The Thought That Counts

“Can I say Happy Birthday, or should I not?” The teasing voice came from my older sister. I couldn’t help but smile at her, as I shook my head no. It was December 3, 2068 and I was home for the holidays from Hogwarts. Convenient that my birthday would roll around when I was at home. I was kind of hoping I would still be at school at the time. I hated making a big deal about this stupid day. Sammy knew that and I was grateful for it, but that didn’t stop her from being playful.

“Ok can I at least give you a birthday present?” She asked, her chocolate brown eyes were identical to mine, but hers held more of a sparkle. Kind of like Dad’s. I don’t think mine ever sparkled.

I felt my cheeks warm at her question. I already had to deal with an embarrassing birthday party that my mom insisted on. Yeah it was just family and a few close friends, but still. I hated the whole concept. Sammy wasn’t as obnoxious during the party, but now I really wished she would just leave me alone. Everybody had gone home already, and I can hear Mom cleaning up in the living room. So like Sammy to hide from Mom when she was in cleaning mode. Dad I could only guess was reading to the twins. He always read them a story around this time. It was just me and Sammy sitting in her room talking about this useless day.

Seeing the pleading look in her eyes made me cave. I sighed and nodded my head. She was already used to my quiet responses. I was never much of a talker and she never pushed me like others did. I did come a great deal, and I will speak when asked a question. But most people who know me now don’t push for a long discussion.

Sammy smiled at me as she saw that I would accept her gift. I really hope it wasn’t something that would make me blush. Instead of standing to get the gift in which I thought would be in some obvious hiding spot, she sat down on her bed and crossed her legs. I was sitting on the floor, my back against the bed, so I turned my body so I could look at her.

“My present is going to be different from other peoples. I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t buy you a present at all.” She waited for me to shrug my shoulders, showing her I didn’t care an ounce. “But I still want to get you something. So if you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

Her question took me by surprise. Nobody has ever asked what I wanted for my birthday. They were probably just expecting me to say ‘I don’t know’, but it still would’ve been nice to know that somebody was actually trying to give me something I actually wanted. I mean my grandma from Greece sent me a pair of parachute pants for crying out loud. But I guess it was the thought that she remembered my birthday was what counted.

I took a minute to think what I most wanted. Lizzie really needed a new aquarium. It was not as nice as at used to be a few years ago. Then again I could always get that later. I didn’t want her to buy me something that could easily be very expensive. Then the thing I wanted tickled my brain, as if a feather was there, reminding that it was there. I looked at my sister and wondered what she would say at my request. She would probably say no just like everybody else. But she did say anything. And I wanted this so much. Now to just ask it out loud.

“Um…I know what I want.” I said quietly at first.

Sammy gave me an encouraging smile and said, “Tell me. Anything you want.”

I took a slow, easy breath, and then looked her straight in the eye. “Can you take me to go see Benny?”

Sammy froze just like I knew she would. Benny had been in his coma for a little more than four years now. I haven’t gone to see him once. Mom absolutely refused it. She didn’t know I heard them argue about the issue a few times. I have really sharp hearing, so even though they were speaking low in their room, while I was in the living room, I was still able to hear their ever word. Mom thinks I’m too fragile to see him. After his accident, I had gone into a catatonic state. I didn’t talk to anybody. I barely functioned right. It shook me up tremendously and it took me a little more than a year to truly come out. I still wasn’t over the whole thing; I don’t think I ever will be. But I had healed a little since I was seven.

I wanted to see him now. I wanted to know that he was still alive. I wanted to know that it all wasn’t a lie that he was lying in a hospital somewhere. I had almost gotten Dad to take me once, but he couldn’t go against his wife’s word. He wasn’t scared of her, he just silently agreed with her in a way. Sammy was my only shot to be able to see him now. I really didn’t want to get her in trouble with Mom, which I know will happen, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to see my brother.

“Be-Benny?” she stuttered. I watched her as she began to think quietly to herself, biting her lip. She has been able to see him whenever she wanted, and it upset me a little that Mom can trust her and not me. She has been going three times a week since she graduated from school. I always wanted to go with her, but Mom always intervened.

“Please Sammy?” I asked her. I knew there was a hidden sorrow in my eyes that she was seeing now. I guess it was too intense for her because she had to look away from me. I didn’t push her any further. My chances were greater if I let her think this out rather than beg like a spoiled child.

After five whole minutes of silence, I had all but come to her rejection. I bowed my head in a subdued blush, ashamed that I would ask her if such a big thing. I looked up quickly as a slow, “Ok.” Slipped from her lips.

Standing up in one swift motion, I looked at her with wide eyes. She was really going to go against Mom’s orders? I questioned her with my eyes, looking at ever inch of her face to see if she was bluffing. Without flinching, she gave me a gentle nod and stood up from her bed.

“Sneak back to your room and grab your jacket. I’ll deal with the parentals.” She said, and my mouth dropped open in surprise. She was really going to do this for me!

