I just stared at her not even realizing I was doing that, and when she turned to look at me, I gazed into her beautiful pale green eyes I whispered her name ‘Maree’ she studied me for a moment and took a step back just gazing at me. As if studying me, then she slapped me and walked into the Leaky Cauldron. I just stood there stunned, unsure whether or not to follow her. I didn’t know if she thought I was some sort of stalker and she wanted me to leave her alone or if she did remember who I was and recognize me, and because of how I’d just left back in my fifth year, she’d slapped me and expected me to follow her. Swallowing my pride I followed her into the Leaky Cauldron but kept my distance. If she didn’t recognize me I wasn’t about to try and explain who I was, and I certainly wasn’t going to act like a stalker. It took only a moment for me to find her when I went inside, and she sat there watching me, following my every move with those piercing eyes she had. I moved closer but took a seat at the bar around the corner from her and sat in front of Tom who stood there looking between the two of us. I passed him a few sickles and asked told him I was buying her a drink. I could see her eyes narrow out of the corner of my eye, and murmured gillwater with a slice of passion fruit. I looked her way fully finally for the first time since sitting down at the bar and saw softness appear in her eyes and even maybe a hint of a tear in them. I had remembered, it had been 3 years but I remembered her favourite drink. She never drank anything strong, and that her favourite fruit was a passion fruit. Seeing her purse her lips, made me smile just a little and look down when she shook her head. Getting to my feet I moved a few seats closer, acting like a child I truly still was I nearly laughed aloud when she got up and moved further away.

She wasn’t wanting to be close to him, which he could totally understand. He’d been stupid to not contact her at all in the last few years, and had found her unexpectedly. What had he expected? For her to come running into his arms? The drink was placed in front of her and she just stared at it not bothering to touch it or pick it up to take a drink. Taking the drink that was brought him he took a drink of it and sat a bit forward on his stool, not looking at her, he’d messed up and even if she was free, he wasn’t. He wasn’t free to do as he wished. Not if he was going to go and fight in this battle and possibly be killed doing so. He didn’t want to be tied down with the ability for someone to use her against him and torture her because of what he was fighting for. Swallowing he drained his glass, and stood up heading for the exit. He wasn’t going to chase after her, he didn’t have that right. He was the one who had left, without any note or letter explaining himself all this time. Walking out of the Leaky Cauldron he headed to what he was planning to do before discovering her in the courtyard. He missed the look on her face as well as the pain and tears that followed, unknowingly hurting her again.

It was almost 2 months before he saw Maree again, I was sitting in the corner of the Leaky Cauldron, with Daryn, the two of us working over the information we’d been given for an assignment as our cover. The paperwork sat in front of us, but in low tones we sat talking about the current situation as we knew it. All rumours that we’d heard, all facts we knew and what we knew to be happening. The ministry was shot to hell, and we knew that in spite of it all, there was a group of us who were working hard to take it down. It was only a matter of time before it came crashing down, and we hoped in that time we’d have it taken over and the battle would be won. I looked up in time to see a woman walk past and noticed her jacket immediately, knowing full well it was Maree again. I didn’t speak to her but just got up to get another drink for myself and ordered her one as well knowing Tom would tell her who it was who’d bought it for her. I sat back down and spoke quietly again to Daryn with our heads bowed close to one another. I looked up startled as a glass was smacked down on the table in front of me and looked up into her eyes that were shooting daggers. She spat at me the words ‘I have no interest in a man who disappears without a word. You can keep your drink.’ And watched as she left the Leaky, without another word to me nor anyone else. It hurt but it wasn’t exactly undeserved. I could buy her a drink but I couldn’t speak to her? What the hell was I thinking? If I couldn’t even turn around and talk to her and see how she was how could I expect her to take that drink I offered her?

