Even though she was on holidays, Louisa found herself waking up at the crack of dawn. It was a habit she picked from her roommate back in Wellington - Mackenzie woke up the second sunlight drifted through the windows into his room. It was one of those mysteries about him she was determined to unravel before he graduated or they changed roommates.

Now, she woke up in her brother's bedroom, he was snoring next to her in bed. They removed his breathing tube a few days ago and he hadn't had an attack ever since, though the snoring was annoying. It made him sound like a cute little piglet. She propped herself on her elbow and watched him sleep for a while. Jonathan had her mother's eyes and hair color, but he was definitely his father's son. Same jaw, same chin, though a very different spirit. Jonathan was nine, however, Louisa couldn't decide whether the spirit and attitude changed drastically for everyone or just for the wretched people.
Jonathan sneezed and rolled to his side away from her. She smiled to herself before gingerly getting out of bed to the shower.

Even though this house had always been her home, Louisa lost that feeling of intimacy and safety you usually get in a place you call home, ever since her mother and stepfather found out she was a witch like her biological father. Due to the fact that her mum had never spoken of the Wizarding world to her muggle husband, Jason, he was uneasy having a witch in his home with his two young boys.

After the family found out about magic and wizarding world, and during the summer prior to Louisa's first year in Hogwarts, Louisa heard her mum and Jason argue heatedly about it; Sometimes it was about the mere fact of her being a witch, sometimes it was about how her mum hid the truth about her ex from him, sometimes it was about ignoring the letters and just continue sending her to Elementary school in the neighborhood. Her mum seemed pretty insistent on keeping her daughter in touch with her true nature, though.

Louisa never paid attention to the words, she was plotting her own plans. Her eleven years old self wanted to go to a school where owls delivered letters, and where students were allowed to take rats as pets. The argument between her parents led to Louisa living with her step aunt for four years until she was sixteen when childless Mrs. Brown passed away and left her house for Louisa.

Ever since her twelfth birthday, this house had never felt like a home, and Louisa never missed it. She had a home of her own now, being on her own did her good so far. Or so she thought.

After the shower, Louisa tiptoed down to the kitchen, grabbed a bagel and then off to the library where her step father kept a huge collection of books. He owned a publishing company, and ironically his love for books fed Louisa ever since she was a child and helped her to become a bookworm, just like him. Though now she made a point not to touch the books in this house whenever she visited. Not in front of him, anyway, instead she tiptoed at dawn, bumped her toes in all the chairs on her way down before finally reaching the study room and snatching a random book off the shelf.

The light turned on instantly, and she froze for a second before letting out a defeated sigh. "Fine. You caught me. I was about to steal-" Louisa turned around slowly expecting to see her other brother, Daniel, with a smug smirk on his face. But it was Jason, her step father, in his sleeping robe and his hands in his pockets.
Louisa forgot how ridiculous the robe looked on him.
"You'll get bagel crusts on the carpet." He said, looking into her eyes like he always does and the way he knows that gets on her nerves.
She huffed and shoved the bagel into her mouth, "I'll vacuum."
"You'll get bagel crusts on my book."
"This isn't your book, this is..." she looked at the author's name. "...Charles Dickens' book."
"I bought it."
"He wrote it."
"I published the new edition."
"He never gave you permission."
"How do you know?"
"He's dead." Louisa shoved the rest of the bagel in her mouth and moved towards the doorway where Jason stood so firmly. She didn't want to stand here and talk back and forth with him all morning. She had better things to do.
He followed her into the living room and bent down in front of the fireplace. She tucked her feet under her and turned on the lamp on the stand next to her.
"That's one of my favorite books." Jason spoke after a short while, the fire was creaking in the fireplace and it lit the side of his face with a reddish hue.
Louisa looked at the cover again, Great Expectations. She ignored his comment and continued reading.

