This thread is intended to contain my drabbles and ficlets that are being written as gifts for the readers in my fic Shades of Black. Feel free to PM me if you have a scene/pairing/drabble/dare you'd like to see done.


The Only One He Ever Feared

Severus Snape was scared. As he moved silently through the darkened house, he reflected on the fact that in all his years as a spy, he’d never once felt this terror.

He hadn’t even felt this scared when someone had stolen all of Voldemort’s toilet seats so that they could be used as giant horseshoes.

A spell was cast behind him, and Snape was tied down by a knit sweater. “Now, Severus… I used oatmeal and ripe bananas.”

Molly Weasley appeared before him, a bottle clutched in her hand. “And now… I will wash your hair with my homemade shampoo.”


Requested by Biochemkris:
* Snape, Voldemort, Mrs. Weasley
* a banana, a horseshoe, and a jumper/sweater

OMG! That was hilarious. It sounds like an actual nightmare Snape might have.

EDIT: I'd like to request another one:

A family dinner with Sirius and the Potters.

Dating 101
For Lissydove


The room was long and narrow, with six or seven chairs clustered together at one end. The smell of coffee permeated the air, and the pot in question percolated away next to a tray of tarts and biscuits. Three men huddled in their chairs, ignoring each other and glancing nervously at the clock and the door before returning to their respective coffee cups.

There was movement at the door as a man wearing flowing black robes appeared and sneered at the men in the room. “I’m in the wrong place.” He eyed the tarts with indecision, but it was enough to entice him another step into the room.

“No… this is the place, Professor,” a man with neatly combed red hair and glasses stood and offered his hand. The dark man stared at it as if he’d catch a disease, and the red-haired man lowered it.

“Sit down! Everyone… have a seat. I’ve arrived… you may hold any applause or questions until after I’m done talking,” a man in brilliantly gold robes with a sign dangling about his neck entered the room and held up his hands as if warding off a large crowd. The sign said: Name: Gilderoy Lockhart. Purpose: Teacher of Seminar.

The men all sat up and studied Gilderoy Lockhart as he poured himself a cup of coffee, burned his tongue on it, and then proceeded to fling it across the room before stepping into their circle. “My name is…” he checked the sign. “Gil-de-roy Lock-hart. And I’m the teacher of this class.” He looked up eagerly. “What are we learning?”

A young man with a face full of pimples and buck teeth stood. “We’re ‘ere to learn ‘ow to get a date, aren’ we? Are you the teacher?” He studied Lockhart with suspicion before looking to the other men.

Part 2

“Now I know I’m in the wrong place,” Severus Snape abandoned his biscuit and made a beeline for the door.

The youngest of the men, a slightly pudgy version wearing rumpled robes, jumped to his feet. “N-no, Professor. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If someone s-sent you here, then pull up a chair. I’m sure P-profe… Mr. Lockhart has loads to teach us.” Lockhart smiled vaguely and tried to read his sign upside down.

“You don’t understand, Longbottom,” Snape swirled and his robes swept elegantly around his feet. “I’m the Adonis of the out-of-character fanfiction world. I get all the women, and I’m highly desirable. They hold debates about boxers versus briefs, for Merlin’s sake! I’m not looking for tips to catch a date; I’m looking for the ‘My Fans Keep Writing Me As Sexy’ Support Group.” He eyed those in front of him. “I don’t suppose any of you have that problem.” And with a flurry of robes, he was gone.

The three men remaining in the room turned to where Gilderoy Lockhart sat cross-legged in a chair, chewing on a piece of chalk. “I think we’re ready to begin, Mr. Lockhart,” the red-haired man cleared his throat and sat at attention. “I’ll begin. My name is Percy Weasley, and my mother asked me to come here today. She said I’m not getting any younger, and some wicked person (*coughLissycough*) told her that all I needed to be “normal” again was a nice girl. I think that I’m quite normal, just ambitious, but if you’ve ever met my mother, you know that she can be more than a little persuasive.” He smiled politely and turned to the man next to him.

“Blimey, ‘e is a real talker, inee?” The man slapped his knee. “My name is Stanley Shunpike, but all me friends call me Stan. Ernie says I don’ know nuffink about women, and so ‘ere I am, right?” Stan laughed heartily.

The last man gave a little squeal when they looked at him and tried to hide behind his hands. “M-my name is Neville Longbottom, and I’m afraid of girls. THERE! I’ve said it. I’M AFRAID OF GIRLS.” He slumped into his seat. “I feel so much better.”

