 NeeNee Omniscient Omnipotent Pie Maker
There are so many moments when I choked up. But there are a few of note for me. The first time I cried was the death of Dobby/digging of Dobby's grave. His death was so noble and the grief process so honest and poignant. I was sitting on my balcony crying into my skirt.
The next was when Remus came to announce Teddy's birth. I didn't know why I was sad, but I was so terribly sad it was insane. It could be because I miss my own father so much, he's passed away and I talk about that a lot, because it affects my emotions and perspective a lot still, but i kind of think that I sort of sensed that Teddy was going to lose a parent or both, especially once Harry was named Godfather. Again, I was crying into my skirt on the balcony. My neighbours must think I'm nuts. They'd be right.
The last two things were the things that got me worst and I'm lucky that the sun was high and bright and I had retreated inside to avoid a sunburn, because I reacted BADLY. First, Fred's death. I sounded just like Percy, "NOOOO" I screamed, as if I had some window of opportunity; If I objected vehemently enough, quickly enough, it would be erased from the plot. I cried and howled. Choked and sobbed. It was nuts. I couldn't calm down. The last fictional death that had come close to affecting me like this was Chris Chambers in Stephen King's "The Body." And that, unfortunately for me this time around, had been before I had experienced the death of anyone I truly cared for. Well before the death of my Dad. I couldn't continue reading for half an hour. I cried and howled straight for that long. I calmed myself down by lighting a candle for Fred. Isn't that funny? I had to treat his death as if he ever lived, so his death had to be observed.
I didn't cry for this, so I don't know if I can actually call it sad, maybe I was cried out. But when Harry told Neville to kill Nagini, and then he saw Ginny comforting the girl, and he determinedly walked into the Forest, I didn't cry, but I screamed. I honestly screamed at the pages of my book, as if it would make a difference, but I wasn't screaming at Harry, I was screaming at Rowling, "You can't make him leave her behind! There is NOTHING worse than being LEFT BEHIND!" I wasn't talking ofcourse, about just leaving her there to fret, we've all read the book presumably; Harry was sacrificing himself, and I was furious on Ginny's behalf, I was hurting for her, she was about to be SO sad. I know I have a fear of abandonment. I have had LOTS of therapy. But it was really cast into sharp relief just how pronounced that fear is, when I relaized that I was shouting at an author through a book for making her hero chose to die and leave a someone behind to miss him.
Look at that, there are 4 up there; I couldn't just chose one saddest moment from the book. The book itself is utterly heart-rending. Even with, "All was well." It's over. I finished it, and after a few minutes, it sank in that there is nothing more to read, to anticipate. I collapsed on my bed and started howling again. This is either because this is a very tragic thing, or because I need professional help, or... both.
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