At some point he went to the kitchen and came back with two steaming mugs, he placed one of them by her next to the lamp and went to sit on the other couch. He, too, had a book in his hands.
The similarity of their situations didn't hit Louisa until much later, when the sunlight came through the big windows behind them and illuminated the room. It bugged her, and she couldn't keep her mouth closed about it.
"Why are you copying me?"
Jason didn't respond at once, he waited until he finished the page before lifting his head and his eyebrows at her. "Sorry?"
"This." She gestured to them both reading and drinking coffee very early in the morning. "Do you always wake up at dawn and catch the person sneaking into your study room?"
"I don't have to catch anyone. My study is always open. If I wanted to catch a thief, I'd put a booty trap." His tone was so casual and logical it bugged her even more.
"Well then. Why are you up reading whatever and making me hot beverage?"
He gazed into her eyes again, as if he couldn't figure her out. Louisa sighed pushed her hair away from her face and looked back at the book.
There was another long period of silence where they both read.
"Did you tell him you're leaving tonight?" Jason's voice came quiet and calm.
Louisa knew who he was talking about, she'd been avoiding the subject, hoping Jonathan would know she was leaving on his own and wouldn't make a fuss about it. "No."
"When are you planning on telling him?"
"After breakfast."
"You said that yesterday."
"We didn't talk yesterday."
"To your mum."
"My mum tells you what I say?" A hint of annoyance was heard in her voice, even she could detect it.
He pursed his lips then sighed. "I don't know why you're always so... defensive."
Louisa pulled the book closer to her refusing to make eye contact.
Jason continued, "He gets attached easily, he's so happy with you around. You should tell him yourself."
Her eyes digged holes in the page in front of her but she made no effort of reading the words.
"He's better now, getting emotionally stressed could make him sick again." She felt Jason's worry shaking her guarded attitude. He showed so much emotion for his own son, she wondered if he'd ever show this much worry for her if she was sick or unwell too.
"Okay..." her weak reply was an attempt to end this conversation.
"Thank you."
"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for my brother."
"Doing what?" Obviously he didn't mind conversing. Huh. She found that weird, unusual.
"Everything. My coming here, staying for Christmas, keeping things smooth. Everything."
"It's good enough for me."
"Why do you care? You're out most of the time."
"I didn't want to provoke you."
He said it so spontaneously Louisa was surprised and speechless for a moment, and this time she did look up at him. "Why?" All she ever wanted during her stay here was to feel those family fuzzy emotions, her mother was never the one to hold them back from her daughter, it was Jason who never made a step with Louisa. He never acted like she was his daughter, though he'd always taken care of her before he found out she was a witch, ever since she was two years old.

"Because of this." He gestured at them both. "You keep those walls up all the time, mirrored walls, that if I say anything, there's always something coming back from you, something sarcastic and defensive. You're not seeing the efforts everyone do to get you back and convince you that you have a place here, in this house. You're trapped in that moment from nine years ago." He was back to looking hard into her eyes, she didn't notice that he'd closed his book and leaned forward in his seat but she noticed how his voice turned from calm to slightly agitated. "When did you get so defensive and detached?" He asked again, it sounded a little like a plea.