It was late April of 1998 before I saw her a third time, and again I didn’t say a word to her just ordered her a drink. I was a fool, I knew that. But I did it anyway. I sat down in the back corner, where I could be alone but could see her from where I was sitting. Watching as she picked up the drink she moved towards me her eyes flashing, looking as if she might throw it at me, I shook my head ‘Throw it at me if you wish. Do whatever it is you feel you have to do to feel better. Whatever it is, I deserve every single thing you do. I left. I didn’t tell you why. I didn’t give you an explanation I just left.’ Watching as she stared at me, her eyes still flashed but now I saw tears in that anger as well. I spoke again ‘I don’t blame you for being angry and hurt. I never meant to hurt you, I did what I had because I didn’t want to put you or my family in danger. I did what I had to protect you.’ Seeing her snort and shake her head she walked away and threw the glass onto the counter sliding it over towards Tom and going out the door. She wasn’t gone long, and I hadn’t moved from my spot, just sitting in the darkness of the corner. She sat down across from me and asked ‘what do you want from me?’ I told her nothing, I said I didn’t blame her for moving on. I wasn’t going to lead her on, because I had no future, nothing to give her. And I damn well wasn’t going to let the other side have something to use against me and someone for them to torture. Swallowing I shook my head when she said she hadn’t moved on. She told me that she had waited and I looked into her eyes ‘I never asked you to wait. I still can’t ask you to wait, you need to move on. I have nothing to offer you, I don’t plan on surviving this fight. And I can’t allow you to be sucked in and taken as someone for them to torture just to get to me.’ Pain showed in her eyes again and she shook her head saying it wasn’t going to be that way. Getting to my feet my eyes showed my pain and shook my head again ‘I can’t do that to you. I…I love you too much.’ I whispered, and got up and left. That was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done. I’d never told her I loved her and saying those words aloud made me wish I hadn’t because telling her that was only going to make it more difficult for her as well as for me. I did love her, and I was walking away from it.

It was barely a week later, that everything went down. May 2, 1998 to be exact. The evening started off like any other, the higher ups shoving work in our faces and everyone grumbling like every other day, nothing unusual. When suddenly everything gets put in motion. News comes in from Hogsmeade that someone has broken curfew that night, and I was sitting at the desk in Accidents & Catastrophes listening as someone came running through the cubicles looking for my department head. I inched closer waiting to hear any information when I heard the words ‘it’s time’ I knew what those words meant, and it meant that it was time for the ministry to be retaken. I pulled my wand out as did everyone that was there that night around me, and we shot spells at those around level 3 that were working for Thicknesse. Within minutes our level was completely secure and we had them all bound up on the floor, with someone to watch over them as we went to the lifts and stairwells going up and down them, meeting others on the way, securing each level one by one. Getting to the atrium, I started sealing off the lifts and left only one open, as people started securing all the floo networks. No one was going in or out of that place without our knowledge. Every person that was still in the ministry that wasn’t on our side or in level 1 was secured and we had every one of them bound and deposited into a cell on level 2 with top aurors guarding them. Half our team, including myself made our way up to level 1, where we found that Thicknesse had already left, as had all the senior staff. We found later they had all gone to Hogwarts, via the floo network from the minister’s office. I was the last one to remain in level 1, every other person who had entered that office with me had floo’d to Hogwarts as well to help fight.

Making my way back down to the atrium, we waited, desperate to know what was happening at Hogwarts and unable to do anything. The ministry was secured, and we were trapped like ants, waiting to hear if all our work had been for naught or if Voldemort’s reign of terror was about to end. No one left that night. We all sat there waiting, listening, checking and combing through the ministry to ensure none was missed. No one slept that night, as I’m sure no one slept in all of Britain either.

Dawn rose early the next morning, and we all waited with still hearts to hear if the war was over. What had happened? Finally people started appearing, clapping each other on the back as they entered the ministry through the one fireplace that had remained open in the atrium. Kingsley was one of the first out of it, and by the looks on their faces, it was obvious the war was over. Nobody cried that morning out of sadness or even thankfulness it was over. We all were ecstatic, happy, relieved. It was over, and Voldemort was dead. We could go on living without fear that one day us, or our families would all be killed. There was no more killing, no more of that mark to be able to survive. My family could return to the life we had before it had all began 7 years ago. It was hard to believe it was all over, it seemed so surreal. Could we actually have a life that we all had dreamed of? Could I actually consider a life with Maree? Would I be able to walk out that door and not fear for my life?

