Since this is my first EEFFD, feelf ree to throw rotten bananas at me if it's bad.


It's Raining Men

It was a blustery cold April day. Yes, April. You see, an abnormally large cold front had been lingering over Western Europe for quite some time. It was widely believed that this unusual weather was due to a large increase in Abominable Snowmen activities. But I digress.

Large amounts of Hogwarts students could still be found lingering around the lake. Despite the coldness, it was nonetheless still April, the month of flowers blooming, rain showers, and all around springy-goodness. Among those students gathered around the lake, there was one group of boys with a reputation for mischief. From the furtive looks and hushed voices, it was obvious these boys were up to something. Without warning, a short, rather plump, ratty-haired boy jumped to his feet.

“The squid! It must be preserved!” he shouted at the top of his lungs as he proceeded to run full-speed into the lake. In a few seconds his head was no longer visible above the surface.

“Great. Trust Peter to want to save that stupid squid,” commented James, the leader of the little group.

“Well, you know Peter’s never been quite right in the head,” Sirius remarked gazing across the lake.

“Sirius. That’s not very nice,” said Remus. “You know he can’t help it.”

“Doesn’t make it any less amusing,” drawled Sirius.

While all three boys were watching the lake for any sign of their comrade Peter, none of them noticed a woman in purple spandex creeping up behind them.

Without warning, this mystery woman shouted, “Hello, and welcome to Who Wants to be a Millionaire!”

At this exclamation, James fell over backward, which was quite a feat considering he was already sitting. Remus crab-walked away from the woman until he was a good 30 feet away. Sirius on the other hand, remained calm and flashed her a charming smile.

“I’m your host Lissy, and I’m here with our three contestants. Let me introduce them to you,” the woman said. “Here we have Sirius. Need I say more?” she said with a dreamy look settling on her face. Lissy proceeded to stare at Sirius for approximately 3.68 seconds before composing herself and moving onto the next contestant.

“Next, we have James. James secretly loves the color magenta and wears green socks every third Wednesday,” she continued.

“What?!?! How did you know that?” James exclaimed in shock. He had never told anyone about the socks. The magenta thing, maybe. But the socks, no.

Lissy ignored James’ outburst and moved on to Remus. “And last, we have Remus. As you may have been able to tell, Remus is very good at crab-walking,” she commented. “Now that you know your contestants, it’s time to get started,” she continued.

“Wait, contestants? What are you talking about? We are not contestants! We are HUMAN BEINGS!” James shouted dramatically.

Lissy was rather surprised at James’ newest outburst so she scampered away in fear screaming “I VILL BE BACK!”

Remus and Sirius exchanged confused glances. They had seen many a strange thing in their years at Hogwarts, but this was by far the strangest. Sirius couldn’t help but sigh now that Lissy was gone.

“I miss Lissy,” he whined, plopping down and pouting like a little boy.

James’ eyes widened in shock. He took a running leap and landed on Sirius. “Sirius! Snap out of it mate!” he exclaimed. “They’ve hypnotized you! Given you love potion! Noooooooooo!!!!! Remus! Help me! What do we do? What do we do?” James wailed.

Remus was now thoroughly frightened. “Both of you have some nerve. Making fun of Peter when neither of you is completely sane either! Mad, the lot of you!”

Luckily for Remus, At this exact moment Peter’s head broke through the surface of the lake. “Commander, I have returned. The mission was a success. I have acquired the package,” Peter announced in a monotone. As the rest of Peter’s body emerged from the lake, a humanoid shape became visible beside him.

At the sound of Peter’s voice, James ceased his hysterics and turned to watch Peter walk ashore in awe. “Umm....Peter, just what is that?” he asked nervously. Surely Peter wouldn’t have brought James’ worst fear to the surface. He may have been a little crazy but not that crazy.

“This,” Peter explained as the humanoid figure unfolded itself and stood, “Is Amber. Amber likes pink and is the Queen of Polka.” Amber was wearing a shiny pink tutu and ballet shoes. Perched in her hair was a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. How she managed to escape from the lake, we’ll never know.

When James heard the word polka his hysterics started again immediately. “No! Peter how could you! Not the polka! Anything but the polka! Nooooooooooooo!!!!!” he wailed as he flailed around on the ground.

Amber merely glanced at James disdainfully before taking in the rest of the group. And what a strange group it was. Remus was attempting to get as far away from everyone else as possible yet still remain within hearing distance. Sirius was looking forlornly in the direction Lissy had gone, and James was flailing around like a large trout with legs.

“See, this is why I don’t polka for you people. All this flailing and yelling, it’s bad for the soul,” Amber sneered. “Come on Peter. Let’s blow this popstand,” she said offering him her arm. Unfortunately for her, Peter chose this moment to demonstrate his ninja skills. He attempted to do a spinning kick but unfortunately for him, missed his target and ended up landing on Amber.

