September 19
[9:03 pm]

Samson is a pompous pig head.

He’s stupid, thinks he’s better than everyone else, and acts like a know it all. And he’s infuriating and drives me crazy in the worst way. WORST.

I’m so sick of him.

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September 21
[9:27 pm]

Ran into Gavin today and we had a long, really interesting talk. Mostly, we discussed mine and Samson’s fight the other day, and how Gavin thinks I intimidate him. Samson, that is. It was a weird idea, but he thinks that’s why Samson gets so weird with me sometimes. I donno, personally, but it’s an interesting guess, and all.

The most interesting part of the conversation, though, was when we discussed his family and how he doesn’t believe in wishes or wishing stars and my abundance of hope and stuff. I wish he would, though, because Gavin seems to be an incredible person, if he’d just allow himself to chance it with others.

Either way, he cheered me up and made me happy. And that, I think, is what matters.

At least for me, it is.

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September 26
[8:27 pm]

I want to go home. I miss home so very much.

I’m tired of Hogwarts.

I’m tired of people.

I’m tired of this.

It smells like peppermint.

I don’t want to see him see him ever again.

I don’t want to see them ever again.

I want to go home.

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[9:32 pm]

Note to self: Talk to the odd silver haired boy from the Common Room.

Zero. He tried to cheer me up earlier

He seemed nice and seemed to know it was a boy and that I’d had a fight. He could probably tell I’d been crying, too. But… he was nice and that meant a lot.

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[11:34 pm]

For reference. It was Aiden who found me there. I felt bad, because I think he thought I didn’t trust him. Really, I just didn’t want to talk about it and couldn’t explain it and him caring and being there and MinkyPinky licking my face only made me cry harder and I wanted to hide and never been seen again. Maybe I should have properly thanked him, but I just feel really… empty now. Hollow. How strange a feeling.

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September 28
[1:13 pm]

Daddy wrote back, finally. He didn’t say too much.

I didn’t expect him to.

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October 1
[4:39 pm]

There’s so little to write about any longer.

I stay in the room most of the time.

It’s the only place I really feel… safe.

He hates me.

I want to avoid them.

I need to avoid them.

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October 4
[1:59 am]

Dear Tellie,

Something’s not write. I can tell. Your letters seem formal and fake and they don’t sound like you. I can help, you know that. You can tell me anything. What’s wrong? Did you get into a fight? Did something happen with one of your friends and you? Are you having trouble in school?

You’re not being yourself, Tellie. You’re trying too hard.

Just tell me whatever’s wrong, Tellie. I won’t tell anyone. I always keep your secrets.

Much love,
Freidriech

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October 7
[2:45 pm]

I’ve decided.

I’m burning his coat.

Maybe that will cure my zombie phase.

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[3:02 pm]

I didn’t burn it.

I couldn’t have, even if I tired. It’s against the rules, for one and secondly, despite the fight, despite the day he made me cry and left me bawling, despite all of that and my inability to be around him, I would have felt guilty. And I don’t do so well with guilt. Really, it might be one of my least favorite emotions or feelings.

The main reason, though, is because I ran into Samson.

Or. He ran into me, rather.

He didn’t seem happy to find that I’d been planning to burn his coat and I suppose I can understand that, after all. I’d hate for him to burn something of mine, just because he wanted to rid me of his life. Which doesn’t seem the case, but I’ll get that in a bit.

I apologized to him for meeting him. Because, I was so certain he hated me and so certain that he didn’t like me around and couldn’t stand to be near me. It seemed that I annoyed him and he thought I was childish, that he disliked me greatly. So, I told him I was sorry for meeting him and for bothering him.

And then he said, and I remember it very clearly, because it was shocking and took me by surprise: "What... what're you thinking? Why do you, you know, keep saying that I'm happier not talking to you and that you're sorry you met me and that I hate you? Is that what you really think?" He wasn’t looking at me, even though I was watching him and then, really quietly, he added “Y’know it isn’t true.”

And, for the first time in what felt like years, I felt actual emotions. Lately I’ve felt so… empty and hollow and like there’s nothing inside. As if I was this shell who’d stopped feeling things. There were so many thoughts and emotions in that moment and I felt all confused and murky and muddled. Like I was a big tangled web of feelings and thoughts and I didn’t recognize them or know what belonged with what.

And then all my words came out messy. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking and they just came out. They were jumbled, “I thought you disliked me, you always yelled, it just seemed you couldn’t stand me”. On and on I babbled.

Finally, I got some sense and thanked him. For letting me use his coat, and apologized for being an annoying brat.

He told me to go fix myself.

When I got back to the dorm, I checked my reflection in the mirror and realized I didn’t even look like myself. My hair is a mess and I have these dark circles under my eyes and I think I’ve been wearing this same outfit for two days. It was scary.

I cannot believe I’ve let myself waste away so much, all over a boy and a fight.

I think things are getting better.

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October 9
[2:20 pm]

Just got back from the weirdest lunch ever.

This girl flounced up to the table and I think she tried flirting with Samson. And it bugged me, cos Samson hates when people do stuff like that and had been in a really, really good mood. Like, he was being friendly and playful with me and stuff. Plus, it was really unnerving to hear him flirting back, even if it was a joke. It seemed like he was joking, at least.

My favorite Samson is the happy, good-mood Samson and a girl pressing in on that was not on my agenda for the day.

There was one part of their conversation that really struck a nerve with me. At least, what the girl said, not what Samson said.

She mentioned “that girl at the gates”. And I knew right away she meant me. Something about “I wouldn’t interrupt what was going on with the girl at the gates” and added something about hoping he didn’t turn his charm on or “she wouldn’t be around long.”

Which was really confusing.

But Samson’s response was the best. It completely made up for everything. The library. Us fighting. Our scene at the gate. All of my tears. And the lingering scent of peppermint. Everything was made up, simply by him replying “As for the ‘girl at the gates’, I think she’s gonna be around for as long as you can. Maybe even longer. She’s a good girl.”

And then he looked at me. He smiled.

And I know. Everything between us is going to be amazing and well.

Then I interrupted their conversation, basically telling the girl to stop making a fool of herself and putting Samson in a bad mood and that yes, he does indeed have friends and I felt amazing and my stomach fluttered because it’s been forever since I’ve done something like that.

But I felt bad right away, because I think I really did upset the girl. She apologized and I think she meant it and she air kissed me and then she said it was really dreadful meeting us and then she ran off.

I feel like an awful person.

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October 10
[1:43 pm]

I feel like I’ve been a really rotten friend. Especially to Juni.

We caught up in the Common Room and she was so incredibly sweet. She asked if I was okay and I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way. It meant a lot that she asked me.

I missed her a lot when I was a zombie.

I think she’s one of my best friends here.

We also found a boy we’ve never seen here at school before. That was certainly interesting. More on him, later.

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[Author's Note] Another update may show soon. I'm not even caught up, yet, on Issy's timeline. So, be on the look out for more, alright? Lots of cute stuff to come soon. Heehee. VIVA LA FLUFFEH!