I didn’t need telling twice and rushed out the room in silent footsteps. I made it to my room, and turned the knob slowly. Great! Dad was reading to the twins in the living room. For a second I thought they would be in here, and then I would have to explain why I was getting my jacket. I grabbed the one nearest to the door and counted to ten. At nine, the door opened again, and Sammy entered. A determined look was carved on her face and I was grateful to have a sister like her.

She walked over to me in tiny steps, and cautioned me to be quiet. I nodded and waited for her to do something. Her eyes rolled in their sockets, looking everywhere and listening. Finally she heard a door open and close. A satisfied grin swiped on her face and she walked over to me and put her hand out for me. I took it excitedly and waited for her to apparate. The horrible claustrophobic feeling of being sucked into a tube began and I knew we were leaving home. I tried not to panic as the daunting feeling of being stuck in the tube began to worm its way inside me. I squeezed Sammy’s hand to know that she was still there and closed my eyes tightly. I could feel my body begin to tremble as the panic began to sink in. Just as I was about to let out a terrified scream, my feet hit solid ground.

“Danny? You ok?” The soft whisper from my right made my eyes flash open. I could see the terror beginning to cloud her deep brown eyes and I gave her a shaky smile. Something in my face made her bite her lip.

“I’m fine. Where are we?” I asked looking around. This didn’t look like the hospital. But then again I’ve never seen it. All I have seen was when Benny was submitted to St. Mungos. He was transferred to Asclepius Hospital a few days later and I was forced to stay home with Sammy. Where we were now, did not look like a hospital. It looked like we were in some abandon alleyway. A newspaper was floating gracefully around and I could see an overturn trashcan near the opening. The place was really starting to give me the creeps, and I couldn’t shake the claustrophobic feeling. It wasn’t as bad as being in the tube, but it still brought goose bumps to my arm.

“It’s just a short walk to the hospital. Couldn’t risk muggles.” She winked at me. She actually winked at me! That told me right there how nervous she was. I followed close behind her as she led us away from the alley and into fresh air. The night was easily chilly, but no snow had fallen down yet. Strange, but it was still the beginning of December to wonder where the snow was.

Up ahead, I could see the bug white building with way too many windows. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on ends. I shoved my hands in the pocket of my light jeans to keep them from shaking as sliding glass doors permitted our entrance. My nerves began to work on overdrive as I realized I was really here. I was going to see my brother after four long years. Yeah he may be unconscious and there was a slim chance he would ever wake again, but it was the thought that counts.

I stood shyly behind Sammy as she walked confidently to the front desk. “Hi. I’m here to see Benny Edwards. Room 317.”

The lady at the desk looked down to look at the two of us. She had strawberry blond hair that was slowly beginning to gray. She held a stern look on her face and pointed toward the clock above her. “Visiting hours end at eight o’clock. You’re five minutes too late darling.” She held a southern accent, which was strange because we were in the heart of England.

I frowned at what she said. We were too late and she was going to just send us home. But Sammy didn’t move an inch, nor did her confident smile falter. “Do you know if anything has changed since December first?” she asked.

I wondered what the heck she was doing, when I felt a sharp sting in my leg. She was kicking me! Why was she kicking me? I looked up at her confused and a little mad. Then I saw it. She was motioning with her eyes for me to go. I looked up at the lady and saw she was typing away at the computer. But I couldn’t do this. I didn’t have the nerve like she did. I was in no way sneaky. I then felt her hands on my back, pushing me lightly toward the elevator. I took a deep breath. It was now or never. Slowly, so I wouldn’t catch her attention, I made my way to the elevators. What floor was I suppose to go on? I had no idea where I was going.

“If it helps, my brother is on the third floor, ninth room down.” Sammy said in a sweet voice to the lady at the desk.

I knew she wasn’t helping the lady at all but me. I nodded thanks to her and pushed the up button to the elevator. Almost instantly the doors opened and I climbed on. I hit the close button so nobody would see me inside. Then I hit the number three. Once again I had to control myself not to panic in this enclosed space. Two things that have always freaked me out are enclosed spaces and blood. I counted to five in my head to calm me down and the door opened again. I breathed a sigh of relief and almost ran out. I slowed my pace so I wouldn’t grab people’s attention. Luckily the hallway was deserted. I counted the doors that I passed until I got to the ninth one. I stopped seeing that the door was halfway closed. I stood there staring at the door for a while. It was a little overwhelming that my brother was just inside that door. A few steps and I would be able to see him. I’ve wanted to see him for four years, but now I didn’t know if I could do it. What if he already looked dead? I don’t think I would be able to recover from that sight. I was sort of glad as my curiosity began to dominant my fear. I wanted to see if he was in there at all.

With a slight push, the door opened all the way. The only thing I could see in this line of sight was a green plush chair in the corner and the end of a hospital bed. A sky blue blanket was draped over the bed, so I couldn’t see if anybody was lying in the bed. I took a slow step inside. Should I have knocked? Oh well. I was already inside. I took another slow step. The bed was becoming longer in my sight. It definitely had a body inside it. I could see the lump of two legs sticking under the blanket. One more slow step. A honey colored hand came into my view lying limply on the bed. I swallowed my fear and took one big step so that I could see the whole bed.