Lockhart was chewing on the button on his shirt when Neville finished. “What? OH! My name is…” He checked. “Gil-de-roy Lock-hart. Yes. I like buttons, yes? And socks with toeses. What am I teaching about again?”

Percy cleared his throat, having taken on the roll of spokesman. “We’re here to learn your sage advice on getting a date. More than one, really. Dates. Plural.”

“Oh,” Lockhart nodded as if he suddenly understood the seriousness of his task and stroked his chin. “I think your best bet is to go to the grocery and buy a whole bag of them. I think dates are a bit squishy when ripe.”

Neville eeped, and Stan made an impatient gesture. “No, see… I don’t think you’re unnerstanning us. What about the girls?”

Lockhart nodded again. “You can buy a whole bag of dates. Plenty for you and for your girl. But some girls don’t like dates, so maybe you should buy figs or kiwis or even strawberries.” A little bell rang, and he jumped to his feet. “Well, our time is up for tonight! I have to go back to the hospital and take my little cup of pills.” He blew them kisses and bowed before skipping out of the room.

Percy stood and straightened the pleats in his slacks. “I blame Lissy.”




The Request:
Percy Weasley (hehehehehe - you knew I was ready to say that)
Stan Shunpike - LMAO
Neville Longbottom

Send them to a Wizarding class on how to get a date or something...

HAHAHAHAHA *loves* MWAH that was totally funnyness. yeah not a word but still tee hee

I love how Neville eeeepd LOL and Percy blames Lissy and how Gilderoy thinks dates are squishy when ripe hehehe.

*dang Cass beat me*

Ern! I didn't know you posted the seperate thread!

*prepares to double post after I read*

hehe

It's official:

I love Ern! I am her #1 Fangirl and no one can object! *stares*

This was hilarious! I loved your drabble for Kris!



I'm going to (try to) tone it down on the quotes, otherwise I'll quote it all! hehe

hehehe Great description of the setting! You are too awesome!

hehe Everyone loves a tart! *giggles*

*giggles more in anticipation*

OMG! I never even thought of him as the teacher! *dies* Erin you are a genius! Pure genius!

bahahahahahahahahahaha



NooOoOooO! Stay! hehehe

Neville Poor confused Gilderoy!

Now this was genius again! OMG This was so funny and true! *dies*

He is so cute like this!

Percy hehehe I really do believe that!

Aawww Stan.... I'm not sure Ernie is an authority, even if he is right!

*hugs Neville*

I think this is my favorite line!

Oh yes, plural. Though I think they may be lucky to get one.

Ok, maybe this is my favorite... Maybe it's #2... *ponders*

Awww.... poor Gilderoy! He is so sweet like this! Keep taking your meds and may you never change!

bahahahahahaha *loves on percy* It's ok... You do need a nice normal girl *cough* nice anyway...

I'm not sure I really toned down on my quotes

Ern, this was soooooooo great! Awesome! I'm your fan forever (already was, but still). Thank you very, very much! You expanded on my random, silly idea and made it so much better then I could ever have. Loved it!

I have to think of another! In the meantime - *anticipates Kris's next one*

OMFG.... You're wicked Cass! I was seriously about to have a heart attack...
It was awesome, Can't for more...I'd request but I'll edit some other time when I can finally calm myself down...

I'm sure Lissy will have a request for you soon...Hehe, **Brainstorms**

~~RQT XD

*coughhernameiserincough*

That was awesome. You're so good at canon. I try to stay away from actual characters because it's too easy too occ (my Snape being a case in point but, at least I know he's ooc tee hee).

*dies* that was great! very funny!

THAT WAS SO FUUNY PUTTING
PERCY AND LONGBOTTOM IN IT....YA...GOOD TIMES...GOOD TIMES LOL

XOXOXOXOX rebecafl XOXOXOXOXOX

And another for Kris...


Dinner at Godric's Hollow

“James Potter! You didn’t!” Lily Evans Potter glared at her husband before shooting an equally deadly look at his best friend. “Tell me you at least used the broom seat. Or a helmet or… did you really?”

Sirius seemed totally unconcerned with Lily’s tirade as he piled his plate high with the food she’d prepared. He grinned and shrugged before leaving James to take the brunt of her anger.