Amber let out a high-pitched shriek as she fell backward. “Noooo! Not the tutu! Anything but the tutu! Why? Why must you torture me so?” she sobbed shaking her fist at the sky. Peter remained completely oblivious to Amber’s pain and continued with his ninja moves.

“Uuuuunnnnhhh” he grunted as he performed a very wobbly chicken position. Ninja moves were certainly not his forte. Next he attempted an uppercut. Too bad he was still sitting on Amber.

Remus, who had remained silent since Amber’s appearance now gave in to hysteria. “You’re all crazy! All of you! With the tutus and ninja moves and game shows and…and….CRAZY!!!” he shouted, his face getting redder with every word. No longer trying to reason with anyone, he grabbed a girl who happened to be passing by. “You! Tell them they’re insane! Go on, tell them!” he ordered.

Poor Remus. Today was just not his day. Of all the students in Hogwarts, he had to grab Nabiya. Normally vampires didn’t go out in daylight, or attend school for that matter, but Nabiya was unique. Hence why she was out during the day and in school. Nabiya hissed and made a scary vampire face in an attempt to get Remus to let go of her. This not being his day, he stubbornly pulled her closer to the eclectic group. “Tell them They’re crazy,” he pleaded.

Nabiya looked from Remus’ hand on her arm to the group, back to his hand, back to the group, back to his hand, back to the group, back to his hand, and back to the group. “Yo. You betta get yo hand offa me befo I go gangsta on yo butt,” she said with a menacing glare.

Remus shrieked and jumped backwards. He didn’t fall. Lucky him. Nabiya reached into her left pocket and pulled out a red and white Pokeball. She wasn’t cool enough to have the blue ones. Such was life.

“Cara! I choose you!” she exclaimed tossing the Pokeball forward. The Pokeball made the fun whooshy sound and got all bright, and from it emerged……….a 4 foot long carrot!!! “Cara! Use your Poke move! Beat that ninja!” she commanded.

Being an obedient pet carrot, Cara used her Poke move on poor Peter. Poor Peter. If you felt sorry for Remus, well, let’s just say Peter’s day wasn’t that wonderful either. As Cara proceeded to poke Peter rather hard, Peter let out a rather girly shriek and scrambled away from Amber, his ninja attempts forgotten.

“Yay Cara!! That’s my carrot!” cheered Nabiya. “Go carrot! Go carrot! It’s your birthday! It’s your birthday!” she sang as she did a Sponge Bob dance. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the same red and white Pokeball. “Cara! Return!” she ordered. Once again there was the whoosh noise and bright lights as Cara returned to her Pokeball home.

James paused in his flailing long enough to look around and ask, “Did that carrot just beat up Peter?”

Sirius, who had watched the proceedings without comment looked to Nabiya for confirmation, nodded and replied, “At least... that's what we THINK happened...” He slowly stood up, all the while staring wistfully in the direction Lissy had gone.

Remus had finally gotten a hold of himself and was now once again the calm voice of reason. “Everyone. Calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out,” he said in a soothing yoga guru voice. Of course no one listened, because that wouldn’t have been any fun. Also, they just liked to see Remus’ face get all red and eventually turn purple in frustration.

It was with that goal in mind that Nabiya sidled up to him and grabbed his hand. “Remus, I have a question for you,” she said with a sly grin. Remus jumped and tried to pull his hand away but Nabiya held firm. “Will you marry me?” she asked smiling widely. Like we said, today was not Remus’ day.

This question caught the attention of both Sirius and James. “A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!” James merrily suggested. Sirius nodded in agreement.

“You know what else we need?” Sirius asked.

“No!” replied James.

“Music!” answered Sirius. He reached into his robes and pulled out an old musty set of bagpipes. “It’s a good thing I always keep these handy,” he remarked as he attempted to blow some of the dust off.

“Perfect!” exclaimed James reaching into his own pocket and pulling out a hairbrush. “It’s also a good thing I’ve got my trusty megaphone with me,” James told Sirius.

Nabiya shot James an irritated look. “That’s not a megaphone. It’s a hairbrush you dimwit,” she corrected.

James gasped and pulled the hairbrush closer. “It’s alright. She’s just jealous,” he whispered stroking the brush. He turned to Sirius and told him “Let’s get this party started.”

Sirius replied with a nod and took a few deep breaths. He brought the bagpipes to his mouth, and to everyone’s surprise, a rather catchy melody soon filled the air. That was, until James started singing. It really wouldn’t have been that bad had the song not been “It’s Raining Men”.


Cassirin's dare:
*Someone must say "At least... that's what we THINK happened..."
*A carrot must somehow save the day.
*You must mention at least three other SS members by name in your fic
*Marauder madness, please
*Someone must sing into a hairbrush, accompanied by someone on the bagpipes.
Due: Feb. 21, 2005