He looked the same from what I remember. Almost. He had tubes and needles sticking into him all over his arms and one under his nose. His dark hair was a little longer but still slightly curly. His face was motionless but I knew his chocolate brown eyes that matched Sammy’s and mine were hiding underneath his eyelids. He was a little paler from what I remembered but I needed to remember he has been lying in a hospital bed for the past four years. He didn’t look close to death and that alone took my breath away. In the back of my head I was expecting to see a skeleton taking his spot. But it was him. My brother. The person I had looked up to since I was born.

As this realization sunk in, my fear evaporated completely. I was no longer scared of him. How could I? He was the same Benny Edwards. I walked over to him and took his honey colored hand into my own. Even four years without sun, he was still darker than me. This made me smile. I was the pale child out of the five of us. Even the twins had more color than me. A slow beep, beep, beep, brought my attention to the monitor next to him. I had no idea what all the numbers and dials meant or what they were suppose to do, but the beeping noise calmed me more than irritated me.

Looking at his lifeless body brought me joy, but it also brought on grief. He shouldn’t be lying here unconscious like this. He should be up and about. This brought tears to my eyes and I didn’t try to hold them in. Nobody was here to see me cry and even if there were, I wouldn’t care one bit. I laid by head on his stomach, letting a soft moan escape my lips. I felt something squeezing my hand, but I didn’t think much about it. I was letting it all out.

It wasn’t until I heard a loud clanking noise that my head popped up from Benny’s stomach. A nurse had walked in and dropped a tray of medical supplies onto the ground. She had light curly brown hair with a hint of blond highlights. Her hazel eyes were wide and looking at the bed. I started to blush like crazy and began slipping off the bed.

“No. Don’t move.” She said in a soft voice. I was in deep trouble now. I wonder where Sammy was.

“Do you feel that?” She asked me, looking at me intently. I had no idea what she was talking about. Feel what?

She must have seen the question in my eyes, because she motioned to my hand, which was still holding onto my brothers. I looked down and saw what was squeezing my hand. It was the honey colored hand. My eyes widened and I looked back over at the nurse.

She immediately took to action and began looking at the chart that lay next to him on the table. She observed the numbers on the machine and pushed a blue button next to his bed. “Yes?” A woman’s voice said through the speaker.

“Get Dr. Dean here quick!” the nurse said in the same soft voice she had, but it was a little more urgent than the one she used on me.

When she looked back at me, I still wasn’t sure if I was in trouble or not. Then she smiled. It brightened up her entire face and I couldn’t help but blush. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed she was smiling at me. It was just the smile was so beautiful and she was wasting it by smiling at me. “I know your not suppose to be here. But don’t worry. I want you to do something for me ok?” she said in her soft voice. I nodded to show her I would do it. “I want you to call your brother’s name. I assume this is your brother.”

She was smart. I had to give it to her. I nodded at her again and turned back to Benny. “Benny?” I said in almost a whisper.

“A little louder. It’s ok to be loud.” She encouraged.

I took another deep breath and said a little more clearly. “Benny? It’s Danny.” His hand squeezed mine in response.

“Benny. If you can understand us, I want you to squeeze Danny’s hand again.” The nurse said, coming closer to the two of us. It took a matter of two seconds and the gentle squeeze around my hand told us both he was waking from his coma.

We both leaned over the bed and watched as his eyelids fluttered. I think I forgot to breath because I was beginning to grow really dizzy. Then his eyes were open. He blinked a few times, like he was trying to get the hang of it. Finally his chocolate brown eyes landed on me and the same brightening smile I loved, spread on his face. “Hey Dan-Dan.” He said in a scratchy voice. I couldn’t believe it. He was awake! A shaky smile fell onto my lips that I hope didn’t look like a grimace.

In that moment, so many things happened at once. First, whom I suspected was Dr. Dean walked in with two other nurses. Then Sammy walked in and I walked over to her, getting out of everybody’s way. A questioning look was on her face as I stopped in front of her. “He’s waking up.” Was all I had to say. Her eyes flooded with tears and she pulled me close to her. I leaned into her as I watched the doctors and nurses ask him question after question.

A half an hour later I was found sitting on Benny’s bed, by myself. He was sitting up too and leaning against three pillows. Sammy had gone back home to tell Mom and Dad the news. I wanted to stay and nobody argued with me. It had been a long day and my eyes were beginning to grow heavy, but I didn’t want to stop looking at him. Scared he might disappear.

”Tired Dan-Dan?” he chuckled. I gave him a shy smile and nodded my head. He moved over on his bed and pulled me down on the pillow next to him. My head feel down onto the pillow and Benny turned over so he could face me.

“I missed you Benny.” I said quietly, and a small, happy tear fell down my cheek. He wiped the tear from off my cheek and said, “I missed you too Danny.”

So I finally wrote it down!
Feels good to have that off my chest