“You’re a crap godfather,” James remarked off-handedly, catching a bowl flying from the highchair without even looking over at Harry. Harry squealed. “You nearly kill us all, and then you go and report it back to my wife to get me in trouble.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and made a show of ignoring James as he leaned over and poked Harry. “Come on there, little man. Show your mum what Uncle Sirius taught you.” He poked him again and pulled faces until Harry clapped his hands and shouted out words that were not to be repeated in polite conversation.

“James!” Lily’s glare got more potent, if that was possible, and she threw her balled up napkin at his head.

“I didn’t teach it to him!” James pulled off his glasses to wipe Harry’s dinner off of them. “Why are you yelling at me when it was clearly Padfoot who taught it to him?”

“That’s a good boy,” Sirius patted Harry’s tousled black curls. “Don’t grow up to be like either of your parents, Harry. Your daddy is whipped, and your mum is all bent out of shape over a little flying lesson.”

“First of all, it isn’t a flying lesson if you take him for a ride on your flying motorcycle, and second of all… you took him out on a flying motorcycle!” She glared at James again.

James shrugged uncomfortably and resumed attempting to coax Harry into eating his dinner. “Come on, Harry. Eat the peas. Mmm…” James made a face as he spit out the handful of peas Harry had tossed his way. “Your son is throwing food.”

“Your son probably learned that from his idiotic godfather as well,” Lily retorted. “We should have gone with Remus. I told you I wanted Remus.”

Sirius looked offended. “Lil… that was mean. I mean... that was really nasty. I’m Prongs’ best friend. Remus might be more responsible and cleverer and actually good with children, but I… Why didn’t you choose Remus?”

“Cleverer isn’t a word,” Lily said, but her tone was softer. Almost apologetic. “Don’t take him up in the motorcycle anymore. It scares me.” She looked at Harry, who was stealing food off of Sirius’s plate.

“No more motorcycle,” Sirius vowed solemnly. “Besides, I bought him a great broom. It is the job of the godfather to provide his godson with a quality broom throughout his life.”

“A broom? But he only turned one in…” Lily looked to James, who gave her a significant look. “Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Padfoot. I’m sure that Harry will love flying as soon as he learns how to walk.”

She rose and took Harry from James, climbing the stairs in their Godric’s Hollow home. Harry needed a bath, and James needed time to talk to Sirius alone for a bit. That’s what all the letting-Uncle-Sirius-have-his-own-way had been about, Lily mused. James wanted Sirius in a good mood when he had to tell him that they’d decided to make Peter their Secretkeeper.

“Alright, big guy,” Lily pulled Harry’s pea-smeared jumper over his head and set him in the tub. “Mum is going to tell you all about Halloween while you splash around. Now, we’ll see that all the Muggle kids put on costumes next week, but you don’t do that, kiddo. You’re a wizard, Harry.” She laughed and splashed his chubby legs.


The challenge:
A family dinner with Sirius and the Potters.


Seriously, folks... I've run out. Send me a challenge. Do it.

Ern this was so bittersweet, I loved it. I can completely picture dinner at Godric's Hollow being like this. I love your attention to detail and how your work fits so well with canon.

hehe That sounds so like how I picture him!

bahahahahahahaha! And so sad at the same time knowing what happens... *sigh*

Awesome and soooooo Sirius!

Poor Lily! I don't think I'd like that idea either.

I wonder how close Lily and Remus were. I mean not in a cheat on James kind of way. But cetainly I think they were close.

Now this was just genious foreshadowing. So sad too. So sad.

More awesome foreshadowing!

Now I want to see what happens next!

And such a bitterswet ending. Well don Ern, very well done!


Thinks fast... Uhm... Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Luna go out during summer break and must only do muggle activities for the day.


PS:
I Sirius *sigh*

*loved it like whoa*

That was awesomeness personified. I loved loved loved it. You could have gone either way with that one so, if you got bored, you could always do the other option (though I see Lissy posted another challenge up there already).

heheHEhe! i loved it, i loved all of them, but that made me laugh so hard i nearly fell out of my chair. and then i got to the end and i sniffled. it's sad, funny, but ultimitely sad. good job!

i have a request... Arthur plucking up the courage to ask Molly to marry him. I see that as a potentially hilarious moment. what do you see?

Oh YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY... what with your challenge and Lissy's... I've got my brain rolling around them both. Thank you so much for reading .

And in other news... I'm almost ready to update Shades of Black. Yay. Finally.

In other other news... every time I see your siggy, druidflower, I keep thinking, "I can kill you with my brain." *hugs*