Over the next few months they needed my help, and I continued training as a YATI, but my heart wasn’t in it. I helped capture many of Voldemort’s followers and send them to Azkaban. It was revenge for me, to be able to capture those captors up in Appleby. The ones that had threatened me, my family and my life. I found out about Mad-eye Moody and how he had been actually Barty Crouch JR, that night that he had used the cruciatus curse on me those many years ago. And that the actual Mad-eye Moody was killed only a year before when attempting to bring Harry Potter to safety. So much had changed, the entire country felt the difference from the life we had had to the life we had now. No longer under the threat of needing to hide and protect our families, many felt safe enough to come out of hiding. The rest of us still held back being overly relieved, and weren’t stupid enough to continue with our safety charms we had in place, like Fidelius charms. We’d been through way too much to just toss that all aside. I know I hadn’t forgotten, and probably never would forget the fear and the safety I needed to keep for my family and making sure that they were all safe and protected. I had a chance to continue with the YATI program or even join Accidents & Catastrophes. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I would still be an asset if they ever needed me, but I didn’t want to have that danger in my life. I knew Auror’s lives could be living hell, and that the safety they managed to give to others, didn’t necessarily fall to themselves as well. The reason I had wanted to become one was so I’d have the training I needed to protect my family. Now I didn’t feel that was as important as it once was.

I was walking down the street of London towards the Leaky Cauldron to enter Diagon Alley when I saw down the block just past it, Maree standing there. She was at the bus stop and had a large bag on the ground beside her. I know she saw me and looked down immediately before taking a seat on the bench and folding her hands in her lap. I watched her a moment before heading her way, passing the Leaky Cauldron and asking if I could sit beside her. Seeing the shrug in her shoulders, I took a seat and looked down at my hands. ‘Are you leaving?’ I asked her and when I saw the slight nod of her head I sighed and swallowed before looking down the street the way I had come. ‘I never meant to hurt you’ I said quietly. ‘I never wanted to leave that night, but if I didn’t I knew that my family were as good as dead, as would be anyone else I cared about. I couldn’t write you, or it would tip off whoever was looking for me, as to my whereabouts. I was already in danger, and wasn’t strong enough or able to protect myself if I wanted to. I wanted to be ready for them, but not be stupid to tip off where I was.’ God I would have changed so much if I could have turned back the clock, I would have sent word to her that I was leaving! She’d still have been angry with me I was sure but not as much so if she knew why and that I had told her I was leaving. It was hard sitting there trying to get her to understand I would never do anything to hurt her! ‘Maree, I love you.’ I whispered, ‘I know you don’t believe me, I know that you have no reason to believe me, if I had stayed, you could have been tortured or even killed right along with me. I couldn’t let that happen.’ Seeing her lift her head and look at me, her eyes were bright as if in tears without letting them fall. She whispered four words I would never forget from that point on ‘I love you too.’ The wall that was between us and that had been there since the first time I’d seen her last December had finally broken. She threw her arms around me and I turned towards her holding her close. Tears were on both of our cheeks, though I still don’t understand why I was crying. Maybe out of relief that she didn’t hate me? I didn’t know, all I knew was that she loved me back and that for once in the last 4 ½ years she didn’t hate me, and was relieved that I loved her. It was quite some time before the two of us got to our feet and finally headed towards the Leaky Cauldron, quite a few buses had passed but not a single one did she get on. I picked up her bag and we made our way to the Leaky and we got her situated in her room once again. It was only temporary but for now she was going to stay there. She and I started talking and getting to know each other all over again. It was sweet and definitely a calm washed over me as life started fitting together again.

I started working down in level 9 in the ministry, in the Time Room about a week after the Great Battle. I told my department head I just couldn’t work in either levels 2 or 3, I wanted somewhere that was quiet, not as busy and dangerous as an auror’s life would be. He hated seeing me go, but understood. I had been through a hell of a lot in my short 18 years of life, and just wanted to settle down and actually have a life that I didn’t have to look over my shoulder constantly. Maybe one day I would long for the adventure that that life could bring me. But right then, I wanted to get to know Maree, talk of the future, which we were already doing and had been together only a few days! I wanted to enjoy the fact that I wasn’t fearing for my life every minute of the day. I didn’t have to work out or practice ju-jitsu because I needed it to be able to protect myself against someone or something. I wanted to be able to sword fight, for the pure pleasure of just using my sword!