Louisa swallowed, refused to look away but was terrified to blink, in case the wetness in her eyes turned to a tear. "I've always been like this."
"No. No, you haven't. You're my daughter." The last word was just over a whisper but it reached her as if it was shouted out through a Sonorous spell. "I know you."
She swallowed again and blinked. Luckily, there were no tears. "Everyone changes. I change. You change. It's normal."
"Change is inevitable, yes, specially when it's gradual. Natural. You changed on purpose."
"How do you know?" Her patience was running out. She closed her book and leaned forward too. "You don't know what I've been doing in the past few years, how do you know anything?"
Jason opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, thinking better of it. "So, tell me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm interested."
Louisa expected him to say something cliched, like, he was going to help her, or offer some sort of late parental advice, she never expected that answer. "You don't want to change me back?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"Of liking the new me?"
"Of wanting you to be more vulnerable when you live on your own far away from us."
Another unexpected answer. He got Louisa's attention. This was a very new, very odd dialogue with someone she never talked to. It brought back memories, memories of when she was just a muggle daughter to a muggle step father. She wasn't sure what to make of this nostalgic feeling, she quickly shoved it deep down.
"I'm doing alright as I am." Her answer was light, but at least it wasn't sarcastic.
"That's not what I asked."
She furrowed her brow and just stared at him.
"Tell me anything, anything at all." He asked again.
"I study Diplomacy and Wizarding Relations in university."
"What is Wizarding Relations?"
"Same as international relations but it's concerned with the Wizarding world."
"Can you make peace treaties with the Ogres then?"
"When I graduate maybe."
"What about Mermaids?"
"We don't have mermaids. We have merepeople."
"Aren't they the same?"
"Not if you were thinking princesses and unimaginable beauty."
He smiled. She smiled back.
"I have nothing interesting to tell you." He spoke again before she picked up the book.
"Try me."
"I haven't bought a new robe in ten years."
Louisa laughed and pulled the book back into her lap, "Yeah. Not interesting at all."
"Why New Zealand?" He asked, the smile had faded away.
Her laugh died but a small smile was stuck on her face. "The wizarding university offers the best courses there, for my major."
He stared at her for a moment longer.
She swallowed and added, "I needed a break, too." Her voice came out small and she hated it.
"A break from what?"
"From everything. Everyone." Her eyes were welling up dangerously fast, so she forced a laugh again and started toying with her book. "It's not important. Just some old woes of a teenager."
He got up and moved to sit on the other end of her couch. "The woes of a teenager is all today's authors are interested in."
She laughed, "You'd know that, huh?" Then shrugged, "My woes don't have a happy ending. The book would suck."
"The book would be real."
"Well, it's nothing special. It's just that life gives you a taste of happiness for a while only to snatch it away when you get used to it."
He stayed silent for a moment then a hint of a smile appeared on his face, "Your woes turned to a philosophy."
She mirrored his small smile, "Only because it's been so long ago. We're bound to cope and start over."
"Whoever did this, I should thank them."
Louisa arched an eyebrow, "Thank him? Why?"
Jason narrowed his eyes, "It's a he? A boyfriend?"
"An ex."
"What happened?"
"Nothing. It just didn't work out. He was in love with someone else."
"Your boyfriend was in love with someone else?"
"Yes."
Jason remained silent again, then smiled, "You should thank him. This experience made you a philosopher."
Louisa snorted and rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right. No thanks."
"Are you okay?" There was no humor in his question.
"You're three years late."
He winced slightly, the good-natured smile fading from his face and Louisa was afraid this conversation was over. She didn't know how to take back what she said without giving away that she was enjoying this conversation too much to end it. However, she didn't have to because Jason broke the tensed silence calmly, "Did your friend help you then?"
"My friend?"
"The one who came over before Christmas."
"Oh, yeah, sure. He's been there for me when I needed him - or, well when I let him."
"You're like this with everyone then."
"Like what?"
"Guarded."
Louisa didn't answer this one, she didn't know the answer and wasn't aware that she seemed guarded to people.
Jason didn't wait for an answer, "Your mum said he seemed like a good friend."
"I have another good friend like him. We're a trio."
"Another boy?"
"Most of my good friends are boys."
"Why?"
"Is it a problem?"
"It's noteworthy."
The corner of her mouth pulled up in a half smile, "Boys don't expect me to sugarcoat my words. They understand my sarcasm and don't hold it against me."
"That's not a general rule."
"That's right. It's why I also have good girl friends."
"They're sarcastic girl friends?"
"No, but they get it."
"Get what?"
"How I work."
He paused then chuckled, shaking his head.
"One of them is the girl my ex is in love with." The words were out of Louisa's mouth before she could control them. She didn't even know why she said that.
"Oh?"
"Yes. She was his best friend, she had a crush on him but never showed signs. Not to me. Then it grew unbearable and she had to tell him."
Jason nodded along slowly, but didn't say anything.
"She sought my forgiveness ever since."
"Forgiveness for what?"
"For destroying my relationship."
"You mean for having feelings for a boy?"
Louisa paused, sensing a trick question. A rhetorical one. She nodded slowly. "If you look at it this way."
"I don't see why anyone should ask forgiveness for how they feel."
"It's just... it's not like that. It's how things were and how they turned out to be."
"Did you forgive her then?"
"Yes."
"And him?"
They stared into each other's faces for a moment before Louisa answered, "Yes."
Jason smiled.
"I just wanted him to love me back."
"He probably did. You said he was your boyfriend."
She shook her head slowly, "Not enough to forget the other girls."
"Enough to stay with you for a while."
"That's not love. That's a crush."
"You were a teenager, that's the closest thing you get to being in love."
Louisa blinked and wiped her eyes. "Maybe."
"Did you think you were in love with him?"
She swallowed and looked down at the book. "I don't know."
"Does the answer interest you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does it matter to you now whether you were in love with him back then or not?"
She had to ponder this, so she tilted her head and tried to find the answer to that.
But when nothing came, Jason spoke again, "Was that the last time you've been emotionally involved with someone?"
"Yes."
"From three years ago?"
"Yes."
"You have your answer, then." He gave her a single nod.
She laughed and wiped her eyes again, "You talk like a Healer."
"You mean like a father." His smile was more relaxed this time.
Louisa leaned her head on the couch's back and hugged her knees. "Maybe."
"How will we know?"
"Know what?"
"Whether I sound like a shrink or a father."
"Mum could tell us."
"She'd be a sobbing mess."
"Yeah. Bawling over how touching this father-daughter bonding session."
"Is this what this is called?"
"No idea. I heard it in movies."
"You still go to movies?"
"My roommate's a muggle."
"You watch movies with her?"
"Not really. He cranks the volume up so high to annoy me, and leaves me with no choice but to comprehend the things he watch."
"You live with a boy?" One of Jason's eyebrows were lifted slightly.
"Is that a problem?"
"It depends."
"On?"
"A lot of things."
Louisa waited for him to clarify, to elaborate or ask more questions. When he didn't add anything, she pushed, "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Aren't you going to ask me all those questions about why I'm living with a boy, in a far away place?"
"No."
"Aren't you worried?" She was ready to be annoyed, hurt even. But he laughed. And in a very bold move, he draped his arm over his daughter's shoulders and pulled her into a one-armed-hug, "Oh, Louisa, I'm worried about so many things. You handling a boy isn't one of them." She felt him put a kiss on her forehead.