Harry, who was both attracted to and terrified by this powerful young woman. She smiled, winked and blew Harry a quick kiss before mounting one of her minions and leading them all up into the sky and out of sight.
Teehee... hope the ShipMonster won't get me for this!

Evlpez - you are too funny for words... your comedic genius made my day! And my revenge... too sweet. Thanks! I hope you write again soon.
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Old 01-09-2004, 11:09 PM   #21 (permalink)

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Quote:
And does this mean I have a band of flying monkeys, or do those monkeys belong to the whole Elite? Chickens ARE flightless... the monkeys would be good for conveying my whole menagerie around.
Yes, As far as I'm concerned, the monkeys are yours to do with as you wish. You ARE the Queen and all, and they're already dressed appropriately.
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Old 01-10-2004, 04:59 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Elvpez: Because you are my personal Project Ferret friend, (translation: the founder has been bribed) you may have your own personal "Theme." Sorry, the thunder has been taken, (by me) as has the lightning electric sizzle crackle pop (Lotus) and even Dun dun DUHN! (Cassrin) However, you may have this:

da dididlde DA da. da DUM!

if you know what I mean. Or, if you don't like that one, you can go Shakespearian, and have *alarums* Alarums are cool. Take your choise, oh evil one!

as for the "longest dare" is this really longer than Harvey? *goes off to check* :whisle:
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Old 01-10-2004, 05:06 AM   #23 (permalink)

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Ooo... monkeys with wings... every young queens' dream! And they are E-vil monkeys too.

Wow, pezzy (because its somehow easier to type)... you lucked out today. I have no idea why I just called you Pezzy, but it made me happy. I'll try not to do it again.

Anyway, you got a theme song AND you already have an evil army of skull pez dispensers... *sniff* I'm jealous.

You know, back in the day, I had some LOOOONG dares. Is this longer than those? *also goes off to check*
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Old 01-10-2004, 05:17 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I'm sorry if my 'longest dare' comment has caused some debate. It might not be, but it rhymed and at the time, it seemed perdy dang long, but I could be wrong, so I didn't mean to insult Harvey or sum of the queen of cupcaketopia's earlier dares...It rhymed! So it was said! sorry for the confusion. I am deeply ashamed :unsure: I'll be more selective 'bout my words in the near future, starting...NOW! and I'm off...
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Old 01-11-2004, 03:04 AM   #25 (permalink)

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Quote:
You know, back in the day, I had some LOOOONG dares. Is this longer than those? *also goes off to check*
If it helps anyone, I created this story in MS Word - I used Arial font - size 12, and it took 10 pages. (I'm sick, I know.)
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