Maree and I started talking about marriage, God I didn’t think even a month before that I’d ever talk to someone about that subject. I didn’t think I’d have survived this far, and now she was asking if I’d ever considered getting married one day. I didn’t want to get married until I had a decent job, one that I was doing well at and knew I could support a family. Ava was out for the summer holidays, and I was bringing in the money from the ministry to pay bills. The house was paid off so it was just utilities and main items that we needed like food. But to actually support a family? Maree and I wouldn’t be living at the house with my mum and sister, we’d want our own place, meaning I needed to have a job full-time and know that I could support the two of us, and we wouldn’t be starving because we didn’t have enough money to buy food! But we talked of marriage, and what the future might bring for us. I started looking forward to planning the future! There were a few nights that we got really close, we’d kiss for a long time, she’d start running her hand under my shirt and it’d give me goose bumps, but then tell me it was time for me to go home. God I hated those nights! I couldn’t understand how she’d play around and when she decided that she didn’t want to go any further she’d just stop what we were doing and tell me to go home. It hurt, I never questioned it but it hurt to have her tell me to leave. I despised her at times for it! I knew I shouldn’t, and that I should respect it, but even when I tried to push her hands away and try not to get worked up she managed to get through to me, and it was as if it were a game to her.

I enjoyed working in the time room in the ministry, it was a change from all the training that I had in both levels two and three. Every once in awhile I’d get a request to help out on a job but most of my time was spent in the time room. In that month following the battle, I learned quickly how things worked in there, loved the job and got to know my fellow unspeakable. It was evident that I was going to move quickly through the ranks and that the department head, was looking at training me in as his replacement. The night before the accident I blew off Maree, told her I had to work late and would see her the next morning. I was sitting in the living room with my mum and sister watching a movie when Maree appeared at the door. Mum didn’t know that I had told her I was working late, and called out for her to come in before I even had a chance to react. Guiltily I looked up as Maree entered the room with flashing eyes. She had known I was there, somehow already and had come to confront me. I followed her out into the warm night and considered just apologizing, but I shook myself mentally realizing I had no reason to apologize except for the fact I had lied to her. I knew what the real reason I hadn’t wanted to get with her that night, and it was the reason I always regretted going to her house nearly every night. I stared at her when she started yelling at me, and bit back any retort I could come up with waiting until she wore down with the yelling and finally spoke in a deadly calm voice. ‘I come to your house every night. Each time leaving practically in pain because you always manage to get under my skin. You mess around, and tease me until it hurts and then you tell me to go home. I wanted just one night when I didn’t have to sit and worry about what you might do next, one night without waiting to go home and take a cold shower because again you tortured me to the point of pain.’ She stared at me with wide eyes and an open mouth and shook her head. Excuse after excuse poured from her mouth and anger took over again as she spoke. Saying she wanted to save herself for marriage. Shaking my head I clenched my jaw together. It wasn’t saving herself for me, or our marriage, it was saving herself for ‘marriage’. I had no problem with her wanting to wait. What I had a problem with was her teasing and making sure I wanted it, and that I didn’t want to wait any longer, and then telling me to leave when I couldn’t hold back. THAT was the problem I had! I told her that, all of that and more and she glared at me, asking who did I think she was waiting for. I said I didn’t know, because if she loved me she wouldn’t make me feel so worthless and hurt me as she did every single night this happened. I said that if she wanted to wait, that was perfectly fine with me, but she needed to stop playing with my feelings and trying to wind me up. She turned and walked towards the hill to go back up to her car. I stood there at the bottom of the hill looking up at her, when she turned to look back down at me. Finally speaking I could hear the quiver in her voice as she spoke ‘Maybe we aren’t meant to be together, perhaps that’s what you wanted all along.’ With that she turned around and left. How the hell could she turn that completely around on me? As if I had no feelings at all, that I didn’t give a damn how she felt! I had spent my life wanting to keep her safe and protected. To make sure that no one would harm her just like she was my family and I had protected them. She made this all out to be my own fault. My fault that I had allowed her to get as far as she had every night this happened and I was the one to blame for her stopping things before they went any further. GOD that hurt! And now because I’d finally spoken up she was saying that it was over. I didn’t go after her, because it hurt more than I’d ever care to admit it. I look back now and realize how selfish she was, she was getting off each time I was sure, enjoying how it felt to kiss me, and have me touch her but in all honesty, she was doing it all for her and not me. She enjoyed seeing me squirm and then probably laughed as I left the house, went to bed for the night and planned the next encounter we had. I thought it was sickening and it hurt back then. Now I look back and realize how much she played me. Unfortunately for me that was the last time I ever saw her.